


Spaces and Hollow Places

by Spaces_HollowPlaces



Category: Figure Skating RPF, Olympics RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-18 13:25:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 101,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3571262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spaces_HollowPlaces/pseuds/Spaces_HollowPlaces
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a partnership of eighteen years is put to the test, Tessa and Scott must rediscover who they are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1. The Beat Of Our Noisy Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> The title, Spaces and Hollow Places, comes from the song "Disarm" by Ben Rector. If you haven't heard any of his music, go right now and change that! I've had this story floating around in my head for over a year now, and I've finally decided to let it out. Let me know your thoughts!
> 
> This chapter is titled from the song of the same name by Matt Nathanson.

She’d always loved the library- the thick silence and the musty smell of old books. Tessa had always felt right at home. Perhaps it was the fact that she had spent the vast majority of her life thus far freezing in an ice rink as her Russian coach yelled at her to fix the most trivial of errors. Perhaps it was because she was a Virtue, and everyone knew that a Virtue had to be academically successful. Either way, the library was a place where Tessa found time to be alone with her thoughts, studies, and the thousands of books that surrounded her.

School was kicking her butt this semester. Loading up on coursework had seemed like a good idea at the time, but this late night library cram session said otherwise. The clock on the wall read 12:19, and Tessa’s eyes drooped closed as they skimmed over the millionth line of text she’d read that night. It was time to go. The idea of trekking across town in the middle of the night suddenly felt uninviting, so she settled for the next best solution. 

The moon shone on the narrow stone path that led up to a quiet little blue house two blocks from the library. Tessa found the hidden key under the pot of dead flowers on the stoop and let herself in, making a mental note to replace the sad plant with a new one that couldn’t be killed. The house was quiet and the floorboards squeaked as she took off her shoes and made her way up the stairs to the first bedroom on the left.

A groggy Scott lifted his head and mumbled, “I figured that I would be seeing you tonight.” He lifted the covers and whispered, “Come on.”

She dropped her backpack and grabbed a hoodie on the chair by his desk and tugged it over her head. God, she was tired. She slipped under the covers and sighed as the tense muscles in her back finally relaxed. “Thanks, Scotty,” she whispered as she curled into his side.

He kissed her forehead and mumbled, “Anytime.” 

Nights at Scott’s had become more frequent than she had intended. Who would have thought that Scott would have chosen the quiet place right next to campus. Tessa was thankful, though. It helped to have someone nearby who would listen to her rants about professors or just sit quietly with her after a test that she bombed.

As Tessa drifted off to sleep, she couldn’t even begin to dream of the trajectory that her life would take.

*******

Scott awoke early to a sleeping Tessa, deeply breathing with her head on his chest. He lay there listening to the even breaths of his best friend. Her legs were tangled with his own and sometime during the night, she had stolen all of the covers. 

He eased himself out of the jumbled mess of limbs and sheets and padded downstairs to start a pot of coffee. If he’d come to know anything about Tessa in the past eighteen years, it was that she was not a morning person, and if she had to be woken up before 8, the offending individual must bring coffee.

He had a big day ahead of him with classes all morning and a drive to Ilderton, followed by 6 hours of coaching. His decision to go to school wasn’t a particularly difficult one to make. Once he mentioned the thought to his mother, she not-so-subtly reminded him, “For years, when kids ask you for advice, you’ve told them to stay in school. You should probably take your own advice at some point.”

He’d then enrolled at Western, packed up, and moved to London from his beloved Ilderton. Granted, he was back there four out of the seven days of the week to teach lessons for some junior pairs. He’d found an ad on Craigslist for a couple of guys looking for a third roommate. He’d responded, met Kyle and Sean, and it was history. They liked hockey and the Leafs. The rest was a wash. At least he knew that he could count on a decent cable package and being able to watch the games.

He heard the rush of water through the pipes, indicating that the shower must be running. He seriously doubted it was one of his roommates, which meant that Tessa must be awake. He pulled out the ingredients for smoothies and started blending.

A few minutes later, Tessa came trudging downstairs, wet hair twisted into a bun, wearing yoga pants and a sweatshirt of his. He passed her a mug of black coffee and caught a whiff the lightly perfumed body wash that she used. He pretended to be unaware of the cutesy bag of toiletries that had inconspicuously appeared under his sink once Tessa had learned that he was so close to the library.

She took a sip of her coffee and sighed, “My god, you’re amazing.”

“That’s what they all say.” He shrugged. “Do you have a busy day ahead? Kicking more ass? Taking more names?”

“Ugh, the other way around. I swear my Statistical Analysis professor is trying to kill me. A test and a term paper due the same week?! He should just retire now.”

“Tess, you know that you will get A’s on both.” Scott smiled. “How does it feel to be the only person out there committed to their schoolwork?”

“Like crap. I’m just ready to graduate! I can do this. A year and some change. So what if I don’t sleep? I’ll just look old and haggard until I can hold a framed piece of paper that tells the world that I’m smart.”

“Welp, it looks like you don’t need me to give you a pep talk!” Scott chuckled as he finished off the last of his smoothie. “What does your day look like?”

“Eight to twelve classes with an exam tossed in.”

“Glad to know that we gave up our competitive careers to pursue early mornings and lots of hard work!” Scott joked.

Tessa chugged the rest of her smoothie. “You’re the best, you know that? I’ve got to head out, though. The library calls.”

“That place is depressing, Tess. It’s dead quiet, meaning that you can hear all of the mouth breathing nerds that live in the stacks. You need a place with life and no kidding sunshine. Go to a coffee shop, for crying out loud! Breathe air that isn’t made stale by the scent of rotting paper.”

“I love the library, I’ll have you know!” Tessa countered. “And I’ll say ‘hi’ to the mouth breathing nerds for you.”

She jogged up the steps to collect her things from his room and returned quickly, toting her backpack and water bottle.

“I’m taking your sweatshirt. Do you mind?” She asks.

“Nope. Looks better on you anyways!” He responded with a hug. “Seriously though, kiddo. If anyone can kill that statistical analysis nonsense, it’s you. You’ve got this one. You have studied for hours on end and you’re as ready as you’ll ever be!” 

She focused on the sound of his voice and his breathing, matching her own to his. She felt his heartbeat thudding softly through his chest as her own skittered into the same rhythm. She took a deep breath and leaned back to look into his eyes.

“What on earth would I do without you?” She whispered.

“Good thing you never have to know!” He whispered back.

She reached up and swept her lips across the corner of his mouth, placing a light kiss on the smile lines that had appeared from years of laughter.

Turning quickly, she walked down the hallway to his front door, and with a slight wave, she disappeared into the cool spring morning.


	2. 2. I Hope That I Don't Fall In Love With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He was funny, kind, and smart. He dressed well, and his butt filled out his jeans nicely. By any measure, he was her type. And honestly, she probably could have found the time in her schedule for a few dates, but something in her gut told her that she shouldn’t."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter comes from the song of the same name by Tom Waits. It is honestly one of my favorite songs, and it really pulled me through this chapter. It's amazing how much I've loved writing this story. Thank you for your continued feedback and comments- they make writing all the more enjoyable. I hope that you are able to enjoy this as much as I have!
> 
> Also, never ending thanks to the lovely Mariah, who has so selflessly dedicated her time (on her spring break, nonetheless) to pour over the outlines and chapters, taking the time to proofread and ensure that I'm not making any royal screw ups. What a dear!

The transition from March to April brought a welcomed relief from the brutal cold that had wrapped itself around London since October. The world began to thaw and the green color of new life began to weave its way through the outdoors. Tessa found a sense of renewal in the new blooms and warming air, but Scott found misery.

The pile of tissues on the table to his right continued to grow. Some people called this season Spring, but Scott chose to call it allergy season. Watery eyes, runny nose, scratchy throat- he was the picture of attractiveness. Every year when his seasonal allergies kicked in, he turned into a hermit. Blinds drawn, doors closed, and a dehumidifier humming in the background.

A knock on the door tore him away from the Netflix marathon of Sons of Anarchy that he was currently watching. Opening the door, he found Tessa, arms laden with shopping bags.

“Well, it looks like you’ve been busy.” Scott quipped.

Tessa shrugged. “Eh, light errands. I brought you groceries and medicine. It’s time to get you out of this house.”

“Tess, if I go out, my eyes are going to explode and I won’t be able to breathe.”

Tessa began rifling through her bags. “Netipot, check. Allergy meds, check. Local honey, fresh produce, herbal tea, check, check, check. You might as well shower right now, because you are leaving this godforsaken living room this evening.”

She handed Scott a pill to swallow and a glass of water and pushed him towards the bathroom. “Shower now. I’m making green smoothies for dinner. You’ll feel so much better after relaxing in steam for a bit.”

He grabbed his towel, muttered a quick, “Thank you.” and closed the door.

Meanwhile, Tessa began to unpack groceries into Scott’s fridge. On the counter, his phone lit up with the face of Alma Moir and began buzzing. Without even thinking twice, she answered.

“Hey, Alma!”

“Tessa!” Alma responded quickly, “I’m glad to hear that Scott isn’t being a complete recluse. How are you?”

“I’m good. I just dropped by with some groceries and allergy medication. Allergy season is downright depressing if you’re friends with Scott.”

“Well I’m glad that you’re close enough to drop by and lend a helping hand.”

“It’s my pleasure!”

“How are your classes going? Your mom tells me that you’re doing well!”

“It’s such a welcome challenge. I am loving my Psychology in Sports class but then again, it is pretty simple after what Scott and I have been through. I’ve always known that I would love being in school, and that hasn’t changed.”

“Glad to hear it, love. Is Scott there by chance?”

Tessa started to plunk blueberries into the blender. “We’ll I’ve managed to force him to take a shower, so can I have him call you back?”

“Absolutely. I’m so thankful that you’re there. It certainly puts my mind at ease.”

“I’m glad that I can help. Wonderful talking to you, Alma.”

“Same with you, dear. Come to the rink with Scott one of these days. I’d certainly love to see you and I’m sure he’d appreciate your input with his teams.”

“I’ll make it happen sometime soon.” And with her promise to visit, she ended the call. Alma had always been like a second mother to Tessa. She’d been around since Tessa was seven. Alma’s continued presence in her life was such a welcome constant as they shifted from their lives of competitive skating into the university world.

She heard the shower turn off as she threw Granny Smith apple slices, greek yogurt, orange juice, a banana, and spinach into the blender. She flipped the switch of the blender and watched as all of the different fruits gradually melded into a light green swirl. She poured the mixture into two glasses as Scott walked out of the bathroom. Grabbing two straws, he placed one in each glass and took the one that Tessa offered to him.

He took a large drink, “God, Tess. That hits the spot.”

“Green juice fixes everything, Scott.”

Tessa plugged her iPod into the speakers on his counter and immediately, Hall and Oates started to play.

“Really? You go for Hall and Oates? I thought that you were attempting to make me feel better!” 

Tessa knew that he would listen to Hall and Oates if she put it on, but that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t protest. 

She skipped around his kitchen, “Drink your smoothie so that we can go for a walk!” 

Walking around London with Tessa was one of his favorite things to do. While he tended to put his head down and walk as quickly as he could towards his destination, she was the type to walk slowly, eyes wide open, taking in all of her surroundings. The changes in season were the best time to join her. It seemed as if the blooms in spring, warm air of summer, vibrant leaves of autumn, and first snowflakes of winter were moments of magic to Tessa, and Scott loved to see those moments.

They threw on their light jackets and headed out the door.

“So, summer tours...” Scott started.

“Yeah, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. How into that idea are you? My Sports Psychology professor has been desperately trying to talk me in to applying to a psych study abroad program at King's College in London this summer. Deadlines are next week and I’ve started an application, but if you really want to go to Asia this summer, we can do that too.”

“That’s amazing, T! They would be crazy not to want you there. You should take this opportunity, though, if it arises. Asia will always be there next year, but this won’t.” Scott’s shoes scuffed on the ground as he kicked the pebbles on the gravel path.

“Thanks, Scott.” She responded. 

The weather was gorgeous and the sun was setting as the two strolled around the park near Scott’s home. Absentmindedly, her hand found his and her fingers slowly wound into his. After the sun set, they wandered back towards the house. 

Tessa grabbed her backpack and headed towards Scott’s front door. “The LSAT is going to kill me, I swear.”

“When is the test?”

“April 25th, so I have about three weeks to study, but that doesn’t feel like enough.”

Scott placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Tess, you’ll do great. You’ve been studying for months now. If there is anybody that can ace the LSAT, it’s you.”

“How is it that even after our competitive skating career is over, you still manage to give me pep talks?” She smiled in response to his encouragement.

“It’s my lifelong job, babe. It’s been eighteen years so far. I’m guessing that it will be at least eighteen more, unless one of us goes to jail or disappears.” He chuckled.

When he wrapped his arms around her, Tessa inhaled deeply. The scent of Scott’s aftershave mingled on his skin with the faint fragrance of the outdoors and something else that was distinctly Scott. It was one that had become so familiar over the years and managed to comfort her no matter where she was or what she was doing.

“Thanks for the stuff,” he muttered.

“It’s seriously my pleasure. Anything to get you out of your funk.”

He brushed her lips quickly with his, as had become a regular occurrence as they said goodbye. It wasn’t anything particularly intimate, but then again their level of intimacy on the ice had always shocked people. Their physical affection had always bled into everyday life.

As she opened the door, she remembered, “Hey! Your mom called. You should probably call her back!” And she headed off towards the library.

*****

Tessa took a long pull from her water bottle as she sat reading about logical and analytical reasoning. She was surrounded by other quiet and focused people like herself. It was quiet, and Tessa was in her zone.

“Um, excuse me?” A guy with light brown hair and a warm smile stood by her table.

Tessa was sure that she’d seen him before, but she couldn’t place it.

“Your name is Tessa, right?” he continued.

This was the point where people usually commented about her figure skating career, how much they loved the Mahler free dance, and how sad they were that they had been cheated out of the gold in Sochi. “Yes, it is.” She responded.

“I think that we’re in the same Statistical Analysis class. Professor Cheval, right?” He asked.

“That’s where I recognize you from! I’ve been trying to put my finger on it!” Tessa exclaimed.

“Yeah! Well I was wondering if you wanted to study together. I have my stuff, and the next exam is going to be a beating. It might help to break up the work load.”

“Absolutely. Feel free to join.”

He returned a few minutes later holding two coffee cups with his messenger bag slung over his shoulder. “I come bearing a cinnamon latte and a mocha. Do you have a preference?”

“Mocha please!” Tessa responded.

Over the next four hours, Tessa learned that Ethan (his name was Ethan) was a senior studying Psychology like her, was incredibly smart, and had a great sense of humor. Not only did they study similarly, he made her laugh and he made the time fly. That, and he brought coffee. Definitely a plus.

As they packed up their bags at the end of the night, Tessa found herself having enjoyed a night of studying for the first time in a while.

“Look, Tessa. I’ve enjoyed the hell out of myself tonight, and I hope that you have too. I’d love to take you out to dinner sometime.” He asserted.

Tessa’s cheeks flushed a bright red as she responded, “Look, Ethan, I’ve loved spending time with you tonight, but I’m swamped right now with the LSAT coming up this month. I really try to give everything my best shot, and I’m not going to have any time at all to devote to dating. I’m not trying to play coy, I just can’t see myself being good company at all while I’m this stressed out.”

“I get it.” He responded. “And while I think you’re entirely wrong, I respect that. But know that the offer stands. Feel free to say no to this as well, but would you like to make studying together a regular thing?

Smiling at the offer, Tessa agreed, and they set up a weekly study time. 

She didn’t know why she didn’t agree to go out with Ethan. He was funny, kind, and smart. He dressed well, and his butt filled out his jeans nicely. By any measure, he was her type. And honestly, she probably could have found the time in her schedule for a few dates, but something in her gut told her that she shouldn’t.

That night as she curled into Scott’s side, she realized that he lacked the familiarity that she craved.

*****

Tissues, highlighters, erasers, watch, healthy snack, water bottle, ID, admission ticket. Tessa ran through all of the different objects organized in her bag, making sure that she wasn’t missing anything. God, she was nervous. She had been studying for this day for the better part of a year. Her LSAT score would determine whether or not she had a shot at getting into a competitive law program.

Her door opened, and in walked Scott.

“Scott! It’s 6 a.m. on a Saturday. What are you doing here?”

He handed her a cup of coffee and a paper bag. “Coffee and a ham breakfast sandwich from Timmy’s. With ketchup.”

She sat down and started in on her sandwich. “I don’t even know that I can eat all of this. If I do, I think I’ll throw up.”

“Then you throw up, T. Nobody is going to think any more or less of you. Just don’t do it on your exam.”

Tessa rolled her eyes. “Well thanks for the reassurance, Scott. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. I thought that since I was well prepared that I would feel better, but I don’t.”

Scott walked up to her and grabbed her hand. “I know I’ve said this a lot lately, but you’re gonna rock this, kiddo. You’re gonna make a kickass lawyer someday. In fact, I may get into trouble with the law just so I can have you as my lawyer.”

Tessa rolled her eyes and started to clap his hand in a rhythm that they had rehearsed many times. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

He walked her to her car, gave her a hug and a kiss on the top of her head and went back into her apartment to wait for her test to be over.

*****

Five hours later, a bleary eyed Tessa walked through the door of her apartment. Immediately, she found a sleeping Scott sprawled on her couch. She set down her bag and knelt beside him.

His facial features were almost childlike when he slept, all traces of worry gone. She reached out and gently ran a thumb over his jaw bone. He must have recently shaved, because it was smooth. She continued to run her finger ever so lightly over his cheeks, eyelids, and nose, but stopped when she reached his lips. They were slightly parted and a little dry. With her pointer finger, she traced around the edge of his lips. Yes. This was the Scott that she loved. His eyes fluttered open as he became aware of his surroundings and Tessa’s presence.

“How did it go?”

“I actually felt pretty confident about it!” She smiled

“See! I knew that you would!”

“I’m exhausted, though. Scooch.” 

Scott shuffled his body backwards until he was flat against the back of the couch. Tessa lay down beside him and his hand automatically wrapped around her waist, pulling her against his body. With a sigh of relief, she drifted off to sleep.

*****

A key in the lock drew Tessa out of her slumber. Her roommate, Jade walked through the door. Tessa sat up quickly and followed Jade into her room. They had lived together now for two years, and Tessa was beyond thankful for Jade’s friendship. They both worked hard in school, but enjoyed relaxing together with an old movie and a glass of red wine.

“You and Scott, eh?” Jade questioned.

“Oh come on. He came over this morning before the LSAT and ended up staying here until I came back. It’s nothing.”

“Tessa, you spend more nights at his place than you do here!” Jade responded.

“It’s just more convenient. He’s closer to the library than I am, you know?”

Jade raised her eyebrows and smiled. “Well okay, then, but I’m just saying that if it looks like a cow and it moos, you don’t call it a dog.”

Laughter bubbled up inside Tessa’s chest, and soon both girls were consumed. 

*****

The small rink was filled with the sounds of blades on ice. Scott grabbed his water bottle off the bench and drained it. He loved the afternoons that he spent playing pickup hockey with the guys. Kyle and Sean had wanted to start a weekly time to get together and play some hockey, so they had all contacted guys that they had known who might be interested. Scott brought in Brandon, a friend from his time in Waterloo, and Nate Lafferty, a pretty cool guy that he’d met during the first week of his biology class at Western.

They’d started their weekly pickup game in Ilderton, as it was the one place where they had enough connection to get an hour of solid ice time for a decent price. 

Nate skated his direction and skidded to a stop, spraying ice all over Scott’s lower half.

“Not cool, Laf.” Scott laughed.

“So...” Nate grabbed his water bottle and looked at Scott. “What’s going on with you and Tessa?”

“What do you mean, what’s going on with Tessa and me? We’re best friends and skating partners. That’s it.”

“Well, if you say so. It’s just that you all spend a ton of time together for ‘just best friends’.” Nate shrugged.

“Seriously, man. There isn’t anything else going on. I met her when I was eight. She saw me go through puberty. Is there anything more awkward than puberty?” Scott drew a deep breath and continued, “After eighteen years, it stops being so weird to spend time together. Honestly, it’s stranger not to. Tessa is like an extension of myself. An extra limb, if you will. You don’t just cut it off.”

“So there’s really nothing going on between the two of you?” 

“For the love of God, no!” Scott practically yelled.

“Well then, you don’t mind if I ask her out?” Nate questioned.

Scott was a bit taken aback by Nate’s question. He didn’t really seem like he would be her type, but then again, Scott had been surprised by some of Tessa’s choices in men before.

“Nah. I don’t care, but keep in mind, if you hurt her or treat her bad, you die.”

“Okay, okay. And here I thought that talking to a girl’s dad someday would be nerve wrecking. Those folks have obviously never tried to ask out an Olympic ice dancer.”

“Take it or leave it, Lafferty.”

“Alright. So can I have her number?”

“Seriously? Be a man and go ask her yourself!” Scott laughed.

And with that, Scott grabbed his stick and skated off to join the others.

*****

_Hey T. Heads up that Lafferty wants to ask you out!_

*****

She was late. Holy crap, she was later than late! Tessa had promised Jade that they would meet for coffee once she was out of her Sports Psychology class, but a long winded answer to a question at the end of class and a lengthy discussion with her professor meant that she was currently about fifteen minutes late to coffee with Jade and about a ten minute walk away. She burst through the doors of the lecture hall only to run in to a muscular chest with a cup of coffee between them.

As luck would have it, the coffee cup burst open, spilling its scalding contents over both Tessa and the man that she had run in to.

“Shit!” Tessa yelled. She immediately looked up to see that it was, in fact, somebody that she had met before. She immediately recognized him as one of Scott’s friends, Nate. Nate. The one who wanted to ask her out on a date. Wonderful.

“Well, hello to you too, Miss. Virtue.” Nate chuckled.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. Here, let me help clean that up!” Tessa fumbled around looking for a napkin, paper towel, Kleenex, anything that might help her clean up the mess, but came up empty handed. She reached for the first thing that she could find to mop up the spill, which happened to be Scott’s hoodie that she had taken. Oh well. It would wash out.

“Scotty isn’t going to be very happy about that one, Tessa.” Nate laughed. His brown eyes sparkled with mischief.

“Ehh, he’ll deal with it! So sorry about your coffee Nate.” 

“It is really no big deal. Actually I’d been hoping that I’d run into you sometime. Granted, I didn’t think that I would physically be mowing you over but I guess that’s what I get when I’m not watching where I walk.”

“Please, it is completely my fault!”

“Nonsense. But if you’re looking for a way to make it up to me, would you be available to go on a date with me on Thursday night?”

There it was. Tessa knew that he was a friend of Scott’s and that he was obviously very good looking. He seemed to have a good sense of humor and a generally kind nature.

“Alright!” She agreed and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen to jot down her number.

“Shall we say Thursday at seven o’clock?” Nate asked.

“It’s a date!” Tessa replied.

Nate began to walk in the other direction, but turned around and waved the slip of paper in the air. “I’ll be in touch!”

Despite her stained shirt and Scott’s sopping wet hoodie, she practically ran across campus to Padgett’s, a local café and coffee shop with a smile on her face. 

*****

Thursday night came, and Tessa looked hot. She was sure of it. She was wearing leather pants, a black blazer, and a low cut cream colored top underneath it. Her hair was curled in loose ringlets and it cascaded down her shoulders. Her eye shadow was smoky and made the green in her eyes stand out. Her heels were high and her spirits were higher. It had been quite a while since she’d been out on a date, and this guy seemed like a winner. He’d been texting her since their coffee run in, and she found him to be quite the interesting guy.

He loved golfing, spending time on the lake, and walking his Golden Retriever named Brinkley. He was everything she had looked for in a man and more.

At seven on the dot her doorbell rang. She told Jade not to wait up. Nate looked amazing. She had always appreciated a man who knew how to dress himself, and Nate did not disappoint. He was holding a bouquet of brightly colored tulips.

“Tessa, wow.” he said appreciatively as he took in her appearance. “You look incredible!”

Tessa smiled, “You don’t look so bad yourself!”

She set the flowers on the counter, grabbed her clutch, and headed out the door.  
It was raining outside, and Nate immediately opened an umbrella for her as he walked her to the passenger side of the car.

Dinner was at a nice restaurant with a modern sort of feel to it. Their wine selection was chalked up on the wall. He got red wine and she got white, each swapping to taste the other’s from time to time. The conversation was effortless. From family, to skating, classes, movies, and everything in between, Nate was certainly able to hold his own in a conversation. Tessa found herself feeling less and less self conscious, and she wasn’t sure if it was the second glass of wine or the great company. For dessert, he ordered them a slice of chocolate cake to split. 

“Oh my gosh.” Tessa moaned as she took the first bite of the cake. “This is seriously to die for.”

“No kidding. Let everyone know that this needs to be part of the last meal that I eat before I die.”

Tessa agreed as she took another bite.

“Tess, you’re one hell of a date. You’re smart, sexy, and you give a man a run for his money.”

“Well thanks, Nate. You’re not so shabby yourself.”

Nate took care of the tab and they left the restaurant. He asked if she wanted to go to his place for a cup of coffee or tea, and she responded almost immediately that she would love to.

He pulled his car up to a nice townhome that he lived in with a couple other guys who seemed to be gone tonight. The ground floor of their townhome was modern, clean, and put together, not at all what she had expected a bachelor pad to look like.

“Wow! Nice place!”

“Thanks! I live with an interior design student, so it makes sense.” Nate laughed. He walked into the spacious kitchen and pulled out two mugs. “Coffee or tea?” 

“Coffee, always coffee.”

Nate got to work on the coffee as Tessa leafed through the various magazines that she found on his coffee table. It was manly sports magazines which didn’t come as a shock.

Nate brought over the coffee and the two of them sat down on his cream colored leather couch and sipped their beverages. The conversation flowed easily, and Nate gradually scooted closer to her on the couch.

Tessa had gotten used to the fact that many people had created a version of her in their heads before they got to meet her. Most of them saw the girl who stood atop podiums with Scott Moir and took the ice dance world by storm. She understood that people expected her to behave a certain way. What they didn’t understand was that under all of the make up, sequins, and smiles that were slightly too wide was a girl who was really quite ordinary. She loved sleeping in, watching movies, going to class, and studying in the library. She was modest, bright, and poised.

So when Nate started to put his arm around her, she started to get a little uncomfortable. He grabbed her coffee mug and set it along with his on the coffee table. Looking her intently in the eyes, he said “Tessa, Tessa, Tessa. Such a sweet girl.”

As he said this, he brought a hand up and brushed her hair back from her face. Tessa knew what was about to happen, and it unfolded in slow motion. She could feel Nate’s warm breath on her lips before his lips touched them. His lips started to move lazily across hers, and before she knew what was happening, his tongue was begging entrance to her mouth.

She pulled her mouth away from his and started to say “Nate...” when his hand grabbed the back of her head and pulled her lips back to his. He tried to continue, even more forcefully. Tessa put both hands on his chest and pushed as hard as she could.  
“Nate! Stop it!” She practically yelled.

“God, Tessa. Really?” He huffed. “It was just a good night kiss! That’s it!” He laughed a dry laugh. “Now I understand.”

“Understand what?”

“How you kept Scott around all of these years. Always teasing, never giving in. Or did you give in for Scott? Did you let him touch you like that?”

“That is honestly none of your business.” Tessa responded and got up to leave.

“You know, I bet that there is an inner seductress somewhere inside of that princess façade, and baby, I’m the one to show you.” He said as he reached for her thigh.

Tessa spun around, and before she could begin to process what she was doing, she balled her fingers into a fist and threw her arm at Nate’s nose as hard as she possibly could. Her fist connected with his face, and she felt a snap, though she wasn’t sure if it came from her hand or his face.

He bent over with his face in his hands and mumbled “God, Tessa. You’re a bitch!”

“Well, now you’re whistling a different tune! You honestly thought that Scott didn’t teach me how to punch?! Screw you, asshole!”

She stormed out of Nate’s front door, took off her shoes, and broke into a flat out sprint in the pouring rain. Tears mixed with the raindrops that ran down her face. How could she have been so stupid? She got to her destination before she even realized where she was going. She burst through the front door of the small two story blue house to see Scott sitting on his couch with his textbook.

He took in her soggy and sobbing appearance, stood up and rushed to her side. “What happened, Tess?”

“I punched him.”

“Punched who?”

“Nate. I punched Nate in the nose.”

“Are you okay?” Scott asked as he picked up her right hand. Her knuckles were swollen and he could see the faint purple of a bruise.

“I’m fine. He tried to make a move on me, and when I put on the brakes he didn’t like it. He said some pretty rude things about our relationship, and I just couldn’t take it anymore... I think I broke his nose.”

“Good. The asshole shouldn’t be able to walk.” Scott walked over to his freezer and grabbed an ice pack. He wrapped it in a towel and held it on Tessa’s knuckles.

“Scott, can I stay here tonight?” She asked.

“As if I would ever let you go to your apartment tonight.” Scott responded, “I’m gonna send Jade a quick text message and let her know not to expect you.”

He ran upstairs and returned with a pair of sweatpants, a t-shirt, and his phone. 

After she changed, she sat on the couch next to Scott and he held the ice pack on her hand.

“I’m going to kill him.” Scott whispered.

Tessa’s heart clenched within her chest as her eyes met his. “Not even worth it, Scotty.” 

“He threatened you, T. He actually had the gall to threaten you!” He started to get angrier and angrier.

“Scott,” she said, and she reached out her free hand to touch his arm. “I’m okay. He didn’t hurt me.”

“I know but he was my friend and he could have.”

“But he didn’t”

“I love you, T. I don’t know if I could handle anything happening to you. You’re my best friend.” and he swept his lips lightly across hers in their practiced fashion.

“Love you too, Scotty.” As she looked at him, she sensed that something had changed. What, she wasn’t sure, but she knew that when she looked into the eyes of her incredible best friend and partner that she was safe and cherished. That meant more to her than the attention of any other guy.

*****

As Tessa walked out of her Sports Psychology class the next day, she saw a figure walk by. She could tell immediately that it was Nate. His head was bent and he was walking quickly, but Tessa caught a glimpse of his face.

He had two black eyes and his nose had a bandage running the width of it. No doubt he had a broken nose thanks to her fist. However, his jaw was also swollen and bruised and she hadn’t hit him there.

Later that afternoon, she ran her thumb across the bruised knuckles on Scott’s right hand.

“Thank you,” she whispered.


	3. 3. Come On Now Darling, Let's Shake Off These Blues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is named from the song "Coachella" by Brooke Fraser. I'd definitely suggest listening to it as you read- it pretty accurately captures the mood of this chapter. This one was so much fun to write! You can thank spring break and the World Championships (hardcore missing Tessa and Scott) for finishing this chapter a little ahead of schedule. That being said, the next chapter is quite the undertaking, so it may take a little longer than a week to post.
> 
> As always, comments are appreciated! Seriously, they are what make it easier to write!
> 
> Again, ever so many thanks to Mariah for fixing my comma happy writing!

After her disastrous date with Nate, things had nowhere to go but up for Tessa. She found out that she had gotten into the study abroad program at King's College in London for the summer. She would leave in June and be gone until the beginning of August. While she had traveled a good deal with skating, she had never had the opportunity to live somewhere other than Canada or the United States. The prospect of crossing the ocean and abandoning life in her London for a new London was exciting.

It was a Friday morning, and her eight o’clock class had been canceled. She had slept in, brewed coffee, and made a delicious breakfast of oatmeal with blueberries. She’d sat out on the balcony of her apartment with a great book and a full mug of coffee and basked in the warmth of the morning sun. This morning simply could not get better.

She checked her e-mail and her heart stopped. The e-mail was from the Law School Admission Council, and the subject read “LSAT Scores Available To View.”

168\. That was her magical score. She wanted to be competitive. Anything in the 160’s was good, but she wanted a high one. 

With trembling fingers, she logged on to her account and selected her April 25th test date. She held her breath as the page loaded, squinted her eyes, turned her head, and peered through her eyelashes as if the score wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t what she wanted.  
**  
**Tessa Jane McCormick Virtue  
Scaled Score  
April 25, 2015: 171  
  
She. Had. Done. It. She had done it! She had not only gotten her goal score, she was only nine points shy of a perfect score! She jumped up and proceeded to happy dance around her bedroom in her tank top and pajama shorts. She found her phone and hit the first number in her speed dial.

“Hello?” Scott answered.

“171!” Tessa screamed.

“171?! No way, Tess! That is amazing!” Scott exclaimed.

“It’s a 171! A 171, Scott! I’m going to law school!”

“Kicking ass and taking names, my dear. I hope you don’t have plans for tonight, because I’m taking you out to celebrate. You, me, and some close friends. Invite Jade and anyone else because we are celebrating you!”

Tessa squealed as they made plans for the night. 

A few minutes later, she was on the phone with her mom. She rifled through her closet as she decided what to wear. 

“We need to celebrate! Tessa, honey, this is so exciting. That is a higher score than your dad got you know. Are you free for dinner tonight?”

“Actually, Scott is taking me out to celebrate. I think that it is going to be Jade, a few others, and a couple of his friends.”

She found a black sleeveless shirt with a plunging neckline. It was slightly loose and the fabric draped elegantly. That would do. She would pair it with dark skinny jeans and her blue pumps.

“Celebrating with Scott, eh? Well you kiddos have fun. Don’t overdo it.”

“Mom, you know I never do.”

“It’s not you I’m worried about honey.”

“Scott will be fine. We’re going to my favorite bar, not his. He won’t go overboard.”

“Okay. I’m not questioning your judgment, but I wouldn’t be your mom if I didn’t at least mention it.”

“Well I appreciate your concern, but we’ll be fine.”

Nothing could kill her buzz today. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and she had gotten a 171 on her LSAT.

*****

Scott showed up to her apartment promptly at 7:00. He came bearing freshly baked scones for Tessa and Jade.

“So you have something in your stomach to soak up the booze.”

Jade came out of her room with her hair twisted in a towel on top of her head.

“Bless you, Moir!”

“You know, I’ve never understood how girls do that twisty thing with towels on top of their heads. It just stays. It’s like pasta wrapped around a fork.”

“Did you seriously just compare my hair to pasta?” Jade laughed.

“I mean yes, but your pasta can curl. And it smells nicer than pasta. And I’m just going to stop now”

Tessa had her legs slung over the side of the large squashy armchair in the living room. She watched her roommate and best friend’s exchange with amusement.

“You want me to show you how to do it?” Jade asked, shaking her hair out of the towel.

“Yes, please! I want to look like a fortune teller!” Scott laughed.

Jade instructed Scott to tip his head upside down as she placed the towel over the back of his head. She twisted it tightly, and then made him stand up again. The towel turban towered over Scott’s head, and Tessa couldn’t help but laugh.

Scott danced around the living room as Tessa and Jade laughed at the spectacle. Scott stopped right in front of Tessa’s chair and knelt down on one knee. He grabbed both of Tessa’s hands and stared deeply into her eyes.

“Tessa Jane McCormick Virtue, you will go to law school. You will become a superb lawyer and keep your best friend out of legal trouble. You will use big words, spice up pants suits, and pull the sticks out of old guys’ asses. You will use legal jargon and words like fiduciary.”

By the end of Scott’s speech, Tessa was laughing so hard she couldn’t breathe and tears were running down the side of her face. Moments like these were why she loved Scott. Leave it up to him to leave her in stitches. 

They had decided to go to Harper’s, a locally owned club that had great music. Scott had brought Kyle and Tessa had brought Jade. On the way to the club, Jade and Kyle seemed to be in their own little world, and as they walked in, the two immediately made their way to the dance floor. Scott put his hand on the small of Tessa’s back and guided her over to the bar.

“Two shots of Fireball, please?” Scott asked the bartender.

“Fireball, Scott? You hate that stuff!” Tessa responded.

The club was loud, so Scott leaned in to respond. His lips brushed her ear as he spoke, “I may, but you don’t. This night is about you Tess.”

He handed the bartender his card to open a tab and grabbed the two small glasses that she offered. He clinked his glass against hers and the two of them tipped their heads back in a synchronized fashion. The amber liquid burned their throats as they swallowed.

“Let’s get this party started!” Scott smiled as he pulled Tessa towards the dance floor. The music was loud, but the people were louder. The bass thumped as the song switched to one with a driving beat. Her hand found its way to the back of Scott’s neck. He pulled Tessa close and matched the side-to-side sway of her hips. He could smell the distinctly clean and floral scent of her perfume in her hair and the cinnamon of Fireball on her breath.

Dancing with Tessa had always been second nature to him, as easy as breathing. They danced together all the time, but this was different. There was no ice, no coach, no judges. Just the two of them, bodies moving in tandem. A sigh escaped her lips and her body molded to the shape of his. When his eyes met hers, her lips broke into a smile.

“This is the best.” She spoke, soft enough that only he could hear. 

Scott hummed in agreement and turned her in his arms. Her back pressed against his chest. His heart was pounding. She wound her fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck and brought his head closer to hers. His breath was hot on her neck and goose bumps broke out on her skin. 

When the music changed, Scott grabbed her hand pulled her towards the bar. “What would you like to drink?”

“Scott, you are not going to buy my drinks all night! You don’t need to do that.”

“Of course I am, Tess. We’re celebrating you. It’s a big accomplishment to get the score you did on the LSAT. Plus, I took your debit card out of your wallet when you were getting ready. Good luck without it.”

“Okay, you win. Tequila sunrise.”

Scott ordered Tessa’s drink and a Jack and coke for himself. Tessa could feel the alcohol warming her from the inside out. As they finished their drinks, Tessa pulled Scott out on to the dance floor.

By 10:30, Tessa’s skin was covered with a thin sheen of sweat and any inhibitions were completely gone. She and Scott had each had a few drinks by this point. If she didn’t know any better, she would say that she was drunk. Not drunk enough to fall over, but enough that she felt confident and wanted to throw caution to the wind.

She pulled herself up so that her lips brushed against Scott’s ear. “Let’s do something crazy.”

She felt Scott shiver as the breath tickled his ear. As he searched her face for any trace of a joke, Tessa saw a mischievous spark flash in Scott’s eyes.

“Let’s do it.”

Scott laced his fingers through Tessa’s and pulled her behind him as they left the crowded club. The cool night air wrapped around their bodies and Scott pulled Tessa close as they walked down the street.

Tessa texted Jade, who was heading to another bar with Kyle to hang with some of their mutual friends. It was just the two of them now.

Scott obviously had a destination in mind as he turned corners and guided Tessa to follow until he stopped in front of a small storefront. Neon lights shone brightly in the night sky as Tessa stopped to take in where they were. The lights spelled the words ‘Iron Eagle,’ but the ‘g’ had gone out. As she looked through the window, realization set in. They were at a tattoo parlor.

“We never got Olympic tattoos... I’ve known what I wanted mine to be for ages. We don’t have to match, but I’m getting mine tonight. Feel free to join.”

Tessa had thought about getting a tattoo of the Olympic rings for a while, but for whatever reason, she had never done it.

“Alright,” she smiled. “I’ve wanted to do it for a while too. Only fitting that we do it together.”

They walked in to the tattoo parlor and a tattoo-clad man greeted them at a desk. After they had filled out the required paperwork, Scott began to sketch out his idea of his tattoo. It was incredibly simple- a small outline of a maple leaf over the Olympic rings.

“I like it Scotty. Would you care if I got the same one?” Tessa asked.

“Together, right?” Scott said as he and Tessa broke into a fit of laughter.

“Always together.” Tessa returned.

A girl named Morgan introduced herself as the person who would be doing their tattoos. Her long strawberry blonde hair was pulled back into a low ponytail. She was wearing a black t-shirt and cutoff jean shorts that revealed intricate tattoos covering the tops of her thighs. She had a genuine smile on her face, and was not at all how Tessa had pictured her tattoo artist to look. 

“Olympic rings? Did you medal?” she asked.

“Yeah. Twice.” Scott replied. “Uh, no three times if you want to get technical.”

“Woah! So you guys are no joke! Were you on a team or something?”

Scott and Tessa looked at each other.

“I guess you could say that.” Tessa replied. “We competed in ice dancing.”

Tessa and Scott saw a flicker of realization cross Morgan’s face.

“Oh, now I remember. Virtue and Moir, sweethearts of Canada, right? You guys were plastered all over newspapers and magazines for months after Vancouver and Sochi.”

“That would be us.” Scott laughed.

“So are you guys together, together?”

“Nah. This pretty girl would never agree to go out with a dope like me.” 

“Well I did tonight, now didn’t I?” Tessa responded with a smile.

Scott winked at her. 

After some fine-tuning, Morgan created stencils for the tattoo for Tessa and Scott to see.

“It looks so good!” Tessa exclaimed.

“Alright.” Morgan returned. “Who is going first?”

Tessa jabbed a finger towards Scott before he could say anything otherwise. “Him!”

Scott chuckled “I guess I’m going first! Where do we want them?”

“I don’t want everyone to be able to see it. It needs to be easily covered.”

“I agree. My mom would kill me.” Scott replied.

“Can I make a suggestion?” asked Morgan. “How about on your hip? It is a good location for both guys and girls and it won’t show unless you are in a swimsuit. We can do it fairly low.”

Tessa smiled, “I like it!”

Scott laid back in the chair, pulled his shirt up and unbuttoned his jeans. Morgan wiped off a small section of skin right above the ‘v’ of his muscles. Tessa let out a wolf whistle and Scott laughed. Morgan transferred the stencil onto his skin and sat back to look.

“Looks great.” said Tessa. She had backed up against the wall on the opposite side of the room.

“C’mere.” he said as he reached a hand towards her. She wrapped her fingers around his thumb and he squeezed the back of her hand in response. Morgan grabbed a stool for her to sit on and returned to her spot at Scott’s other side. 

“Here we go!” Morgan said as she dipped the tattoo gun in the small container of ink. She slowly lowered it to Scott’s hip and started to slowly trace the outline of the maple leaf.

Scott’s eyes were glued on Tessa. She could tell that he didn’t feel comfortable, but he could easily be hiding the amount of pain that he was in. She raised his hand and placed a kiss on the back of Scott’s hand. He smiled back in response.

“It really isn’t bad once you get used to it!” he said. “Tess, you have a much higher pain tolerance than I do. You’ll be fine.”

Within ten minutes, Morgan had finished Scott’s tattoo. She cleaned it off and stepped back to look at it. “What do you think?”

“Love it!” Scott responded immediately.

“Alright, Tessa. Let me clean my equipment, and we’ll do you next.”

Tessa and Scott switched places. She hopped into the chair, and Scott sat right next to her. Morgan left the room to get more supplies. She grabbed his hand and squeezed tightly. Scott leaned in closely and she whispered, “Does it hurt Scotty?”

“Not much.” He whispered back. “Almost like a cat scratch on a sunburn. It stings, but not for long.”

Tessa hiked her shirt up a little bit and unbuttoned her jeans as Scott had done earlier. She shimmied them down a little bit so that the tattoo could sit lower. Scott ran his thumb over the bare skin on her hip. “It’s gonna look so good Tess. What a cool way to remember all that we’ve done.”

“You’re right.” Tessa smiled.

Morgan walked back in and began setting up her new supplies. She cleaned off Tessa’s skin and applied the stencil.

Tessa’s breath hitched as she waited for the sharp sting of the needle. Scott clamped down on her hand, looked her straight in the eye and smiled. It was crazy how a look and smile from Scott could put her mind at ease. She felt her heart beat slow a little, and her breathing matched that of Scott’s.

Morgan started, and it didn’t hurt quite as badly as she had expected it to. It stung, but Scott was right. Like a cat scratch on a sunburn. She kept her eyes locked on his the entire time that Morgan was working. She was glad that she had a few drinks in her system. She wasn’t entirely sure that she would have gone through with it while one hundred percent sober.

Almost as quickly as it had started, it was over.

“Would you like a picture of them?” Morgan asked.

Tessa and Scott stood up together. He stood right behind her and positioned himself so that both tattoos could be seen. He wrapped his arms around Tessa from behind, and Morgan quickly snapped the picture.

After thanking Morgan and agreeing to come back should they decide to get more tattoos, they decided to head back to the club. It was shortly after midnight, and Tessa was way too keyed up. 

As they ended up at a place called Whiskey Wild, a bar with a saloon feel and country music blasting from the speakers as a band played up on stage. This was more Scott’s speed, but Tessa enjoyed it nevertheless. They found a quiet booth in a corner and Tessa tucked herself against Scott. He sipped at his drink and pulled her tighter.

“Tonight has been so fun. Thanks Scott.”

“You deserve it kiddo.”

*****

It was about 2 a.m. when they made their way back to Tessa’s downtown apartment. Scott pulled Tessa’s key out of his pocket and fumbled to unlock the door. They made their way through the apartment, noticing Jade’s heels thrown haphazardly on the floor in the living room.

Tessa went in to the small bathroom joined to her room and took off her makeup as Scott changed into something more comfortable. Her face was freshly washed and her hair loose and curly around her shoulders. The silence surrounding them was thick. The sounds of their breathing and shuffling around the room hung in the air as she slipped into a furry set of animal pajamas. Scott brushed by Tessa, handing her a toothbrush with toothpaste already squeezed onto it. 

As they brushed their teeth, Scott’s eyes watched her closely. They followed the smooth curve of her cheek and the faint sprinkling of golden freckles across the bridge of her nose. They landed on her green eyes, which were usually alight with wonder, but now appeared a much darker shade of emerald. They stared right back at his in the mirror.

Tessa is the one to break the silence as she rinses her toothbrush. “Let’s go to sleep Scotty.” 

She placed her toothbrush next to his by the sink and made her way towards the bed. She could hear the sound of his footsteps padding up behind her. She reached the bed before he did, but turned around to find him standing closely behind.

He smiled at her. “So proud of you T.” His hand found her shoulder and traced small circles on her collarbone.

“I know.” She whispered in return. She knew that look that he was giving her. His eyes were dark, and his lips were slightly parted. This was a line that they had skated for many years. Always close, but never crossed. 

She hadn’t realized that she was holding her breath until he wrapped his other arm around her back and pulled her close. 

“Tess,” he whispered in her ear and pulled back to look at her, running his fingers through her hair.

Before she could stop herself, she stretched onto her tiptoes and brushed her lips against his. It had happened so many times before, but this time felt different. Leaning into him, she ran her lips against his bottom lip and sucked hard. She gasped, realizing what she had done and stepped back, but Scott had other ideas.

His hand tightened in her hair, pulling her closer. He dipped his head down and softly kissed her before pulling away to breathe. He dove back in, fixing his mouth over hers before slipping his tongue inside.

Tessa’s fingers grabbed at the hair on the back of his neck, drawing him even closer. 

His hand slipped beneath her pajama shirt and ran up the length of her back. The electric current running through their bodies threatened to consume them.

As quickly as it began, Tessa began to slow her ministrations, brushing her lips against his ever so slightly, breath coming out in small puffs. Wordlessly, she drew back and sat down on the bed. Scott walked to the other side and climbed in next to her.

Pulling her into his side, he whispered, “Good night, Tessa.” And they drifted off into a dreamless sleep.


	4. 4. There's No Dollar Sign On Peace Of Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There had been times in her life where she had loved silence. Sitting in the library, she craved it. At large family gatherings, she would often excuse herself to find solace in a part of the house where nobody would come looking. She found her way on to the rink by herself in the morning, yearning for the early morning quiet of her breathing and the sound of her blade on the ice. Silence was a welcomed presence in her life, but not this morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter comes from the song "Chicken Fried" by Zac Brown Band. This song has always reminded me of home, and that is why I chose it. 
> 
> I apologize for the time it took me to update this. There are quite a few new characters in this chapter and I wanted to make sure that I did them justice. Props if you can identify the Gilmore Girls reference in this chapter!
> 
> As always, please leave comments or questions! They certainly make it easier to write!

When Tessa woke up, her body was thrown halfway across Scott’s. Her face was planted in a pillow and one of her legs was tightly intertwined with his. Sunlight streamed through the windows and she was burning up. Careful not to wake Scott, she trudged down the hallway to the kitchen where a groggy Jade stood making a pot of coffee. She looked like Tessa felt. Eyes drooping, head pounding, mouth dry.

Mumbling a greeting, she grabbed two glasses from the cabinet and filled them with water. She handed one to Jade and took a deep pull from the other one.

“Scott still here?”

“Yep.”

“You guys were out late last night. What were you up to?”

“Dancing, getting tattoos, more dancing.”

Jade stopped moving, a spoonful of coffee grounds hovering above the coffee maker as she took in Tessa’s words. “You did what?!”

“Nothing major!”

Jade, of course, being Jade, demanded to see it at once. Tessa inched up her shirt and pulled the waist of her pants down slightly so that Jade could see the freshly inked tattoo.

“I love it, but I never thought that you would do it! Did Scott get one too?”

“Yeah. Same one, same place.”

Jade gave Tessa a questioning glance. “Matching tattoos?”

Tessa smiled sheepishly.

“Tessaaaa....” Jade drew out, “What’s going on?”

Tessa gave a noncommittal response, as she had done for so many years. After being asked the same types of questions for so long, denying her involvement with him had become somewhat of a knee jerk reaction. How could she begin to explain what had happened last night? She had yet to process it herself. On one hand, he was her best friend- the only one who knew her fully, yet loved her anyways. The voice in her head screamed to not screw things up. Her heart, however, knew otherwise. Two words, seemingly insignificant, flitted through her brain. Two words were so harmless, but altered so much when put together. What. If. What if? What if she told Scott that last night was a mistake? What if she gave in? What if she allowed herself to fall for him? Then, of course, there was the fact that she was leaving for England in a week and she would be gone for two months. 

Questions flooded her mind as she shrugged off Jade’s question. They plagued her as Scott walked down the hallway towards the kitchen. A lump formed in her throat. His hair was a mess, sleep was in his eyes, and his white undershirt clung to every groove and angle of his perfectly chiseled chest and arms. Wordlessly, she handed him a cup of water and some ibuprofen.

There had been times in her life where she had loved silence. Sitting in the library, she craved it. At large family gatherings, she would often excuse herself to find solace in a part of the house where nobody would come looking. She found her way on to the rink by herself in the morning, yearning for the early morning quiet of her breathing and the sound of her blade on the ice. Silence was a welcomed presence in her life, but not this morning. 

As Jade left for the day, Tessa and Scott continued to go about making breakfast, dishes clinking, eggs sizzling as they hit the hot pan, coffee being poured. Tessa fixed her eyes on the toaster as if it were the only thing that mattered. Wires glowed red, toast turned brown.

“You’re a million miles away.” a voice whispered in her ear.

Tessa hummed in response as she continued to get breakfast ready.

“We kissed, Tess. Are we going to acknowledge it, or just sweep it under the rug?”

“We’re definitely going to acknowledge it, but I can’t find the right words.”

Just as much as she loved how Scott could read her so well, she hated the way he could always call her on her bullshit. The resistance she showed, the way her mouth curved down at the corners. There was something she wasn’t sharing.

“Spill it, Tess. You’ll feel better when you do.”

She knew he was right. She always felt better when she did. With a deep breath, she steeled her mind to tell him the truth. She owed him that.

“That kiss last night? Was amazing.” With Scott smiling and nodding as he remembered, she continued. “I’m leaving in a week, Scott. For two months.”

Scott seemed puzzled by the entire conversation. “And?”

“Did last night mean something to you?” 

“Of course it did, Tess. It’s you and me we’re talking about. It would never not  
mean something.” 

Tessa picked at her toast and what to say next. On the best of days, she would be a difficult girlfriend. Her schedule was packed full of classes and studying. When she left in a week, it would be full of classes, studying, and sightseeing. If she was going to jump headfirst into a relationship with Scott, now was not the time to do it. 

“I’m leaving a week from today, Scott. For two months.” The war between her heart and head raged on. She loved Scott. Her heart seemed to scream at her to leap, take a chance. Her head today, as foggy as it was, won out. “I think we need to wait until I get back from England.”

Scott let his breath go slowly. He hadn’t realized that he had been holding it. Last night, it had seemed, was too good to be true. Of course, as soon as they had finally gotten their acts together, she had to go and move across the ocean. Wonderful. Simply wonderful.

Nodding, Scott sipped his water. He would be lying if he said that her response didn’t sting a little. In the many ways he had played this exact moment through his brain, this hadn’t been one of the scenarios that he was imagining, but he understood. Tessa had never been a foreign concept to him. He knew how she had processed through this. If anything, she had agonized over this very conversation more than he had. That thought alone made waiting the two months until she got back all the more bearable.

Instead of arguing, he smiled, told her that he agreed, and of course he loved her. As if nothing had happened, as if there was no monumental shift in their relationship, as if Tessa’s statement hadn’t happened. They finished breakfast, brushed their teeth together, and went their separate ways, throbbing headaches and all.

The next week flew by in a fury of packing, shopping lists, and squeezed in goodbyes. Packing for two months was harder than it seemed. By Friday evening, Tessa had resolved to simply throw things in her suitcase. London had stores aplenty, so she left a good deal of her monstrosity of a suitcase empty to halfway piece together a new England wardrobe when she arrived. 

As she gathered the last of her toiletries at 4:30 the next morning, she heard her bedroom door open and close. Scott appeared beside her and grabbed her shampoo and conditioner. He knew her packing system well after years of traveling together. He could find just about anything in Tessa’s suitcase. He went around her room gathering the remaining things that needed to go into her suitcase asking questions here and there. He knew that she hated mornings and hated talking in the morning even more, so he simply helped her pack, made coffee and toast, and sat on her bed watching her get ready.

Their drive to the airport was quiet. Scott’s hand found Tessa’s and her fingers wound their way through his. Two months was a long time. He couldn’t recall a time since their initial meeting that they had been separated for two months. His sulking and general depression must have caught Tessa’s attention. 

“E-mail is a thing, you know. So is Skype.” She looked towards Scott to gauge his reaction.

“I know. I’ll just miss the day to day things. Coffee, your late night camp outs at my place, dancing. You know.”

“I will too. You know that.”

They pulled up to the airport and Tessa climbed out of the car. As per their traveling tradition, Scott pulled her suitcase from the back of the car and tugged it behind them. Their hands remained interlocked as they walked the distance between the parking garage and the departures level of the airport. 

As they reached the line for security, Scott turned to look at Tessa.

“I’ve been thinking about what to say right now. I wanted it to be incredibly profound and poetic and shit. Something that will stick in your brain, you know? But all I can seem to manage to scrounge up is don’t forget to have a beer with William and Harry.”

With a dry laugh, Tessa reminded him that the only member of the royal family that she was dying to meet was Kate. As she pulled him in close, tears threatened to fall, but she held them back. She wasn’t going to cry. It was two months, not two years. With a hard squeeze and a brush of the lips, she turned around and walked into the security line. Only once she had made it past the passport line did she turn around. Scott raised a hand in goodbye then turned and left.

*****

Twelve hours later, the wheels of Tessa’s plane touched down in the land of tea and biscuits shortly after midnight. The flight had been smooth and her luggage had all arrived, thankfully. She was to meet the other members of her program at ten o’clock the next morning. As she walked towards the double doors, she caught sight of a sign that read “Tessa Virtue.” The girl carrying it was a wisp of a woman. Her waif-like body was draped in clothing that appeared to be two sizes too big for her. Atop her head was a mess of hair, but her genuine smile and the light in her eyes caused the unkempt nature of her appearance to fade slightly.

“Are you Tessa?” 

“I am.”

The small girl threw herself full force at Tessa. 

“It’s so nice to finally meet you! I’ve been here for three days already. They typically send a staff member from the university to pick up new foreign students, but since you will be my roomie, I begged and they let me come instead!”

Roomie. Roommate. Okay. “Nice to meet you, and thanks for coming to pick me up. Did I catch your name?”

“Oh, sorry! I always seem to skip that part. My name is Paisley.”

Paisley, she learned, was from the United States and would be taking the exact same program as her. She seemed good natured, though talkative. 

“Our flat is two blocks from the university. The furniture is a random hodgepodge of pieces that miraculously seem to go together. There is a coffee shop on our block that has the most delightful atmosphere. I already picked my room, I hope you don’t mind. Mine has the bigger space, yours has the bigger closet.”

Tessa delivered quick responses, but for the most part Paisley talked and she watched as the night time London scenery around her changed. The vibrance of city life had always intrigued her. She loved the fast paced nature of it.

When they arrived to their apartment, Paisley took one of her suitcases and began to haul it up the stairs. Their apartment, it turns out, was on the second floor. It sat atop a bakery, filling the warm space with the delightful smell of freshly baked goods, even in the middle of the night. Paisley had been right. No piece of furniture had come together, yet it all blended seamlessly into the warmest and coziest apartment she had ever set foot inside. By the light of the many lamps in the room, Tessa could see that one wall was exposed brick and the others were painted a lovely shade of gray. The furniture was an incredible mix of floral, leather, red, and blue that managed to fit together seamlessly to create the most enchanting of living rooms. Whoever had decorated this room hadn’t tried too hard, and that was the unassuming beauty of it. 

Though Tessa hadn’t even been there for five minutes, it already felt like a home away from home. 

*****

The next morning, Tessa woke up to her alarm blaring and the smell of coffee filling the apartment. Paisley’s footsteps echoed through the small loft. Orientation was this morning at ten o’clock, and Tessa knew that she would be meeting a great many people. After getting ready, she figured that she might try out the coffee shop on the block for breakfast, but Paisley had other ideas, apparently.

“Good morning! I grabbed cinnamon rolls from the bakery downstairs! They are still warm, though I imagine yours may have cooled a little.”

Paisley, though overly eager, seemed to be one of the kindest and most naturally thoughtful people Tessa had ever met. As they walked together to the orientation, travel mugs in hand, Tessa found out that Paisley was from a small town in South Carolina. She considered herself a “true southerner,” though she had no discernible southern accent. She was an only child and she wanted to enter the field of sports psychology after getting her masters. 

For the first time since she had picked Tessa up from the airport last night, Paisley’s voice fell quiet. The two girls walked quietly on the paths that led through the university. The tan stone of the towering buildings stood tall against the colors of summer. All around them, the university was bursting with life. On a day like today, there was nowhere else Tessa would rather be.

As they wandered through the building where they would attend orientation, Tessa could sense that Paisley was slightly nervous. As they reached the door, Tessa turned, gave Paisley a little smile, and whispered, “This should be fun!”

The room had a large oval table in the center of it, half of which was filled. Tessa and Paisley took a seat as others began to file in.

One guy immediately caught Tessa’s attention. He looked familiar. Tessa was almost certain she had seen him or met him before, and the way he considered her, she was fairly certain he felt the same. His thick strawberry blonde hair was immaculately combed and his blue eyes glinted behind his glasses as he smiled. He wore an impeccably tailored suit with a light blue bowtie around his neck. Tessa couldn’t help but flush as he headed her way.

“Have we met before?”

“I think so. Are you from Canada?” she returned.

“Yep. I go to Western Ontario.”

His name was Daniel. He was entirely charming, and Tessa found herself falling into an easy rhythm of conversation with him. Paisley would chime in from time to time but Tessa was grateful to have someone from home nearly half a world away. Daniel lived just three streets over from where Scott had lived. They had been in many of the same large lecture classes, but had never had a small discussion section together. He introduced his roommate, Gabe, who was just as equally well dressed as Daniel. With an invitation for dinner at their apartment after a long day of orientation, it was shaping up to be a great summer.

*****  
_  
Hey Scotty!_

_Thought I’d drop a note by just to let you know that I made it to London and successfully survived orientation day. London is incredible. The city is so vibrant. My roommate’s name is Paisley, and though she is talkative, she is good-natured and warm. There is another guy here from Western. His name is Daniel. You may recognize him. He lives three streets over from you. He and his roommate have invited me over for dinner tonight. I’m thankful to have met a fellow Canadian._

_Let’s Skype sometime soon. I’m missing having some Moir on my side of the globe._

_xx_  
Tessa  
  
******  
__  
Hi Scott!

_My name is Laura Howard. I got your information from your mother at the rink after a good amount of begging and pleading! I am a grade two teacher at Oxbow Primary School in Ilderton. I have been having a rather difficult time this school year getting my students engaged in reading. Because of this, I have promised them several exciting surprises during the school year. I’m trying to figure out a culminating surprise for them this year and I thought, why not a mystery reader who happens to be an Olympic gold medalist who attended their elementary school? So this is me begging you to come and read to a bunch of incredibly ornery second graders who would love nothing more than to hear their hometown hero read them a story. Let me know!_

_Thanks ever so much,_  
Laura Howard  
Oxbow Primary School  
Grade Two  
  
*****

Why Scott had agreed to this, he didn’t know. He loved kids and he loved his alma mater, but trying to get them to pay attention to a book for an extended amount of time? Not his forte. Laura seemed nice and she told him that she would organize the entire thing. All he had to do was show up. He checked in at the front office and was given a name badge by the overly eager secretary.

He sat in one of the armchairs in the office waiting to be escorted to the classroom. Scott heard the sharp click-clacking of high heels before he saw her. Her brunette hair flew behind her and she was wearing a black pencil skirt and a smart white blazer. She rushed into the office and immediately threw her arms around Scott. 

“Hey! Thank you so much for agreeing to read to the kids. They are going to be absolutely floored. They know that somebody special is coming to read to them, but they don’t quite know who yet!”

Scott smiled at the blur of a woman who was wildly gesturing with her arms while holding a half eaten apple in her right hand. As she led him to the classroom, he smiled at how well she fit in to her environment. She seemed like she drank 4 cups of coffee each morning. Only someone with her amount of vibrance and energy could spend all day with 25 second graders and still manage to have some semblance of a personal life. 

They arrived at her classroom- clearly well organized and decorated in bright blues and greens. She showed him to the rocking chair where he would be reading to the students. As she left to pick up the students, Scott wandered around her classroom. Next to her desk were pictures of her friends and family, but noticeably no significant other. It was beyond him how a pretty girl like Laura could be single. She was funny and energetic, sure to be a great time.

Scott could hear whispers outside the door, so he made his way back to the rocking chair. As he sat down he saw Laura reappear at the doorway, ushering a group of sheepish eight year olds into the classroom. They all sat down quietly on the carpet in front of him. A few of them looked at him wide eyed, one kid picked his nose, and a couple fidgeted. 

Laura pulled up a chair beside him and smiled as she began to introduce him. “Friends, today we have an amazing privilege. There is somebody here to share a book with you who has had quite a few accomplishments himself. Does anyone know who this is?”

“Does he play hockey?” a little boy asked.

Laughing, Laura glanced at Scott and replied no. 

Another little boy who looked slightly goofy replied “He’s your boyfriend, isn’t he?” 

The entire class dissolved into giggles. The little girl next to him with long brown hair tied up with a ribbon punched him in the arm. “No, you dweeb. He’s Scott Moir. He won the Olympic gold medal in ice dancing with Tessa Virtue. He also attended our school when he was a kid. Honestly, don’t any of you read?”

Laura smiled and regarded the small girl, “Audrey, please make sure that your words and actions are kind to those around you. However, you are correct. This is Scott Moir, and he knows a thing or two about reaching goals. That is why he is going to be reading to you the book _Oh, The Places You’ll Go_.”

Inwardly, Scott cheered. This was one that his mom had read to him growing up. Nobody knew that shortly before he had left for Vancouver, she had given a copy to both him and Tessa. It was a cherished book for him and he knew it practically cover to cover.

“Do any of you have goals? Maybe you want to accomplish something or be something when you grow up. Maybe you want to invent something. Anybody?”

He sat back and watched as the kids raised their hands. Audrey, the little spitfire, wanted to be a ballerina. Kevin wanted to be a storm chaser. Timothy wanted to be a firefighter. As the kids poured out what they wanted to be or do, Scott couldn’t help but remember when he had been that young and naïve. It seemed like a lifetime ago. He had a dream of winning an Olympic medal, and he had made it happen.

“This book, you guys, is very important to me. My mom used to read it to me at night before I went to bed and it has so many important things to remember about achieving your dreams.”

Scott cracked open the book, and immediately, he was mesmerized by the words of Dr. Seuss.  
__  
You have brains in your head.  
You have feet in your shoes.  
You can steer yourself  
any direction you choose.  
You're on your own. And you know what you know.  
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

_You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care._  
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."  
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,  
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street. 

_And you may not find any_  
you'll want to go down.  
In that case, of course,  
you'll head straight out of town.  
  
Scott read to them of forging their own paths, remembering how he and Tessa had to do the same. He glanced over, and Laura was smiling. The kids were listening intently. It was funny how some children’s books could hold true even to adulthood.  
__  
And will you succeed?  
Yes! You will, indeed!  
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

_KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!_

_So..._  
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray  
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,  
You're off the Great Places!  
Today is your day!  
Your mountain is waiting.  
So...get on your way!  
  
As Scott closed the book, the students applauded. He took a minute to pause and he smiled at them. 

“When the book says ‘You have brains in your head, you have feet in your shoes, you can steer yourself any direction you choose,’ what do you think Dr. Seuss means?”

A small boy in the back raised his hand. He had dirty blonde hair and pale blue eyes. Scott pointed him out and smiled at him to answer. “I think it means that you can choose what you do. We are smart and if we want it badly enough, we can make it happen.”

“Do you think that’s true?”

“Yes.” The little boy replied without hesitation.

“I know it to be true. You see, I had the amazing opportunity to skate with one of my best friends for eighteen years. I got to win a gold and silver medal with her, and we got to achieve our dreams. Now it didn’t happen overnight. Like Dr. Seuss said, we had to steer ourselves in the directions that we chose.”

Scott could see Laura smile as she considered his response. 

He continued to answer the students’ questions about how he had reached his goals. 

“Alright, friends. I know that we are incredibly grateful that Mr. Scott took his time to come and read to us. I hope that each and every one of you were able to take something valuable from this conversation.”

As she dismissed them for a bathroom and drink break, Scott didn’t feel as if he was quite ready to go.

“Hey, Laura. Do you need help with anything else this afternoon? I have some extra time before I head over to the rink, and I’d be glad to help with anything you might need help with.”

That afternoon, Scott helped a struggling group of boys with subtraction, read with students, and played a game of knockout with the kids at recess. By the end of the day, he knew all of their names and high fived them as they left the classroom.

After the class left, Laura looked at him beaming. “I have never seen anyone be as much of a hit with my students as you. You sure you haven’t chosen the wrong profession?”

“Nah, but you’re great with them. They are lucky to have a teacher like you.”

With a final thanks, Scott headed towards the rink.

*****

A couple days later, Scott arrived at the rink only to find a thick manila envelope. Inside was a purple construction paper book, clearly made by a second grader. As he flipped through, he found a hand written letter from each of Laura’s second graders. At the end, he found a post-it note.  
__  
You were such a hit.

_Give me a call sometime._

_Let’s grab drinks._

_519-618-2428_

_x Laura_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lovely words from Oh, The Places You'll Go belong to Dr. Seuss. As much as I wish I had written them myself, I didn't!


	5. Time Against Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was the best of both worlds all wrapped up into a nice and neat little package. She charmed the pants off his mom and doted on his niece. Once she was unwrapped a little, the true bombshell within was revealed. Like puzzle pieces fitting together effortlessly, her presence filtered into every aspect of Scott’s life and he hadn’t seen it coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay! This chapter did not want to be written. Either way, here it is. This chapter is named after the Adele song, "I'll Be Waiting." It's gonna get a little bit angsty from here on out, fair warning! 
> 
> Many thanks to the lovely Mariah for listening to my freak outs and giving some great advice! You're amazing, dear!

She was a walking dichotomy. 

On one hand, she was a sweet teacher. She addressed her second graders as “friends” and her arms were covered in streaks of washable marker. She reminded kids that glue was not for eating and scissors were not for hair. She read to her kids and did all the voices. She greeted each student in the morning by name and said goodbye at the end of the day with a handshake, hug, high five, or fist bump. Laura loved her students with all of her heart and it showed in every facet of her life. The way she spent her hard earned money on shoes for the student that couldn’t afford them and spent her evenings grading math and spelling tests. The way she cried for the kid whose parents didn’t care. The way she ranted about the student who chose not to live up to his potential. She poured out her heart and soul daily into doing the job that she loved.

On the other hand, she held her own. She met his friends on a Friday night. The neckline of her red top plunged to reveal a generous amount of cleavage. Kyle’s eyes were glued to her chest while Sean at least attempted to keep his eyes on her face. She laughed with reckless abandon and her eyes glittered with mischief. She was a formidable opponent in a game of pool and kicked his ass in poker. She looked refined with a glass of wine in her hand, but drank beer with the best of them. The first time she kissed him, she was buzzed. She walked across the crowded bar with purpose, grabbed his collar and pulled his lips towards hers. She was effortlessly sexy and he was intoxicated.

She was the best of both worlds all wrapped up into a nice and neat little package. She charmed the pants off his mom and doted on his niece. Once she was unwrapped a little, the true bombshell within was revealed. Like puzzle pieces fitting together effortlessly, Laura’s presence filtered into every aspect of Scott’s life and he hadn’t seen it coming.

*****

Tessa’s time in London had been brilliant. She had been in the vibrant city for almost a month. She drank Earl Grey tea every day and got lost down small side streets. Summer classes were how any summer class should be- fun and easy to get a good grade. Tessa found herself studying much less than she had anticipated.

Daniel had become a quick friend, though their lives were different in more ways than they were similar. He’d worked for everything that he had, keeping up to three jobs at any point in his college career. He had been raised by a single mother who had taught him to value hard work and loyalty from an early age. Additionally, Daniel was used to being around fiercely independent women who were more than capable of taking care of life without any help whatsoever. His company encouraged Tessa to embrace who she was. In conversations with Daniel, Tessa often felt as though she saw the world around her differently. The once blurry vision of the world around her sharpened ever so slowly.

“Have you read this one?” He asked, handing her a worn copy of Jack Kerouac’s _On The Road._

“Of course.” Tessa smiled “You can’t travel as much as I have and not read _On The Road_.”

Their afternoons were frequently spent at used book stores, small cafes, or quaint bistros talking about everything and nothing at all. On the weekends, Tessa, Daniel, Paisley, and Gabe would venture out to see all of the wonderful things that England had to offer. Train rides to Liverpool, Warwick Castle, Oxford, and several days spent in the English countryside. The more time Tessa spent in this country, the more she loved it. She grew to love her new friends too. She craved Paisley’s happy chatter, loved spending time shopping with Gabe, and savored her rich conversations with Daniel. 

*****

“Babe, where did I put my shoes?” Laura called from down the hall.

“They’re in here. Are you ready yet?” 

“Almost!” rang back through the hall.

“Almost” had now been about half an hour, and they were running late. Scott knew that it would be well worth it when she emerged looking smoking hot, but she was meeting his parents for the first time. He knew she was nervous and being half an hour late certainly wouldn’t be the best first impression.

She breezed down the hallway in a pale pink sundress. Although they had only been going on dates for a month, Scott knew that this was the kind of girl that he wanted to introduce to his family. She loved life and lived with a sort of reckless abandon. The way she treated everyone around her left them feeling better about themselves, a trait Scott knew that he would have to find in his future mate. 

His family had always expected him to end up with Tessa, but if they were going to accept anyone else, Laura was that person. As she approached him, brown hair curled and cascading down her shoulders, Scott knew that he was lucky.

Laura’s foot bounced constantly the entire drive to Ilderton. She had to reapply her lipstick three times in the car because she kept chewing her lip. Her hand felt clammy in Scott’s. Her usual chatty nature was silenced in lieu of her nerves.

However as she walked through the front door of the Moir home, she seemed anything but nervous. Calm, cool, confident. She hugged his mother and gave her the bottle of wine she had brought as a hostess gift. She shook his father’s hand and talked about golf. 

After about half an hour, Scott noticed that Laura was nowhere to be found. He wandered around the house before he heard the sound of laughter drifting through the open windows. He found Laura on the back porch with his five-year-old niece, Keira. The two of them had a princess coloring book spread across their laps.

“So, Keira, if you could be any princess, who would you be?”

“Cinderella!” Keira squealed in an excited response. Coloring book abandoned, Keira jumped up and began to twirl across the porch. Laughing, Laura put down the coloring book and ran over to join Keira. She grabbed the little girl’s hand and held it up. Keira continued to twirl and Laura laughed.

His mother’s voice drew him out of his admiration as he watched through the open window. “I like her.” A smile crossed her face as she put an arm around her youngest son.

“I do too, Ma.”

“She fits.”

His mother was right. She fit.

*****

Paisley’s voice woke her up from her evening nap. “Tess! Get up! We’re going for drinks!”

“Get up, or I’m going to come in there and steal your Chanel bag!” Gabe yelled. 

She got up and ran a brush through her hair. Her skinny jeans, t-shirt, and jacket didn’t exactly scream, “Night on the town,” but it would do. With a dab of lip gloss, she grabbed her bag and walked into the living room. Paisley, Gabe, and Daniel were waiting.

The four of them wandered through the streets of London together as the sun sank behind the buildings. Paisley and Gabe walked arm in arm discussing loudly how Paisley’s choices in skirts were no longer fashionable.

Tessa and Daniel followed at a distance. 

“We only have a couple weeks left in our program. How did this go by so quickly?” Tessa broke the silence.

“I have no idea.” Daniel replied.

This time, the silence returned. Tessa could sense that there was something that Daniel was trying to say and a minute later, he broke the silence.

“Would you like to go to dinner with me, Tessa?”

“We go to dinner all the time.”

Daniel smiled and shook his head. “I meant on a date.”

The silence returned and the smile on Daniel’s face began to fall as realization set in.

“I’d love to, Daniel,” Tessa spoke, hesitating.

“But you won’t.” Daniel returned.

Daniel had been the kindest of friends and he certainly didn’t deserve this type of answer. His strawberry blonde hair, the smile that touched the dimples in his cheeks and reached all the way up to his eyes, the way he genuinely cared. Any girl would be lucky to be with him. But Tessa couldn’t say yes. Instead, she opted for, “I can’t, Daniel. I’m so sorry.”

After a few moments of silence, Daniel asked, “Do you mind if I ask why not?”

“I don’t even know if this is even something worth mentioning.” Tessa played with the strap of her purse as she tried to explain. She told Daniel about Scott. She told him of how they had grown up together, how he became her best friend, how she had started to have feelings for him, and how he kissed her right before she left.

As the story spilled from her lips, she found Daniel’s eyes fastened on hers. Rather than sulking in the fact that she was rejecting him, he listened intently. With the occasional nod, Daniel listened to the entire story of Tessa and Scott, one he had known from the media but now viewed from a completely different angle. 

“You love him, Tessa. You’re in love with him.”

“I do love him, but I’m not in love with him. At least not yet.”

Daniel smiled knowingly. As he laughed with their group of four that night, Tessa found herself thankful for Daniel. Not once had he made her turning him down for dinner about himself. He hadn’t taken her rejection as an attack. He listened to her story. Her answer didn’t change the way he treated her. 

He was amazing, and she didn’t deserve him.

*****

She had a couple too many drinks. She was drunk, definitely, but not sick. Daniel’s arm around her waist was the only thing keeping her upright. He practically carried her up the stairs to her and Paisley’s apartment. 

“Go change, Tess.” He told her. 

She stumbled into her room, losing her jeans along the way. Realizing that she had no intention of shutting the door, Daniel turned around and began to study the piece of art on the opposite wall a little too intently. Tessa reemerged moments later in yoga pants and an oversized shirt.

“This is his shirt. It’s Scott’s. See? Smell it. It smells like Scott.”

“Okay, Drunky. Let’s get you to bed.” Daniel laughed.

By the time Tessa’s head hit the pillow she was asleep.

*****

She awoke at three in the morning still slightly drunk with a dry mouth. She noticed a cup of water on her night stand.

Daniel.

Her phone was next to the water. Picking it up, she dialed a number she knew by heart. It went straight to voicemail.

“Scott? Scottie. I miss you. I miss you a whole lot. We said we would talk and we haven’t. Do you even know how Skype works? We haven’t Skyped. Did your carrier pigeon get lost over the ocean? I miss you. Did you know that I turned down a date with somebody amazing? I turned him down. His name is Daniel and he looks like a Ken doll. I turned Daniel down.”

She didn’t know how long she continued like this, but in the morning she woke with a pounding headache to realize that all of the minutes on her phone card had been used up.  
She lay there in his oversized shirt that smelled of his cologne, inhaling his scent, missing him with every fiber of her being.

*****

She had switched her flight back to Canada to the same one as Daniel. The two of them sat side by side for the eight hour flight. 

“So is he picking you up from the airport?” Daniel asked.

“Who?”

“Don’t play dumb, Tessa. You know who.”

“Nope. My mom gets that delightful task. I doubt he even knows I’m coming home. He hasn’t returned a call or replied to an e-mail in a month.”

“I’m sure he has a reason.” Daniel smiled, “He’d be a straight up fool to not count down the seconds until you are home.”

Though she hadn’t told Scott of her homecoming, some shred of her hoped that he had managed to find out that she would be home tonight. Two months without seeing him was foreign. She had forgotten the imprint of his hand in hers and the rhythm of their hearts beating together. His shirt only vaguely smelled of his cologne now and the picture of the two of them on her phone didn’t hold a candle to the living breathing Scott Moir.

“Yeah, well he has a life. He’s a busy guy. I get it.”

“Tessa, if he is the man for you, he isn’t going to sit by idly and watch you live your life. He is going to get off his ass, grab you by the hand, and force you to jump outside of your comfort zone.”

Tessa considered Daniel’s words. They rang in her ears as she passed through customs. They scrolled in front of her eyes as she hugged her mom. They flashed through her mind as she opened her front door.

Jade was nowhere to be found. She had left on vacation a week or two ago, Tessa knew. However, the watering can was sitting in a small puddle beside her sink. Her kitchen smelled like the lemon freshness of disinfectant. Her bed was stripped down, sheets washed and folded, blankets folded at the end.

A vase of tulips with a card sat on her vanity.

_Welcome home, kiddo!_

She fished her phone out of her carry on and scrolled through her past messages until she found his name. She punched in a quick message.

_Home._

Not thirty seconds later, her phone buzzed in response.

_Be there in 20._

She made her bed, brushed her teeth, and freshened up her appearance. She paced around her apartment, waiting anxiously. Finally the sound of a key in the lock announced his arrival. The door opened and closed quickly, and before she knew it, he had pulled her into a bone-crushing hug. His body was warm as he pulled her close. The familiar scent of his cologne filled her senses. _God, I’ve missed you. More than you could possibly fathom. So cliché, but a part of me is missing without you._ She silently reprimanded herself for allowing her mind to go down that mental rabbit hole. As she held him close, she settled for “Missed you.” So much in that little phrase. So much and not enough.

He pulled her back to look at her. “I’ve missed you too, Tess. God, I’ve missed you.”

Falling back into Tessa and Scott was effortless. The way he told stories of his summer, the way she belly laughed. Questions of how family was, gossip from the figure skating community, stories of nights with too much beer and not enough carbs to cushion the effects.

She told him of the other London halfway across the world. She told him of Paisley, Gabe, and Daniel. Especially Daniel.

“He sounds great, Tess. I can’t wait to meet him!”

“I think you guys will get along well.”

“He better treat you right. Ryan and Fedor both sucked. You need someone in your life who treats you right.”

Tessa’s heart stopped for a second. Did he think? Surely he didn’t think that...

“Scott... Daniel and I aren’t dating...”

Scott’s face fell. His mumbled “Ohhhhh....” drifted off into silence as his eyes locked on everything but her face. His shoes, the wall behind her head, the keys in his hand. Anywhere but her face.

“Scott, it’s not a big deal. He and I are friends, that’s all.”

“I have to tell you something.” He started quickly. Conversations that started like this with Scott were few and far between. “I’m seeing somebody.”

Tessa felt the blood drain from her face. They had kissed. She had thought there was something there. _She had been so foolish._ She had been foolish, but she didn’t let her disappointment show. As quickly as her face had fallen, it split into a grin so wide that it threatened to overtake her face.

“Really, Scott? That’s great! Who is she?”

As Scott began to describe Laura, she knew. She could see it in her best friend’s eyes. It was the way he had once looked when he talked about her. He was smitten. _Sound interested, Tessa. You have to. He is your best friend, he needs to know that you are supportive._ So she plastered a smile on her face. She congratulated him on finding an amazing person. She acted like her heart wasn’t breaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave any comments or constructive feedback!


	6. It Ain't Like Watered Down Whiskey and Coke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The flip side was that while he couldn’t keep secrets from her, she was all too good at keeping secrets from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter comes from the song "Diamond Rings And Old Barstools" by Tim McGraw. I felt that the country music was all too appropriate for this chapter! It may be a bit before another chapter. Unfortunately the little thing called real life must take precedence. I'll try and update as soon as I can!
> 
> As always, thank you to the lovely Mariah for being such a great sounding board and proofreader!
> 
> ***Props if you can find the Gilmore Girls reference!

“I swear Tess. This year is going to be different. I’m going to own my junior year. No more messing around.”

The fact that Tessa and Scott were walking in the direction of the library the week before classes started and Scott was not kicking, screaming, or bringing her coffee spoke volumes. It was August and the humid heat that had laid hold of London for the summer still caused her hair to stick to the back of her neck and beads of sweat to gather in the creases of his forehead. Tessa had never seen Scott as the studious one. He tolerated academics, at best. The chuckle she gave him in response didn’t seem to go over well.

“I’m serious, Tess! I’m 28 years old. It’s about time I grow up a bit.”

“You don’t have to convince me! I’ve been championing your academic capability since you still wore kiddie sized skates. If you want to do it Scottie, you can do it.”

As it turned out, he was serious. In their three hours at the library, Scott had read three chapters from a massive text book, taken notes, and written an essay to accompany it just to get ahead for the start of the semester. Tessa had never seen Scott this way outside of a skating rink. It was refreshing. However Tessa had the sneaking suspicion that an external factor may in fact have contributed to Scott’s focus and drive in school- an external factor whose name started with an L and rhymed with “flora.”

*****

Tessa and Scott had a class in the same building on Tuesday mornings. For the first class of the semester, Tessa thought it would be nice to walk with Scott. Her hair was piled in a wet ballerina bun on top of her head, evidence of the fact that she had rushed through her morning routine. Her coffee cup was full and the sun was rising in the sky, flooding the world around her with the golden hues of morning. Birds chirped and a lawnmower hummed down the street as Tessa walked up the path to Scott’s house.

Knocking three times in rapid succession, Tessa waited for Scott or one of his groggy roommates to answer. Instead, a tall brunette opened the door. Tessa could tell that she had just woken up. Her hair curled around her shoulders and she was wearing an Ilderton Skating Club shirt and nothing else. The strangest part was that Tessa felt as though she was staring into a mirror. This girl had the same green eyes, the same button nose, but she was a good two inches taller and had bigger boobs.

“Are you Laura?” Tessa asked.

A hint of realization showed on Laura’s face all at once. She nodded slowly, studying Tessa the same way that Tessa studied her. 

Tessa was the first one to break the silence. “Is Scott here?”

“No. He’s already left for the library. I’ll tell him you stopped by.”

“Okay.” Tessa turned to walk away. “Well it was nice to meet you.”

She said that it was nice to meet her, but that wasn’t what she thought. _Holy shit. Scott is dating the sexier version of me._

*****

Scott’s birthday was quickly approaching. Ever since they had moved to Kitchener-Waterloo together, they had always gone out to dinner for one another’s birthdays. Once they had moved to the States, the tradition had continued, however it was followed by an incredible amount of drinking and a pounding headache the next morning. Tessa reserved those nights for twice a year.

On the evening of September 2, Tessa had straightened her hair and put on a vicious combination of stilettos, a mini skirt, and a curve hugging top. She rang Scott’s doorbell and waited for him to come to the door. He appeared in jeans and a t-shirt that hugged his chest in all the right places.

“Hey, Tess!” Scott says, but his face fell a little as he said it. 

And all of a sudden Tessa knew. He wasn’t just Scott anymore. He was Scott and Laura. He had plans, of course he did. So she stood there. Like an idiot. Feeling more foolish than she imagined she could feel.

“You and Laura...”

“Yeah.” Scott returned as he found his shoes as a focal point. “Yeah, she planned something for tonight.”

“Okay.”

“Tess, I’m so sorry. I should have thought to let you know.”

With a mumbled “It’s okay” and a shrug of her shoulders, Tessa walked away. Instead of celebrating with Scott, she Skyped Paisley and polished off a bottle and a half of wine by herself. Jade found her asleep on the couch in her clothes and a full face of makeup. Realization dawned on her. It was Scott’s birthday and Tessa had drank herself to sleep.

A couple of miles away, Scott’s phone buzzed.

_You’re an idiot, you know that? At least be considerate of the fact that she is trying to be supportive and let her know._

In the morning, she had a headache. As her head pounded, the words Scott has Laura rang through her head on repeat. _Scott has Laura, Scott has Laura, Scott has Laura._ Scott had Laura, and she would have to adjust. He’d had girlfriends before. This wasn’t new. But she had never seen him like this before.

*****

A week later, Scott called Tessa to ask if she would like to go two-stepping.

“Of course!” was her cheery reply, and then she promptly called Daniel to tell him that he was coming.

“Tessa, I don’t get why you don’t just tell him that you are in love with him.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“You are in love with him, aren’t you?” Daniel questioned.

“It isn’t that black and white, but I love him, yes.”

“Then why are you making it more complicated than it has to be? Put yourself out of your misery and tell him. What are you afraid of?”

“Him not loving me. Or him loving me. I don’t quite know.”

“You’ll only know if you try. You’re beating yourself up with this not knowing. Talk to him. He loves you.”

*****

Tessa had never felt more out of place in her life. Every girl in the honky tonk style bar was wearing cowboy boots and Daisy Dukes. Tessa was in Jeans and a white t-shirt, but she wore flats. Country music was not her thing, though she knew it was Scott’s. Daniel, however, looked like he fit in. Jeans that hugged his ass just right, big belt buckle. He played the part, but Tessa knew he had never two stepped a day in his life.

“Hey!” Scott yelled. He immediately grabbed Laura’s hand and pulled her towards Daniel and Tessa.

Introductions were made. Daniel shook Scott’s hand like a gentleman. Scott’s jaw tensed up as he eyed the way Daniel let his hand rest on the small of Tessa’s back.

To make matters worse, after the awkward introductions, Scott and Daniel left to pick up drinks for the girls.

“Nice to meet you under better circumstances!” Laura smiled. At least she was trying to be friendly.

“I know! Mornings are not my specialty.”

“Mine either!” 

The conversation drifted from school to Laura’s teaching to Tessa and Scott’s skating career. Finally, they settled on two-stepping.

“I can’t believe you’ve never been! Surely Scott must have taken you.”

“Never! I have never been much of a country music fan. I don’t think he ever asked me because he didn’t want to force me into doing something that I wouldn’t enjoy.”

“But you’re here now, and I’ll be killed if your first two-stepping experience is a bad one!” With that, Laura grabbed Tessa’s arm and began to show her the basic two-step moves, which Tessa picked up in no time. When Daniel and Scott returned, Laura and Tessa were laughing and dancing.

Scott stopped in his tracks. “Holy shit. Is Tessa actually laughing and dancing to country music or am I hallucinating?!”

Daniel laughed and replied, “It would appear so.”

As they sipped their drinks, conversation flowed easily. As much as she had pegged Laura as “the other woman,” Tessa found herself enjoying talking to her. If Scott was going to pick someone to spend a lot of time with, Laura would be okay.

Once drinks were finished and the music was loud, Tessa began to try and explain the two-stepping basic step to Daniel, but it turned out that Daniel was not quite as quick a learner. Scott jumped in and tried to start explaining, but Daniel just got more and more confused. Finally, Laura had enough.

“Oh, come on. Let’s go dance Daniel, and I’ll teach you. Scott and Tessa, you two go dance.”

Grabbing a stunned Daniel’s hand, Laura dragged him out onto the dance floor. 

Scott laughed, “Well, she’s a go getter, eh?”

“No kidding. She seems great, Scotty. I’m happy for you!”

“Let’s dance, Tess.”

He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her close as they had done so many times. The beat of the song was a fast one, but that hadn’t held them back before. Dancing with Scott had always been like flying. It gave her the freedom to let go of all inhibitions and just be. She laughed, she breathed, she lived. 

He lead her around the dance floor and she let herself sink into the rhythm and feel of the country music as her hips swayed and her feet moved.

*****

Dancing with Tessa was playing with fire. She couldn’t know how impossibly sexy she was. Her hips swinging, biting her lip, holding on to his torso for dear life. She made him feel like a stronger and weaker man at the same time.

She had never danced better than she did right now to the beat of his country music. So much for her not liking it.

Had Laura and Daniel not been watching from a distance, nothing could have stopped him from pressing his mouth to the spot where her neck met her shoulder.

*****

Laura and Daniel stood off to the side watching Tessa and Scott dance having long abandoned their own efforts of two-stepping. For a show this good, they should have been paying. Laura had been told time and time again that if she was going to date Scott, she needed to watch videos of Scott and Tessa to see what she was getting herself into. She had never quite felt the need to do so, but in this moment, she could see what everyone had been talking about.

The way Tessa and Scott danced was not just two people messing around and having fun, though they were. They moved as pieces of each other. One moved and the other implicitly followed. Like two instruments perfectly in tune, not one movement in their dance was out of place. 

Scott had reassured Laura that he and Tessa were just friends and would never be anything more. He’d told her time and time again that she was family. She had been a piece of his life for longer than he could remember. It was longevity that kept her in his life more than anything else. There were no cosmic powers at work, nor were they soul mates. It was the longevity of it all.

The more Laura thought about it all, the more she came to realize what Daniel already knew. The canned responses, the convincing, the reassurances- they weren’t meant for her. No. Scott was trying to convince himself. Of what, she didn’t know. What was clear was that the two people on the dance floor moved as one, behaved like a unit, and were implicitly tied together. It transcended longevity. She had been in love before and it looked just like that.

*****

“Scott, people are staring.” Tessa remarked as she began to notice the clear dance floor around her. People had gathered around the edges to watch, including the very intrigued Laura and Daniel.

She hadn’t particularly been trying to show off. Dancing with Scott was as easy as breathing. It was effortless and she always got caught up in it. Truth be told, it was hard not to. For a minute, Laura had ceased to exist, which was perfectly okay to her. She seemed like a lovely girl. She was pretty and balanced Scott’s outgoing nature. Her bubbly personality and effortless smile made her instantly likable. It was clear what Scott saw in her.

“Wow, guys!” Laura exclaimed as they wandered off the dance floor. “Now I know what people all talk about, and that wasn’t even on ice!”

“You guys can definitely dance!” smiled Daniel.

Scott and Tessa each returned to their original partners. Dancing with Daniel wasn’t easy. It was definitely fun, but she had to think about each step before she took it. He told her his next movement before he did it, and she was thankful for that. If it wasn’t for his quiet suggestions, Tessa would have been lost. There was no way that she could anticipate anything that he was doing.

“Did he just expect you to be a third wheel to him and Laura tonight?” asked Daniel. 

Tessa hadn’t even thought of that. He had invited her, but nobody else. Had he just expected her to sit by the wayside and watch him and Laura on the floor? 

“I have no clue,” Tessa responded, “but thank you so much for coming. Seriously. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

The night continued on and Tessa actually had fun. It was four friends enjoying themselves. Two were outgoing and larger than life and two were more serious and contemplative. There were times where Laura and Scott would slip away to go dance some more and Tessa and Daniel would just talk. He was an easy friend. He didn’t ask too much, but listened to everything she had to offer with open ears and an open mind. 

At the end of the night when the two couples parted ways she was able to give Laura a genuine hug. She was great. She hoped that with time she would be able to be friends with her.

*****

Scott had held true to his word and he currently had all A’s in his courses. He studied more than he partied, and that was certainly a good move on his part. It seemed as though the A’s he had started receiving on tests served as fuel. Getting one A led him to study harder for his next test and in turn, more A’s followed. Midterms were starting next week and he really wanted A’s on all of his exams.

The Daily Grind Coffee Shop had become his new house. If he wasn’t in class or sleeping, he was at the Daily Grind. He packed two sandwiches each day, one for lunch and dinner, and grabbed a croissant in the morning. Their bottomless joe had become his best friend and he occupied the same corner booth for at least 12 hours a day. The baristas joked with him that they would hang a reserved sign over it when he went to class. He thought they were joking until he returned from class one day to find a reserved sign and a clean empty coffee mug on his table. Paige, his favorite barista yelled, “You’re welcome!” 

It was Thursday and he had been keeping this schedule now for the past week. When he returned at the end of each day, Laura commented on the coffee scent that had settled over his skin. The scent of Scott and coffee. She often came to keep him company during his hours spent at the Daily Grind. Sometimes she would bring assignments to grade and other times she’d pop in her ear buds and take a nap in the booth. More frequent a visitor than Laura, though, was Tessa. Scott knew that she studied hard, and he was currently putting in more hours studying than she was. That had to mean something, right? She would show up with her laptop and charger, plug in, and type. Often the days spent studying with Tessa would pass nearly wordlessly, stopping only every couple hours for a quick conversation as a break from studying.

“Laura should be getting here in a bit. That won’t bother you, will it?”

“Of course not, Scotty. I really don’t mind her being around.”

“Well I’m glad about that.” he stammered. “That would be awkward if you two didn’t like each other. I mean, not that you’re awkward or she’s awkward, but it would just be awkward. And that would be bad. I mean given the situation, you know? I’m just glad you like her.”

Tessa studied Scott for a minute with a quizzical expression. And then it hit her all at once.

“Holy crap, Scott. You’re in love with her.”

A smile crossed Scott’s face. “What?” he drew out.

“You’re in love. It’s plain to see.”

“Dammit.”

“What?”

“Well she was supposed to figure that one out before you!”

Tessa forced a smile, “Aw, don’t take it hard. You’ve literally never been able to keep secrets from me. I win by default. So when are you going to tell her?”

“I dunno. Haven’t quite figured that one out for myself yet.”

“Well make it soon, Scotty. Girls need to hear that from guys.”

She’d stated it quite matter of factly. She knew immediately that he was in love with Laura. The flip side was that while he couldn’t keep secrets from her, she was all too good at keeping secrets from him. As he beamed at the fact that someone finally knew that he was in love, her heart dropped into her stomach. Her best friend was in love. And it wasn’t her. Hell, she was in love but he had absolutely no clue and it hurt worse than she could possibly have imagined. 

Tessa tried to focus on her studying, but it proved to be a nearly impossible task. How on earth was she supposed to focus after he dropped a bomb like that? In order to avoid explaining why she could no longer focus, she shut her laptop and stood up. Only one thing could make her feel better right now and it just so happened to be on the menu at the Daily Grind. The hazelnut mocha was loaded with sugar and whipped cream. It tasted like Nutella in drink form and if it were physically possible to make love to a hot beverage, that would be the one.

The small bell on the door of the coffee shop chimed to announce that another person had entered. 

“Hey, Tessa!”

Exactly the person she didn’t want to see. Laura was dressed in a periwinkle blue top and white jeans and looked adorable. It was obvious that she had just gotten done teaching while Tessa was in sweat pants and hadn’t showered in two days. She wore no makeup and probably had coffee stains on her (Scott’s) sweatshirt. She wanted to act like an adolescent and stomp on Laura’s toe and stick out her tongue, but she was an adult for God’s sake. So she smiled and cheerily replied “Hey, Laura!”

Just as Tessa tried to find the words to say, Scott walked up with his backpack in tow. “Oh, perfect! I have to go to class, but you two can keep each other company until I get back! Talk about nail polish or shoes. Get that out of your systems before I return!”

As he turned to leave, he stopped Tessa. “Not a word.”

She smiled and agreed, but deep inside she wanted to scream at Laura, “He’s in love with you, but you don’t deserve him!”

She found Laura sitting at their booth. She smiled and walked over with her chocolate monstrosity of a drink. She was a good person. If anyone was capable of being nice to someone who she didn’t currently like, it was Tessa.

“Well that looks delicious!”

“It is. It’s my entire day’s worth of calories in a cup, but I really don’t care. Some days you need a pick me up, and today it comes in the form of a sugar bomb.”

They quickly exhausted all possible topics of small talk. Weather, family, Laura’s teaching, class, skating. Within a matter of minutes, silence loomed over the table. Laura reached inside her purse to grab her phone and ear buds but stopped.

“I need to ask you something, woman to woman.”

“Okay, shoot.”

“Have you and Scott ever been romantically involved? I know that he tells me that you haven’t been, but you both are so close. I’m trying so hard not to be intimidated by it, but I can’t help it. He talks about you as if you hung the moon and you just know him so well.”

“Laura, what did Scott tell you?” Tessa asked, smiling weakly.

“That you two have always thought of each other as friends. It has never been siblings or a married couple, though people tried to compare it to that. He loves you, but in a completely platonic way.”

“Has he ever given you reason not to trust him?”

“Never.”

“Then you should believe him, Laura. Scott is an incredible guy, one I have been lucky to grow up with. He cares so much for you. Even a blind person could see that. If he has never given you reason to doubt him, then take him at his word. I can tell you that after almost two decades with Scott, he has never given me reason not to trust him. We’ve fought occasionally, but I’ve always trusted him. You should too.”

Tessa could see Laura visibly inhale and exhale. If she were in Laura’s shoes, she would be concerned as well. “Thanks, Tessa. Scott thinks the world of you, you know.”

“Well for 18 years, we were each other’s world.”

With that, Tessa opened her computer and continued typing her notes. She knew that a conversation like this was inevitable at some point, but it didn’t make it any less painful. 

An hour later Tessa stood up to go to class. She thanked Laura for the company. As she stretched back to put on her backpack, her sweatshirt rode up a little. Not much, but enough for Laura to catch a glimpse. 

Matching tattoos. They had matching tattoos.

*****

Scott found Laura that night cuddled up under his covers. He flopped down beside her and groaned at the comfort of his own bed. “Gosh. I’ve never been so happy to lay in bed.”

Silence echoed from Laura’s side of the bed. Scott reached over to rub her back. “What’s going on, babe?”

“Your tattoo.”

“What about it?”

“Tessa has one too.”

“She does.”

“When did that happen?”

“This past spring. Right after Tessa got her LSAT scores back. We celebrated with matching Olympic tattoos.”

Laura was silent once again. Scott could sense that there were things that she wasn’t saying. She was never this quiet. Usually he could count on her kid stories at the end of a day, but she was silent. Either it was an uneventful day, which was highly unlikely in a classroom of second graders, or she had something to say that she was avoiding.

“I’ve asked you before, but I’ll ask you again. This is the last time I’m going to ask this question. Are you in love with Tessa? I see the way you look at her and I know that there is so much history shared between the two of you. If we are together, I know she is a part of the deal. She is a part of you. I get that, but I just have to know. Are you in love with her?”

Scott pulled Laura close and curled up behind her. “That would be impossible, Laur.”

“Why is that?”

“It would be impossible because I’m in love with you.”

Laura sat up and turned around to look at him. “Wait, what?”

“You heard me, Laur. I’m in love with you.”

The words seemed to slowly sink in as a smile slowly crept across her face. “Well I’m glad to hear that. I’m pretty in love with you too.”

Past conversation dropped, Laura seemed satisfied to know that Scott was in love with her and nobody else.

*****

The sound of her doorbell drew Tessa away from her date with Ben and Jerry and Audrey. She opened the door to find Daniel, clad in sweatpants, carrying her favorite French wine that she had discovered when they were in England. He immediately drew her into a hug. 

“How did you know?”

“Jade texted me that you had almost eaten an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s Half Baked by yourself. I had a feeling.”

Tessa returned to her spot on the couch as Daniel rummaged through the drawers of her kitchen to find her bottle opener. He returned with two glasses of wine and grabbed the remote. He shut Audrey off mid sentence.

“Alright, so tell me what happened.”

“He’s in love with her, Dan. And I had to tell her that I didn’t love him in the first place.”

For the first time since Laura had entered the picture, Tessa allowed herself to cry. She curled into Daniel’s side and cried for Scott. She cried for Laura. She cried for herself, and she cried for her broken heart. 

“You deserve the world, Tessa, and you deserve someone who can give it to you. Fuck him if he doesn’t realize what is right in front of him.”

With Daniel by her side, a good cry, and a bottle of her favorite wine, she was feeling miraculously better by the time she fell asleep. 

She woke up in the morning and found Daniel stretched out on her couch, his feet propped up on the armrest. He’d brought her favorite wine, held her as she cried, and stayed to make sure that she was okay. Why couldn’t she just be in love with him?


	7. There Is So Much More In Love Than Black And White

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new day is symbolic of many things. To some, the sunrise is just a moment suspended in time where glorious colors wash across the morning sky declaring the arrival of another day. The earth awakens and everything comes back to life. An awakening of sorts occurs with the dawn of a new day. With this comes realization about the significance of life, awe of the world so vast and realization of human insignificance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter is from a song called "Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight" by Amos Lee. AMAZING song by the way!!! Sorry for the length of time and the shortness of this update. It is summer vacation, though, and now I hope to have more frequent updates that are longer in length! 
> 
> Thank you SO much for the feedback and comments. It makes it totally worth it on days that are harder to write.

A new day is symbolic of many things. To some, the sunrise is just a moment suspended in time where glorious colors wash across the morning sky declaring the arrival of another day. The earth awakens and everything comes back to life. An awakening of sorts occurs with the dawn of a new day. With this comes realization about the significance of life, awe of the world so vast and realization of human insignificance.

One might point to the idea of rebirth. With the new day comes a renewed sense of opportunity as the old is put in the past. It is in these moments at the beginning of a day that hope can begin to flourish. One can hope for the day ahead and optimistically look towards the future. Fierce determination shines in the eyes of those who face their days head on, ready to take on the challenges that a new day might bring forth. 

On the other hand, a new day might symbolize a blank slate. The removal of any ill will, hatred, or anger. It is the opportunity to start fresh, open the mind, and move forward.

As Tessa stood on her porch on the cold winter morning wrapped in a sweater, a coat, and cocooned in a blanket, sipping black coffee, she experienced all of these things. The complete and total devastation of the day before was not lost on her. It was with a completely clear mind and level head that she now gazed upon the sunrise and contemplated where she would go next. It was a new day. She was alive and breathing. Her broken heart still pounded against her rib cage and her blood pulsed through her veins. Though a broken heart may to some feel like death, Tessa was very much alive. And she was done.

She had loved one man for many years. She didn’t know if he knew or not, but that was now irrelevant. The point was that she was in love with him and he was in love with someone who wasn’t her. He ran his fingers through _her_ hair and gazed into _her_ eyes. He kissed _her_ lips and held _her_ hand. He danced with _her_ at bars and bought _her_ drinks. Tessa had never dreamt of a reality where she was not the one alongside Scott. She was in love with Scott, Scott was in love with Laura, and that is how it was.

It was the dawn of a new day and Tessa Virtue was moving on.

*****

It was the end of the semester. For the first time in his schooling career, he had ended the semester with a 4.0 GPA. It was strangely gratifying. He stood in his room in the house he shared with Kyle and Sean, packing his belongings into cardboard boxes. He hadn’t anticipated moving for another semester at least, but as soon as he and Laura had talked about living together, it was a done deal. Her place was a little closer to Ilderton so it made his afternoon commutes a little more manageable. 

He hadn’t quite anticipated falling in love with her. She had come out of the blue, taking him completely by surprise. He had known her for six months and it felt like a lifetime.

When she plopped down beside him on the couch of their apartment in her sweats and handed him a cup of tea, he was overcome. Did he really get to be with Laura? When she smiled and whispered, “Love you, baby,” his heart skipped a beat and he immediately said it back. There were boxes to be unpacked, dishes to put away, but that could wait. 

 

Four envelopes sat on the table in front of her. She had always wanted to live in Toronto, and the envelope for Osgoode Law at York and the Law School at the University of Toronto sat in the pile alongside letters from Dalhousie and Columbia University in NYC. Tessa had never thought of leaving Canada, but Columbia had an amazing law program and New York City was the best America had to offer. It was an option.

Typing out a quick message on her iPhone, she stood up and began to pace the apartment.

_They’ve arrived. Bring wine. xT_

As reliable as always, Daniel showed up in ten minutes holding a bottle of red wine. It was clear he had just gotten done with his internship at a law firm in town. He was wearing a perfectly tailored navy suit with a grey tie. 

“Well you look like a million bucks!” Tessa exclaimed with a grin as she placed a kiss on his cheek.

“Eh, sometimes I shower and clean up a little.” Daniel responded with a grin. “Now let’s cut to the chase so that we can celebrate!”

He grabbed her wine opener from the top drawer of the island in the kitchen and pulled the cork from the bottle easily. He found two wine glasses and poured a generous amount. It was amazing how well he knew her apartment, but it wasn’t surprising as he had spent a good amount of time there over the past semester.

Handing Tessa a glass, he smiled, put a hand on her back, and whispered “Open them!”

Tessa considered the envelopes in front of her. They were all small ones. They could all be rejection letters. Based on her LSAT score, she doubted it, but still. They could have thought that she was boring as beige paint and threw her application into the discard pile. They could think that she was a hoity toity washed up ex-figure skater with nothing better to do with her time. But then again, did they even send big envelopes nowadays with the internet and whatnot? Either way, Tessa huffed and walked away from her envelopes.

“Tessaaaaa. Come on!” Daniel whined. “Is it possible that I’m more excited than you are?!”

“You open them, Daniel. I can’t.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Tess. I’m not opening your acceptance letters for you.”

“Well then they are going to sit there until Jade gets home. She’ll do it.”

“Alright, alright.” Daniel pulled a pocket knife from his back pocket and carefully made a rip through the top of each envelope. Tessa made her way to the couch and buried her face into a pillow. She counted the four rips and the rustles of paper that followed each one, but she refused to look up.

She felt a gentle hand run through her hair, and she looked up to see Daniel sitting beside her on the couch with her glass of wine. He smiled sympathetically and whispered, “Drink up.” and handed her the glass.

Tessa took a long pull and Daniel did the same. “So how many did I get rejected from?”

Daniel sat in front of Tessa’s knees staring at the coffee table. His face showed no emotion and he twirled his wine glass between his fingers.

“Dan, you’re killing me. Just tell me already.”

Slowly, he turned his face until his eyes met hers and he shook his head. 

“Oh...”

Then, like a little boy his face lit up and he burst into laughter. “None of them, you dope! Looks like you have a tough decision to make!”

Tessa let out a noise that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob as she threw her arms around Daniel. It was a noise that was reserved for nervous excitement and the last time that it had happened, she was competing with Scott. Tessa pushed the unwelcome thought of Scott from her mind and forced a smile on her face. He was not going to ruin this for her!

“I’m making you dinner to celebrate! What would you like?”

As Daniel put on her frilly apron and loosened his tie, Tessa allowed herself to breathe a sigh of relief. She had been accepted to all four of her top law schools! The decision was fairly easy. She had wanted to be in Toronto. After so many years in America, she couldn’t bear being farther away from home than was necessary. It was going to be Osgoode Law, she was sure of it! 

“York. I’m going to York!” She decided excitedly.

Daniel beamed and started chopping onions. He continued to cook and Tessa continued to help here and there, but it was nice to be cared for and pampered. Daniel, as it turned out, was an incredible cook. With a minimal amount of effort he was able to whip up a dinner that looked fit for a decently expensive restaurant. It was every bit as delicious as it looked and Tessa was more than happy to do the dishes.

“I’m so proud of you, you know that?”

With a smile, he wrapped her up in a hug. Daniel smelled clean and comfortable, the kind of smell that made Tessa bury her face in his chest. “Thank you for being here.” she breathed out.

“I have something for you.” Daniel picked up a small long box from the pocket of his coat. He handed it to Tessa who immediately pulled the top off of the box. Inside was a gorgeous and slender cream colored pen with the letters “TJMV” engraved in gold on the side.

“For all of the important documents you have to sign.” Daniel said with a smile. 

Setting down the pen on the counter. She reached her hand up to brush the line of his jaw, her thumb tracing the faint stubble that had appeared throughout the day. His eyes were a soft and kind brown that smiled even when he wasn’t.

For the first time in a long time, she didn’t overthink it. She lifted herself up onto her toes and wrapped her arm around his neck. Slowly and with complete confidence, she pressed her lips against his. He was completely still. Tessa wasn’t sure if it was out of shock or rejection, but it didn’t matter. It was Daniel. Slowly his arm wrapped around her waist and his lips started to move against hers. But as quickly as he had given in, he pulled himself away and put a healthy distance between the two of them.

Tessa’s eyes fell to the floor. Had it been wrong to kiss him like that? He liked her, right? 

As if he could hear the war raging inside her mind, he spoke quietly. “Tessa, you know how I feel. It hasn’t changed since London, but I get a terrible feeling that I am a scapegoat. I know that you love Scott and I want you in my life. I can settle for being your friend, but I cannot and will not be the guy that you look to in order to deal with the fact that he is in love with someone else.”

Tessa took a deep breath and finally met Daniel’s eyes. With a genuine apology, they both found that there wasn’t much left to talk about. With a hug goodbye, Daniel left and Tessa was left to distract herself.

*****

He was bad at making decisions. He knew this. Usually everyone else made decisions for him. In training, Marina and her team would tell him where to be and when, what to eat, and how much to sleep. Tessa and her mother would decide on costumes. They chatted with designers and made changes. He just had to walk in and get fitted and Tessa made sure that he looked great. He hated decisions, and up until this point in his life, he was completely okay letting other people make decisions for him.

However, as he stood in the crowded shopping mall staring at cases upon cases of sparkling rings, he realized that this was his decision to make and it needed to be his. As he stood admiring all of the many options, he tried to think of what Laura would like. She was pretty classic, so he would go with a regular diamond and no funky colors. He thought she might like something a little more delicate.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw one catch the light. It was an emerald cut diamond with two smaller baguette cut stones on the side. The most exquisite part about it was that the band had a very intricate woven design that wouldn’t be seen unless inspected up close. The ring was gorgeous, but there was something about it that wasn’t quite right. He could picture it on someone’s finger, but it certainly wasn’t Laura’s. Immediately, he knew exactly whose finger that ring belonged on. It couldn’t be any more perfect.

But she wasn’t the girl he was going to buy a ring for. He walked away quickly. For the rest of his time in the store, he spoke with a sales representative. His decisions were calculated. Round cut. About a carat. Small diamonds on the band.

“Congratulations, sir. Any girl would love this ring.”

And that was what it was. A pretty standard ring. Any girl would love it, and Laura was no different. 

*****

Tessa needed a shopping day and Jade was more than happy to join. Jade was the type to encourage you to buy the extra pair of shoes that you most certainly did not need. When you were with Jade, everything looked fabulous on you and of course you should buy it!

All of a sudden, the fast talking and overly enthusiastic Jade fell silent. And just as quickly she yanked Tessa’s arm, spinning her around and pulling her in the opposite direction yelling something about shoe sales and spring colors.

Tessa managed to twist around and immediately she spotted what Jade so desperately did not want her to see.

Scott. Scott in a jewelry store. Scott being handed a bag in a jewelry store. 

_Holy shit._

As if she had lost the ability to speak, Jade watched as Tessa’s face fell in realization.

*****

Something was up. He wasn’t acting himself. Normally, Thursday nights were date nights and they just went for a movie or out to dinner or something. Scott was oddly silent and had ordered champagne at dinner. He hated champagne. 

Now they were walking through a park at sunset. It was all so out of character for Scott, but she didn’t want to burst his bubble. As they rounded the bend in the path, it all became crystal clear. His nerves, the champagne, the sunset. She saw the candles ahead and she knew. Scott pulled her hand down the path lined with flower petals and candles and stopped at the end. He started talking, though she was sure that she would remember only about half of what he said. Something about how she was amazing and how he loved her. He said something about wanting to spend the rest of his life with her.

And then he was on his knee.

And she found herself saying “YES!”

He jumped to his feet and swung her around. It was going to be forever. He had chosen HER for forever.

*****

It was Thursday night, she had an 8 am class the next morning, but she was sure she wouldn’t be in attendance. Jade had mixed lemonade, amaretto, and sweet tea vodka and they had been drinking since they had gotten home. She was three drinks in and she knew her name, but no way could she walk a straight line. She was drinking until she didn’t hurt and until the image of Scott buying Laura an engagement ring wasn’t flashing behind her eyes.

Just like the dawn of a new day represents rebirth, sunsets hold meaning just the same. The end of a chapter, something coming to a close, the start of night. As she sat out on the porch watching the sunset, she realized something. It was the end of a day, beginning of the night, and Scott was marrying someone else.


	8. Turning Tables

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every decision she had made in her life up until this past year had revolved around skating and Scott. Now she was broken free of those chains and she had to move on. Never mind the fact that if the option existed to be chained to Scott forever, she would still take it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this has taken so stinking long to post! Life is nuts right now, and hopefully the next chapter will come sooner! After this chapter, the story will really kick into high gear, so stay tuned. It's gonna be a wild ride!
> 
> The title comes from the song "Turning Tables" by Adele. None of the song lyrics below belong to me. I only wish that I could write like Adele!
> 
> Happy reading! As always, comments are greatly appreciated.

He had no idea that wedding planning could involve this much. Flower arrangements, colors, venues, bridesmaids, groomsmen, dates. Scott had agreed that he wanted a quick engagement. The whole concept of waiting to spend the rest of his life with someone was rather useless in his opinion, so when Laura suggested getting married in May, Scott was more than willing to agree.

After questions of unplanned pregnancy, Scott’s family was excited. His mom’s eyes welled up, but she wasn’t quite as emotional as he had expected that she would be. She had given him the standard, “Oh, honey. I’m so happy for you!” speech, but something was slightly off about it. He had told his mom that he was going to propose, but she was acting very strange.

“Alright, Ma. Out with it.”

“Oh, stop right now. You know I’m perfectly happy for you.”

“That’s what you say, but I’ve known you now for almost thirty years. I can tell when you’re holding back. Just say it and get it off your chest.”

“Well, it’s just that I don’t know her that well and this has all moved so fast. You’ve brought her around here and there and she seems perfectly lovely, but I don’t know her as well as I’ve known... other women in your life.”

The giant pause at the end of her little speech was indication enough. She didn’t know Laura as well as “other women.” There was only ever one “other woman” in his life long enough to know his mother well.

With a deep breath, Scott replied, “Mom, you can’t go comparing Laura to Tessa. You will end up disappointed every single time. I know you love Tessa as if she were your own, but Laura is wonderful. Please give her a chance.”

He knew from experience. If he spent his time comparing women to Tessa, they would lose every single time. Jessica wasn’t compassionate enough, Cassandra was rather fake, Kaitlyn was wonderful but there was something she lacked. Compared to Tessa, every woman would fall short. His relationship with Laura was the first one where he hadn’t thought to compare her to Tessa and it was refreshing. If only his mother could do the same.

“I know, Scott. I just want the best for you.”

And she did. She always had. His mother had sacrificed so much for him, to make sure that he could skate if he wanted to and that his life was as balanced as possible. She loved deeply and Scott couldn’t help but realize that her heart wasn’t just breaking for him, it was breaking for Tessa too.

*****

Dealing with Scott getting married was a rollercoaster. There were days where she felt independent and fierce. She didn’t need him. She was going to become a badass lawyer by herself. Her mother had always told her that a man should never define her, so why had she let one? On these days, she set about making her mark on the world. The very thought of ever seeing him again made her feel like throwing up. He was engaged. Good for him. Scott was her past. Every decision she had made in her life up until this past year had revolved around skating and Scott. Now she was broken free of those chains and she had to move on. Never mind the fact that if the option existed to be chained to Scott forever, she would still take it.

The other days came too. These days, she barely left her apartment. Her hair was piled on top of her head and she slept in oversized t-shirts and athletic shorts.

As the days went by, Tessa found herself finding new places to study and new routes to class. She had added two and a half minutes to her trek between two classes, but it was off the beaten path and she was less likely to run in to people she didn’t want to see. She became a regular at a new coffee shop a couple of miles from campus. Her days were spent around faces that were not familiar and sights that were new. Even in the city that she had called home all of her life, she somehow managed to find new corners to explore and wonderful people to meet.

It had been nearly a month since Scott had proposed to Laura, and the pain was still fresh, but she was a master at hiding that. She had made it through pain in Vancouver, so she set about masking it the same way she had six years prior. She smiled through the feeling of tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. If people asked about him, she let them know that she was happy for Scott with a smile just a little too wide to be real. The only people who knew that her heart was, in fact, shattered into a million pieces were Jade, Daniel, her mom, and Jordan. To everyone else, it appeared that she was happy for her friend. However when she lay down at the end of the day, the tears came freely. They stained her pillowcase and continued until she had no more tears left to cry and she finally drifted off into a somewhat restless slumber. 

It felt like 2008 all over again. It wasn’t Compartment Syndrome, but the coping was the same. She had become the press conference version of herself, smiling constantly while telling people that she was alright.

She committed to surrounding herself with people who loved her. She spent practically every waking moment with Daniel and Jade and went home to see her family every weekend. She golfed with her brothers and baked with her mother. She Skyped with Jordan every chance she got and cuddled with her cat more than her cat cared for.

She had noticed the change in herself. She wasn’t dumb. It boiled down to the fact that she had lived her life as part of a partnership. For eighteen years, she had lived as half of a whole. She was not complete without the other part. I will never be my best without him. He’s getting married in a couple months and I don’t know that I will ever be okay.

*****  
 _  
{Tess, you free? Haven’t seen you in forever.}_

_[Sorry! Huge exam coming up! I’m in study mode.]_

_{K. Good luck.}  
_  
*****

Wedding planning sucked. It was a wonder that men ever made it through the engagement part. Luckily his engagement was short because it was awful. They had decided on a date easily, May 14, 2016, literally the only thing they agreed upon. It was currently April and the countdown was one month until the wedding. They had been looking at venues for two months now and they couldn’t agree. Scott had always envisioned a small ceremony in his back yard followed by a blow out party with close family and friends. Something about twinkle lights strung in trees and the Ilderton air seemed perfect. Laura, however, pushed the idea aside quickly. Something about heels sinking into the mud, bugs, and rain. 

After dismissing his Ilderton backdoor wedding, they started looking at venues in downtown London that all managed to look the same. Modern looking, dark wood floors, walls of glass, windows that overlook the city. There were only two venues available in the city on such short notice and Laura couldn’t seem to make up her mind, but Scott thought that they should just go with the one that was half the price of a car rather than the one that was the price of the whole car.

“What do you think, Scott?”

“They are all pretty similar. Maybe the one that is the less expensive so that we can put the money towards the honeymoon instead?”

Laura shrugged and mumbled something like “He doesn’t care.” and signed the contract for the most expensive one. Something about crown molding and fitting more people.

_Why did she bother asking?_

After they signed the venue contract, Laura walked around planning where everything could go. The ceremony would happen in the big room and then the guests would go to a standing cocktail hour as they took pictures and the room was flipped and then they would use the same room for the reception. It would be a black tie affair with everyone dressed to the nines.

“I figured that my brother would perform the ceremony and then you wouldn’t have to make him a groomsman”

Upon further thought, Scott realized that he hadn’t had much say in what was going to happen in the wedding. He had always thought that he would be good to just stand by and let her plan everything, but it was his day too and he cared.

“Hey, Laura, I know that I’m not overly religious, but I had always wanted a pastor to marry us. Maybe your brother could read scripture or something? I don’t know. I just like the tradition.”

“Well I thought that you wanted to save money on the wedding so that we could put it towards the honeymoon. A pastor costs more money, babe.”

Leave it to Laura to twist his words. He now understood why men went nuts while their fiancées planned weddings.

“Look, I haven’t asked for many things, but this is something that is important to me. Can we please have a pastor marry us?”

With a non-committal “We’ll see” she began to talk through her ideas of the ceremony and reception with the wedding planner.

As Laura talked, Scott walked around the venue. It was fine. It would do. He couldn’t imagine Tessa liking a place like this, and come to think of it, that was the first time he had thought of Tessa in a good amount of time. Ever since the engagement, she had been scarce. He’d run into her on campus once, but she had hurried away to get to a class and he hadn’t seen her since. It was strange. Without thinking twice, he grabbed his phone and found her on speed dial.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Tess.”

“Hey, Scott.”

“I haven’t heard from you in forever! Are you alive?”

“Yeah. Just super busy. I can’t believe I’m graduating in a month.”

“That’s crazy, Tess, but so exciting!”

“I gotta run, Scott, but my mom is throwing a graduation party and you’re welcome to attend.”

“Text me when and I’ll be there. I miss you.”

*****

A week later, his words still stuck with her. He didn’t have the right to miss her. Not when he made the decision to propose to Laura. As far as she was concerned, the ball had been in his court and then he grabbed the ball and began playing tennis with someone else, so to speak. 

For as long as she could remember, she had been going on about being kind to others and how she didn’t care so much about her skating legacy as being known as a kind person. Well that version of her didn’t know what 2016 would bring. Scott was infuriating and now she had to suck it up and ignore him because if she didn’t, she would unleash a nasty side of her that could shoot to hell any remaining shred of positivity in her public persona.

All chances of studying for the night were gone. She couldn’t think about anything other than anger, hurt, Scott, and betrayal. Before she could think about it, she grabbed the duffel that had long since been pushed to the back of her closet and hopped in her car. 

It was about 10:30 when she hit the Ilderton city limits. She saw the faded blue of the Ilderton Skating Club in the distance illuminated by flickering street lamps in the parking lot. She pulled her car into the spot in the back of the empty parking lot that she had claimed ever since she was old enough to drive. Slinging her duffel over her shoulder, she made her way to the side entrance. Nobody ever used this entrance other than Jimmy, the custodian, who would arrive at 4:00 in the morning to clean before skaters arrived. She punched the four-digit code that she had known since she was eleven into the keypad and the lock clicked open. 

Change is an inevitable part of life. Paint chips, grass dies, people evolve. Somehow the Ilderton Skating Club had stayed remarkably the same. Sixteen steps to the booth where she could flip the switch on the left to turn on the lowest setting of overhead lights on the rink and plug in her iPod. Twenty seven more steps until she reached the bench and laced her skates. From there, it was an easy six steps until she could step foot on the glassy surface of the ice.

She usually opted for something upbeat with an easy rhythm, but today Adele fit the bill. The chords of “Turning Tables” filled the air as she began to circle the ice. The words hit her as they always did, but this time they rang true.  
 _  
Close enough to start a war  
All that I have is on the floor  
God only knows what we're fighting for  
All that I say, you always say more_

_I can't keep up with your turning tables  
Under your thumb, I can't breathe_

_So I won't let you close enough to hurt me  
No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me  
I can't give you what you think you gave me  
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables  
_  
Her body created the moves and her heart knew the words. Her skates carved against the ice and her soul began to feel lighter as she finally had the freedom to express it. The tracks on the album changed, and somehow Adele had the uncanny ability to express all of the things that Tessa somehow couldn’t.

It was only when she broke to get a drink of water that she noticed that she was no longer alone. He leaned easily against the boards and rested his elbows on top.

“Wow, Tess. For winging it, that was incredible. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen you skate like that alone before.”

“Yeah, well I’ve been doing a lot of things alone that I haven’t done that way for years, so I’d say I’m getting used to it.”

“Tessa, please.”

“No, Scott. You don’t get the opportunity to talk to me about this. I’m packing up and leaving you to the ice.”

“Please. I don’t want to argue. I came here to clear my head, and having known you for almost twenty years, you did too. Let’s just skate. One song.”

Before she could argue, he hit play on her iPod and tugged his skate guards off. The slow chords of a piano filled the arena as he grabbed her hand and began to pull her across the ice. Words were not exchanged, but the atmosphere was cold and tense.

I heard that you settled down,  
That you found a girl and you're married now.  
I heard that your dreams came true,  
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.

Old friend, why are you so shy?  
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.  
I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited,  
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it,  
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded  
That for me, it isn't over.

As the chorus rang through the building, Scott turned Tessa into a dance hold and began to lead for the first time in months. It came as easily as breathing, as effortless as dancing at the bar as they had done so many times before.  
 _  
You know how the time flies  
Only yesterday was the time of our lives  
We were born and raised in a summer haze  
Bound by the surprise of our glory days_

_I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited  
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it  
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded  
That for me, it isn't over_

_Never mind, I'll find someone like you  
I wish nothing but the best for you, too  
Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said  
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead._

_Nothing compares, no worries or cares  
Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made  
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste? _

Tears began to fall down Tessa’s cheeks and Scott brushed them away as only he could. As the song drew to a close, the two resumed an effortless stroke beside the boards. Scott’s fingers threaded through Tessa’s and his hand pulled hers towards his heart.

“Where do we go from here, Tess? I need you in my life.”

Tessa took a deep breath, and after a lengthy pause, she responded in a whisper, “I don’t know if I can be, Scott. I need space. I can’t intrude on you and Laura. It’s not fair to her.”

“Can we just forget Laura for a second? You have been in my life so much longer, and I love you. I need you in my life.”

Scott had never been one to readily pour his heart out or express feelings other than anger.

“You know I love you, Scotty, but you’re getting married. I refuse to be the other woman. Please don’t make me. If you’re going to be with Laura, be all with Laura.”

Minutes passed, hand in hand catching up. It had been weeks since they had talked. By 12:30, they knew that they needed to leave. Laura would be wondering where he was and Tessa had an early class the next morning.

Slipping her skates into the bag and lacing her tennis shoes, she spoke up, “I meant what I said about my graduation party. I graduate May 7 and the party is at my parents’ house right afterwards.”

The following weekend he would be married. In a month, he would be married to Laura. It had always been Tessa and Scott, now it would be Laura and Scott. Invitations had been sent out and responses were beginning to pour in. They had received over 200 responses so far. Nevermind the fact that he had wanted a small wedding, forget anything he had asked Laura for. It was big, it was in the city, and his relatives who only owned jeans and boots would be forced to rent tuxes. Come to think of it, he hadn’t seen Tessa’s name on the list.

“Did you RSVP for the wedding? I don’t think I saw your name on the list...”

Tessa shrugged, “I haven’t been home much. It’s sitting on my desk, I think. I’ll mail it soon.

With a hug and a promise to talk again soon, they turned off the lights in the rink and walked slowly to their cars.

*****

The days in April sped past faster than Tessa had expected and before she could blink, it was May. The day of her graduation had arrived and Tessa could not have been more excited. This day had been years in the making and she had to stop herself from squealing in excitement. Her hair was done, she was wearing a cream lace dress, and her pink heels clicked against the floor of her apartment. Jade had graduated the day before and her parents had already come by to move her things into a new apartment. Shelves in the fridge were empty, she had the bathroom to herself, and she could blast her music as loudly as she liked.

Shortly before noon, Daniel breezed through the door in his suit and a bouquet of fresh tulips. Daniel had been a life saver over the past year. His timing was impeccable and his advice was thoughtful. He had become a cherished friend of Tessa’s and a fixture at Sunday night family dinners at the Virtue house. He had gone golfing with her dad and played poker with her brothers. His family would be joining hers at the graduation party later that day.

“How are you feeling about today, Tessa girl?”

“Excited. Nervous. Happy. Restless.” Tessa responded with a laugh. Daniel’s increased presence in her life meant that he understood how she felt. Excited for a new chapter. Nervous about uncharted territory ahead. Happy that she would be moving on. Restless in her inability to quiet her mind. She would be seeing Scott tonight for the first time since their midnight rendezvous at the ISC. He had since been pushed to the back of her mind having been quieted by their conversation on the ice.

As they made their way to the auditorium where the Psychology graduation would be held, Tessa was struck by the realization that her life was incredibly different than how the school year had started. Scott was engaged. She was finally in a mental state other than depressed. She had met wonderful people, discovered new places in the city that she had called home for her entire lifetime, and now she was finally graduating college.

She and Daniel checked in at the student waiting area and donned their black gowns. Tessa artfully arranged her hair under the awkward graduation cap and helped Daniel to situate his on top of his head. Luckily, it was a ceremony that allowed students to sit wherever they wanted, so Tessa and Daniel halfway listened and halfway talked through the dean’s address and the keynote speaker. Before she knew it, they were lined up to walk across the stage and Daniel was shaking the hand of the dean.

“Daniel Asher Connor” rang through the auditorium and applause rang out from Daniel’s parents seated closely by her own. She handed her name card to the announcer and ascended the steps to the stage. 

“Tessa Jane McCormick Virtue”

She beamed as she confidently walked towards the dean. She grasped his outstretched hand and thanked him for her time at the University. 

Above the applause, she heard a voice so distinct and unmistakable. “GO, TESS!” he shouted. Her eyes locked on his immediately. He was hard to miss, the only one standing up in the audience, clapping wildly and smiling like he had won the lottery. She didn’t know that he was coming. Laura clapped politely in the seat next to him and Scott gave a giant high five to her father. Leave it to the Moir boy.

*****

Her parents’ house was packed to the brim with family friends, her father’s business associates, and people who had made an impact in Tessa’s life. She made her way from group to group, mingling with Daniel by her side. Their mothers had become fast friends and had made plans to merge their book clubs for an event over the summer.

The tables were covered with all of Tessa’s favorites including an assortment of chocolate confections, her mother’s famous chicken bundles, fruit cups, macaroons, and cucumber sandwiches. Hydrangeas decorated the house and a banner hung with gold lettering that read “Congratulations, Tessa!” A table in the entryway was piled high with gifts and cards and she was certain that she had never been celebrated quite like this before.

In the past, celebrations this grand had always revolved around skating and she was never the only one in the spotlight. It had always made her feel rather uncomfortable, to be completely honest, but here she was and it was about her.

She spotted Scott from across the room, talking animatedly to Casey, Laura by his side. She sipped her drink and laughed lightly, a poster child of attempting to fit in. Daniel’s hand squeezed her shoulder as he followed her gaze. A quick “Thanks for coming!” should suffice.

She squared her shoulders and stood up tall, grabbing Daniel’s hand. There was a confidence in her walk and a gentle sway in her hips and Scott’s eyes locked with hers instantly as she made her way in his direction, pulling Daniel behind her. His conversation with Casey died and Laura immediately found who he was looking at. Tessa smiled brightly as she made her way to the group.

“Thanks for coming, guys!” she exclaimed with a little more enthusiasm than was necessary.

Pleasantries aside, the conversation continued. Scott eyed Daniel and the way that his hand curved against the small of Tessa’s back. He scowled a little as he offered to grab her another glass of white wine and he may have grunted with Daniel cracked a joke. By all means, Scott had decided that he did not like Daniel and it could not have been more obvious unless Scott punched Daniel in front of all of their family and friends. Casey, oblivious to Scott’s poor attitude and the effect that the particular topic would have on Tessa, proceeded to ask Laura and Scott about the wedding preparation.

Laura was all to excited to begin talking about the big day as she started in on describing the big day that was now only a week away. “It’s going to be a huge and elegant affair with waiters in bowties and whatnot. The ceremony will be quick and painless. My brother is officiating, so no waxing on about things other than the vows. We’ll say ‘I do’ and be done! Then we’ll party!”

Tessa immediately saw Scott’s face fall and a hint of anger creep in to his eyes. Something Laura had said didn’t quite sit right with him, and it didn’t take a genius to figure it out. He grabbed her hand and suggested to the group that they were going to step out for some fresh air. Casey made a comment about lovebirds, but Tessa knew differently.

*****

“Scott, stop. You’re going too fast! I can’t keep up and the grass is muddy!”

Laura trailed after Scott as he made a beeline for the row of trees in the back of the Virtue’s backyard. He heard Laura but made no effort to slow down.

“One thing, Laura. I asked you for one thing. To have a pastor officiate the ceremony.”

“Oh please, Scott. I thought we said we would save that money for the honeymoon!”

With that, Scott snapped. “No, you said _you_ wanted to save it for the honeymoon. You’ve been content to spend the equivalent of a sizeable down payment on a house on every other aspect of this wedding. It is massive and never mind that I can’t envision any one of my extended family members in formal attire. I wanted a quiet celebration with the people close to us. I’ve let all of that go, but my one request, the only thing I asked for, was for you to get a pastor and that seems to be too much.”

“Scott, stop with the drama. It will be great either way.”

“So help me, Laura, get a pastor or I will not be at that altar.”

With that, Scott turned on his heel and made a beeline for his truck parked on the street.

*****

The next morning, a knock on the door woke Tessa from her slumber. With hair piled on top of her head and clad in fuzzy animal pajamas, Tessa answered the door to be faced with Daniel’s strawberry blonde hair peeking over the top of an oversized bookshelf.

“Um, good morning?”

“Happy graduation! I’ve noticed that your bookshelf is overflowing with books, so I took the liberty to make you one for your graduation and acceptance to law school. Congrats, Tessa girl!”

The bookshelf was a work of art with intricate details carved into the wood. It was immediately clear that Daniel’s heart and soul had been poured into this project. It fit seamlessly with the other furniture of her house, yet had enough character to be set apart. She helped him place it against the wall in her living room and jumped into his arms to thank him.

Daniel left quickly, but promised to return later that night for movies and leftover chocolate cake. Tessa immediately got ready for the day and went for a morning of shopping, lunch with her mom, and golf with her dad. By the end of the day, she was exhausted. She set out the new bathrobe that she had gotten during her shopping trip and poured a generous amount of bubble bath into the steaming water of her bath. Easing herself in, she allowed her body to float in the fragrant water, reveling in the fact that for the first time in many years, she didn’t have anything she had to do or anywhere she had to be. For the first time since she was eight, she could simply just be.

 

A sharp pounding on the door jolted Tessa from her half asleep state. She stood up quickly and wrapped herself in her bathrobe. Truth be told, it was shorter than what she would typically answer the door in, but it was better than nothing. The pounding got louder and more insistent as Tessa made her way to the door.

“I’m coming!” Good grief.

She opened the door and found herself face to face with a clearly upset Scott and a very confused Daniel.


	9. Love You Baby Like A Wrecking Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe they had to cross this line to move forward. Maybe he would realize that Laura would never fill that void in his heart. Maybe, just maybe, he was in love with her too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter comes from Eric Church's song "Like A Wrecking Ball." I should pause to say that if you're not into smut, you probably shouldn't read any further. That being said, let me know what you think!
> 
> This chapter was a fun and quick one to write, but not without its nerves. Ever so many thanks to Mariah for taking the time to reassure and edit, as well as just for being the most amazing beta! :)

Wedding had exploded in his apartment. There were fake flowers everywhere and some meshy shit that Laura called “tool” covered every surface that could be sat upon. Laura’s mother, Maureen, had become quite the fixture at their apartment. The woman could be described as nothing other than loud, and Scott knew loud. This woman put a drunk and angry Marina Zoueva to shame. She talked loud, yelled louder, chewed loud, breathed loud, walked loud, and snored loud. 

“For God’s sake, Laura, he’s overreacting! Forget the damn pastor and let Jason do it. It will cost less money.” Maureen whined.

“Mom, Scott wants this. It is important to him. I think that I need to.” 

“Laura, don’t tell me that he is going to be making all of the decisions in your household. You are smart. You need to make decisions for the two of you. Men can be foolish sometimes.”

Laura’s mother didn’t seem to care at all that he was a room away as she talked about him like he wasn’t even a vital part of the wedding. She seemed to forget that without him, there would be no wedding.

He settled to scroll through the guest list on Laura’s computer. He breathed a sigh of relief as he found Paul Macintosh’s name on the list as well as several other people that he cared about. As he continued to scroll, he noticed the absence of the most important name on his guest list.

Something in him snapped. Slamming the laptop shut, he grabbed his jacket and keys and shoved his way through the tulle nightmare in his living room. He ignored Laura’s “Where are you going?” as he opened the door to the nighttime cool and slammed it shut again. 

He didn’t need a GPS and he certainly didn’t have to think twice about which direction to turn. He punched a code quickly into the gated apartment community and he floored it as the wrought iron gate swung wide. He sped past people taking their dogs out and whipped into a parking space in front of the building that he knew. Angry didn’t even begin to describe it.

As he yanked the keys from the ignition, he spotted the tall athletic guy from Tessa’s party. He knew that the two of them had met and become friends in London during Tessa’s study abroad, but that was a year ago. Why on God’s green Earth was he here past 10:00 at night?

Scott hopped out of his car and jogged after Daniel, catching up as they reached the stairs that led to Tessa’s second floor apartment.

Scott tapped Daniel on the shoulder and he turned around quickly. A look of surprise was plastered across his face as Scott quickly muttered the words “You coming to see Tessa?”

Daniel’s expression changed from surprised to a somewhat pleasant smile, and it pissed Scott off. “Yeah. I told her that I would swing by later tonight. She didn’t tell me that you were coming.”

“Yeah, well that’s because she doesn’t know I’m here.” He responded.

Daniel and Scott made their way up the stairs and finally stood in front of her door. Scott was the first one to reach out and knock. After about thirty seconds, he knocked again more forcefully. 

It took about two minutes for Tessa to make it to the door and find herself face to face with Scott and Daniel a few steps behind. 

“We need to talk.” Scott uttered through gritted teeth. “Alone.”

Tessa stepped to the side to allow Scott into her apartment. One glance at Daniel told her that he was incredibly concerned.

“Do you want him here, Tessa?” Daniel asked.

“We’ll be fine. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

As soon as Daniel shut the door, Scott exploded. “Tessa, what the fuck is he doing here? And why are you answering the door in your bathrobe?”

Tessa glared back at him darkly, “I don’t know what you’re insinuating, but stop.”

She stood with her hand propped on her hip. Her hair was piled in a messy bun on top of her head. Her bathrobe left little to the imagination. Her legs stretched for miles and the top of her robe dipped dangerously, causing her breasts to practically spill out of the top of it. By all counts, she looked sexy as hell, but the fact that she would invite Daniel into her apartment dressed like this pissed him off. Since when did he stop being the number one man in her life?

“You know exactly what I mean. Are you sleeping with him? Because he is sure as hell not good enough for you.” 

She’d had enough. “Who the hell do you think you are to decide whether someone is good enough for me or not? You’re getting married. You’ve lost the opportunity to have an opinion about my love life. Who I’m dating, not dating, sleeping with, or not sleeping with is none of your goddamn business. What do you want?”

“So that’s how it’s going to be now.” Scott spat. “This is how you’re going to talk to your best friend?”

“You know what? You interrupted my perfectly lovely bubble bath, so if this is how you’re going to be, get the hell out.” She marched over to the door and wrenched it wide open, gesturing for him to make his way out.

“So it’s alright for Danny boy to disturb your bubble baths but not me?” Why does that bother me so much? “Didn’t we always say that we would be there for each other for anything?” 

Tessa’s eyes met the floor as her heart sank in her chest. “Of course we did, Scott, but that was before we changed.”

“Changed what?” His voice had softened to the concerned tone that Tessa had become familiar with.

Tessa took a deep breath and considered her words carefully. “The rules of our friendship, Scott. It’s great that you have Laura. She seems like a wonderful fit for you, but I don’t think that we ever discussed or even thought about what would happen to us when something like this happened.”

Why did it have to be one or the other? Why couldn’t he have both of them, equal pieces of his heart shared between the two?

Tessa broke the silence. “I’m going to go change. We’ll talk when I get back.”

As she slipped away to change, his mind drifted back to Daniel. He obviously had become an important fixture in Tessa’s life for her to defend him the way that she did. But he had to wonder, did he know the press conference Tessa or the real one? Did he know the way that the corner of her mouth twitched when she didn’t agree with what someone was saying? Did he know the look of determination that lit her eyes when she faced a challenge head on? Did he know the way her nose wrinkled when she laughed so hard that tears leaked from the creases of her eyes? He couldn’t believe that someone could know her or appreciate her more than he did, but perhaps he was wrong.

He heard the gentle footsteps of Tessa’s approach and felt the sink of the couch cushion next to him. “Does he make you happy, Tess?” His feet were still trained on the floor. “Does he appreciate the way that you challenge him to be a better person? Does he understand how fucking amazing you are?”

_God, Scotty. That’s why you’re here._ Putting a hand on his knee, he finally lifted his head to meet her gaze. “Does Laura do that for you?” 

“This whole thing is out of control, Tess. I ask her for one thing- get a pastor. She’s got this massive place for the reception, three entrée choices, an orchestra, everyone in ball gowns, her stupid cake, but no pastor. It’s out of control, and what’s more is the fact that your name isn’t on the RSVP list.”

“Sorry. It’s buried under a stack of papers. I’ll give it to you tonight.”

“I can’t do this, Tessa. I can’t. I can’t be the husband that Laura needs. How the hell am I supposed to do this?”

Taking his hand in hers as she had done thousands of times before, she whispered back, “Scott Patrick Moir. You will be an incredible husband. Not only are you one of the most genuine people I know, you also care about people whole heartedly. You have been the most incredible partner for almost twenty years and you’ve stuck by my side through some of the toughest obstacles. You are unwaiveringly faithful and have the kindest heart. God, Laura is so lucky because I know that you will be the most wonderful husband.”

Without thinking, she lifted her head and brought her lips to brush against his as she had done so many times before. A gesture of reassurance. A reminder of support. But the split second that her lips touched his something deep within snapped. Her hand snaked to the back of his neck and pulled him in close. She kissed him with every ounce of passion that she had within her. Months of dying to touch him, longing to kiss him and call him her own poured out as their mouths met. It was not chaste. It certainly was not friendly. It was raw and passionate. She felt a slight jolt of realization as Scott recognized what was happening. She expected him to shove her off the couch. To tell her he was marrying Laura. To tell her she had to stop. When his arms wrapped around her torso and his tongue began to explore her mouth, Tessa gave in to everything she had wanted. Her brain screamed at her to stop, but her hands tangled through his hair as her mouth fused to his. She her knees were on either side of his hips and her body moved of its own accord. Too much space. Not enough contact. As her hips ground down into his and a growl ripped from his throat, it all became crystal clear. 

Scott had a fiancé. Holy shit! Scott had a fiancé. She was just making out with him and he was acting like he wanted to kiss her! _Tessa, stop!_

Coming to her senses, she ripped her mouth off of his and pushed herself away.

“Oh my god, Scott. I’m so sorry.” She turned away and hurried towards her bedroom. “You’ve got to leave now.”

Scott was stunned. Had that really just happened? Had Tessa really kissed him like that? Oh god, and had he really kissed her back the same way? _Why did that feel so amazing?_ Before he could stop himself, he stood up and jogged through the dining room and down Tessa’s hallway. He grabbed her just before she could disappear into her room. She stopped, but her eyes focused anywhere but his face.

“Tessa, please.” he whispered. His eyes searched her face and traced the tears that ran down each of her cheeks. “Look at me, Tess. Please.”

Her eyes found his as she whispered, “Let me go, Scotty. Please, let me go.”

The look in her eyes told him otherwise. She looked at him the way she had many months ago in this very room. The only other time that he had given in to any feelings towards her. He wanted to reassure her that it was okay, that the kiss meant nothing. He wanted to tell her that they could just move on and pretend it hadn’t happened, but as he looked into her eyes he realized _of course it wasn’t fucking okay._

This time, he slowly wrapped his arms around her back and deliberately brought his lips to hers. He kissed her for the months that he hadn’t been able to kiss her. He kissed her for the years that he couldn’t while dancing. And thank heavens she kissed him back.

He pushed her against her doorframe and trailed his fingers over her ribcage, down her back, and settled on her ass. He pressed himself against her and groaned at the warmth that was radiating off of her body. Before he could think otherwise, he wrapped his arms around her thighs and yanked Tessa off the floor so that her legs were wrapped around her hips and the only thing that held her up was him pinning her against the doorframe. 

Her breathing hitched as she whispered, “We really shouldn’t,” but the whispered caution died on her lips and was replaced with a sharp moan as his teeth grazed her collar bone.

Between kisses fanned across her chest he whispered, “God, Tess. You want this as badly as I do. We both know it.”

The soft moan that echoed from the back of her throat was answer enough. He carried her across her room and dumped her unceremoniously on her bed. Her dark hair fanned out around her face stood as a stark contrast to the white comforter. Her chest rose and fell quickly and dear God, he had never wanted something so much. Gold medals, silver medals, Olympics. They meant nothing without her.

“Scott!” she cried. _We have to stop! I can’t keep telling you no when I want this so badly._

Her body betrayed her as the hairs on her arms rose with goose bumps and her breathing pierced the deafening silence in the room. She was desperate to experience what she had scarcely let herself hope of for almost twenty years.

Scott pulled his shirt off and looked down at her, eyes full of something that she had only seen in her dreams, and she gave up.

“God, Tess. You’re so beautiful.” His hands came to rest on the hem of the old Leafs t-shirt that she was wearing. Just like Tessa, it had once belonged to him. He lifted the t-shirt up and over her head at a torturously slow pace, leaving a trail of kisses burning in its wake. He held both of her hands captive over her head and kissed her.

She took in all of the new sensations- how he pinned her against the mattress, the delicious weight of his body bearing down upon her. With hands above her, Tessa arched her back and wrapped her legs around his waist, rubbing up against him in a steady rhythm. _We can’t do this! It will ruin everything._ But maybe this was the point of no return. Maybe they had to cross this line to move forward. Maybe he would realize that Laura would never fill that void in his heart. Maybe, just maybe, he was in love with her too. As his hands whispered across her hips and traveled up her belly, her resolve weakened and any hesitation she once had disappeared completely.

His hungry kisses became even more ravenous as they traveled down her neck and across her collarbone. His mouth fastened over a stiff peak and he listened as she moaned and writhed beneath him, flicking her nipple with his tongue. Letting go of her hands, Tessa dug her fingernails into his back, eliciting a gasp. Wildfire burned its way through Scott’s veins, and as Tessa moaned hotly into his ear, he gave in and let it consume him. 

Scott stepped back and removed his pants and his boxers. Tessa ran her fingernails lightly along the ridges of his muscles. His body, though so familiar from the years that they had spent together, was extraordinary. He was angular, muscular, and powerful. 

He settled his hands on the edge of her underwear, hooking his fingers in and drawing them down her legs. Stepping forward, Scott pushed Tessa down onto the bed, his lips colliding with hers. “Are you still taking your birth control?”

She nodded yes as he continued his onslaught. _Do you finally see how good we are together?_ Her body hummed in anticipation as she lifted her hips and ground hard against him.

“Dammit, Tess. You can’t do that.” Scott rasped, but as she threaded her hands through his hair and whispered, “ _Please_ ,” into the shell of his ear, he knew there was no turning back. Tessa writhed beneath him, head thrown back, all of his wildest fantasies turned into reality in one moment. 

She whispered it again, _Please, Scott._ And that was all the invitation he needed. He drove his hips forward, bringing their bodies together in a way that they had never been together before. As he set a rhythm, Tessa’s hands traveled, down his back, over his stomach, across his chest, up his shoulders- everywhere her hands could reach. She memorized the way his skin felt beneath her hands and the delicious friction of their bodies.

“Why did we wait so long, Tess?” he breathed. “So good.” With every move, every breath, every heartbeat, they climbed higher. Her soft sighs echoed his whispered nothings as he kissed and sucked every inch of skin he could reach. The tension that had been building within her began to unravel as his movements became erratic. He leaned forward, his breath in her ear, and whispered the one word that had brought familiarity to uncertainty, connectedness to brokenness, trust and hope. _Together._ And the world crashed around her in an explosion of light, Scott following right after her.

They laid in silence for what felt like years, chests rising and falling in perfect synchronization.  
_  
I love you, Scott._

_Please don’t marry her._

_Please say you love me too._

_If you marry her, I may not make it through._  
  
She rolled over to face him. His jaw was clenched and he was still trying to gain control of his breathing. _Tell him now, Tessa. It’s your only shot._

“Scott.” Her own voice sounded foreign coming out of her mouth. “I...”

“Don’t Tess.” he said as he sat up quickly as realization settled across his face. “I don’t know what the fuck just happened.” He began to search the room frantically for his clothing, tugging his shirt over his head and feeling around for his pants. _I’ve gotta get out of here right now. I’m getting married in less than a week. I can’t believe I just cheated on Laura._

“I’m so sorry, Tessa. So fucking sorry. This was a huge mistake.” She watched helplessly as he tugged on his jeans. A hint of panic crept into his voice, “Please, T. Don’t tell Laura.”

As he reached the door, he turned around to look at her one more time. “I’m so sorry, Birdie.”

As the telltale slam of the door rang through the apartment and Tessa let the words that had been hanging in her mind slip through her lips, “But, I... love you.”

And as the reality of the situation sunk in, Tessa allowed herself to succumb to the tears that had been threatening to come. Scott had managed to break Tessa Virtue and there was no going back.


	10. Catching Teardrops In My Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He scrubbed until his skin was angry, red, and raw, hoping that he could scrub away the past few hours of his life, the guilt, the hurt, the betrayal, the pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this song comes from "Don't Know Why" by Norah Jones. This story is getting fun to write! Thank you all for your patience with me and your overwhelming feedback. I appreciate each and every one of you reading this!

The last time he had stayed up all night to watch the sun rise was the summer before seventh grade when his mother sent him to sleep away camp because he needed some time away from the ice. Life back then was simple. His most difficult decision was whether he would get chocolate syrup on his ice cream sundae that night. The breeze was cool, carrying the scent of Ilderton with it. Grass, dirt, and a little something extra that couldn’t be described. 

Typically, he would take the time to breathe deeply and relish in the fact that he was home, but not this morning. The only words that rang through his brain were “What the hell did I do?” It had been approximately six hours, twenty one minutes, and forty two seconds since he ran out the door of Tessa’s apartment, leaving the one woman, minus his mother, who had ever fully believed in who he was and what he could do. 

He still wasn’t sure how it had happened. One minute he was pissed as hell and yelling, jealous of Daniel and chapped that she hadn’t sent in her RSVP. The next minute, she was reassuring him and her lips were on his. His mind had short circuited a million times since then, and as hazy as it seemed, it was preserved crystal clear in his memory. Where did he go from here? How did he move on? Was it even possible to move on? Would he ever be able to look her in the face again?

As he sat on the dock at Old Man Penderson’s pond, the guilt sunk low in his stomach, threatening to spill over. How could he have done this to Laura? Didn’t he love her? _God, why didn’t I just stop when Tessa told me to? Why did I do it? Why couldn’t I resist? What the fuck do I do now?_

His breath hung in the chilly air in front of him as he dug his hands even deeper into his pockets. The sun seemed to illuminate only the parts of himself that he wanted to forget. The part that could have the most mind-blowing sex with Tessa while cheating on his fiancé and then walk out the door without so much as seeing if she was okay. The pain of cheating on Laura. The brokenness of the picture of Tessa, naked in her bed and brokenhearted as he left last night. Anger at Tessa for kissing him in the first place. Guilt for it all. And a brutal hurt for the fact that he could do nothing about it.

“Dammit!” he yelled to the morning air. A small flock of birds drifted into the air from the other side of the bank, startled by Scott’s outburst. Didn’t he love Laura? Didn’t she deserve more than a half-assed love and a guy who cheats? Even then, he couldn’t think past a moonlit night spent baring his soul to the one person who knew him better than he knew himself.

_Tessa._

Her name alone brought light to the darkness and peace to the chaos. She’d been through it all with him. She was his better half, the partner without whom he could not function. She had been by his side for nearly two decades and he had ruined it. For some stupid reason he had felt the need to cross that boundary. There had been a reason that they had set up the stupid no sex rule so many years ago. It turns out that in trying to bring her closer, to savor the part of her that he had never known before, he may have driven her farther away than he could possibly imagine.

Walking back to his car, he thought about where to go from here. Honestly, he hated confrontation and usually bottled things up, but the pressure right now was almost enough to cause him to explode. Finding his phone in the glove box, he found eleven missed calls and five text messages from Laura. He knew that she had probably spent her night worrying about him and freaking out about their future and the wedding. _Fuck._

_Laura._

She was an amazing woman. He knew that she loved him, and that counted for something. She fit in with his family and his niece loved her! They had an incredible relationship until the whole wedding planning business started and she had turned into bridezilla. But where did they go from here? Could he walk back into the apartment he shared with her after his entire world had shifted? Could he pretend like he hadn’t made love to Tessa a few hours earlier? Could he pretend like things were normal? He didn’t even know what normal was anymore.

He could smell the scent of Tessa burned across his skin. There was no way in hell that he could go home to Laura smelling like Tessa, so he drove to the gym. He usually wasn’t one for the treadmill, but today he needed to run, so he hopped on and cranked up the speed until it was almost too much. He ran for the pain he felt for hurting Tessa. He ran for the guilt of cheating on Laura. He ran for the fact that he had no clue what to do. He ran until he could barely remember his own pathetic name. Spots clouded his vision when he stepped off the treadmill and jogged to the shower. He turned the water as hot as he possibly could and stepped underneath. The spray scalded him, but he couldn’t turn it any colder. Reaching for a washcloth, he scrubbed at his body. The hands that had touched every surface of Tessa. His chest where her nails had scraped. He scrubbed until his skin was angry, red, and raw, hoping that he could scrub away the past few hours of his life, the guilt, the hurt, the betrayal, the pain.

*****

Tessa woke up several hours after Scott had left her apartment. Her head was pounding, her eyes were swollen from crying, and her mouth was bone dry. She padded to the kitchen and took a deep pull from her water bottle. She went back to her bedroom and slipped between the sheets that were still heavy with Scott’s scent from the night before. It had certainly happened. She felt the pull of the sore muscles in her legs and her lips were still swollen from his kisses. Fresh memories of the night before gave way to tears streaming down her face. As the tears wet her pillowcase, she drifted off to sleep yet again.

She awoke in the afternoon, immediately checking her phone. _Of course he hasn’t called you, Tessa. He’s getting married to another woman._

She grabbed a blanket from her closet and made her way to the couch, which didn’t smell of love and betrayal from the night before. She wanted to call him and talk to him. She knew that just hearing his voice would bring some light to the darkness, but she wasn’t going to call. Instead, she sat on her couch with a pint of Half Baked and pretended like her heart wasn’t laying on the floor in her bedroom.

*****

He saw Laura’s car in the parking lot immediately, but no sign of her mother’s. At least he wouldn’t have to deal with that on top of everything else. He sat in his car for a few minutes trying to gather himself, taking deep breaths like he always did before he took the ice. _With Tessa. Shit._

He got out of his car and walked towards his apartment, his stomach turning with every step. _You can do this. It’s just Laura. Act normal. You did not sleep with Tessa._

He turned his key in the lock and just as he opened the door, Laura came flying at him. “I’m so sorry, babe. So sorry. I called this morning and booked the pastor.”

She looked up at him, her eyes swimming with tears. “Forgive me, babe? Please?” And in that moment, he realized why so many of his family members had looked at Laura a second longer than normal when they had met her. _Holy shit. She looks like Tessa. That look. Oh God._

He could feel his stomach turn as he patted Laura on the back. “Of course.” _I fucked Tessa. I fucked my best friend last night, and you look like her. How could I have missed it?!_

“Scott, where were you last night?”

Head pounding. Throat constricting. Vision spotting.

“Scott. I was worried about you.”

He turned around and walked to the couch. He had to sit down now or he would be passing out instead.

“Scott... What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” _I just had the most incredible sex with Tessa and I left her like she was some cheap whore._ “I just went and grabbed drinks, watched the sunrise, and then went to the gym. That’s all.” He grabbed the blanket and pulled it across his body, laying down in the process.

Laura’s forehead creased into a “v” between her eyebrows. She wasn’t stupid. “I’m headed up to the school for a little bit. No rest over summer break, I guess.” She kissed him on the forehead and headed for the door, turning back around before she closed it. “Scott? I’m sorry.”

He mumbled a reply and then turned back to his thoughts. _I can’t tell Laura. It will kill her._ As he closed his eyes, he was tormented by images of the night before. Tessa moaning his name, breathing in his ear, giving herself over to him. _Fuck, I’m about to marry a cheap version of Tessa._

*****

On the second day, Tessa decided that she needed to rejoin the world. She went to the grocery store and got her groceries and promptly came home to put cucumber slices on her eyes to reduce the swelling. She bought boxes and began to pack up her apartment for her upcoming move to Toronto. 

Half of her simply wanted to pretend. She wanted to smile at her neighbor who was out on her balcony watering her plants. She wanted to lie through her teeth and say that everything was wonderful. But the other half of her wanted to go out on to the balcony of her apartment and scream that of course it wasn’t fucking okay.

As she got back to her apartment, she checked her phone. She wasn’t sure why she thought that Scott would call. What more was there to say anyways?

*****

Day three rolled around and Tessa’s pain gave way to anger. His silence was louder than his voice could ever be.

_Why did I expect him to call?!_

_He is marrying another woman in three days._

And in that moment, she made a decision. She was done with Scott Moir. Forever. And in that moment, she didn’t feel pain or anger. It was a relief. Her heart had been wrapped up in Scott since before she could understand that it was. He was her past, but he certainly would not be her future. It was time to move along.

The problem in moving on was that they had become public figures. In recent years, she had grown accustomed to the fact that people would stop her on the street asking about her and Scott and if they skated together anymore. Her face was recognizable, but her partner would no longer be a part of her life. Looking out her window at the buildings that made up the London that she loved, she realized that the city was too small for the both of them. Hell, anywhere in Canada was too small for the both of them. She couldn’t handle being approached daily and asked about him. 

Walking over to her desk, she found the pile of her acceptance letters to law schools. The blue crest of Columbia University stuck out from among the papers. _That was it._

Within the hour, she had found a one-way flight from London leaving in two days. She had found movers that would carry her apartment essentials across the border. She had booked a hotel room for when she arrived until she could find an apartment. The next day she would call the admissions office and accept her admission to the Columbia University School of Law. On Friday afternoon, she would be flying to New York City permanently.

She was leaving Canada.

She was starting over.

And Scott Moir would not be a part of her life. Ever. Again.

*****

It was probably too late for a visit to her parents’ house, but she didn’t care. She opened the front door, and immediately she spotted her mom in her nightgown, checking to see who had entered the house. Wordlessly, Tessa walked up to her mother and buried her face in her shoulder, sobs wrecking through her body. Kate obviously had no clue, but pulled the ponytail holder out of Tessa’s hair and began to rake her fingers through her baby girl’s hair, whispering comfort.

When she had calmed down enough to talk, Kate led her over to the couch.

“I’m moving to New York City, Mom. I’m going to law school at Columbia.”

“Baby girl, what on Earth is making you go all the way out there? You have fantastic opportunities right here, nearby.”

She hadn’t spoken his name aloud in the three days since she had last seen him, but for her mother, she whispered, “Scott.”

“Oh Tess, I know that he’s getting married in three days, but...” Realization set across her mother’s face. “Oh. That’s it. He’s getting married in three days.”

With tears streaming down her face, Tessa told her mother a watered down version of what had happened Sunday night. When she had finished, she could see that her mother was shocked. “Mom?”

“Well I can’t say that was what I was expecting to hear, but I’m so sorry, honey.”

“I’m so mad at myself. He’s engaged.”

“Do not blame yourself. He is equally as responsible as you, if not more so. And while I’m heartbroken that you’re leaving, I completely understand.”

They made plans for packing up her apartment the next day and after a long night of discussion and planning, Tessa finally drifted off into the first night of dreamless sleep that she’d had all week on the couch next to her mother.

*****

The next day, Tessa’s mom, dad, and brothers helped to pack her apartment. The Virtues were quite efficient. Her mom, dad, and brothers tackled the living room, kitchen, and bathroom, sorting the things that were essential for life in NYC as opposed to the things that could be stored in the attic until she needed them again.

Tessa was left to her room, combing through clothes, pictures, and keepsakes. It was amazing that in trying to escape Scott and things that reminded her of him, she was bombarded by it all. Scott’s leafs t-shirt. The faded blue one with a hole ripped in the armpit. An album of pictures from their skating days. His baseball cap. The jacket that he had worn at junior competitions that he had since outgrown, yet still fit her perfectly. The teddy bears that he had bought her in Vancouver and Sochi following the medal ceremonies. His toothbrush. The RSVP card for his wedding.

Walking over to her desk, she grabbed a black sharpie and scrawled “Tessa Virtue” on the guest line and printed a bold “X” where it said “Not Attending.”

“Like hell, Scott.”

She then grabbed all of his belongings, the shit that had accumulated at her place over the years, the things that looked like him, smelled like him, and bombarded her with his presence and piled them into a cardboard box. Laying the save the date on top, she taped the box shut and wrote “SCOTT” in block letters on the top. She gave the box to Casey, asking him to deliver it once she had left town.

After her apartment had been packed and loaded by the movers, she disconnected her cell phone line, cut off her cable and internet, set her Facebook to private and removed Scott from her friends, and disabled her Instagram and Twitter accounts.

She spent her last night in Canada eating pizza with her family and playing with her nieces. She wouldn’t have had it any other way.

*****

It was raining on Thursday night when Scott drove himself to pick up his tux. Finding himself a five minute drive from Tessa’s apartment, he didn’t think twice and drove towards her apartment complex. When he reached her building, he noticed that all the lights were off in Tessa’s unit and her car was not in the lot. She wasn’t usually out and about on Thursday nights. 

He made it halfway up the driveway twice and then walked back to his car. She hadn’t tried to call him and he had screwed up far too much to be the one to bother her. 

As he turned his car around in the parking lot, he spotted Tessa’s bedroom. _Is it still all that she can focus on? Does she think about us when she closes her eyes? Every kiss, every touch, every moan, every sensation was seared into his skin and burned into the back of his mind. You fucking blew it, Asshole._

*****

On Friday morning, all of her bags were packed, her boarding pass was printed, and she had called Columbia to confirm her acceptance. She fired up her computer and went to send an e-mail to Daniel. She hadn’t seen him since Sunday night. He had tried to call, but she had ignored his call. She didn’t really want to talk to anyone other than her family, but Daniel deserved an explanation.  
 _  
Dear Daniel,_

_I’m sorry that I’m telling you this in an e-mail, but it’s the only way. I disconnected my phone yesterday and in about an hour I will be hopping on an airplane headed to New York City. I decided that I am going to go to law school at Columbia._

_I can’t stay here. I simply can’t bear it. Things went too far with Scott. Way too far, and he is still getting married. I can’t stand by and watch him commit his life to someone else. I’m so far past heartbroken, I can’t stand it. I can’t deal with the questions on the street by well meaning people. I can’t be his other half anymore, so I’m leaving Canada and it breaks my heart. I hope that New York City will be a fresh start full of new opportunities and wonderful people._

_And on the off chance that Scott were to contact you and ask you where I am, which I doubt he will, please, PLEASE do not tell him where I am. He had sex with me and then left for his fiancé. He doesn’t deserve the time of day, let alone to know where I am._

_I will be in touch when I arrive, but I’m going to be off grid until then. I’m deleting this e-mail account after I send this e-mail. Please don’t worry about me. I know you will and I love you for it, but I need this. I want you to come and visit when I’m settled. I don’t know what I did to deserve your friendship, but you are such an incredible person and I’m forever grateful for your presence in my life._

_x, Tessa  
_  
*****

It was Friday night before the wedding and Laura and some of her friends had decided to check into the spa and pamper themselves before the wedding. Instead of a typical bachelor party, he had simply opted to spend time with Chiddy and Andrew. As he walked to get his water bottle out of his car, he spotted a box on the doormat with his name written on the top. 

Ripping open the box, he found an RSVP card for his wedding. It was Tessa’s. She had marked an angry black “X” in the not attending column. He couldn’t blame her. The box was filled with his things. His shirt, his toothbrush, and lots of pictures. _She is trying to erase me from her life._

Just then, there was a knock at the door. He found Chiddy and Andrew on the other side.

“Hey man!” Chiddy slapped Scott’s hand. “Almost the big day!” 

“Hey Poje.” Scott smiled. It had been a while since the three of them had been together, and given the state of things, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

After the small talk got out of the way, Andrew was the first to notice the box of things on the kitchen table that Scott had just opened. “Dude, you going down memory lane with Tessa the night before you’re supposed to marry another woman?”

“Nah, man.” Scott’s eyes fixed on a picture of the two of them on the podium at Vancouver. “Hey. Do you guys think that Laura and Tessa look alike?”

Chiddy burst into laughter the moment the words left Scott’s mouth. “Us and like everyone else, dude. She looks just like Tessa, except with bigger tits.”

Andrew just nodded at what Chiddy was saying. “Wait, you didn’t?”

Scott just shook his head. “For the first time in a relationship, I tried so hard not to compare her to Tessa. I guess I hadn’t let myself think like that.”

“Well it’s freaky.” Chiddy started. “Spending your life with someone who looks exactly like the one everyone thinks you should spend the rest of your life with. Just sayin’.”

“You still didn’t answer the question.” stated Andrew plainly. “Why are you going through your Tessa box?”

“She left it at the door.”

Confusion was plainly displayed on Andrew and Chiddy’s faces.

“I don’t think she ever wants to see or talk to me again.”

Scott launched into a detailed retelling of the past week, starting with Laura and the lack of a pastor, ending with the fact that he hadn’t tried to contact Tessa since it had happened.

Andrew whistled low and said, “Man, you fucked up.”

Chiddy finished, “You fucked up big.”

“I know. And I don’t know how to fix it.”

“It’s simple, really.” Andrew answered. “Who do you want to spend your life with? If it is the clone of Tessa, then she will be waiting at the altar tomorrow night. If it is Tessa, then it is a little more complicated. But let me just tell you that Kaitlyn and I have been together for a little over a year now and if she had looked at me from the beginning like Tessa looks at you, I would have been on that like white on rice.”

Like a knee jerk response, as easy as breathing, as necessary as his heart beating, he whispered, “It’s Tessa.”

“Then go.”

Grabbing his keys, he bolted out of the apartment and drove over to Tessa’s. It was a short drive, but it felt like an eternity as he punched in the gate code and made his way to her building. It was time that he turned this colossal fuck up around. He needed her in his life. 

He hopped out of the car and jogged up to Tessa’s door. He knocked twice on the door, but there was no answer. Knocking again, he waited. Finally, there was no answer, so he used the emergency key that she had given him to open the door, and what he saw on the other side was not what he expected.

An empty apartment. The floors were mopped. Tessa’s furniture was gone. There was nothing left.

Grabbing his phone out of his back pocket, he found her number on speed dial.

A computerized voice reached his ear, “The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected.”

_What? Disconnected?_

If it was disconnected, she wouldn’t be able to receive his text message so he sent her an e-mail. 

_T. Please call me. I royally screwed up. Please. I need you in my life._

Less than ten seconds after he hit send, his phone chimed to alert him of a new e-mail. His heart hammered in his chest, but fell to his stomach when he read the subject line.

_Return to Sender: Message Failure_

She had disabled her e-mail account?

She had deleted him as a friend on Facebook. She had deleted her Twitter and Instagram accounts.

She was gone.

*****

The plane jolted as the wheels met the tarmac.

A light drizzle of rain was falling. Tessa followed the drops on the window as they ran together and slid out of view.

The new beginning was now. She was in New York City. She was just Tessa. A single entity. Nobody knew her name here. The medals tucked into a box in her parents’ attic meant nothing anymore.

A fresh start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: What will Scott do about his upcoming wedding?


	11. Miles And Miles In My Bare Feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the moment, he remembered closing his eyes, drawing Tessa close, and savoring the small things that had brought them to that very moment. Hard work, love, dedication, partnership, camaraderie, commitment, honesty, trust, and devotion. All of that had developed over the course of fourteen years, not overnight. He thought of the way that she would pull him close just to feel her heart beat against his. He thought of the deep belly laugh that would burst forth after he had done something stupid. He thought of the way his mother loved her. And he thought of the green eyes that were so transparent. One look at her eyes could tell him so much. To think, he may never see those eyes again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is named after lyrics in the song "Barton Hollow" by the Civil Wars. Thanks for sticking with me, guys! This has been so fun to write. As always, feel free to leave comments or constructive criticism here or on tumblr!
> 
> Thanks ever so much :)

It was 9:54 p.m. Her apartment was empty. Tessa was gone.

These thoughts reverberated through his skull. She was gone. She was gone. The thought of it seemed more unbearable than he could possibly imagine. 

There were few places that Tessa would be on a Friday night at 10 p.m. Hopping in the car, he drove to her parents’ house. It was a quick trip, and he spotted her black car parked by the side of the house. He ran to the door and knocked. There was no answer. He was likely waking up the entire house, but he didn’t care. A bleary-eyed Kate Virtue came to the door. Her face drained of emotion the second she saw Scott. _Shit, she knows._

“Can I help you, Scott?” Her voice was calm, but after almost a lifetime spent around Kate, he knew that she was anything but calm.

“I’m looking for Tessa. I saw her car parked outside and I need to speak with her.”

A laugh left Kate in a short burst. As if the sentence that Scott had just spoken was far too ridiculous to even have been uttered in the first place. “She’s not here, Scott.”

“Kate, her car is right there. She’s here, I know she is.” He tried to walk past Kate, intent on going up to Tessa’s childhood bedroom.

“I’m going to stop you right there, Scott.” A strong hand reached out and grabbed his bicep. “She’s gone.”

“Gone? As in...”

“Gone.” Kate replied. Her eyes, cool and intense, studied Scott’s face. “I drove her to the airport. She left.”

The moment the words left Kate’s mouth, Scott let out a long breath. “How can I reach her?”

“You can’t Scott.”

He was pretty sure that he was going to cry. Tears stung the corners of his eyes. A knot formed in the back of his throat and he had to pinch his lips together in order to stop himself from crying.

“Come in, honey. I’m making tea and you and I are going to have a talk.” 

He’d grown up with Kate Virtue. She was his second mom. The one he had hugged after winning the gold medal in Vancouver. The one who had sewn his pants back together after they had ripped during warm ups at a junior competition. She was the one who had taught him how to apply skating makeup, how to brew the perfect cup of tea, and how to make a pumpkin pie from scratch. She was as much his mother as his own.

As he sat on their screened in porch, the glow of a small lamp illuminating the space, he wasn’t sure if Kate was going to yell at him or allow him to sit quietly in his own shame, but as she walked in with two steaming mugs of tea, he imagined that he was about to find out.

“I’m angry, you know.”

All he could muster in response was, “I know.”

“Scott, you are as much my son as any Casey or Kevin. You are a part of this family, but you have made my little girl’s life a living hell, so much so that she can’t even bear to be in the same city as you. Honey, I know talking about feelings and thoughts is not your favorite, but for your sake and mine, please tell me what the hell has gone through your mind in the past week.”

Scott set about telling Kate of his thoughts regarding his relationship with Laura. The fact that he hadn’t realized that she and Tessa look so much alike because he had been trying so hard not to compare them. He told her that he could feel Tessa slipping through his fingertips and he couldn’t bear to lose her. He told Kate that Sunday night had been an accident, but it didn’t mean that he didn’t love her. He poured out how conflicted he was about the wedding. About how Laura still didn’t know. He talked. He told her every little detail. Kate sipped her tea and listened, surprisingly without punching him. He shared as if Kate were his shrink and she wasn’t looking at things through the lens of a mom whose daughter he hurt.

“What are you going to do, Scott?” Kate asked after a long silence. “You’re supposed to be getting married tomorrow. I’m supposed to be in attendance, though I don’t imagine that I will be.”

“I don’t know, Kate. I love Tessa.”

“I’m going to stop you right there, Scott. With all due respect, you are not allowed to love her right now. You broke her heart. You killed the fighting spirit within one of the strongest people I know. I have never seen Tessa as hurt as this, including the time that she had surgery and you ignored her. That didn’t hold a candle to this. So no. You may think you love her, but do it from a distance. She needs to get over losing you. Right now, I’m asking you what you are going to do about your wedding, which does not involve Tessa.”

With each time she asked him what he was going to do, his frustration grew. “I don’t know! How on earth am I supposed to find out if I should marry her?!” 

“I think that’s your answer right there. You don’t know. If you are not 100% certain that you want to marry this girl, then don’t.”

“It’s not that easy. I do love her.”

“Well then tell her the truth, Scotty.” Kate’s voice softened. “She deserves the truth. She needs to be able to decide whether or not she wants to be in this marriage after you cheated on her a week before the wedding.”

“I know.”

Sipping his lukewarm tea, he knew that Kate was right. He had to tell Laura. She would be heartbroken, but he had to tell her. He couldn’t live a lie and Laura certainly had not deserved this.

An hour after he showed up unannounced, he gave Kate Virtue a hug and thanked her for the tea and for not breaking his nose.

“One last thing, Kate. Where is she?”

“Oh, sweetheart. That, I will not tell you. My daughter has been your rock for almost twenty years and you completely abused that relationship. I may be willing to talk to you, but this is her chance to start over. She deserves it. Let her learn to live without the heartbreak.”

He may not have liked her answer, but Kate had been far more generous than he deserved. And he knew that she was right.

 

When he arrived back at his apartment, Chiddy and Andrew were waiting with a bottle of Jack Daniels.

“What happened, man?”

“She’s gone. She left. I spent the last hour at the Virtue’s house talking to Kate. She left town. She can’t even bear to be in the same city as me.”

Wordlessly, Chiddy uncapped the whiskey and poured a generous amount into a bar glass, passing it to Scott.

Scott winced as the liquid burned its way down his throat.

Andrew sipped gingerly at his drink. “Hate to ask, but what are you going to do about Laura?”

“Well, tonight I’m gonna drink and tomorrow I’ll tell her. We’ll see where it goes from there.”

He fell into an easy rhythm of conversation with Andrew and Patrick and by 2 a.m. Scott was asleep on the couch. 

*****

She had made her way to a nice hotel in Midtown. She had thought that she would hate living in such a big city, but as her head whipped around in the taxi to catch a glimpse of everything, she found herself excited at the prospect of a new start in a vibrant city.

She had her small suitcase and the movers would be able to deliver her things within two days of her finding a suitable apartment. She had picked up a newspaper and intended to peruse Craigslist to find a suitable place. She wasn’t worried financially, skating had given her enough of a cushion to live comfortably. But she also didn’t like how transient living in a hotel felt. 

Looking through the ads on Craigslist sometimes felt a little hopeless. She didn’t want to live in an unsafe part of town. The Upper West Side was where she was looking. It was close to Columbia, but not in the snooty area of town. She narrowed down her search. She knew she didn’t want to live with boys, so she began to scroll through the ads until she came across one that said Looking for a quiet female roommate. Clicking through, she found pictures of a bright apartment that was rather artsy, but had a coziness about it. _I’m a graduate student at Columbia. I have a friendly gray cat and a relentless work ethic. I lead a quiet but fun life and I’m looking for someone with the same values. Personal hygiene is a must as well as a kind demeanor. Call if you’re interested. –Beth_

After an e-mail to Beth and a visit scheduled for tomorrow, Tessa called her mother. It was late, far later than when she would typically call.

“Hey, Mom.”

“Hey baby girl! How is New York?” For 11:30 p.m., she sounded far more awake than Tessa would have anticipated.

With a sigh, Tessa replied, “It’s good. I’m so glad that I’m here, but I miss you already.”

She dove right into explaining her plan of action. Find an apartment. Find a small part time job. It wasn’t necessary, but it would keep her busy and keep her mind off of a certain boy a couple hundred miles away who would be getting married tomorrow.

Her mother paused briefly and then stated plainly, “Tessa, I need to tell you something.” She sounded hesitant in a way that her mother rarely did.

Tessa knew in her gut exactly what her mom would be talking about. “Okay, mom. Shoot.”

“Scott came by about half an hour ago looking for you.”

She wasn’t typically one for cursing in front of her mother, but she couldn’t help the expletive that fell from her lips.

“Yeah. He seemed pretty broken up.” Kate continued.

A dry laugh escaped Tessa’s throat. “Great. Now he is feeling a sense of remorse. Day late, dollar short.”

“I’m not trying to say that I think he is right. I’m not even trying to defend his actions. All I’m saying is that he was bent out of shape and he came to the house. I’m sorry if it was overstepping for me to let him in...”

“No, mom. I’m not mad. At least not about you talking to him. He’s in a bad place right now. I’m glad that he can have someone in his life to be completely honest with him, but please don’t tell him where I’m at.” She pleaded.

“You’re secret is safe with me, honey.” her mother whispered over the line. She could hear from the telltale quiver in her mother’s voice that tears were running down her cheeks.

“I love you, mom. To the moon and back.”

Her mom repeated her words. “To the moon and back.” 

Pressing the end button on the phone, Tessa allowed the tears that had been threatening to fall during the conversation to pour forth. 

Despite it all, the hurt, the anger, the pain, the betrayal, she missed her best friend.

*****

Saturday morning, Scott woke up at 9 a.m. Blearily, he stumbled from his bed to the kitchen where he put on a pot of coffee to counteract his hangover. He grabbed a bowl and poured a generous amount of cereal and milk. He had eight hours until the wedding. Eight hours to figure out what the hell he was going to do.

As the smell of coffee filled the apartment, he wandered back over to the box that Tessa had left. The picture frame on top was the biggest one. He knew that it had sat prominently on a bookshelf in Tessa’s living room. It was a picture of the two of them atop the podium at Vancouver. His arm was wrapped tight around her shoulder and her face was split wide with a grin. He remembered this moment implicitly. The whole feeling of stepping up onto the top spot of the podium on home ice was so overwhelming. In the moment, he remembered closing his eyes, drawing Tessa close, and savoring the small things that had brought them to that very moment. Hard work, love, dedication, partnership, camaraderie, commitment, honesty, trust, and devotion. All of that had developed over the course of fourteen years, not overnight. He thought of the way that she would pull him close just to feel her heart beat against his. He thought of the deep belly laugh that would burst forth after he had done something stupid. He thought of the way his mother loved her. And he thought of the green eyes that were so transparent. One look at her eyes could tell him so much. To think, he may never see those eyes again.

He grabbed a travel mug from the cabinet and poured his coffee. While brushing his teeth, he tugged on a clean pair of pants and put on deodorant.

_I have to fix this. I have eight hours to fix this._

*****

He knew that at this very moment, Laura would be having her hair and makeup done before her bridal portraits were taken. Laura had sent out the schedule two weeks ago for Scott to know where the girls would be so that there would be no shocking run ins before the ceremony. He marched up the stairs to the top floor of the wedding venue. The ceremony was being held in one room and the reception was in the adjacent one, but tucked in the back of the venue was the bridal suite. There was one for the groom too, but Scott hadn’t bothered to look at it. 

He couldn’t remember the last time that he had been this determined. It was likely Sochi. Since then, he had settled for a watered down existence. One that was safe, comfortable, but completely unsatisfying. It was time to take a leap, to fight for the life that was exciting and breathtaking, not mundane and common.

He rapped on the door to the bridal suite, and one of Laura’s bridesmaids poked her head out. 

“Oh, it’s you.” She frowned. “It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding. You need to go now.”

She made a move to close the door, but Scott’s hand stopped it.

“Let me see her. Now.”

Sensing Scott’s urgency, the bridesmaids and the hairdresser left the bridal suite and Scott walked in.

“Scott.” Laura smiled. “We shouldn’t be seeing each other. Not until I’m walking down the aisle.”

“We need to talk, Laura.”

A look of concern crossed Laura’s face. She didn’t know what was coming and he didn’t want to tell her, but it was the only way.

“I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep lying to you like this.”

“Scott, what..” Laura began, but Scott cut her off abruptly.

“I slept with Tessa.” He choked out. The relief was instantaneous. It felt so good to finally be honest with her, but the look of sheer heartbreak on Laura’s face broke his heart a little more.

“Laura, I’m so...” he began.

“Don’t even, Scott. Don’t even begin to tell me you’re sorry because I know you’re not.” She turned around to sit down in front of the mirror. “You know, I’ve been going against my better judgment for a long time now. Do you know how many people told me how stupid I was to even date you? They always told me that you and Tessa were a done deal. That there would be nobody in this world who would get you like Tessa would. I’m such a fool.”

Laura swept away a tear from her eye while trying not to mess up her makeup. Scott tried to talk, but words wouldn’t come. 

“When did it happen?”

“A week ago.”

“So that was why you didn’t come home. One argument with me and you run to her.” She coughed a laugh. “How fucking predictable.”

“Laura, I know you won’t believe me, but I’m sorry. God, I am so sorry. I’ve been trying to pretend that it didn’t happen, like we would be okay, but I can’t lie anymore.”

“So what now? Do we go out there in front of everyone tonight and pretend that everything is okay? Do we get married and start our lives together based on a lie?”

Scott paused. He hadn’t quite made it that far. “Is that what you want?”

“No. I asked you what you wanted. Do you want to marry me?”

It took everything within him. All of the anguish he had experienced over the past week, all of the betrayal, and it came out as a whisper. “No.”

“Then that’s it. I’ll call the wedding planner. Cancel it all.”

“Laura, I’m so sorry.”

“Save it, Scott. You’re an asshole.”

“And don’t I know it.” With that, he turned and left the room. He walked quickly, not making eye contact with any of the bridesmaids as he walked out. As he reached the stairwell, he broke into a run. He didn’t know where he was going to go, but it was anywhere but here.

*****  
Apartment 2B.

This was it. Though it was rush hour, the street outside of the building seemed relatively quiet. She knocked on the door and it was immediately opened. 

Beth was well dressed. She was wearing black skinny jeans and a really cute summery top. Her hair was swept effortlessly into a low chignon and her nails were painted a bright coral color. Her ballet flats were enviable, and a smile lit her face.

“You must be Tessa!”

“You must be Beth.” Tessa smiled at the young woman’s genuine enthusiasm.

Over the next half hour, Tessa fell in love with the quaint apartment. It was not her typical style, but it was whimsical, warm, and homey, and it looked like it came straight out of an Anthropologie catalogue. 

Conversation with Beth was easy. She didn’t ask anything intensely personal and they simply talked about fashion, family, and New York City.

“So you’ve never spent an extended amount of time in NYC?” Beth asked incredulously.

Tessa chuckled, “No. I was accepted to Columbia Law, and New York City seemed like a wonderful adventure, so I took a leap of faith and here I am.”

“Law school. Man. So you’re going to have absolutely no life whatsoever. I’m in the Teaching College at Columbia pursuing a Masters, so I know the campus well. I’m glad to help in any way possible!”

By the end of the evening, Tessa had signed a lease, packed up her things at the hotel and transported them to the apartment that she now shared with Beth. Beth had inflated her air mattress in Tessa’s room and had bought a bouquet of fresh peonies as a welcome for her new roomie. Later that night as the two of them laughed and shared a bottle of merlot, Tessa realized how bittersweet this whole thing was. 

Scott was now married, but this was her new life and she was delighted.

*****  
Scott ran through the front door of his apartment and into his room. He grabbed a duffel from beneath his bed and began throwing clothes and toiletries in. 

“What are you doing?” Chiddy asked as he and Andrew appeared at the door.

“Wedding is off.” Scott said. “I need to get away.”

“Where are you gonna go?” Andrew asked. Scott looked like a madman emptying the contents of his dresser drawers into his bag.

“I don’t know. Anywhere but here. I’ll probably go to the airport and book a random ticket. I just want to get away and be alone.”

“My family has a house in the mountains on the lake. Nobody is there right now. If you want to go, man, it’s yours.”

Perfect. Andrew tossed him the key to the house and programmed the address into the GPS on his phone. Chiddy and Andrew helped him load his bags into the back of his car.

“Want us to help you pack up your things so that you don’t have to face Laura for as long when you get back?”

“You guys don’t have to do that.”

“Nonsense.” Chiddy replied. “We want to.”

“Well alright. Dishes are hers, our movies are separated and you should be able to figure out which ones are mine. The TV and DVD player are mine too. Other than that, clothes and toiletries are mine as well as the couch, but she can have that.”

Alright. We’ll pack it up.

With that, Scott hopped into his car, filled up on gas on the way out of town, and began to drive. Far away.

*****  
 _Dear Daniel,_

_Here is my new e-mail address and I’ll text you with my new number._

_I found an apartment and I’m getting settled here. I have a roommate named Beth, and I think that you would like her a lot. You’ll have to come and visit us one day soon. My furniture arrives tomorrow and I’ll have some time to get settled before classes start. I think I’m going to look for a job at a coffee shop. I don’t know that I would have considered that back in London, but here it seems like an adventure and I’m all for a change._

_If you do hear from you-know-who, please do not tell me. I’m starting a brand new life here in New York City and he’s not a part of it._

_I miss you so much and I hope you’re doing well._

_x, Tessa_


	12. Darkness Can Descend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Until he could see her face again, to hear her voice and look into her eyes, this pain would be his constant companion. Without a doubt, he deserved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter comes from the song "Where Are You Now?" by Mumford and Sons. Hopefully this chapter gives a little more insight into Scott. It's short, I know, but faster than I expected it to come together! Enjoy!

Once Scott had gotten on the road, he realized that the Poje’s mountain house was on the opposite side of the country. Not wanting to drive for two days straight, he turned around and headed for the airport. He sweet talked the travel agent into booking him a round trip to Calgary and checked his bag. He stopped by the bar for a beer as he waited for his flight.

As terrible as he felt for calling off the wedding, it was the first time in weeks that he felt like he had taken a step in the right direction. He knew that he had hurt Laura, but calling it off now and giving her the opportunity for a lifetime of happiness seemed kinder than marrying her and divorcing her five years later. She was a good person. He had done this to a good person and she didn’t deserve it.

The red-eye flight was rather empty and Scott grabbed a seat by the window. After takeoff the flight attendant stopped by with a blanket and water to ask if Scott wanted anything else. _A new life, perhaps?_ But he shook his head no, shoved his earbuds in, and drifted off to sleep.

The jolt of the plane meeting the runway pulled him out of sleep. He nodded to the flight attendant on his way out because 2 a.m. was not a time for conversation. Once he had gotten his bags and secured a rental car, he reprogrammed his GPS and set out for the Poje family mountain home.

He had stopped at a small grocery store on the way to get food for his stay. The lady at the checkout eyed him suspiciously as she loaded his multiple bottles of whiskey into a bag, but wisely chose not to say anything.

The road had gotten narrow as it wound up the side of the mountain. The sun was rising and the world around him was so quiet that he could hear the birds chirping even as he drove. The trees arched over his car as he approached the clearing ahead. The Poje family mountain home wasn’t grand or overstated. It was on the small side, but the side of the house that overlooked the small lake in the clearing was made entirely of glass.

He used the key that Andrew had given him to let himself in and promptly showed himself to the first bedroom he could find and flopped down on the bed. The sun had just risen over the lake outside and Scott fell into a dreamless sleep.

For the first time in a long time, his conscience was clear.

*****  
New York City was enthralling. She had been here exactly a week and she was in love. Beth had helped her learn to ride the subway, which was mildly terrifying but faster than getting a cab anytime she wanted to go somewhere. She had mentioned to Beth that she wanted to get a job at a coffee shop. Beth had laughed and remarked, “How very hipster of you!” before she called a friend and got Tessa an interview at one of the best coffee shops in Manhattan.

She walked in to Everyman Espresso and the smell of roasted coffee permeated the air. The décor was modern. It wasn’t necessarily a homey coffee shop that invited people to sit and lounge for extended amounts of time, but a classy establishment that drew friends meeting for an afternoon coffee or a group of associates gathering for a business meeting outside the office. Coffees were served in various bar glasses and Tessa was enchanted.

She sat down at a small circular table with Michael, the manager of Everyman.

“Well this is certainly an interesting resume. I can’t say that I’ve ever interviewed an Olympic athlete before.”

“Well, sir, I can’t say that I’ve ever interviewed to work at a coffee shop before.”

“Touché. And don’t call me sir, that’s what they call my granddad. So, Miss Tessa, why are you applying to work here?” Michael smiled as he studied her. She was unlike their typical hipster collegiate applicants. She had worn slacks to the interview. Most people who interviewed just showed up in jeans.

“I’m making a change. You’ll notice that my resume says Canada on it. I just moved across the border and I swear I have proper documentation to work, but I needed a change. So I’m here. I’ll be in law school in the fall and a coffee shop job sounds idyllic right about now.” Tessa shut up when she finally realized that she was rambling. Funny, she had given so many interviews, been televised more times than she could count, and competed in the Olympics. Why she was nervous was beyond her, but boy was she ever.

Michael, however, seemed to find it endearing. He chuckled, made a comment about how she would be a “riot” to work with and then asked what made her think that she would be a good addition to the Everyman staff.

“Well I know that you all highly value the quality of coffee that you produce, and I can assure you that I am a perfectionist. Becoming an Olympian doesn’t happen without years of hard work and dedication, so that is what I can offer you. Perfectionism, a strong work ethic, and a damn good cup of coffee.”

“Alright, Tessa. When can you start?” Michael asked her with a smile.

Tessa shook her head, “Wait, what?”

“You heard me, you’re hired. When can you start?”

“You only asked me three questions. Do you really mean that or are you just messing with me?”

“I’m not messing with you, I’m offering you a job. I usually have a decent gut instinct about people. When can you start?”

“As soon as possible.”

With a promise to show up at opening tomorrow, Tessa practically skipped home to tell Beth. That hadn’t been so hard!

*****  
Scott was nowhere near how young he used to be. He used to be able to put away a bottle of Jack in little to no time, but a few shots now and he was drunk off his ass. For the first four days, his only purpose in life was to eat, get shitfaced, and sleep it off. The more he drank, the less the beautiful green eyes swam in his vision. The more he drank, the more that he could almost convince himself that he hadn’t made the biggest mistake of his life.

In the middle of the night, Scott would wake up, certain that she would be in bed beside him, but her side of the bed was always cold. After he came to, he would grab his phone, scroll to her number in his contacts, and press call. Time and time again, the operator’s mechanical voice would drone, “We’re sorry. The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected.” Over and over he would call until his phone ran out of battery. Then he would pick up his bottle of Jack and continue drinking. The last thing that he saw before passing out was the image of Tessa, spread out on the bed in front of him, and then everything went black.

*****  
On the fifth day, Scott sobered up enough to call his mother. He had to face reality sooner or later.

“Hey, Mom.”

“Scott? Where the hell are you?”

“At Andrew Poje’s family mountain house.”

“Have you been kidnapped? Did someone put a chloroform cloth over your face, drag you to the trunk of their car, drive you cross country, and lock you away somewhere? Because you of all people could not have possibly done what I think you did without a very good reason.”

 _Hell hath no fury like Alma Moir scorned._ “No, Mom. I wasn’t kidnapped. I just couldn’t marry Laura.”

“Scott, I love you, but if you weren’t half a continent away, I would find you and put my fist to your face. Do you know what I had to deal with when you bolted?”

When his mother got in a state like this, Scott knew better than to argue. It was best to just sit here and let her yell, especially when he knew he deserved it.

“That witch of a mother started yelling at me about my ‘asshole of a son’ and screaming profanities about my parenting abilities and why I should have been sterilized to prevent idiotic children. And Laura was crying hysterically and the only words I could understand were “Scott,” “Tessa,” and “whore.” Scott. What the hell does Tessa have to do with all of this?”

 _My mother loves Tessa like one of her own children. How do I even begin to explain what I did?_ “Well...I went to Tessa’s the Sunday after her graduation...and some... uh...things happened...and I felt so guilty afterwards. I couldn’t marry Laura. And even if I didn’t feel guilty, I still couldn’t marry Laura.”

Alma’s silence on the other end spoke louder than her yelling.

“Please, Mom. Just say something.”

“Is Tessa with you?”

“No. It’s just me.”

Alma could tell by her son’s voice that he was heartbroken.

“I have no idea where Tessa is. She left London and sent me a box of all of my stuff. Her apartment is empty. She cut off her phone line. She disabled her e-mail, twitter, and Instagram. She’s gone completely off grid and I have no idea how to find her.”

“Scotty. I love you. And what I’m saying to you is out of love. Please know that, but I’m disappointed. I can’t even begin to fathom how on earth you could do this to Tessa. I mean Laura, she’s a great girl and you messed up there, but Tessa. She’s been in love with you for years, Scott. She brings you allergy medication and makes you smoothies. She did your laundry regularly, for crying out loud. She sat there and watched you date, propose to, and plan a wedding with another woman while being in love with you the entire time. And then you repaid her years of friendship, trust, and loyalty by using her like a cheap whore and leaving her alone until she couldn’t take it anymore and had to leave. God, Scotty. I’m so disappointed.

Somehow in hearing it from his mother, it made it all sound fifty times worse than it did when he told Chiddy and Andrew. He couldn’t help the tears that began to slide down his cheeks to his chin. “Mom, she was not in love with me.”

“Oh, honey. It is written all over that sweet girl’s face every time she blinks in your direction. I’ve known for years, Canada has known for years, and if you had taken a split second to see her as anything other than the seven year old girl in a tutu, you would have seen it too.”

With a deep breath, he asked his mom the one question that moms could always help with. “Mom, what should I do?”

“That is for you to figure out, Scotty. I’m proud of you for coming clean about it all. But what’s next is up to you. Only you can make that decision. I can’t fix this for you.”

“She hates me, Mom.”

“Which one, Scott?”

He didn’t know the answer to that question, honestly. Thinking about Laura filled him with guilt and dread, but thinking about Tessa was the most painful thing he could imagine. He couldn’t handle the conversation anymore. “I’ve gotta go, Mom.”

“Alright, honey. I love you. Even though you are such an idiot.”

“Love you too, Mom.”

With that, he hung up the phone. He could imagine Laura sobbing, ripping down wedding decorations, and screaming about Tessa being some sort of a whore. He could imagine Tessa somewhere, hating him so intensely for fucking her and walking out.

He grabbed a bottle out of his backpack and let a melatonin tablet melt on his tongue. He was done using alcohol to forget and avoid, but that didn’t mean he wanted to face things head on.

*****  
The next day, Scott was ready to rejoin the living. He packed a sandwich and some protein bars in a backpack and set out on a hike. It had been a while since he’d felt the familiar strain of his muscles pulling. He focused on breathing in and out and listening to the blood rushing behind his ears. After about three hours of hiking, he finally reached his destination. A bluff high up in the mountain that overlooked the Poje’s mountain house and the lake beside it.

Sitting down to eat his lunch, he thought about his conversation with his mom. Was Tessa really in love with him? How had he not noticed it for almost 20 years? He remembered what his mom said: he would have seen that she loved him if he had taken a moment to see her aside from the seven year old girl he had met one day at the rink. Truth be told, he hadn’t looked at her that way. Sure, he had kissed her that one night, but it was more because she was there and looking kissable. 

_Fuck, I screwed up. So she is in love with me. That’s why she ran away._ She ran away because she never wanted to see him again. The thought of her never wanting to see him again, never wanting to skate together, the fact that she was in so much pain that she had to leave her life to get away from him cut through him like a knife. Had he broken her heart? Did he mean to? Would he ever intentionally hurt her? _Never Tessa._

Then he started wondering. _How the hell do I feel about her?_ Obviously he was attracted to her. The night that he slept with her, he had never seen anything sexier in his 28 years of existence. The desire he felt for her, the need to consume her, had been overpowering. He freaked out and called off his entire wedding because she was gone. And here he sat, looking out over one of the most gorgeous views he had ever seen. And Laura was nowhere in his mind. The thought of Tessa consumed him. Losing Laura didn’t hurt, not really. Losing Tess, that was unfathomable. Was she important? _Yes._ Did he miss her? _So much that I can’t breathe._ Did he need her in his life. _Undoubtedly._

_I have to see her again._

It was here, several hundreds of miles from the damage that he had caused that he could finally accept the pain, the hurt he felt, and the way that his heart clutched every time he heard her name. Until he could see her face again, to hear her voice and look into her eyes, this pain would be his constant companion. Without a doubt, he deserved it.

_Tessa, you didn’t deserve that from me. You deserve everything. I have to find you. I’m not running from this anymore._

He stood up and looked out upon the view one last time before starting back down the mountain. It was time to go home, get his shit together, and fight for his girl before she was gone forever.


	13. Hey There Delilah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rink was filled with her. In the north corner of the arena, he had pulled her pigtail and raced away. At the water fountain by the locker rooms, he had asked her out. On the weekends that they spent at home after endless weeks of training, he and Tessa would meet up in the dead of night when the ice was glassy and smooth to carve patterns on the fresh surface and remember why they loved skating in the first place. He couldn’t help it. Every time he was on the ice, it was like a small part of Tessa was still there with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter comes from the song by the same name by the Plain White T's. Thanks so much for reading!

Returning to London after his week away was a surreal feeling. In some ways, everything had changed, and in many ways it hadn’t at all. He had waited until he knew Laura was at work to go back to the apartment. As he opened the door, the feeling of guilt hit him, along with the heavy floral scent of Laura’s perfume. 

Chiddy and Andrew had done a great job of grabbing most of his stuff, but there were a few last things that needed to be grabbed. His Olympic medal was tucked in the back of a drawer and his laptop sat on the side table by the couch. Taped to the top was a note: _Scott. Don’t think you’re running away from this without talking about what happened. You at least owe me that. –L_

He ripped the note off his computer, crumbled it up, and shoved it deep into his pocket. He knew that Laura deserved hearing about what happened. She was a good person and she had been blindsided. They had issues to sort through such as settling up for the wedding. He thought it was only fair that he pay for a good portion of it since he was the one to bolt. 

Grabbing the last of his things, he made a couple of trips out to his car and then headed towards Ilderton. The dust billowed up behind his car as he pulled into his family’s driveway. His mom’s car was in the driveway and he knew that she must be getting ready to head to the rink.

He grabbed his duffel from the back seat, slung it over his shoulder and made his way up the sidewalk to where he stood on the porch. He didn’t know the typical protocol for something like this. Ring the doorbell? Walk in? Subtly say, “Hey Mom, I know I haven’t lived with you in ten years, but can I stay?”

Before he could think twice, his mother opened the door, smiled weakly at him, and said, “Come on inside, honey.”

He dropped his duffel at the foot of the stairs as he’d done so many times on his weekends home when he and Tessa were competing. He followed his mom to the kitchen and sat at a barstool by the counter. Like a mother of boys, she figured he must be hungry and started making him a sandwich.

“How are you doing?”

“Honestly, mom? Not so hot.”

“Patrick and Andrew dropped by quite a load of your things. We put them in the garage, but I hope you don’t mind, I washed some of your clothes and put them in your old room. You’re welcome to stay here for a bit until you get your bearings.”

He’d expected his mom to immediately start asking questions, but she didn’t. She fed him, handed him his skates, and told him to hop in the car.

There was a team at the rink that he had been working with a good deal over the past year. He knew that his mom had wanted him to start working with them more intensively, but he’d never quite gotten around to it. Ellis was 15, and she was a true firecracker. She’d been skating since she started walking, and it showed. She was confident on the ice and possessed the air of being completely unafraid. Matt was her partner and he was sixteen. His age seemed to work to his advantage, as he was certainly the one with the level head in the partnership. They had been paired at the Ilderton Skating Club six years ago and had started showing promise early on.

The faded blue of the Skating Club appeared in the distance, welcoming him home. No matter what he had been going through, the ice had always been his escape, and now was no different. Walking through the front doors, he waved to Sharon, the receptionist and walked towards the rink.

He heard someone whistle at him, and he whipped around. Ellis was strutting towards him in her skates. 

She shouted, “Well thanks for abandoning us!”

“Come on, Elle. You know I didn’t abandon you.” Working with Ellis brought him back to when his female cousins were at that age. How so much sass could be packed into that small of a person was beyond him.

She rolled her eyes and headed towards the ice where Matt was already warming up. Tugging her guards off, she glided on to the ice and started the very warm up that he and Tessa had done so many years ago. They had taught Ellis and Matt the sequences together, warming up the crucial muscle groups before they began skating.

That afternoon, they ran through their brand new choreography, getting it under foot as Scott watched on. His aunt worked with them and he chimed in from time to time on how to make footwork cleaner.

It was a successful session. Ellis and Matt had made a visible improvement. He remembered this point in the season. There was a clear sense of opportunity. There was new material and a blank slate theirs for the taking. There weren’t memories of his ice skating career without Tessa. The rink was filled with her. In the north corner of the arena, he had pulled her pigtail and raced away. At the water fountain by the locker rooms, he had asked her out. On the weekends that they spent at home after endless weeks of training, he and Tessa would meet up in the dead of night when the ice was glassy and smooth to carve patterns on the fresh surface and remember why they loved skating in the first place. He couldn’t help it. Every time he was on the ice, it was like a small part of Tessa was still there with him.

An unexpected jolt of anger shot through him. How could she leave like that? He threw his skates into his bag and jogged towards the door. _Somebody has to know where you are, Tessa. And I’ll be damned if I don’t find out._

*****

He drove down the quiet street in London. He had lived only a few blocks over before he had moved in with Laura. He didn’t know the exact location of the house that he was looking for, but he would know it when he saw it. He had dropped Tessa off a few times, and that was enough. 

He finally spotted the white house with chipping paint and a swing on the small porch. He parked on the street in front of the house, unsure of how long this would take. 

The doorbell rang throughout the house and a few seconds later Scott could hear footsteps. Daniel’s tall frame filled the doorway and in a split second his expression turned from pleasant to stern.

“Scott.”

“Hey Daniel.”

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” Scott could tell that Daniel was attempting to mask anger. There was no pleasure in Scott’s visit and Daniel looked like he could punch him at any moment.

“You know why I’m here.”

Scoffing, he responded, “Do I now? Because I only got a cryptic e-mail from Tessa saying that she was leaving and that you were the cause. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t punch your pretty boy face and drag you back to your car.”

“Because I didn’t marry Laura.”

Scott could tell that his answer took Daniel by surprise. The look of anger on his face was wiped off and an expression somewhere between vacant and shock covered his face. He stepped aside and gestured for Scott to come in to the house. 

He pointed to the couches and returned moments later with two beers.

“Look. Don’t even pretend for a second that I care about you right now. But Tessa. There is no way she deserved any of this, so what happened?”

“God. I screwed up so badly.” Scott started. Daniel nodded like it was a no brainer and Scott began to recount the story. When he reached the part where he had slept with Tessa, Daniel listened, but the muscles tensed in his neck and his jaw was clenched. However, when he got to his trip and his decision to find Tessa and fix it all, he could tell that he was going to get nowhere with Daniel.

“Good luck with that.” Daniel huffed.

“Daniel, please. I need to make this right. I have to find her.”

“Like hell would I ever tell you. Look. I know Tessa. She’s the same girl that you once knew too. The old soul. The selfless friend. The unbreakable spirit. Yet somehow you managed to convince that incredible girl that she was worthless. And that, in my opinion, is unforgivable. Of all the people that she could be in love with, it happened to be you.” Daniel shook his head. “God, any other guy would have treated her better than how you treated her.”

“Look. I screwed up. And I’m so painfully aware of it. Tessa was a part of my life for almost two decades and then overnight she is gone. It’s like my fucking arm is missing.”

He could tell that trying to explain his thinking to Daniel was getting him nowhere. There was no way that Daniel would ever tell him where Tessa was, but part of him couldn’t blame the guy.

“I get that you miss her. Hell, I miss her too. But that doesn’t mean that I’m going to help you. Think about it like this, Scott. All of the time you have known her, Tessa has made you into the best version of yourself. She’s done it for me too. You work a little harder with her, you smile a little brighter. Maybe you go out of your way to be kind to someone else because that’s how Tessa would do it. But away from Tessa, you’re just a jackass who cheats on his girlfriend and fucks over his best friend. So here is your opportunity to try and be half the man that Tessa knew you could be. I’m not saying that she is ever going to come back to you. But now you need to be you apart from Tessa because she deserves so much more than having her name drug around with yours for the rest of your lives.”

He understood Daniel. Daniel had loved Tessa, but knew that Tessa would never love him back so he settled for being a world-class friend. Scott was thankful that Tessa had found someone like him.

With a muttered thanks for not punching him, Scott left Daniel’s house and drove away.

Daniel watched him go. _Woah. He didn’t get married._ As much as he hated Scott for screwing up Tessa’s life, he kind of felt sorry for the pathetic guy now. Tessa was gone. Scott was alone. Laura had been dumped. He had been friend-zoned.

What a fucking mess.

*****

Adjusting to life at his parents’ house was less than fun. He’d been there for three days and already he was sick of it. His mom was up at the crack of dawn every morning and expected him to be as well. Sleep, however, was his one escape from his present reality, so he tried to get as much of it as possible. 

It was 9 a.m. on a weekday morning and it was beyond him how he’d managed to ward off his mother’s wake up calls so far. He heard his bedroom door open and saw the lamp on his desk flip on. Instead of his mother’s usual greeting, he was met by silence and the soft dip of his mattress as someone sat down beside him. He opened his eyes to blink away sleep and was greeted by brown hair and sad green eyes.

“Laura.” How should he greet her in this situation? “Sorry for sleeping with Tessa and leaving you on the day of our wedding.” or “On the bright side, you didn’t marry me and find this out later.” But her name was the only thing that he could find words enough to say and it hung eerily in the silence.

“You’re back at your parents’ house.” It wasn’t a question. More like stating the obvious. Somehow someone else stating the truth made it even more pathetic.

Finally, Laura cleared her throat. “So... Where did you run off to?”

“Andrew Poje’s family mountain home near Calgary.”

“Did Tessa go with you?”

“No, Laura. God. I haven’t seen her or spoken to her in over two weeks.” _Has it really been that long?_

“Oh.” Laura whispered. Her eyes focused on her shoes. “I thought that the two of you would be together by now.”

“What do you mean by that, Laura?

“Come on, Scott. I know how the two of you are. Always looking. Never touching. Heating up fucking ice rinks with your chemistry. I’ve seen it in the way that you looked at her the entire time we were together. So tell me. How many times did you really sleep with her?”

“Once. I told you that, Laura. I’m telling the truth.”

Laura stood up, rolled her eyes, and began pacing Scott’s small childhood bedroom. “I don’t know what I was even thinking, agreeing to marry you. I saw you guys compete in Vancouver. Did I ever tell you that? I thought surely the two of you must be in love. Nobody can fabricate chemistry like that. It turns out you can’t. How could I have been so stupid?”

“Laura, you’re not stupid.” Scott sat up in bed, the quilt falling from his bare chest. “It was real between us. I never meant to hurt you.”

“How on earth could it have been so innocent between you and Tessa? I see the way you are with her. The way that you finish her sentences and anticipate her movements before she even moves. The way that you cherish her and respect her. She spent most of her time with us looking like she wanted to punch me and kiss you. I tried to brush it off because I thought you really loved me, but look how that turned out.”

“I did love you, Laura.”

“But you will always love Tessa more.” Tears gathered in the corners of Laura’s eyes. She was an incredible person. She didn’t deserve this. Standing up, he grabbed Laura’s arm and pulled her into a hug. Her body shook with silent sobs and her tears rolled down his bare chest.

After a minute she pulled away and wiped at her eyes. “I told myself I wouldn’t cry like this. I need to go now.”

Scott walked with Laura downstairs and out the front door. “For what it’s worth, not that this is any consolation, but I’m sorry. I know that those words don’t mean much coming from me, but I’m so sorry. It wasn’t meant to happen like this.”

Laura nodded and started walking towards her car. “I hope you get it all sorted out, Scott.”

She hopped into her car and drove off. Scott made his way into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. _That could have been worse._

What had he seen in Laura in the first place?

She was unfailingly kind. The way she acted around others made them feel more important. She had a way of empowering people simply by being herself. Her green eyes had the ability to draw the attention of anyone in the room and she was smart as hell. She was intelligent and passionate and she loved life with every fiber of her being. 

With a groan he realized that he had just described Tessa exactly.

Chugging the rest of his coffee, he pulled on his tennis shoes and headed out the front door to run until he couldn’t remember his name, let alone Tessa’s.

*****

For some reason unbeknownst to him, Scott found himself driving down a familiar quiet London street headed towards the Virtue house. Why he was driving there, he had no clue. He hadn’t spoken to Kate since the night before he was supposed to get married.

He parked his car across the street and spotted Tessa’s white crossover still parked by the side of the house. Maybe she hadn’t needed a car wherever she had gone. He walked up to the driver’s side and keyed in the passcode into the keyless entry. The panel flashed green and the door clicked unlocked. Scott opened the door and sat in the driver’s seat. The car smelled like her perfume. He knew that she kept a bottle of it in her center console for whenever she had finished working out or skating. She rarely got very sweaty, but she still claimed she smelled.

Sitting in her car, he was flooded with memories of midnight trips to Tim Horton’s for hot chocolate and sing along drives from Michigan towards home. It was the first place that he had clearly felt like he could be alone with his thoughts.

_God, Tess. I miss you._

He reclined the driver’s seat and simply rested in her presence. Even from a great distance, the calming effect she had on him was instantaneous.

A sharp knock on the window jolted him out of his thoughts. Kate Virtue stood over him with a confused look on her face. He put the chair back up and opened the door.

“Hi.”

“Hey, Scott. You are in Tessa’s car because...”

“Because it was here and I miss her so much it hurts.”

Kate’s eyebrows shot up at Scott’s bold admission. With a wave of her hand, she gestured for him to follow her to the backyard. She was carrying a set of gardening tools and she knelt at one of the flower beds by the porch. Taking a seat on one of the steps, Scott began to watch Kate carefully pull weeds from in between the flowers.

“How can I help you, Scott?”

“I was, uh, wondering if you had... uh, heard from Tessa.” Stammering didn’t suit Scott well. He’d been thinking it for a good deal of time, but he was surprised that he had actually said it.

“Yes. I’ve heard from her.” Kate answered plainly.

“How is she?”

Kate threw down a weed and looked Scott directly in the eyes. “How is she? She’s heartbroken, Scott. She’s doing her best to pick up the pieces and put them back together again.”

Hearing the words spoken from Kate felt like a knife through the heart. He knew that he had done irreparable damage, but somehow hearing it from Kate made it seem ten times worse.

“Where is she, Kate?” He held his breath in anticipation, waiting for Kate’s answer.

A dry laugh escaped Kate’s throat. “She doesn’t want anyone to know where she is Scott. She told me explicitly not to tell anyone. A fresh start. You have to understand that.”

Exhaling loudly, he said, “I get it. I do. But I need to talk to her. I have to see her.”

“Scott. Give her space. She needs it.”

Pausing, he whispered, “Can you pass her a message then?”

Kate didn’t respond. She regarded him with eyebrows raised. That wasn’t a yes, but it wasn’t a no, so he continued.

“Can you tell her I didn’t get married?”

“I can’t promise anything, Scott.”

“I understand.”

Kate’s heart hurt for her daughter. He hadn’t gotten married after all. And in that moment, her heart hurt for Scott too. It was inexcusable, what he’d done, but it was clear that he still loved Tessa deeply.

“Scott?”

“Yes?”

“Come back this time next week. We’ll have coffee.” 

More hopeful than he’d dared let himself be, he thanked Kate and stood up to leave the back yard. 

*****

New York City in July was sweltering. The subways turned into saunas and there were few places to escape the heat.

Tessa had met the tenant in the apartment across the hallway- an elderly woman named Mrs. Reinholtz. Her husband had died years earlier and Tessa was sure that she was probably lonely. The door to her apartment was often open and she prided herself on knowing all of the tenants in the building. She could often be found reading or enjoying a cup of coffee by the door while jazz standards played in the background. 

When Tessa moved in, Mrs. Reinholtz had asked all of the standard questions: how old she was, why she had moved to the city, whether or not she was single. And since she had discovered Tessa’s marital status, she seemed hell bent on finding a nice young man to marry her off to. Tessa simply smiled and said “Thanks Mrs. Reinholtz, but I’m pretty content being single right now.” Daily, Mrs. Reinholtz would mutter something about “kids these days.”

Today, Tessa grabbed a piece of toast and ran out the door, running late for work. “Hey Mrs. Reinholtz!” she called as she ran down the stairs and burst onto the street.

Her phone started buzzing. It was her mother. With toast in one hand and her phone in the other, she tried to quickly navigate the hustle and bustle of the city.

“Hey Mom!”

“Hi honey! How is it going?”

Tessa told her mom about work. She loved Everyman. She had gone through quite the extensive training during her first two weeks of work. She had drawn so many espresso shots and tasted them all trying to refine her taste for espresso and hone her barista skills. There had been a spit bucket and all so that she didn’t consume too much caffeine. 

“That’s great, Tessa! I’m so glad that you’re enjoying your work.”

“How’s everything at home? I miss you guys.”

Her mom filled her in on all of the happenings around town and with her siblings. It had been a while since she had skyped with Jordan, but it was good to hear that everyone was doing well.

“Uh, one more thing. I was asked to deliver a message, and I... uh... don’t know if you’ll want to hear it.. uh...”

Scott. She could hear from the hesitation in her mom’s voice that it had something to do with him.

“Has Scott told you something?”

“Yes. Would you like me to tell you about it or would you rather pretend that I didn’t talk to him?”

Tessa took a deep breath. She could tell her mom no, that she never wanted to hear his name uttered in a sentence ever again in her life or she could say yes and figure out how to get some closure once and for all. 

“What did he want?” She heard the words slip out of her mouth before she could process them.

“He misses you honey. He’s desperately trying to find you.”

Tessa’s heart rate sped up. “You didn’t tell him where I am, did you?!”

“Gosh no. Of course not. But Tessa, there is one more thing... He didn’t marry Laura.”

Tessa was too stunned to form words. She was sure that after Scott had ignored her for so many days it was because he had swept it under the rug and pretended like it didn’t happen.

Without closure to the conversation, she found herself saying, “I gotta go Mom. Bye.” She hung up her phone and stepped on to the subway. Immediately finding a seat, she bent her head down and focused on calming her breathing.

_Not married. Scott. Scott’s not married. Laura is not his wife. Scott and Laura are, in fact, not married._

Tears pricked the corners of her eyes, but she refused to let herself cry on the subway. New York was supposed to be her fresh start, dammit. Whether or not Scott had gotten married was of no consequence to her. He could have gone and eloped in Vegas or something for all she cared. 

Nope. Tessa Virtue did not care. Not one. Single. Bit.


	14. Colors Change For No Good Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She hated herself for still being affected by him. She hated that Scott had somehow managed to weasel his way into her life through Daniel and her mom to let her know that he didn’t end up marrying Laura. She hated the fact that he hadn’t spoken to her after everything blew up and he knew that a mere conversation could remedy the fragments of her heart that splintered through her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY from the bottom of my heart that this took forever and two weeks to update! Real life is calming down a little more right now, so hopefully updates will be a little more frequent. The title comes from the song "Not Myself" by John Mayer.
> 
> This chapter was such a fun one to write. I loved getting to explore both the worlds of Tessa and Scott and how they have reacted to everything so far. Please leave comments or constructive criticism! Thank you all for reading. You make it well worth the hard work it takes to write.

Law School was everything she had thought it would be and so much more. She had been told that the first year of law school they scare you to death, the second they work you to death, and the third they bore you to death. So far in her experience at Columbia, she found that to be completely true. There were about forty people in her classes and from day one, the professors seemed hell bent on telling them anything they needed to know that might cause them trouble in their careers down the road.

Tessa had always considered school to be her strong suit. While she chose to study often, she could easily pass by simply doing the bare minimum. However, law school was definitely not the same as her psychology degree and she could not pass simply by doing the bare minimum. Life became consumed by her studies and when she wasn’t studying, she was working. Beth, being the amazing roommate that she was, would often have dinner ready at 8:30 when Tessa walked through the door covered in coffee grounds from the late shift at Everyman.

Bit by bit, Beth had managed to piece together the story of Tessa and Scott. After Tessa had mentioned that she had been a competitive figure skater and therefore missed out on the party side of high school, Beth had started to dig a little further. It was the first time that talking to someone about Scott hadn’t been painful. Beth didn’t know him and she didn’t have her heart set on the two of them getting married someday.

Maybe, little by little, her heart wouldn’t hurt as much. Maybe someday she could see a picture of the two of them and not cry. Maybe someday she would be able to go home, but today wasn’t that day. Even though she had talked to Beth about it, it didn’t mean that the wounds weren’t still fresh. It didn’t mean that she didn’t miss Scott with every piece of her heart, even though she never wanted to see him again.

*****

The sun was nowhere near rising but Scott had been at the rink for about two hours. Ellis and Matt had been upping the ante on the ice in order to compete with Riley and Shane, the other so called “up and comers” in Canadian ice dance. Both teams knew that it wasn’t the smartest idea for them to share coaches. Just look at how things had turned out with Marina- one team always get the shaft, though the coach would never dream to admit it. If someone was going to be forced out of Ilderton, Ellis and Matt were determined for it to be Riley and Shane. Not them.

Scott had met them hour for hour. Ellis and Matt were often at the rink an hour before their ice time started. They would practice different elements off ice and talk through training strategy. Scott certainly wasn’t paid to be there with them, but he was. Every morning, four a.m. For teenagers, Ellis and Matt were surprisingly not that irritating. Ellis was certainly not a morning person. She grumbled rather than forming coherent words, but Matt brought coffee and by five she was mostly functioning. They had a tango this year as their short program and finding the chemistry hadn’t been as difficult as Scott had suspected. Ellis and Matt had always been ones to do more elegant short programs, but the character of the tango seemed to suit Ellis’s fiery personality and Matt’s quiet dominance perfectly. Choreography had never been his strong suit, but he definitely had always had an eye for the technical stuff. He had been shocked when his mother had started to pass coaching responsibilities over to him, but it seemed to be seamless. He knew how to coach just as he knew how to skate, as natural as breathing.

At nine when Ellis and Matt left to go to school, he left for London to continue school himself. When he had stopped competing, the lack of a strict schedule had seemed freeing, but the more time he spent away from a rink, the more he found that he struggled with the loose schedule. Now, between coaching and being a student, he had no choice but to strictly schedule his life. He had straight A’s in all of his classes. His time was budgeted efficiently, studying between his classes at his favorite coffee shop. 

The barista had asked if Tessa would be joining him for the first few weeks of the year, but he shrugged it off until he couldn’t take it anymore. He’d yelled _“She isn’t coming back! She moved away and I don’t know where the hell she is!”_ and she managed to shrink and silently inch her way back behind the counter. After an overly generous tip and a genuine apology with a vague explanation, the barista began to understand. Every day when he came in, she had his order waiting along with some sugary pastry that he didn’t need but ate anyway. It reminded him of Tessa. Her name was Heather. Her hair was a mousy blonde and she was so thin and waif-like that Scott halfway expected her to blow away. She never made him pay for the pastry, but he always put the cost of the pastry in the tip jar. He suspected that she felt sorry for him, but hey. He got free chocolate croissants.

After class, he locked his belongings in a locker at the rec center and went for a run. He had always considered himself to be a weights guy, but since May he had decided to run. Something about the feeling of his feet One day in September, he jogged through the campus and somehow ended up behind a guy running. They kept the same pace and their route was similar. They both ended up back at the rec center, and to Scott’s intense displeasure, it was Daniel. He nodded a greeting as he headed to the locker room. He expected that to be the last encounter he ever had with the dude, but the next day he found himself running at the same time on the same route. As the days passed, Daniel and Scott continued in their running routine, same time, same route, same pace. Eventually they started running side by side. Words were never exchanged, but there was a mutual understanding that if one arrived a little early, they wouldn’t start without the other.

“Wanna grab a beer?” It had taken until mid-October to break the silence. Daniel had finally been the one to speak up, but Scott had agreed quickly. 

At a quiet pub off campus, they discussed Daniel’s new teaching job, teaching entry level psychology classes at the university. He had initially been rather excited about it, but as it turned out, he didn’t particularly enjoy catering to the hungover undergrads at 9 in the morning. It wasn’t a satisfying job. He planned on applying for jobs as a management analyst, working with a major corporation to recommend changes in management and procedure in order to become more efficient and increase workplace satisfaction. Somehow, Scott could see Daniel enjoying being a character in a suit. It fit his personality.

Scott told Daniel of his coaching job at the rink. He hadn’t had a good guy friend to mull these matters over with since his days in Canton where he would bounce ideas off of Charlie, but even then things were censored in order to ensure that he wasn’t giving Meryl and Charlie a leg up. He understood why Tessa thought so highly of Daniel. He was a great listener and offered up really good ideas. He told Scott to make sure that Ellis and Matt were still having fun and they weren’t working themselves to the bone so much that they would burn out. Scott decided that tomorrow morning he would take them on a run to the nearest Tim Horton’s for breakfast before their ice time. It was good to enjoy a break from time to time.

From that October afternoon forward, Daniel and Scott’s runs were not silent. They talked about anything and nothing. Everything except Tessa.

 

*****

A knock on the door drew her away from her studying. She knew exactly who would be behind the door, and she couldn’t wait. As she flung the door wide open, she found a grinning Daniel. The suitcases in his arms clattered to the floor as he bear hugged Tessa. The familiar musk of his cologne immediately let her know that she was home. 

When he had called and told her that he had gotten a job interview in NYC, Tessa had immediately insisted that he stay with her and use the hotel stipend for sightseeing. She had managed to have someone cover her shifts for the weekend, so it was wide open to spend with him.

“You look good, Tess.” Daniel mused, a smile splitting his face.

Wiping a stray tear from her eye, she laughed in response, “I feel good. It’s so good to see you. I can’t even begin to tell you how good it is to see you.”

Like riding a bike, they effortlessly fell back into the easy rhythm of their friendship. They uncorked a bottle of wine and left Daniel’s suitcases forgotten in the doorway. Tessa babbled his ear off about her days in law school and Everyman and he talked of the idiotic freshmen who cared more about partying than they did their grades. 

After a good deal of wine and a fair amount of catching up, conversation drew to a lull. With Daniel, Tessa never felt pressured to fill the silence, but questions were burning in the back of her mind, forcing their way through her gritted teeth.

“Have you heard from Scott?”

“Yes.” It was a simple answer, really. One syllable that hung in the air. One syllable that made her breath catch in the back of her throat. One syllable that made her heart race uncontrollably. Did she dare to ask more? Could she bear to stay silent?

“He didn’t get married?”

“No.”

One word answers. “How come?”

“Guilt, I guess.”

“Oh.” Was all she could manage in response. So many thoughts flooded her mind, threatening to burst through the mile-high brick wall of defense that she had worked so hard to build. Tears threatened and one managed to leak and slide down her cheek.

“Tess...” Daniel started, but couldn’t finish. 

“Why does half of me think that a different country could never be far enough away from him when the other half of me wants the reason he didn't get married to be because he finally decided to love me too?”

The words were spoken quickly and quietly, first admittance that eased the pressure that had been plaguing her for far too long. 

With a breath deep and low, Daniel answered, “Because part of you loves him, and part of you believes that he still loves you too. Has he tried to reach out to you, Tess?”

“I cut off every possible form of communication.”

“I can’t be the only one that he has reached out to.”

“My mom... He talked to my mom.”

“That’s not nothing, Tessa. I’d be willing to bet that he’s been looking as many places as he possibly can to find you. Take it from me. You can’t get over losing you.”

Her eyes met the floor. “Will it ever get easier?”

“Which part?”

“The getting over him part. Pretending that he isn’t as real to me as he was four months ago obviously isn’t working because he somehow manages to weasel his way into my mom’s world and yours. I have to heal. I have to move on. But is it even possible?” 

She hated herself for still being affected by him. She hated that Scott had somehow managed to weasel his way into her life through Daniel and her mom to let her know that he didn’t end up marrying Laura. She hated the fact that he hadn’t spoken to her after everything blew up and he knew that a mere conversation could remedy the fragments of her heart that splintered through her chest.

“Tessa. You can’t tell yourself how you have to feel. You just _feel_. If you want to cry, then cry. If you want to put your fist through a wall, do it, but be advised that you might lose your security deposit. If you want to drown your sorrows in a bottle of wine, then invite me. And if you want to call Scott and tell him to fuck off and go to hell, do it too. Don’t apologize for feeling, Tess. Don’t you dare.”

The tears that leaked through the corners of her eyes continued as a weak smile crossed her face. She saw Daniel grinning and snickering.

“Want me to egg his car?”

Her weak smile grew bigger until it threatened to turn into a grin. Laughter bubbled across her lips until she and Daniel were both doubled over and cracking up. 

_God, it feels good to laugh. Why haven’t I been laughing?_

“I just hope that he feels as shitty as I do, except worse. I want him to feel much worse. Does that make me an awful person?”

“I’m fairly certain that he feels just as shitty as you do. I’m pretty sure that he didn’t mean for that night to happen any more than you did. But he didn’t get married and you disappeared without a trace. I’m pretty sure he feels awful right now.”

“Then why the hell didn’t he ever talk to me about it? Pretending I didn’t exist and ignoring my fucking phone calls for a week was downright demeaning. Had he said anything, _anything_ , even one _fucking word_ , and I might not be living in New York City right now.” _So much could have changed._

Daniel chuckled. In his few months running with Scott, there was one thing that he had learned for certain. “Has Scott ever used words to express anything? Think about it. Whenever he would get frustrated, he would bottle it up and not talk about it until he had frozen everyone out. He never used words. I can’t pretend to be the kind of friend to him like you were, but when he was with you it was anything but ordinary. He became a different person.”

The tears started up again as Daniel continued. “I’m not defending his actions, I swear. He was an asshole and what he did was despicable, but I’m positive that he cared about you.” He took a deep breath and finished. “I don’t think that he ever meant to intentionally hurt you. It was just collateral damage.”

The brick wall crumbled and everything that had been so carefully packaged came bursting forth, enabled by the amount of wine that she had consumed. “Why can’t I forget? Why can’t I erase him from my memory? I sent his stuff back to him. I moved to another country. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so lost.”

“You’re not going to wake up tomorrow not loving him. You’ve loved him since you were like nine. That isn’t going to happen over night. You can’t forget him instantly, but honestly, do you really want to?”

Seeing the way that Tessa’s jaw clenched at his question, Daniel feared that Tessa might actually leap off the couch and punch him.

“Slow down. Yeah, things ended horribly and you may want to forget it, but do you honestly want to forget everything you have shared? That would be forgetting your childhood and your experiences at the Olympics. You’d have to forget traveling and skating. Your life has been so intricately intertwined with his. Do you honestly want to forget all of the wonderful parts too?”

“I have to move on, Daniel. I have to keep going. The good parts are good, but now they are all mingled with how terribly it ended. I just want the pain to stop.”

“It will, Tess. Someday, it will.”

“Which brings me back to why didn’t he marry Laura? I want to punch something, not knowing. But it doesn’t matter anyways. He threw away almost 20 years of history when he made his decision to stay silent. Whether he got married or not is his own damn business. I’m done with it now. I have to be.” After a pause, she continued. “But what if it hadn’t happened? I wish it didn’t happen. I wish we could take it back. What if we could?”

“You can’t erase the past, Tessa.”

“I know.”

Daniel smiled for his friend. “How about you and I go grab some dinner? You need something other than wine in your stomach.”

“Dinner sounds great.”

*****

The weekend with Daniel flew by far too quickly. Between his interview, the Broadway show they saw, sightseeing with Beth, and the sheer amount of New York City cuisine that Tessa shoved down his throat, Tessa barely found time to think about Scott. When she did, the thoughts were fleeting, drifting through her mind for mere seconds before being swept away.

Mrs. Reinholtz, Tessa’s busybody neighbor remarked on how cute Daniel was and what a wonderful couple they made. After laughing and shrugging it off, Daniel was Daniel and brought back some fresh pastries from the bakery down the street for the sweet elderly woman.

“And there you go, helping old ladies cross the street.” Tessa chuckled.

“I can’t help it!” Daniel laughed. He propped his hands on his hips and struck a heroic pose while yelling “Chivalry is not dead!” at the top of his lungs.

She’d forgotten how great it had been to have Daniel around. She didn’t have to overthink things with him. She’d gotten out of the shower on Saturday morning to find him handing a coffee mug to Beth. He was like that, the most thoughtful person that she had ever met. Tessa knew that he had been quietly talking about her with Beth in the moments that she turned her back. How was she doing? Was she actually sleeping? Was she running herself ragged?

Beth had been able to gather the pieces of the story and connect them together, but talking to Daniel had confirmed everything that she already knew. Tessa had become a good friend in the few months that they had lived together, but Beth had realized early on that she wasn’t an open book. There were some parts of Tessa that could only be brought to light through longevity, and Scott was one of those parts.

*****

It was a Thursday evening. The sun had just set and the sky glowed with the deep purple of dusk. It had started getting cold in London, but Scott had always been one that had avoided jackets until frostbite was imminent. He walked briskly up the familiar sidewalk and let himself into the Virtue’s house. He could smell something warm coming from the kitchen and found Kate Virtue removing sugar cookies from the oven. Walking over, he gave Kate a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“How are you, Scott?”

“Much better now that I see sugar cookies!”

With a chuckle, Kate proceeded to ask about Ellis and Matt. Scott unloaded about the potential that he saw behind the two kiddos. Their parents weren’t incredibly involved in the process other than paying for ice time and driving their kids to practice, which happened less and less often because Matt was driving. Their support team outside the rink was relatively low. Sitting here, talking with Kate Virtue, he was so glad that it wasn’t the case for him and Tessa.

He’d been at this for a few months now, Thursday evening tea with Kate. Scott didn’t know if Jim knew; he worked late on Thursdays. Either way, she was always waiting with a teapot ready and usually some other sweet treat. 

“Why don’t you bring Ellis and Matt one week? Heavens knows that they could use some encouragement from people who have walked this path before them.”

“I’ll definitely do that. You know, I can’t relate to them at all. Tessa and I had the biggest support system known to mankind. We were pushed to be better, but our value was never determined by our performance on the ice. Ellis and Matt have this huge need to prove themselves, not only as skaters, but as kids to their parents. I think it’s pretty draining for them.”

Kate nodded solemnly. The days where she supported Scott and Tessa on the ice were not that far in the past. She couldn’t imagine having a kid go through their journey without the support and love of their families.

“Sometimes I think that they would be better off in an environment like Canton. It was hard for us because our support system was in another country, but in a way I think it would be like an escape for them.”

“Well are you ready to push them out of Ilderton and tell them to go elsewhere?” Kate laughed.

“No.” Scott laughed. As much as he felt for Ellis and Matt, he wanted to coach them. Their potential was endless. “They remind me too much of myself and Tessa back in the day.”

The smile on Kate’s face left her eyes. 

“You know, Kate, I screwed up. I screwed up so badly, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to make it right. I’m a straight A student now. I am developing an up and coming team. These were things that Tessa always thought that I could do. She always told me that I sold myself short when I said that school wasn’t my thing. But here I am, years down the road, and she was right. She had the ability to see me for who I could be, not who I was. I know who I can be now. I know the kind of man that I want to be, and for Tessa and myself I’m not going to stop until I get there.”

Kate wiped a stray tear from her eye. “I’m glad, Scott. Tessa would be so proud of you.”

A dry laugh escaped before he could reign it in. “No she wouldn’t be. I crushed her. I destroyed that beautiful girl and I’m to blame. There is no way she could be proud of the man I’ve become.”

“Oh, Scott. Don’t sell yourself short. Anger will pass. Hurt will heal. You’re a good man, and while I hate what you did, you’re as much a part of this family as any one of my kids. You’ll come back from this.”

It was the first time that he hadn’t asked Kate where Tessa was. He had resigned himself to the fact that he wouldn’t know, but that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t stop trying.

*****

He’d checked every week for the five months that she had been gone. She had been the more social media savvy of the two of them.

He logged on to his Facebook and searched her name. His computer hummed as it brought up the search results and his heart dropped to his stomach. 

Her glorious face lit up his screen. It was a selfie with Daniel, a picture that assured him that it was definitely Tessa behind the account. She looked radiant.

Did he dare send her a message? It was the first opportunity to contact her in five months. _Five months._

Her privacy was set so that the only thing he could see was her profile picture.

His mouse hovered over the “Send A Message” button. 

_Should I do it? Would she even bother to read it?_

He clicked the button and started to type.

_She probably won’t read it, but it’s worth the try. I have to try. We can’t continue like this. I miss you, Tessa._

*****

It was an overcast day in New York City. Tessa woke up with a hankering for a sweet pastry that would be filled with empty calories, but would satisfy her sweet tooth. Lucky for her, the bakery was less than a block away. The rest of her day was limitless, probably filled with a little studying and some relaxation. Daniel had left and the loneliness that remained was overwhelming. It would likely be a week or so until he found out that he had the job.

Having Daniel in her city was like a breath of fresh air. It was amazing to have someone around to vent all of her frustrations to. She had just started to believe that there was life after Scott.

She made her way back to the apartment, sugary pastry in hand. She grabbed her laptop and fired it up. A weekend away from technology had been nice, but she had a massive amount of studying to do. She logged on to her Facebook. There was a message icon displayed in the top right hand corner.

Clicking the message, she almost shoved her laptop off of the table onto the floor.

_Scott Moir._

Scott Moir had sent a message. Against her better judgment, she clicked it and her hands shook as she began to read.

_Tess,_

_Now that I’ve finally found a way to contact you, it’s hard for me to find the right words to say. I hate Facebook, but it is apparently the only way now. I messed up. So badly. And I’m more sorry than I could ever begin to say, but we need to talk. I need to talk to you. I didn’t get married. I know that it doesn’t change much, but I miss you. I miss my best friend and my confidante. Please, call me, text me, or e-mail me. Anything. I miss you._

_Scott_

Her eyes retraced the message. He messed up? Understatement of a lifetime. Did she dare to reply? Dare to call?

She could picture him writing the message, rereading it, threading his fingers through his short hair as he debated whether or not to hit send. She reread his request to call him. _Should I do it?_ Her hands itched to grab her cellphone and dial his number which was still on speed dial, despite her better judgment.

_Oh God. Just to hear his voice._

_He misses me._

_He’s not married. He’s NOT married. Perhaps I should hear him out._

_I miss him so much. I can practically hear his voice in the message._

“No.” She spoke at her laptop. “NO!” She yelled at the small picture of him in the corner of the screen. “You don’t get to do this to me.”

He had said everything that he needed to when he walked out of her apartment and out of her life. She had a new life now and he wasn’t a part of it.

She had worked so hard to run away from him, away from the hurt, heartache, and despair. She left the country. But as she stared out the window at the city surrounding her, she realized that nowhere on the earth could be far enough away from him. She had thought that she had moved on. Her heart no longer clutched in her chest when she heard his name. But one message from him sent her back to where she began. It would be so easy to pick up the phone and call him, to let his words soothe the aching pain that settled in her chest. He wasn’t married, and calling him was all she really wanted to do. But too much had happened; words had been left unspoken for far too long. She should have told Scott how she felt before he even met Laura. She shouldn’t have kissed him that night. If Scott couldn’t admit that he felt the same way about her as she felt about him, she didn’t want any part of him. She would rather love him from afar for the rest of her life than let him do any more damage than what he had already done. It was her life. Hers.


	15. I'm In Love With A Girl Who's In Love With The World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The person that she had become was so vastly different than the girl that clung to Scott’s hand as she had gotten that tattoo. She didn’t even recognize that girl anymore. For a moment, just one, she let her thoughts linger back on the girl that she used to be, the boy that she once loved, and she let herself miss the pair that once stood atop a podium as the world screamed their names.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY that it took me so long to update this! Life is nuts right now, but I finally am over my writer's block (knock on wood). This chapter may be one of my favorites so far. I'm so excited for you all to read it! Please leave comments/questions!
> 
> Title comes from the song "Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight" by Amos Lee.

Scott hadn’t expected Tessa to return his message or call. Even though he had mentally steeled himself for the impact that her silence would have, it still hurt. Every morning he drug himself to the rink and went through the motions with Ellis and Matt. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. He was starting to think that he was turning into Marina, minus the thick Russian accent. Twizzles aren’t fast enough. Repeat. Lift was a quarter second too long. Repeat. Edges not deep enough. Repeat.

“Come on, man. Did someone piss in your coffee?” Ellis glared at him, out of breath, following the fifth consecutive repetition of their short dance. She winced as Matt elbowed her sharply in the ribs.

“I’m making you better skaters. Endurance will make you better skaters.” Scott took a sip of his coffee and shrugged. “My coffee tastes just fine, thank you. Now, do it again.”

This time, the protest was audible, but no complaint followed. Alma skated up behind her son and stood watching Ellis and Matt go through their routine.

“What’s going on, Scott?” Her voice was gentle and her demeanor was calm, but her voice was full of a panicked concern.

“I’m fine, Mom.”

“Bullshit.”

His mother’s response was a knee jerk reaction, one that caused Scott to raise his eyebrows. His mother had never been one to curse.

“I said I’m fine.” He wasn’t even sure that he believed the words that left his mouth, but he said them anyway. Besides, if he said it enough, it was bound to be true, right?

He went about his daily business as usual. Rink. Class. Run. Rink. Study. Sleep. Repeat.

About a week after the interview, Daniel found out that he had gotten the job in New York City. Scott was excited for him, but it was a bit bizarre, leaving Canada for a new start in New York.

When he asked Daniel why, he responded, “I dunno, man. Something about New York City feels right. And the job is amazing. It’s the first time I’ve been excited about work in a long time. It’s just a gut feeling.”

“Alright, man. If you say so. Congratulations. I guess we better drink a lot of beer to make up for the many after run beers that you are skipping out on.”

Why did people have to leave? First Tessa bolting to God only knows where, and now Daniel going to New York. His life was at a stand still. Sure, he was coaching Ellis and Matt, but they’d probably leave too once Riley and Shane started to climb the ranks. And then, only then, would he be the version of himself that he had always avoided. Alone. Jobless. Stuck in Ilderton while everyone else had moved on. 

Daniel punched him lightly on the shoulder, pulling him out of his meditative state. “Oh knock it off. I’m not leaving forever. I know you’ll miss my rugged good looks and the way that all of the ladies ignore you when I walk in the room, but I’ll be coming back every now and then to remind you that I’m still the better looking one.” 

Scott found himself chuckling at Daniel’s attempt at humor. He really was going to miss this guy.

*****

The ice sprayed across the boards as Ellis slid to a stop beside him. They’d been in two competitions so far this season, placing first in both. They were now in polish mode, trying to squeeze a few more points out of every element. Scott was a thorough coach, taking time to be on the ice with Ellis and Matt even though he didn’t need to be and he wasn’t getting paid. He wanted success for the young pair. He wanted them to grow to be more than what he and Tessa had been.

Ellis stepped off the ice and sat down on the bench beside him.

“What is Tessa up to, Scott? She used to come to our practices every once in a while. I could use her help on finding nuances in the music.”

There it was. The question that made his heart beat in overdrive. He’d come to expect it nowadays, but it didn’t mean that he didn’t have the same reaction that he’d always had.

“I don’t know, Elle.”

“Oh, that’s crap and you know it. You two are joined at the hip and have been for twenty years.”

The way his face fell. The way his head dropped to look at his feet. The way his shoulders slumped. One glance at him, and she knew.

“What happened?”

“I messed up. She’s gone and I have no clue where she is.”

“What on earth did you do to mess that up? It was like you had unlimited get out of jail free cards. Tessa was like the most forgiving person on the planet. She doesn’t harbor grudges.” Ellis’s confusion was evident. The Tessa she knew, the one who had the perfect eye for choreography, the one whose elegance and grace was unparalleled, the one who visited sick kids in hospitals and helped young girls to skate would never and could never let Scott go.

“We aren’t going into it, but it’s safe to say that I messed up badly enough that she probably would be happy if she didn’t have to see me for the rest of her life.”

“Woah.” Ellis replied. 

The two of them sat in silence, all thoughts turned to the person that they collectively wished was in the room with them.

Ellis finally spoke up. “Dude, you have to get her back. The amount of time that you spend at this rink with two high schoolers is pathetic. I mean I appreciate your dedication and help and all, but you need to fix whatever you broke. Being at the rink isn’t helping.”

Scott smiled at her bluntness. Ellis had always been one to shoot it straight both with him and Matt. She was a force to be reckoned with. But she was right. Drowning himself in work and coaching wasn’t bringing her back. The rink was one of the only places that he could still feel her presence with him, but enough was enough. He didn’t just want her presence, he wanted her.

*****

It had been a long day. Tessa’s cohort had decided to book a study room and collectively cram for their upcoming Civil Procedure test. It was the third month of law school and the next round of exams was rapidly approaching. They had been stuck in their stuffy room for five hours. It was 9 o’clock, and they were done. Preparation only went so far. 

The bar close to campus was a frequent spot for the group. With backpacks on, they laughed their way from the library to the low-key hotspot. It felt odd for Tessa to go out with this group. There had been times that they had asked her to join, but for the most part, she tended to avoid the bar scene in favor of hanging out with Beth. For whatever reason, tonight she decided to throw caution to the wind and join the crowd.

The bar was fairly crowded for 9 p.m. The music wasn’t too loud, but a group of college students had gathered on the dance floor nonetheless. Walking up to the bar, a guy named Todd in her cohort offered to buy her a drink. Todd seemed nice. He rarely spoke up in class, an anomaly in a room full of future lawyers. Not wanting to be rude, she accepted and took her hard cider over to the group on the dance floor. 

She had missed this. The feeling of dancing, her body moving to the beat of the music. It was the only thing besides skating that came easily to her. She didn’t have to think about it, her body just knew how to move. 

An hour or so had passed by quickly, and a group of guys had bought a round of Fireball shots for the group. She hadn’t been planning on drinking much, but she loved Fireball and she finally felt like letting lose. For the first time since arriving in New York, she almost felt like a normal person. As if it were a night out with Jade, Daniel, and Scott. With the thought of him lingering in her mind, she tipped back the liquor, relishing the way it burned through her chest. 

Todd was dancing nearby, so she made her way over. It was apparent that dancing was not the most natural thing in the world for him. He looked as though he had spent all of his time as an undergrad in the library, never setting foot in a bar. Smiling at him, she wrapped her arm around his neck and started to move. Todd looked like a middle schooler at a dance, but as the song progressed, he loosened up a little and actually managed to find the beat. After the song was over, he grabbed her hand and pulled her to a nearby table.

“So tell me about yourself, Tessa.” Todd smiled. “We haven’t ever really gotten to talk at all.”

He was genuinely listening, so the typical “Hi, I’m Tessa. I’m from Canada.” didn’t seem to cut it, so she decided to tell him a little more.

“I grew up in London, Ontario, which is north of Michigan. I actually moved to Michigan for a while. I finished high school online there and took online classes.”

This, of course, prompted Todd to ask about why she moved in the first place. She told him the bare minimum about her skating career. That she had started when she was seven and had moved for better coaching.

“Why did you quit?” His eyes were sincere and his question genuine, but he couldn’t know the real answer. 

The truth was too involved, too vulnerable, so she answered plainly. “It was just time to stop. There was nothing left to do in the sport.”

Todd seemed to accept that answer, but he asked, “So what was your greatest accomplishment as an ice skater?”

She hadn’t wanted to tell anyone. She’d hoped to put that part of her life behind her, but he was asking and Google was a thing. If she didn’t tell him, he could easily find out, so she answered him.

“An Olympic gold medal.”

Todd laughed immediately, thinking she was joking, but when he saw the seriousness in her eyes, he stopped.

“Wait, you went to the Olympics?” He asked, incredulous.

Tessa smiled and nodded in response.

“And you won?!” His eyes shone with disbelief.

“Yeah.” And she lifted up the hem of her t-shirt to show him the tattoo of the Olympic rings that she had gotten one drunken night a year and a half ago. 

It was strange. It hadn’t been that long, but it felt like ten years ago. The person that she had become was so vastly different than the girl that clung to Scott’s hand as she had gotten that tattoo. She didn’t even recognize that girl anymore. For a moment, just one, she let her thoughts linger back on the girl that she used to be, the boy that she once loved, and she let herself miss the pair that once stood atop a podium as the world screamed their names.

“It’s getting late. Can I walk you home?” Todd’s voice pulled her out of her reverie.

Tessa agreed. The topics of conversation on the walk home were safe- school, law, and New York City. It was amazing how even at midnight, the cars rushed through the streets, honking at one another, tail lights blazing trails into the dark. 

Todd walked her up the stairs to the apartment that she shared with Beth. 

Tessa rummaged through her purse for her keys, muttering a quick thanks to Todd for walking her home.

“It was my pleasure.” 

Looking up, Tessa found Todd to be much closer than she had expected. He looked into Tessa’s eyes for a moment and then bent down to kiss her lightly on the lips. Initially shocked, Tessa didn’t respond. As Todd pressed a hand against the small of her back and pulled her close, panic rushed through her body. _I can’t do this. I’m not ready for this._ Placing a hand on Todd’s chest, she firmly pushed him away. She couldn’t stop the tears that stung the corners of her eyes.

Todd stared down at her. “What’s wrong? What did I do?”

“Sorry.... I’m so sorry.” Tessa stammered. “I can’t do this. I just can’t.”

Todd stepped back and sighed.

“What is it, Tessa? Is there some other guy?”

Tessa’s eyes met his. _What the hell? Am I that transparent?_ “What?!” she practically yelled in response.

“What’s his name?” Todd asked softly.

“God, am I that obvious?” Was it printed on her forehead? Did he know previously?

“I heard the way you talked about your past tonight, Tessa. It’s obvious that there is something you aren’t saying. You never said why you moved here. You spoke very little of your skating career. You barely look me in the eyes and you look heartbroken. Who is he?” The concern in his voice was genuine. Todd was awkward, but he was trying to be kind. 

“Scott.” She answered. “His name is Scott. He was my skating partner.” Her voice was laced with pain.

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Not right now.” _And not particularly with you._

“Alright, well if you need someone to talk, I’m available.”

With a smiled thanks, she let herself inside, pulled out her phone, and dialed the first number on speed dial.

“Hello?” The voice on the other end of the line was sleepy.

“Daniel.” Tessa sobbed into the phone.

“Whoa, Tess. What’s going on?”

Crying intermittently, Tessa recounted the evening, including Todd kissing her goodnight and her freaking out on him.

“Why did you freak?” Daniel had woken up enough to listen to the story.

“I don’t know. I haven’t kissed anyone since Scott.”

“So now what, Tessa?” Daniel asked. “Do you just forget that Scott ever existed? Shove him into a corner of your brain and vow to never think of him again?”

“That’s the plan.” Tessa stated plainly, vowing to convince Daniel. _I can forget him. Eventually I will._

Daniel groaned. “God, why are women so stupid difficult?! He loves you, Tessa. He wants to talk to you. Maybe he knows that he messed up now. Maybe his life has completely changed too. You will never know unless you actually give him a chance.”

“I don’t want to get hurt again.”

“But what if he doesn’t want to hurt you this time? What if he is actually capable of change? I know women think that men are incapable of changing, but we can do it, if we want it badly enough.”

Tessa laughed. “Oh please. It wouldn’t be any different the next time. As if we could turn back time. It wouldn’t work, Dan. And I don’t want it too. If I can’t have all of him, I don’t want any of him.”

“Give him a chance, Tess. Hear him out.”

“Okay.” Tessa responded.

“Oh, and I forgot to tell you that I have news. I’m taking my exams early.”

“Lovely, Daniel.” Tessa chuckled.

“Ask me why, Tess!”

“Why are you taking your exams early?” Tessa rolled her eyes in response.

“In two weeks, I will be packing up my stuff and hopping on a flight to New York City.”

“No.” Tessa said at first, but as the thought settled into her mind, the more excited she got. “NO!”

“How about dinner two Wednesdays from now? It’s my treat. I’ve got to get to know my new city!”

“DANIEL!” She screamed into the phone. As awful as the night had been, this was the silver lining.

“I can’t wait to see you, Tess, but give some thought to what I said.”

“I will.” Brimming over with excitement at the thought of her best friend being in her city again, she hung up the phone.

*****

American Thanksgiving was odd. American Thanksgiving in New York City was even stranger. The entire city shut down for some massive parade. In Canada, it was more of a quiet affair, more introspective. At least, in her family it was. She got Wednesday through Friday off for the holiday and including the weekend, it was a full five days without school. Final exams were upon her, but she had been studying all day every day. Her brain needed a break. A five day break.

A knock on the door pulled her away from the last bit of studying she had to do before she officially put away the books for her mini-holiday.

_That’s odd. We aren’t expecting anyone to my knowledge._

She looked through the peep hole on the door and her eyes caught a familiar blue hat that she hadn’t seen in far too long. Flinging the door open wide, she caught sight of Kate Virtue, cheeks rosy from being stung by the wind.

“Surprise!” Kate cheered.

Before Kate could say anything else, Tessa threw her arms around her mother. Tears streamed down her face as she stammered words like “How?!” and “What?!” She had never been happier to see her. It had been six months, the longest Tessa had ever gone without seeing her mom.

“What are you doing here?!” Tessa practically yelled.

“It’s your break! I’m not leaving you pent up in this apartment all by yourself while Beth goes home to her family.”

Tessa smiled. _Beth called my mom._

They dropped Kate’s suitcase in Tessa’s room and headed out to grab dinner at a bistro a couple blocks away.

“So how are you doing, baby girl?” Kate asked. 

As comforting as it was to have her mother nearby, Tessa was on edge. If there was anyone who could tell that she was lying, it was Kate. She’d been through every bit of drama with Scott since the age of seven. Her mom was her best friend, and no matter how hard she may try, there was no escaping the truth.

“I’ve been better.” Tessa smiled weakly.

“Have you heard from him?” Kate asked.

“He sent me a message on Facebook.”

“Really? What did it say?”

“He wasn’t married, he missed me, and he wanted me to contact him.”

Kate shrugged her shoulders, but she didn’t seem the least bit shocked by Scott’s message.

“Have you been talking to Alma, Mom?”

Kate smiled weakly and shook her head. “No.”

“Then how come you’re not as floored by this information as I am?”

“Oh, I rather expected it, honestly.”

Her mother’s nonchalance was confusing. Kate was never flippant in these scenarios. She always seemed concerned or surprised.

“What’s going on, Mom? Why aren’t you surprised by this?”

“I’ve been having tea with Scott.”

Tessa, having just swallowed a bite, coughed and sputtered, trying not to choke on her sandwich.

“Wait, what?”

Kate chewed politely on her sandwich, fairly indifferent to the entire scene unfolding in front of her.

“You heard me. Scott and I have tea.”

“What do you talk about?”

“Oh, normal things- the junior team he’s coaching, school. He’s a straight A student, you know.”

“Scott? Straight A’s?” Tessa stared at her mother in disbelief. 

“He’s quite the catch, you know.”

Tessa was suddenly quiet. “That’s enough, Mom.”

“Oh, sweetheart. He’s a good boy. He’s stupid, but all boys are. You should hear him out.” Kate’s sentiment was echoed with silence from Tessa. “What’s going through your head?”

“It hurts. God, it hurts. And every time I think it stops hurting, it flares up again worse than before.”

Kate considered her daughter’s words carefully before replying. “What do you want instead?”

“Peace.” Tessa replied. “Peace of mind. I want to be able to pass Rockefeller Center and not cringe at the sight of people ice skating. I want to catch a glimpse of my tattoo in the mirror and not want to rip my skin off my body. I want to be able to drink chocolate milk again. And I want to be able to fall in love. I can’t do that now. Because of him I can’t.”

“Or there is another alternative. Just hear me out. That boy is as in love with you as he has ever been. You give him a call. You listen to him. You let him tell you about how sorry he is without screaming at him. You ask about the team that he is coaching. You attempt to build some sense of normalcy again. Because whether you like it or not, your past is so intricately intertwined with his. To move on, you need to square with it.”

She hated her mother. She made sense. She couldn’t move on unless she could rest assured that he was left in her past.

*****

It was two o’clock in the morning. Her mother was curled up on her bed and Tessa had inflated a small air mattress. She might as well have been trying to fall asleep on a concrete floor because there was no way she was going to sleep.

She wandered in to the living room. Her phone was charging on the counter. A sudden surge of boldness hit her. She would leave a message! She would tell him that she was done once and for all. She would tell him that he was her past and she had to move on. She would tell him that she would no longer be haunted by the shadow of what could have been. He was a deep sleeper. He would never answer.

She had a new phone number, so she typed in *67 to ensure that he would not see her new number. She still knew his number by heart.

And it rang.

*****

There was drool running down the side of his face. It was 1 o’clock in the morning and something had woken him up. His phone was lit up and buzzing on the night stand next to him. The screen said, “Blocked number.” Usually that meant it was a spam call and he could let it go to voice message, but all he could think of was that it might be his mom or dad dead on the side of the road.

“Hello?” He mumbled into the receiver.

There was no answer.

“Hello?” He was half asleep. This was crap.

“Hello?”

And then it hit him. Like a freight train. _Holy shit._ He knew.

“Hey Tess.”

There was a sharp intake of breath on the other line.

“I know you’re there.”

He could hear her breathing. Without even thinking about it, his breaths matched her slow ones. She clearly wasn’t going to say anything, so he would.

“Someone asked me how you were doing a few weeks ago. It was Ellis, actually. You remember her? I’m coaching her and Matt full time now. It’s a lot to balance with class, but I’m getting straight A’s.”

“That’s amazing, Scott.” Her voice was quiet. So quiet he felt like he had dreamt it. He reached down and pinched his arm as hard as he could, digging his nails into the flesh. Nope. He was awake.

“God, Tess. It’s good to hear your voice.”

“I got your message.”

“Yeah? Well I’d hoped you would.” She could probably hear him grinning into the receiver.

“I’m fine, Scott. I’m doing well. I don’t need you to check up on me or tell me that you miss me. And congratulations. I always knew that you could do well in school if you put your mind to it.” 

She spoke quickly and succinctly. There was none of the joy in her voice that he had come to know and love.

“Tessa. It’s all you. I couldn’t do it without you.”

He could hear her breath catch on the other line. She was fighting tears.

“T. Don’t cry. Tell me. What’s going on with you?”

She sniffled and cleared her throat.

“I told you, Scott. I’m fine. I’m busy, but fine. I’m handling it, you know that.”

He chuckled. Of course she wasn’t handling it. She appeared on the surface to be “handling it,” but underneath she was a trainwreck.

“What’s going on, Tess? You can talk to me. There is no bullshit with me. You can’t hide it.”

“What?” she said loudly into the phone. “You must have lost your mind. I’m perfectly fine, Scott. And if you don’t believe me, ask my mother. You two seem to be buddies these days.”

“Listen to me, Tess. I know that you will do whatever you want. You will run yourself ragged and you won’t listen to anybody. But do me a favor, kay? Make sure that you’re not running on empty. The world needs Tessa Virtue.”

He savored the sound of her voice. He closed his eyes, recalling memories of her. The clean smell of her smooth skin, the sweet taste of her lips against his.

“Scott...”

“I miss you.” He breathed into the phone. _Oh God. Why did I fucking say that?_

“You...” She started.

 _I should not have said that._ “Tessa...” _God, can’t I do anything right when it comes to her?!_

“Scott, I can’t.” Her voice was breaking. “I can’t do this with you. Not right now. I’m fine, I swear. I’m eating, drinking water, sleeping, breathing. I’m living. I’m fine.”

“Slow down, Tess.” He whispered into the phone. “Slow down. Savor life. Actually live it.”

“Scott, I have to go.”

“Wait. Tess. Promise me you’re breathing. Stop. Slow down. Enjoy the moment.”

“I promise to breathe, Scott. Thanks for the concern.”

“Tessa...” _It can’t end._

“Goodbye, Scott.”

“Good _night_ , Tessa.” _This is not goodbye._

“Oh, and Tess?”

The time on the call was still going. She was still on the line.

“I love you.”

And he hit the end button, grinning to himself.

*****

Tessa stared at her iPhone in her hand as if she expected an alien to emerge from behind the screen.

_He loves me. He misses me and he loves me._


	16. Hello From The Other Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I loved her when I was ten and she brought me Sour Patch Kids before practice. I loved her when I was fifteen and freaking out about Junior Nationals and she just held my hand and told me everything was alright. I loved her when we stood on top of the podium in Vancouver and sang O Canada. I loved her when Marina’s allegiances shifted. I loved her through second in Sochi. I’ve loved her through the ups and downs of our career, which is more than most people can boast in an entire marriage, but never have I loved her like I do now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter title (and lyrics in the story) comes from the song "Hello" by Adele.

Tessa stared through the window as the sun rose over the buildings of New York City. _He loves me. He loves me. He loves me._ How did she move on from this admission? Her head screamed at her to push him aside, move along for once in her life. Forgive, forget, and start anew.

But tucked away in the corner of her heart, the tiniest bit of hope had blossomed. Hope for the man that she had once loved with everything within her. Hope that the two of them could live happily ever after. It was too good to be true. He didn’t know what love was! The last time she tried to tell him that she loved him, he walked out the door and called her a mistake. No. This time she would follow her head.

“What are you doing awake, sweetie?” Her mother walked in, her silk robe flowing behind her.

“Can’t sleep.”

Sitting down beside her, Kate began to work her fingers through her daughter’s hair. “Why not?”

“I talked to Scott.”

Kate’s soothing motions stopped abruptly. “Wait. You did what?”

“I called Scott.”

“Oh, honey, that’s good.”

“No, it’s not.” Tears stung the corners of Tessa’s eyes.

Kate drew Tessa close and hugged her daughter tight. “This is how the healing begins, sweetheart. You have to have some closure.”

Closure. This wasn’t closure. It had blown it all wide open.

*****

The rest of her mother’s visit passed in a blur. Kate tiptoed around the topic of Scott after she found out about Tessa’s phone call. Tessa would talk about it when she was ready. Until then, there was no use trying to pry information out of her.

Saturday after (American) Thanksgiving, Tessa took her mom on the most touristy tour of New York City that she could manage. By the end of the day they had managed to see the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, Empire State Building, and a Broadway show. On Sunday, they hit Fifth Avenue to do some damage to Kate’s credit card.

By 5 o’clock, Tessa and Kate’s arms were loaded with bags from their many purchases. They found their way into a quiet bar with an urban feel. They found a spot in a booth, piling their purchases close to the wall so that they would have room to sit.

“How are you doing, honey?” Kate’s eyes were filled with concern.

“I’m fine, Mom.” Tessa refused to meet her mother’s gaze. Kate Virtue knew her daughter, and Tessa was anything but fine.

“Tessa, it’s okay to be upset. You have every right to be.”

Finally looking at her mother, Tessa took a deep breath and began to explain.

“I’m really not all that upset.” She started. “Sure, I hate myself for calling him and he isn’t my favorite person and I don’t want him in my life, but I can’t get that stupid call to stop replaying in my mind. I should have known better.”

“What did he say?”

“Mostly that he missed me and that he wanted me to be sure that I was actually taking care of myself. I told him that I was and that I was fine.”

Kate smiled. “That sounds like something he would say.”

“Mom! Whose side are you on here?!”

“Yours, but I do think that Scott is right. You’ve been running yourself ragged. I think that he’s got a point.”

Kate’s response was met with silence. Of course her mother was on her side, but she was such a champion of Scott. She had never advocated for him before quite like this.

“All I’m saying, sweetheart, is that you should take this long weekend, enjoy yourself, take a deep breath, and remember that you’re only human. Enjoy yourself from time to time! Law school is a grand adventure, but it isn’t everything.”

Her mother was right.

*****  
The weekend had passed so quickly. Tessa found herself willing the break not to end over and over. It had been nearly a lifetime since she’d had a weekend without studying and papers. Tessa was thankful that she had gotten even the smallest bit of time with her mother. Kate had filled her fridge with fresh fruits and veggies from the natural grocery store a block away and had cooked enough soup to last her for a month.

“Take care of yourself, sweetie.” Kate said as she wrapped her arms around Tessa.

“Mom, you’ve more than taken care of me. I’ll be good.” Tessa replied with a smile.

“Are you sure you’re okay? This whole spat with Scott is making me worried. I don’t want to see you unhappy.”

“Spat, Mom? He slept with me and then took off to go back to his fiancé. I hardly call that a spat.”

“Just hear me out, honey. He is a different man now than who he was whenever he did that. The Scott I see now is determined, fiercely devoted, and a kind, compassionate soul through and through. He’s changed. Please believe me.”

“It’s good to have someone championing his cause, but trust me, Mom. There is nothing left to salvage of Scott and me. We’re both better off to move on.”

Nodding and conceding the argument with a muttered, “If you say so,” Kate hugged and kissed Tessa one last time, grabbed her bags and headed out the door.

*****  
Beth had never been the tidiest of roommates. She was never a slob, but organization was not her strong suit. However, Daniel’s impending arrival had her scrubbing the small apartment from top to bottom. Tessa was certain that the stainless steel appliances in the kitchen had never shone quite as they did at this current moment. That, however, did not stop Beth from cleaning them over again. 

“Beth. It’s Daniel. He doesn’t care how spotless the appliances are!” Tessa yelled as she dusted the living room for the second time per Beth’s request.

“Well it’s important that he knows I don’t live in squalor!” Beth yelled back.

Their landlord definitely had a clause in the lease about not burning candles, but that didn’t stop Beth from lighting them in every room of the house muttering, “Screw eviction!” 

Both girls were excited to have Daniel with them for a little while on their couch while he searched for an apartment. Cookies were baked, guest towels were laid out, and Tessa had never quite seen Beth in this state before. Who knew that hospitality was one of Beth’s strong suits?

At 7:30, a weary and chilly looking Daniel showed up at the door. Tessa jumped into his arms and squealed in his ear.

“You’re finally in my city!”

“Finally, we can start making trouble again!” Daniel responded. He saw Beth and swept her up into a hug again. The two hadn’t known each other for a long time, but they had hit it off when he had come to visit.

Daniel got settled in and Beth made some dinner. The three sat around the small kitchen table and talked about anything and everything.

“So Tessa. Have you heard from Scott anymore?”

The question was so innocent from a well meaning friend. She was surrounded by two people that she was incredibly comfortable with, but somehow talking about Scott still brought a lump into her throat and tears to the corners of her eyes.

“We talked on the phone.”

“What?!” Beth and Daniel simultaneously spoke as they looked at Tessa as if she’d grown a third eye in the middle of her forehead.

“When did you talk?” Daniel asked.

“Over Thanksgiving break. My mom kept talking about how in order to heal, I needed to move on and how I couldn’t do that without facing it head on. So before I knew it, in the middle of the night I had convinced myself to leave a message. Surely he wouldn’t hear his phone buzzing when he was asleep, would he? Well I was wrong. I got to have a conversation with Scott. How lucky am I?” The sarcasm dripped off of her words as they were spoken.

Daniel and Beth glanced at each other, unsure how to react to this new piece of news.

“What did he say?” Daniel asked, his voice full of concern.

“Oh, that I needed to slow down and take care of myself so that I don’t run myself ragged.” She took a bite of her broccoli and chewed thoughtfully, then added, “He also said that he loves me.”

Daniel choked on his water in surprise as Beth’s eyes got huge and round.

“He said WHAT?!” Beth asked.

“Yep. You heard me. He loves me. What gall.”

Daniel smiled. “You know he loves you, Tess. You’ve always known that. Even when he was an asshole, he still loved you. I’m shocked that you’re surprised by that! I’m just shocked that he had the guts to say it.”

“Daniel, since when have you ever defended Scott?”

He had never felt the need to mention to Tessa that he and Scott had become friends. Just running and beer buddies, but that didn’t mean much, did it?

“Well after you left, he and I started hanging out occasionally. He’s really changed, Tess.”

“Et tu, Brute?!”

“Oh, come on, he isn’t the devil or anything. He’s an idiot who made a terrible decision and is now paying the price for it. You can’t tell me that you don’t know that he is miserable. He hates himself for what he did to you!”

“I know he does.”

Finally, truth. She knew he made a terrible judgment. She knew that it had turned out poorly for both of them. She knew that he would have gone back and done so many things differently. In spite of that knowledge, Tessa still knew that she couldn’t be a part of his life. If he had no intention of loving her as she had once loved him, she had no desire to be a part of anything in his life.

Beth smiled “I don’t mean to be insensitive here at all, but please hear me out. This is one of the most difficult things that you’ve been through and I’m not even going to pretend that I can understand what it’s been like for you. Looking at it from the outside, it seems like you are in the thick of it right now and it can go two ways. One, whatever is happening or not happening with Scott will pass and your relationship will resume in a new way that allows the past to heal. Option two is that both of you move on to form new lives that ensure you will never run into each other. Neither one is bad, but you should weigh each option carefully. Make sure that you’d be okay not having Scott in your life ever if you decide to move on completely. It’s up to you, but just make sure you give it thought aside from being upset with him.”

Daniel smiled and nodded as Beth spoke to Tessa. For someone so young, Beth was really wise beyond her years. She hated that talking to Scott had stirred up so much in her, but Beth was right. She needed to look past the anger. Sure, even six months later she was as angry as she was the night that it had happened, but she needed to look past it. Was it worth the energy to hate him for the rest of her life? Did she need to feel like she could never visit her family or participate in skating events for fear of seeing him? Did she need to feel like she could never spend time with Kaitlyn and Andrew or Chiddy? Was it worth giving up everything in her past that she loved to never see him again?

*****

As luck would have it, Daniel found an apartment a few floors up in the same building as Tessa and Beth. Tessa was thankful for his presence in her life and Beth was excited that he was nearby. Most evenings when Tessa came home from class, Beth or Daniel had made dinner and they were watching TV on the couch. There was always a covered plate for her in the refrigerator. Without her roommate and best friend, she doubted that she would ever have time to eat.

Finals were killing her. One of her finals was a major research paper that was time consuming, but at least she didn’t have to cram for it. In the upcoming week, she had four exams to cram for. She’d studied really well for the semester and it was paying off, but it didn’t mean that she could coast through her first semester finals.

Everyman had cut back her hours this week, thankfully, and she found herself consuming more and more coffee in a feeble attempt to multiply the 24 hours in her day.

Wednesday before finals hit and Tessa was mentally exhausted. She had reached the point where the words of her textbooks were beginning to blur together and form a confusing and muddled haze in her mind. Before she quite realized what she was doing, she had grabbed her skates and headed towards the ice skating rink at Rockefeller Center. It was pretty early on in the day and there were a couple of people on the ice, but not many. Tessa paid for a rink pass and laced up her skates. 

Christmas carols were playing as Tessa started to move around the ice. She picked up speed and began to practice some of the warm up footwork she had done for so many years. The ice felt foreign under her feet, but she supposed it was normal having not skated for the past six months. The last time she was on the ice was at the Ilderton Skating Club with Scott. She honestly missed it- the way that her mind stopped over thinking everything and she was able to focus on her breathing and the way that her blades scraped across the ice.

She hadn’t realized it, but the small group of skaters had made their way off of the ice for it to be resurfaced and a kind older gentleman was walking gingerly across the ice towards her in his tennis shoes.

“Miss?” He asked.

“Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t notice that people were leaving the ice. I’ll be out of your way.”

Tessa turned to skate away, but the old man stopped her.

“Do you have a background in skating? I see so many people here each day, but most of them just look like they have no clue what they are doing. You’ve done this for a while.”

“Yes sir.” She smiled.

“So did you compete?”

He was just asking a simple, harmless question. There was no use in not telling him the truth.

“I did. I was an ice dancer for Canada and my former partner and I competed at the elite level.”

The old man’s face lit up. 

“Well I’m technically not supposed to do this, but I want you to be able to have a moment to skate freely without anyone else on the ice. You competitive folks are worth pausing for. Do you have a song you’d like played before I bring out the Zamboni? I can talk to Kevin, our sound boy, and have him put it on.”

Tessa agreed quickly. She’d been itching to race around the ice unencumbered by the bystanders. She handed the elderly gentleman her phone and he carried it over to the sound booth. The familiar sounds of a new favorite song filled the air around Rockefeller Center.  
 _  
Hello, it's me  
I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet  
To go over everything  
They say that time's supposed to heal ya, but I ain't done much healing.  
_  
Tessa felt herself melt into the music, the truth of the words, and the meaning behind them. Truth be told, she was just as broken as she had been six months ago. On the surface she seemed fine, but she had continually pushed the anger and hurt down rather than simply allowing herself to feel.  
 __  
Hello, can you hear me?  
I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be  
When we were younger and free  
I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet

_There's such a difference between us  
And a million miles_

_Hello from the other side_  
I must've called a thousand times  
To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done  
But when I call you never seem to be home 

_Hello from the outside_  
At least I can say that I've tried  
To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart  
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart  
Anymore 

_Hello, how are you?_  
It's so typical of me to talk about myself, I'm sorry  
I hope that you're well  
Did you ever make it out of that town where nothing ever happened? 

_It's no secret that the both of us  
Are running out of time_

_So hello from the other side_  
I must've called a thousand times  
To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done  
But when I call you never seem to be home 

_Hello from the outside_  
At least I can say that I've tried  
To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart  
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart  
Anymore  
  
Tears stung her eyes. Did it matter to Scott anymore? Did the hurt he caused even register with him? Or was he just trying to make amends to clear his conscience? Restore their relationship to what it was just to hold her in limbo for the rest of her life- always wanting her near, never truly loving her. 

Applause rang through the air. Tessa hadn’t realized that the small crowd that had been on the rink had stayed to watch. 

The gentleman driving the Zamboni returned. “Sweetheart, you are a talent. Please. If you ever want to skate, come around before ice resurfacing. It’s every hour on the hour and I can give you a song or two to skate. People around here love it.”

Tessa smiled and thanked the man before making her way off the ice and retrieving her phone. 

A small girl no older than ten came up to Tessa with her mother. In a small voice, she asked, “Are you Tessa Virtue?”

Tessa smiled and whispered back, “Yes!”

The little girl’s eyes lit up. She told Tessa that her name was Kendall and she was nine. Watching Tessa and Scott compete at the Sochi Olympics almost three years ago caused her to want to start skating and she had been ever since.

Tessa signed a skate for her and then Kendall’s mother asked to take a picture. Tessa agreed and posed for a picture.

Kendall and her mother thanked Tessa and began to walk away, but Tessa remembered something. 

“Excuse me!” She called after them. “Could you perhaps not put these on social media? I’m trying to get away from the spotlight for a time.”

Kendall’s mother agreed and they walked away. It was the first time that she had been recognized in New York City. Nowhere in the world was far enough away to escape her past.

On the way home, she gave her mom a call.

“I went skating, mom.”

“You did? That’s wonderful, Tessa. I’m proud of you.”

“It was good. Cathartic in a way. A mom and daughter recognized me afterwards, but it didn’t turn into a big deal. They just wanted a picture.”

“Sweetheart, if you go to a skating rink, you are much more likely to get recognized. You shouldn’t have to run from what you love in fear of being seen.”

“I’m not. Today was good. It felt so right to be back on the ice. Like I’d never left. It’s a step.”

It was a step in the right direction. She wasn’t going to be making her way to Ilderton any time soon to skate with Scott, but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t do what she loved.

“Does that mean that the next step is coming home for Christmas?”

Tessa sighed, “Oh, Mom. You know I’d love to. Honestly. But I’m not ready for that. Not this year at least.”

“I just don’t want you to be alone for Christmas!”

“I won’t be alone! I was going to bring breakfast on Christmas morning to my elderly neighbor across the hall and spend some time with her.”

“Well we miss you. Jordan is mad that you won’t be here.”

“I’m sure that she is. Give her a hug for me and eat some homemade pumpkin pie. I’m going to make your recipe here as well!”

After she hung up the phone with her mother, she hopped on to the subway, remembering the exhilarating feeling that being back on the ice brought. It was a start. Perhaps normalcy wasn’t as impossible as she’d thought.

*****

Kate had managed to avoid him for weeks. She claimed that she was the chairperson for charity organizations around the holidays. She told him that she was hosting the community supper club. She told him that work was crazy. Truth be told, Carol down the street hosted the community supper club. She was involved in charity organizations, but it was a meeting here and a meeting there. Work was slowing down as families started to focus on the holidays. She had been avoiding him.

The annual Virtue Christmas party was always scheduled on December 22nd. Kate had spiked wassail on the stovetop and a ham and turkey in the oven. The guests all brought side dishes and she made her mother’s pumpkin pies from scratch and mass amounts of Christmas cookies for dessert. She had spent more time than she would like to admit trimming the tree, draping garland on the bannister and mantle, and stringing twinkle lights through the bushes in the front lawn.

The Virtue home was filled with warmth, the scent of cinnamon, and love. It looked as though it could be photographed and pictured in a home living magazine.

Scott walked to the door, his mother’s warm homemade rolls in hand. It had been far too long since he had seen the Virtue family, minus Tessa, of course. His parents would be joining later, so he rang the doorbell and stood awkwardly on the welcome mat, feeling as out of place as he’d always felt in Tessa’s world.

Kate smiled as she answered the door and pulled him in to a hug. Ushering him inside, she found him a drink and went off to greet more guests. Somehow, he managed to drift away from the other people into the small den at the front of the house. He plopped down into one of the puffy armchairs and began to think about why he had even bothered to come to the party in the first place. In years past, he had always had Tessa. He’d stuck to her side as if he depended on her, as she mingled with her father’s coworkers and her mother’s friends. 

Sitting here in the living room, he’d never felt quite as alone. He missed her. With every fiber of his being. He missed how she always smelled of the Christmas cookies that she had helped her mother bake. He missed how she insisted upon him dressing to match her, either in red or green because it was Christmas. He still wore a red tie in honor of her.

When he looked up, he saw Kate standing in the doorway.

“How long have you been standing there?” Scott smiled weakly.

“Long enough to see you lost in thought. Do I even need to ask what you’re thinking about?”

Scott laughed dryly. “Nope. I’m pretty sure it’s the same thing that I’ve been thinking about for the past six months. Did you know that she called me?”

“I did, actually.” Kate replied. “I was there when she stayed up all night afterwards kicking herself for calling you too. What did you say to her, Scott?”

Smiling broadly, he looked Kate Virtue right in the eyes and said, “I told her that I loved her.”

Aaaaah. That explains so much! “Well, I can’t say that I’m surprised.”

Scott nodded and stared at the drink in his hand.

“Why did you say it, Scott?”

“Well I thought you knew that!” Laughed Scott. “I said it because it’s truer now than it’s ever been before. I loved her when I was ten and she brought me Sour Patch Kids before practice. I loved her when I was fifteen and freaking out about Junior Nationals and she just held my hand and told me everything was alright. I loved her when we stood on top of the podium in Vancouver and sang O Canada. I loved her when Marina’s allegiances shifted. I loved her through second in Sochi. I’ve loved her through the ups and downs of our career, which is more than most people can boast in an entire marriage, but never have I loved her like I do now.”

Kate wiped a stray tear from her cheek and wrapped Scott up in a hug. “We love you, Scotty. We do.”

Standing up and pulling herself together, Kate straightened her skirt and checked her mascara in the mirror on the wall.

“If you’ll excuse me, Scott, I have some guests to attend to. You’re welcome to wait for your family in here, but in the mean time, feel free to check out some pictures of the latest trip I went on over on the fire place mantle. You may find them to be interesting.”

Kate sauntered back to the kitchen and glanced backwards over her shoulder to find Scott sitting puzzled in the armchair.

_Why on earth would I care about the trips she takes with her friends?_

He stood up and made his way over to the wooden fireplace mantle where there was a silver trifold with pictures in it.

_Tessa and Kate in Times Square._

_Tessa and Kate in front of the Statue of Liberty._

_Tessa laughing and smiling wearing an apron that said Everyman Coffee._

New York City.

He jogged across the den and into the kitchen where he immediately spotted Kate.

“New York City?” He asked quietly.

Kate nodded in response.

“Everyman Coffee?”

And Kate nodded in response.

He hugged her fiercely, whispered “Thank you” in her ear, and bolted from the house. Scott jumped into his car and sped away from the Virtue house. He’d never made it back to his house that quickly. The speed limit was more of a suggestion. Peeling into his driveway, he threw his car into park and ran into the house.

“Scott!” his mother exclaimed as he almost ran into her. She was nicely dressed and clearly on her way out the door headed to the Virtues’ Christmas party. “What are you doing? I thought that you had gone to the Virtues’ an hour ago!”

“I did.” Scott replied. He was out of breath and his cheeks were stung red from the cold outside. “Where’s the luggage, Mom?”

“What’s going on, Scott?”

“I know where Tessa is.”

Scott saw a smile cross over Alma’s face. “Where is she?”

“New York City. Kate told me.”

“When are you leaving?” Alma asked as she walked down the hall towards the basement stairs.

“I’m going to drive to the airport as soon as I pack and catch the next flight out. With any luck, I won’t be back for Christmas.”

Alma smiled and wished him luck, told him that she loved him, handed him the suitcase, and headed to the Virtue’s party.

He ran into his bedroom and flung the suitcase open on his bed. He threw a random hodgepodge of clothing in to the suitcase. Jeans, nicer pants, t-shirts, sweats, button down... Whatever the circumstance, he needed to be prepared.

_Alright, Tess. You’ve had the time to figure out who you are apart from me. Now it’s time to figure out us._

Looking through his desk drawer, he located his passport and tucked it into his backpack along with his laptop. He hauled the suitcase off the bed and let it bump on the floor all the way down the stairs. He locked the front door behind him and shoved the suitcase into the trunk.

He parked his car in the extended parking in the airport lot and hopped on a shuttle to the terminal.

He was going to get his girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up: How will Tessa react to Scott's presence in her city?


	17. Don't Let The Lights Go Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was another day. December 23rd didn’t mean anything special.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title comes from the Adele song, "I Miss You." I'm obsessed with that album. Anyone else?!
> 
> Sorry that this took some time. And sorry that its a little short, but I'm hoping it is well worth it! ;)

There was snow on the ground when Scott’s plane touched down in New York City. It was the middle of the night, and a cold one from what he could tell through the window of his plane at JFK. He powered up his phone to locate Everyman Coffee. He quickly found the location with the picture that matched the storefront in Kate’s picture. He hailed a cab, gave the driver an address of a hotel nearby, and settled in for a restless night of sleep.

_New York City, Tess. Imagine how it would be just the two of us._

*****

Tessa woke the next morning feeling well rested. It was the only morning at Everyman this week that she didn’t have to open. Beth had left yesterday to visit her family in the upstate. Shockingly, Daniel decided to go with her. Beth called it “harboring the strays” and offered to host Tessa too, but Tessa got time and a half over the week of Christmas and planned on working her fair share of hours. Daniel had shown up at the apartment with a duffel over his shoulder, hugged Tessa and wished her a Merry Christmas, grabbed Beth’s suitcase and headed out the door.

“You sure you don’t want to join, Tessa? My mom’s spiked eggnog is good for the soul!” 

Beth was genuine and kind and Tessa was sure that spending the holidays with her family would be fun, but holidays had always been filled with memories of Scott and she wasn’t about to bring her baggage into someone else’s lovely and carefree Christmas.

“Thanks, Beth, but I’m gonna stay and get some hours at Everyman. It will be a good diversion.”

With a hug and a kiss on the cheek, Beth had hurried down the stairs to meet Daniel.

Tessa filled her mug with coffee and sat down to check e-mail, but her mind wandered. The holidays had been a time where she and Scott had endlessly prepared for Christmas programs together. It wasn’t rare to spend some part of Christmas Day on the ice. When they lived in Michigan, they would practically live with one another for the entire month of December to forget the fact that they missed being with their families for the holidays. Scott was her family. He was the person that she associated with Christmas and though the city around her bustled with holiday cheer, Tessa had become unnaturally scrooge-like.

It was another day. December 23rd didn’t mean anything special. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve- almost a full day of work at Everyman, closing at 6 to allow the workers to get home to families, and she would be there for every bit of it. The people with families deserved to be at home. It would be her and Michael, her manager, working solidly from now until the 26th.

_Just a normal day._

*****

Scott woke up early the next morning. It wasn’t like he had slept much the night before. He needed coffee pronto, and he knew just the place. Everyman was a block away. He pulled on a long sleeved shirt, a sweater over it, and a leather jacket knowing full well that Tessa would heartily approve of this outfit. The wind whipped past his face. It was 7:17 and he was a man on a mission.

He walked into the coffee shop and looked around. No sign of Tessa.

“What can I get for you?” The worker’s cheerful voice was far too bright for shortly after 7 a.m., but he seemed kind enough. Scott ordered an Americano and a croissant and grabbed a copy of the paper on the way to his table.

He flipped through the paper halfheartedly, watching for Tessa. His heart rate spiked every time the door opened, but it slowed back down when he realized that it wasn’t her.

*****  
Tessa threw her apron over her clothes and pulled on the shoes that smelled heavily of the coffee she had spilled on them. She had become a New Yorker easily, and by a New Yorker, she wore headphones as she commuted and avoided eye contact at all cost. She grabbed her bag and headed out the door. The decaffeinated masses needed their daytime jolts.

*****  
By 11:45, Scott’s stomach was growling. His croissant had not tied him over well, and while Everyman had plenty of pastries, sweets weren’t really his thing. He folded up his paper and returned it to the stand and left the coffee shop, vowing to return as quickly as he possibly could. It was his only tie to Tessa.

_Well apparently you don’t want coffee today, Tess. How very uncharacteristic._

He walked out onto the curb and pulled out his phone to search for a restaurant or deli nearby. A car splashed by and soaked his shoes and the bottoms of his pants.

“Shit!” he yelled as the gray colored slush turned his feet into ice cubes.

Well this was great. Just awesome.

*****  
There was a crowd gathered at the corner, waiting for the traffic light to change. Tessa squeezed her way through the crowd of strangers, vowing to make it to Everyman before her shift was supposed to start at noon. 

It was chilly and gray, a kind of day that reminded her of home, though it smelled more like car exhaust here than refreshing air. She spotted Everyman through the crowd of people that moved on the sidewalk. 

As she approached the shop, she saw a car splash some poor tourist with road slush, something she learned to avoid her first rainfall here in New York.

“Shit!” he yelled.

Poor dude. Nothing like having your shoes soaked.

Those shoes. _I recognize those shoes._ They were the same ones that Scott had left by her door time and time again. She stepped closer to get a better look, pulling her hood away from her face. Her eyes trailed up the man from his shoes, to his nice ass, up to the thick dark hair on top of his head.

Her blood ran cold. Her hand found her mouth and she gasped. At the sharp intake of breath, the man froze, his head turned, and their eyes locked. 

_Scott._

*****  
_Tessa!_

Scott jogged over to her, the freezing water sloshing in his shoes. Tessa stood frozen, jaw slightly slack.

“Tessa. Finally.” His hungry eyes took in her appearance. The apron that he saw through her unzipped jacket read “Everyman” across it. Of course. She works here. Her eyes had dark circles underneath them and her hair was haphazardly tossed up into a variation of “the dish” that she had perfected so long ago. He wanted so badly to reach out and touch her. Hug her the way that was so familiar, yet so distant a memory. He balled his hands into fists and left them securely at his sides.

“What...” Tessa’s voice sputtered. “Scott, what are you doing here?”

“I’m here for you, Tess. Why else?” _It’s always been you, Tess. All for you._

“How did you find me?” _Why are you here? What do you want?_

“It doesn’t matter.” Scott spoke. His voice was smooth and calculated. He obviously was not as shocked as she was. “I needed to tell you that I was sorry. I miss you. God, Tess. I miss you so much that it hurts every time I breathe.”

Tessa willed words to come, but they wouldn’t. The blood that had once frozen still in her veins pounded in her ears.

“Can we talk, Tess? I need to explain...” Scott started. He needed her to understand. He needed for her to hear him out.

“No, Scott. I don’t think that’s a good idea. I have nothing to talk about with you.” Tessa turned quickly on her heel and began to walk towards the coffee shop.

“Please, Tessa!” Scott called. “Please don’t go!” He practically yelled and he was hysterical, but he didn’t care in the least. He had been planning this moment for months and he wasn’t about to let it slip through his fingers. He grabbed her arm and spun her to face him. Her eyes were wide as she took in the close proximity, but immediately her gaze dropped to the ground. _God, she can be so stubborn._ He saw a chill run up Tessa’s spine at his touch and he growled in frustration. As love, lust, and every other emotion took over, he wrapped his arms around Tessa, drawing her close. She gasped as she raised her gaze to meet his. Taking advantage of her upturned face, Scott closed the gap and pressed a bruising kiss against her mouth. Tessa stiffened against him in shock, but he ran his tongue along her lips, seeking entrance to her mouth. For a few seconds, Tessa gave over to her body’s wishes and kissed Scott back. The feeling was heady and consuming, tingling from the tip of her head down to her toes. Slowly, her mind began to wrap around what was happening and pushed firmly against Scott’s chest, breaking them apart. His hands covered hers on his chest, keeping the two of them firmly connected.

“I’m so sorry, Tess. God, I’m so fucking sorry.”

Gathering herself, Tessa ripped her hands from Scott’s chest. Anger flashed across his face. Forget the fact that he was about to get yelled at, at least Tessa was talking to him.

“Leave me alone, Scott.” Tessa quietly pleaded.

“I’m not going to, Tessa. I can’t. I won’t.” _Tessa, you can’t run away like this. Please. Stay, dammit!_

“Scott. You have messaged me, you have tried relentlessly to get my mother to break and tell you my location. What part of that communicates ‘welcome’ to you?” Tessa’s anger was evident. Her face was flushed and her hands were balled into fists.

“Your phone call?”

“Bullshit!” Tessa bit. “That’s such bullshit!”

“God, Tess. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I fucked up. Please, just five minutes. Just hear me out for five minutes.” Scott watched as Tessa’s face started to soften as he pleaded. “Tess. You can hate me all you want, God knows I’ve given you enough reason. But we have a lot of ground to cover and I’m not leaving until we talk. Please?”

As quickly as the anger had started to fade from her face, it returned. “Leave me alone, Scott? I’m in New York City for a reason, and as much as you may hate it, you are a large part of that reason. Now I have to get to work. Walk away. Go home.” Tessa turned around to go into Everyman for her shift.

“Tessa, stop.” _God, will you just fucking stop for a minute?!_ “I love you, Tess.”

Tessa slowed to a stop, turned around and glanced at him for a moment with a curious look on her face. Then she turned around quickly and dashed into the coffee shop.

_Well I know where she is now. She can’t escape this forever._

*****  
Tessa wiped away angry tears as she made her way to the stock room to put away her things. _What did he say?! Why on earth is he here?_ She hung up her jacket and made her way back behind the counter where Michael was manning the register. She started to pull a shot of espresso, willing herself not to cry.

“Some kiss, sweetheart.” Michael said as the customer walked away.

“Don’t even, Michael.”

“Wait, you’re not going to even tell me who he is?! He has an ass that won’t quit, you know.”

“He was my skating partner.”

“Oh, honey. He was much more than your skating partner, if you ask me.” Michael looked at her and wagged his eyebrows.

“Let’s keep this quick. He was engaged. He fucked me and went back to his fiancé. He ignored me completely and told me it was a total mistake. Then he went and called off his wedding and now he’s begging for me to come back to him. So no, Michael. I don’t want to talk about it, yes I know his ass won’t quit, and I need to figure out how to get him away from this godforsaken coffee shop.”

“Oh, I’ll take care of it.” Michael said quickly and strode away from Tessa.

Scott was leaning against the window outside.

“Well, hello there. Scott, is it?” Michael asked.

“Yes...” Scott hesitated. “Why do you ask?”

“Oh, I’ve heard about you. So here’s the deal. You’re going to come into this coffee shop and sit your gorgeous ass down in the corner booth. You will not look at Miss Tessa. You will not talk to Miss Tessa. You will read a book or a magazine or look at your phone, but you will not disturb the peace. You will let Miss Tessa work. I’m the manager and I can have you thrown out on your well-sculpted ass. Are we clear?”

“Crystal.” Muttered Scott.

Michael led Scott into the coffee shop. Scott kept his eyes on the floor and his hands into his pockets. He pulled a book out of his backpack and fixed his eyes on his book. He certainly was not reading a word, but Michael and Tessa didn’t need to know that.

On the opposite side of the coffee shop, Tessa was whispering furiously at Michael.

“Why the fuck did you bring him into this coffee shop?!”

“Hear me out, Tessa. Here we can keep eyes on him. We can make sure he isn’t out looking for your apartment. We can make sure that he isn’t causing mischief. And if you decide that you would like to have a word, he’s right there. And he looks good with the décor.”

She didn’t like it one bit. But she admitted that Michael had a point. Even though she willed herself to hate Scott being here, her heart rebelled. Scott was here. It was Christmas time. It made New York to feel a little more like home.

*****

Scott had been sitting in his corner booth for about three hours. If his stomach was grumbling before, it was raging now. He was on the verge of hangry, he had a headache, and he needed something to eat right now.

As if she had read his mind, Tessa showed up beside him with a sandwich, and apple, a water, and a coffee, set it on the table, and turned around without a word.

Scott had never been more grateful for food in his life. He scarfed down the food as quickly as humanly possible and continued reading his book.

*****

The end of Tessa’s shift arrived after what had seemed like forever. She and her manager, who Scott had since learned was named Michael, worked to clean the coffee shop as quickly as possible.

“Hey, pretty boy! If you’re hanging around, could you make yourself useful?” Michael dropped a rag onto the table next to Scott and showed him how to stack the chairs on top of the table after he had wiped them all down. 

Grateful for something to do, Scott wiped down every table meticulously and stacked all the chairs. Afterwards, he asked Michael for the broom and swept the small café area.

Meanwhile, Tessa hid in the stock room, uncertain of what to do next. She wasn’t about to exit through the alleyway in the dead of night, but she didn’t want to invite Scott to follow her. He did, however, leave her alone as she worked. Perhaps he would just let her go without following.

Michael came in to grab his keys. “What are you going to do about him, Tessa?”

“Well I was thinking that I would just walk the couple of blocks home and hope that he didn’t follow.”

“Oh, girlie. He’s gonna follow you. He hasn’t said much to me at all, but he will follow you. Is he not safe? Do I need to call the cops?”

“No!” Tessa practically yelled. “No, of course not. He’s just irritating.”

“Well then put your ass in gear and walk as fast as you can to get home.”

It sounded like as good a plan as any. As soon as the machines were wiped down and the dishes were done, Tessa put on her coat, slung her bag over her shoulder, and asked Michael to wish her luck.

Ducking her head, she walked as quickly as she could towards the door of Everyman. It took about halfway across the small café for Scott to realize what she was doing. He ran to the corner booth, grabbed his backpack, yelled a brief “Thanks!” to Michael, and ran out the door to follow Tessa. 

She rounded the corner ahead just as he exited the store and he jogged to keep up. 

“Tessa!” He ran after her, but she jogged to avoid him. “Tessa, please stop. Can we just talk?!”

“I’m not ready to talk to you, Scott!” Tessa called over her shoulder.

He sprinted to catch up with her. “Fuck, Tessa. I’m headed back to Canada in two days. I just want to talk. I finally found you after all of this time and I’m not ready to give up yet. I don’t want to leave you! I can’t live without you.”

“I said no, Scott.”

Scott felt a strong urge to punch something. He didn’t know why he was so shocked by her refusal. It wasn’t as if he expected her to fall blindly into his arms after months of intentionally ignoring him. She had, after all, moved over 500 miles away just to get away from him. But dammit. He _knew_ she loved him. And he loved her.

She stopped at a crosswalk that was busy and Scott took the opportunity to stand right beside her. “Do you think that you’ll ever be ready to talk?”

“Someday, perhaps.” She continued to stare across the busy crosswalk. He had always been able to read her at one glance and she wasn’t about to give him the opportunity. So she trained her eyes on the traffic zooming in front of her.

Someday was better than never. “Look, Tess. I can’t stay forever right now. I’m training a Ellis and Matt and I have to be in Ilderton for them soon, but we need to have that conversation. I don’t care if it’s in 20 minutes or five years from now. I’m not giving up. We have a lot of ground to cover and I think you know it too.”

Tessa started walking again. “Have a lovely trip home, Scott.”

He dropped behind and sulked after her like a lost puppy. He wasn’t about to stop following her, but it was clear that the conversation was over. She finally turned and made her way up some stairs into a building. He followed. She went up another flight of stairs and let herself into apartment 2B. _Well that’s where she lives._ Scott took his backpack off and sat on the stairs outside of her apartment.

*****

As soon as she had gotten inside, she grabbed her cell phone and called Daniel. He answered in a cheery voice.

“You have some explaining to do.” Tessa growled into the phone.

“Wait, what?” Daniel was clearly confused.

“Scott is sitting like a stray outside of my apartment. He found me at work and followed me here. WHY THE FUCK IS HE HERE?!” Tessa yelled through the receiver.

“Your guess is as good as mine, Tess.” Daniel replied.

“You mean you didn’t tell him that I was here?”

“No, Tessa. And I’m sorry if you think that I ever would do that to you. Scott and I are friends, but you’ve been around longest. I would never betray that.”

“Alright. Well who else would have done it?”

 _Who knows my location? Daniel, Beth, family. Who has a soft spot for Scott? Mom._ Oh god. It was her mom.

“Listen. I’m going to call Scott really quickly. I’m going to need you to slip my spare apartment key under the door to him. I’m going to tell him that he can stay there rather than sitting on the floor outside your apartment like a creep. Is that alright with you?”

“Yes.” Tessa exhaled.

“It might do you some good just to talk to him. It might give you some answers. As much as you may not want to admit it, you want to talk to him. Just do it, Tess.”

“Thanks for the advice, Dan.” Tessa replied sarcastically.

“Just take it minute by minute.”

“Alright. I’ll pass the key.”

“I’ll give him a call.” Daniel replied and hung up.

*****

In the hallway, Scott’s phone started buzzing. _Daniel._ Oh, shit. Tessa had called him.

“Hey man.”

“Scott, what are you doing in New York City.”

Tessa had called Daniel, of course.

“Well I thought that much was obvious.”

He could hear Daniel inhale and exhale on the other line. 

“How long are you planning on staying?” 

“I have to be back on the 27th to coach, so I’m here for a few days. Once the season is over, I’m planning on coming back long term, though.”

“Well, life is about to get a little more interesting. I’ll tell you what. I live a couple of floors up from Tessa. Same building. You are welcome to go crash there while you are here. There is some food and beer in the fridge. Help yourself. Check out of a hotel if you’ve checked in and just crash at my place. Tessa is going to slip the key under the door. I’ll be back early on the 26th and we should hang out a little before you leave.”

“Alright. Thanks, man.” Scott muttered and hung up the phone.

Just as Daniel had said, the door opened a hair and a key slid through the crack.

“Thank you!” Scott called at Tessa through the door. He grabbed the key and tucked it into his pocket.

He took his time walking the short distance to the hotel where his things were. He found Daniel’s apartment and let himself inside.

She was still his Tessa, the one that he knew and loved. He couldn’t say that her reactions surprised him, but he was disappointed that she wasn’t happy to see him. He made his way over to the fridge, grabbed a beer, and collapsed on the couch. 

What a day.


	18. So This Is Christmas, What Have You Done?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the first time since arriving in New York City, he felt a shift in the tides- as if this place was meant to be. As if he could conquer anything. As if a life spent loving Tessa wasn’t too far beyond his reach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I hope you enjoy!

He was a beer down and it was just past 8 pm. Everything within him wanted to march down the two flights of stairs between Daniel and Tessa’s apartments, break down the door, and force Tessa to sit down at talk to him. The paper thin ounce of restraint that remained convinced him that he probably shouldn’t forcibly enter her apartment if he wanted a relationship with her in the future.

The future. It seemed so ambiguous and ominous, yet at the same time, so full of hope and possibility. The events of the day scrolled through his brain on repeat. Her shocked expression as she spotted him standing by the curb. Her laser focus as she worked. The way her body melted against his when he had kissed her. For a few blissful seconds, it was as if none of the events of the past year had happened. He hadn’t been engaged to Laura. He hadn’t fucked up the one good thing that the universe had given him. It was just him and Tessa, together, as it always should have been.

But he had been engaged to Laura. He had fucked up the one good thing that the universe had given him. And the few precious seconds spent worshipping Tessa came to a screeching halt as she shoved him away with disgust. He knew that she could never hate him as he hated himself.

A second beer down and he drifted off to sleep.

*****

She could remember the last time that she’d been this restless. It had been the night before the free dance in Sochi. She didn’t quite understand why she was so surprised that Meryl and Charlie ended up in front after the short dance. It had been happening all season, but somehow the number 2 that flashed beside their names hit her in a way that it hadn’t on the Grand Prix circuit. They were actually in second place. That night, Scott had slept in her bed, his arm curled over her waist. She’d listened to his soft snores beside her, unable to actually will herself to sleep. Just hearing his breathing made the prospect of a silver medal nearly bearable. She’d have done it all again to live that very moment with him, drawn against his side listening to him sleep.

But years had passed. Sochi was but a memory. The one thing that could bring peace to the restlessness, the one thing that could bring calm to anxiety and order to chaos was mere feet away. All she had to do was climb the stairs and knock. It was simple, yet she stayed in bed and drew the covers up around her chin.

*****

He stood by the window in Daniel’s apartment and watched the dark gray sky begin to lighten over the city skyline. He’d woken up at 4 a.m. as he did most days to work with Ellis and Matt. He knew that he couldn’t leave this city without a concrete plan to return. One of his aunt’s best students had started coaching at a great rink here and he knew he needed to check it out.

At 5 a.m., he had gotten dressed and began his trek to World Ice Arena. The front left door had been unlocked, though the sign on the door read “Closed to the Public.” Holidays had always meant that rinks were closed to the public, but it also meant that the elite athletes tended to get much more time uninterrupted on the ice. It was the time that he and Tessa had valued so much in preparation for the Olympics that they would sacrifice holidays with family. Looking back now, he would never have made the decision to stay in Michigan had he known that a silver medal would be what was waiting for them at the end of the journey.

Scott could hear music echoing through the large rink as he navigated the main hallway. He entered the open space and noticed a teenage couple practicing. Their coach was across the rink from him and seemed to look perplexed.

“Again.” He muttered, clearly exasperated by whatever the couple was practicing.

The music restarted and the two skaters gained speed as they began to stroke around the rink. They worked a little bit of the footwork in the program before entering into a spin. The boy held onto the girl as they entered the spin, but it wasn’t but a few rotations before they were sprawled across the ice. Scott couldn’t help but chuckle as he remembered when he and Tessa found themselves in similar situations not too long ago.

Scott made his way to the other side of the rink and walked up beside their coach.

“Hello, sir.” Scott held out a hand for the man to shake.

The man was startled, but recognition lit his face as soon as he’d had a moment to get a look at Scott.

“Would you look at that?!” The man exclaimed, vigorously pumping Scott’s hand up and down. “Scott Moir, I’m Dave. To what do we owe the honor?”

“Well, I was in the area and decided to head to a local rink to see what was happening on this chilly Christmas Eve!”

“Well this is a junior dance team right here, Kate and Graham. As you can see, we’re working on spins.”

Kate and Graham were currently engaged in a quiet argument on the ice. Kate was gesturing wildly about the spin and Graham was just shaking his head. When their coach called them over, Kate was the first one to recognize the stranger who had joined them.

“Am I being Punk’d?” Her eyebrows raised towards her hairline as she watched her coach’s interaction with Scott.

Scott simply held his hand out to Kate, shook her hand, and did the same for Graham.

“Scott Moir. You’re Kate and Graham? Nice to meet you.”

Scott studied their coach quickly and before he had a chance to overthink it, he asked if he could see the spin again. Kate shrugged and skated off as a very quiet Graham followed. 

The pair performed the same bit of the routine with the exact same result- bodies sliding across the ice.

Scott gestured for them to skate back, and a clearly frustrated Kate dusted the slush off of her leggings and made her way back followed by Graham hanging his head.

“First of all, you need to remember that you function as a team. Kate, this is not Graham’s fault, and Graham, it’s not Kate’s. The two of you aren’t talking as you’re skating, are you?”

“No.” Graham spoke for the first time. Kate shook her head in agreement.

“Your issue here is balance. It’s a give and take. If one of you takes a little too much, it’s a problem, but it can be fixed with counter balance. Talk to each other. Graham, you’re sitting too much into the spin and Kate you’re not leaning back enough. Try it again, but if you feel you’re being pulled too much, communicate it.”

Their coach hit the play button again and the music resumed. The spin was nowhere near as fast as it should be, but he heard Graham talking to Kate and they didn’t fall. It was most certainly progress.

“Do you coach, Scott?”

“I do, actually.” Scott replied. What the hell. “I coach a very successful junior dance team at the Ilderton Skating Club outside of London, Ontario. I am, however, looking to relocate here to the city. Do you know who I would talk to about a coaching job?”

Dave immediately pulled out his cell phone. And called the manager of the rink. After a very short conversation, Dave let Scott know that the manager would be there in 15 minutes to speak with him. Scott had by no means expected someone to come to the rink at 6:15 a.m. on Christmas Eve to meet with him, but it was a welcome surprise.

At 6:30 on the dot, a man walked through the door and introduced himself as Steve Jenkins, the owner and manager of World Ice arena. Scott called a goodbye to Kate, Graham, and Dave and followed Steve into the office.

“Scott, I’ll be straightforward with you, I’m very prepared to offer you a job on the spot. How serious are you about this?”

Everyone in the skating world had known Scott as a jokester, but what they didn’t know was how much he had grown and changed in the past year or two. They didn’t know how Tessa leaving had defined the man he was today. They didn’t know that he had poured his heart and soul into training Ellis and Matt.

Scott explained to Steve the circumstances that brought him to New York City- that there had been a rift between him and Tessa and it was up to him to make it right. That she was in a program here that had at least two and a half years left, so for the foreseeable future, this was home.

If Ellis and Matt weren’t willing to leave Ilderton, he was certain that his aunt could take over his coaching responsibilities next year.

Steve offered Scott a generous salary on the spot and Scott took it without hesitation. By 7:30, a contract had been drawn up and signed and Scott would be an official employee of World Ice arena immediately following Junior Worlds this year or as soon as he could make it.

He immediately called his mom and let her know. She would take care of talking with Ellis and Matt’s families. Now came his decisions. Where would he live? When would he move? Daniel had an empty bedroom. He’d ask about that. And as far as timing, if Ellis and Matt were willing to move, it would be as soon as possible, but if not he’d finish the season with them in Ilderton and move down after Junior Worlds.

For the first time since arriving in New York City, he felt a shift in the tides- as if this place was meant to be. As if he could conquer anything. As if a life spent loving Tessa wasn’t too far beyond his reach.

*****

It was noon and Tessa had been making coffee for six hours. She’d spilled a latte on her pants, but it was nothing compared to the mess of her personal life. She was surprised that Scott was not sitting outside of her door when she left this morning to get to Everyman. She was even more surprised to see that he hadn’t stopped by the coffee shop to bother her. A quiet Scott was possibly even worse than one that sat in the corner and bothered her to no end.

She had liked knowing that he was confined to his little world in Canada. She felt free knowing that there was no way he would miraculously appear in New York City. And then he did and it had turned her world upside down. She liked the feeling of having her life meticulously planned out, her days mapped from start to finish. Scott had completely derailed her plans and brought the unexpected into her safe haven of mundane routine. She didn’t know why she was surprised; he’d always enjoyed shaking things up and forcing her to come out of her shell.

There was a small comfort found in the hum of the espresso machine and the scream of steaming milk, the routine of knowing how to make drinks, the safety of non-intrusive small talk with customers. 

“I’m sorry, but are you Tessa?” A teenage boy with a box in his arms had approached the counter. Confusion was etched across his face as he looked at Michael working the cash register.

“Yes, I am.” She responded. How strange. Nobody had recognized her in New York.

“This is for you. I don’t know what it is, but a guy told me that it wasn’t dangerous and he paid me ten bucks to deliver it. So if you have any enemies that you know of, it would be best not to open it.”

Tessa chuckled lightly at the stranger’s confusion. She probably would have delivered something for ten bucks too at his age. She thanked him and took the box, knowing full well who it was from.

“Miss Tessa...” Michael drew out. “Who’s the admirer?”

“Oh, please, Michael. You know very well who it is.”

“Oh goody! A package from that fine man who sat in the corner all day yesterday. What on earth could he have sent?”

Tessa looked through the windows in the store front, looking through the crowds that gathered for any sign of Scott. None whatsoever.”

She shrugged and grabbed a pair of scissors from beside the cash register and cut the tape on the top of the box. 

She opened the top and a smile crept involuntarily to her lips. A gorgeous bouquet of flowers. A mix of peonies, hydrangeas, roses, and greenery. She took it out and inhaled deeply before looking at the other items in the box. There was a Styrofoam container that was still warm. By the smell coming from it, she knew exactly what it was without even having to look. It was Scott’s amazing shrimp scampi. He used to cook it when she was angry or upset and it immediately put her in a better mood. There was a Toronto Blue Jays hat and a worn sweatshirt that she had lost some time ago... Apparently she had just left them at Scott’s place. She pulled the sweatshirt over her head. It had sat in his suitcase and his house for long enough that it smelled like him.

“Oh, sweetheart, I know you did not just smell his sweatshirt.” Michael had been watching her open the entire thing.

“It’s my sweatshirt.” She said with a smile. “I must have left it at his house.”

“Oooh, Tessa girl, you got it bad.” Michael said with raised eyebrows. “I’ve been working with you for months and I’ve never seen you like this!”

“I’m taking my lunch break, Michael.” She replied with a laugh to her overly intrusive manager. 

Once she was in the stock room, she wasted no time in consuming forkfuls of the shrimp scampi. It was the best thing that she had eaten in months. She sat there in her Toronto Blue Jays sweatshirt and hat that smelled like him, scarfing down her favorite food, happier than she’d been in a long time.

_Just because I have my things back and I enjoy the pasta doesn’t mean that I’m caving. He’s still an asshole. But god, can that asshole cook!_

After she had finished the pasta, she looked in the box one last time and found a letter that she hadn’t seen in her haste to eat. She didn’t know if it was the sense of home that she felt or the terrific amount of carbs she had just consumed, but for some reason she felt compelled to open his letter.

_Tess-_

_I hope that there are a few things here that make being away from home at Christmas a little more bearable. I hope that whatever yuppie I pay to deliver this doesn’t just run off with it like an idiot. But if you’re reading this, I guess he didn’t._

_Thank you for not calling the cops when I showed up. Thank you for pretending to ignore me as I sat in the corner of the coffee shop yesterday. You’ve been kinder than what I’ve deserved. I know how shitty I was to you, and I’m sorry. And I know that’s not even close to the apology you deserve, but it’s what I can do right now. When we sit down and have a conversation in the future, I hope that you will be able to see that who I am now is different than the asshole you knew. I hope to earn back your trust. I know that we can’t go back, but maybe we can go forward._

_I miss you, kiddo. No letter will ever accurately convey how much, but I do with every fiber of my being. I’m staying in Daniel’s place until the 26th. I’d love to talk if you’d like, but I understand that my being here is more on my terms than it is yours and for that I’m sorry. I’ll be giving you space, but I’m here if you decide you’re ready to talk._

_Love,  
Scott_

_P.S. I hope you still like shrimp scampi.  
_  
An unwelcome tear slipped down her cheek and she brushed it away in haste. She had been doing so well in her perfect little New York City bubble. She’d pressed Scott back into the recesses of her brain and he had happily stayed there as she’d started her new life. But here he came, popping her perfect little version of reality, flooding back into her life. He was impossible to ignore and fucking unforgettable. That kiss? It had been replaying through her mind ever since it had happened. The way his arms had hugged her tight against his body, his hands through her hair. And oh god. She had kissed him back. For a few seconds it had been like she was flying before she crashed back down to earth. For a few seconds, she had forgotten the shitty things that he had done. For a few seconds, she allowed herself to love him again.

It was her own personal version of hell. To be tormented by the inescapable love that she had once felt for him and bombarded by the hurt that she had worked so hard to push away. Unloved. Worthless. Shoved aside. She’d been doing just fine without him. But seeing him broke down every wall that she’d worked so hard to perfectly construct. The mortar that she had been so carefully smoothing between the bricks began to crumble. Brick by brick it fell as he’d begged her to talk to him. The way his shoulders hunched against the cold, the way his eyes found hers. And as mad as she wanted to be about him showing up unannounced, he had still somehow managed to touch that place in her heart- the one that had been his since she was seven years old.

She wiped away the tears that had stained her cheeks and blew her nose. She was halfway through her twelve hour shift, and if she was lucky, it couldn’t get much worse than it already was. She pulled her Blue Jays hat farther down over her eyes, willing it to shield her from the world outside of the stock room.

“Oh, Miss Tessa. That bad? I thought it was food, flowers, and clothing, only the three best things a girl could receive.” 

Michael’s pitying look was almost more than she could take and she didn’t quite feel like explaining his letter, so she told Michael that she was just fine and started making coffee again. She evened her breathing to keep the tears at bay and took her position behind the espresso machine to avoid talking to customers. Michael knew better than to ask questions, so he wished her a Merry Christmas as they left that evening.

The wind was biting, but she pulled her Blue Jays hat down even further. It was Christmas Eve and she had never felt quite so miserable.

*****

He’d shopped and cooked this morning, done some exploring in the afternoon, and cleaned Daniel’s apartment in the evening. It was Christmas Eve, and although he missed his family something fierce, there was nowhere he’d rather be than right in this very spot.

He hadn’t heard from Tessa at all, but he wasn’t exactly surprised. He hadn’t expected hugs and warm fuzzies when he’d given her some stuff and a written apology. He just hoped that he would start to build the bridge.

He found It’s A Wonderful Life and knew that his brothers would be making fun of his mom right about now. With the dvd playing and a beer cracked open, he settled in for a night of fighting every urge to run downstairs and knock on Tessa’s door.

*****

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart! We miss you here!” Kate’s voice was cheery on the other end of the phone.

“Merry Christmas, Mom.” Tessa tried hard, but failed to keep the tears from her voice.

“Oh, sweetheart.”

“How on earth could you send him here without telling me?”

Tessa was met with utter silence on the other end.

“I’ve been heartbroken for months and months and you knew it. How could you tell him where I was?” Her words were choked by the sobs that overflowed.

“Honey, if only you could see how much he loves you. If only you could understand the man that he has become. Oh, how I wish you would.”

She couldn’t take it anymore. She pressed the button on her phone that ended the call. Her mom cared about her more than anyone else. Tessa knew deep down that her mom would never intentionally do something to hurt her, but the pain of this betrayal ran deep. It hurt to the core and it was consuming.

There were two bottles of red wine in the cabinet and the situation called for it. Within half an hour, Tessa had consumed one of the bottles and had opened the second. It was Christmas and she didn’t want to remember.

*****

It was about 10:45 and the menu for It’s A Wonderful Life had been repeating itself for a good thirty minutes.

A loud knock on the door jolted him from his relaxed state. Tessa. He rushed to open the door and found a very disheveled Tessa slumped against the doorway.

“Ya don’t get t’ fuckin’ do this t’ me.” Tessa slurred.

 _Oh boy._ “Tessa...”

“Ya don’t get t’ fuck me and leave me for her. For fuck’s sake. I deserved more than that, don’t ya think?” She pushed her way through the door and into Daniel’s apartment, dropping herself unceremoniously on the couch.

 _I don’t know if I’ve ever seen her this drunk._ “Of course you do, Tess.”

“Don’t fuckin ‘Tess’ me. Don’t act like you’ve known me forever. It’s Tessa. Tess-ahhh.”

“God, Tessa. I’m so sorry. So fucking sorry. I’ve been such an asshole, but I’ll try to make it up to you. I swear. God, I promise I will. I love-”

Tessa leapt of the couch. “NO! No. You don’t get to say that to me. I loved you for years and you threw it away for a cheap fuck.”

God. She was right. He was the worst. The tears started streaming down her cheeks as her shoulders hunched forward.

“I don’t want to be in love with you.” She whispered. “Do you hear me? I don’t want to feel this. I think I’m over it and then I wake up in the morning and it’s there. It fucking hurts. It hurts, Scott.”

The tears morphed into sobs. Scott hated himself. What kind of monster was he to turn her into this? The radiant and kind woman that he had grown to love, reduced to a heartbroken shadow of her former glory. It was all his fault. And didn’t he fucking know it.

He reached out and grabbed her shoulder, pulling her towards him. Her fists shot out and beat against his chest in a fury.

“I fucking hate you, Scott Moir!” She screamed as she punched his chest. 

He just sat there and took it until her movements slowed and her sobs took over. 

“I fucking hate you.” She whispered.

He gathered her into his arms and sank to the couch as her body shook against his. He ran his fingers through her hair as he’d done for years when she was worked up about something. 

For what seemed like hours, he sat, shocked that she was in his arms, until her breathing evened and she had stilled. He picked her up and carried her over to the bed, pulled back the sheets and tucked her in. How easy it would be, slip in beside her, draw her close, pull the sheets over the both of them. Tuck his head into the crook of her neck and breathe deeply the smell of Tessa. How easy it would be.

He shook his head and pulled the covers back over her body, grabbed the throw from the end of the bed and made his way to the couch.

_Not like this._


	19. S'Wonderful, S'Marvelous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She missed her family, but this was the best surprise. He’d brought her Christmas to her. She was hundreds of miles from Canada, but somehow in this bustling city that never slept he’d managed to make her feel like she was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO sorry this took forever. But here it is. Only a few more chapters left!

He was used to being up early. He’d done it his entire life. At four a.m. he was awake and by 4:30, he was walking out the door. He’d had a cumulative two hours of restless sleep. It was impossible to drift off with Tessa in the next room. He had peeked through the door. Tessa was sprawled out between the covers. Her hair was plastered across her face and there was a line of drool running down her cheek. Even with her disheveled appearance and her inescapable hangover, God, she was beautiful. He wanted to walk through the door, soundlessly slip between the sheets, and pull her close to his chest. But that was for another day. He wasn’t prepared to get slapped this early in the morning, so he let her sleep. He had at least another hour and a half with the amount of wine she’d consumed last night.

A Virtue Christmas was a very predictable affair and Scott had spent enough years around the Virtues to know the routine forwards and backwards. The morning started with a cup of coffee and mimosas, now that the kids were old enough, followed by breakfast and gifts. Breakfast was also the same each year. Tessa’s grandma had made a breakfast casserole called Egg Sardou ever since Scott could remember. When her grandmother had passed, Kate had carried on the tradition. It was Tessa’s favorite. One quick call to Kate the night before had gotten him the recipe and now he was headed to the store to pick up the ingredients.

It wasn’t exactly his bed that Tessa was asleep in, but just knowing that she was there brought comfort. Last night had been painful. Being screamed at that she hated him was painful. Holding her as she sobbed was fucking painful. But he knew the pain that he felt was nothing in comparison to what she was going through. As much as it sucked for him, it was so much worse for her. He honestly wouldn’t be surprised if she woke up and decided that she would never see him again. She could do that easily, but he was nothing if not committed. No matter how hard she pushed him away, he wasn’t going anywhere. He’d seen his life without Tessa. He’d lived it for half of a year. There was no way in hell that he would settle for life without her.

So he trekked to the store, bought all of the ingredients for Egg Sardou casserole, chocolate, chocolate milk, and the Audrey Hepburn feature pack including Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Funny Face, Roman Holiday, and My Fair Lady. Today was about her.

By 7 a.m., he had changed back into his pajamas, cleaned Daniel’s kitchen and bathroom, spruced up the tiny tree that was in the living room, and set the table. He started in on the breakfast casserole and made some coffee. It was the first Christmas that he hadn’t spent with his family, but his heart still felt light. He put Christmas music on his phone at a quiet volume, careful not to wake Tessa in the next room.

*****

When Tessa awoke, she took in her surroundings. Sunlight streaming through the window. Twisted up in the sheets. _Not mine._ She sat up and looked around at the foreign room, taking in a bookshelf in the corner that vaguely resembled one that she had. _Oh. Daniel._ She felt a little better knowing that she wasn’t in a complete stranger’s apartment.

Her mouth felt as though she had cotton stuffed in it, her eyes stung, and her head pounded. It took all of a minute to recall how she had gotten here- just shy of two bottles of wine, intending to give Scott a piece of her mind but ending up crying and hitting him instead. _Perfect._

There was a glass of water beside her bed with two ibuprofen on top of a napkin. It would have been sweet to know that someone cared if she hadn’t already known that it was Scott. She heard the banging of pots and pans from the kitchen, and the smell wafting in from under the door let her know that Scott had been awake for quite a while. _What on earth did I get myself into?_ She swallowed the pills and slipped on Scott’s fleece that was sitting on top of his suitcase. _If I’m going down this path, I might as well be warm doing it._ It smelled like him. She inhaled deeply, momentarily forgetting her pounding headache and endless heartache. _Merry Christmas, Tessa._

When she opened the door, she found Scott cooking bacon in his pajamas, dancing, and singing along loudly and out of tune to “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.” She unconsciously felt a smile dance across her lips before her headache brought her back to reality. 

“Good Morning!” Scott greeted with a smile too wide for 8:30 in the morning.

“Someone is chipper today.” She’d forgotten that he was a morning person.

“Come on, Tess. It’s Christmas. Please don’t freeze me out.” Scott’s face was serious. “We’re both alone in New York City on Christmas. Let’s put it aside just for today.”

She took a seat at the table, unwilling and unable, if she was being honest, to argue with him.

“Chocolate milk, orange juice, or coffee?”

She shot him a sideways glance, something she would have done a year ago.

“I don’t know why I would have expected anything different.” He replied with a chuckle.

He poured two glasses of chocolate milk and handed one to her. He turned around to continue working on the bacon.

“What is your family doing today?” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

He grinned one of the widest smiles that Tessa had ever seen and responded, “Well Santa is delivering all of the gifts to Charlie’s house this year, so that is where they’ll all rendezvous, I imagine. Then breakfast and hockey back in Ilderton. What about yours?”

“Well Jordan is staying back in Australia, but I imagine my brothers will be going over to my parents’ house and unwrapping gifts. Mom will make Egg Sardou casserole and Dad will start making Bloody Marys because mimosas are too girly.”

“Speaking of,” Scott opened the oven door and pulled the finished casserole out. It looked exactly like Kate’s did and he was praying it tasted the same too. “One Egg Sardou casserole made to order.”

Tears pricked the corners of her eyes. Chocolate milk. Egg Sardou casserole. He was trying so hard. And it was working.

“Don’t cry, Tess. Please. I can put the casserole back in the oven.” Scott’s genuine concern was evident.

“No.” She laughed. The sound felt foreign leaving her mouth. She set her face back into a serious expression. “I mean, please don’t.”

“Alright. Well come and get some then.” Scott cut into the casserole and spooned some on to a plate.

“Wait!” Scott stopped and began searching frantically through a drawer before pulling out a wad of fabric. He shook the apron out and threw it over his head. “Eh?” Tessa laughed as she read it- Kiss the Cook. 

“Hey now. Don’t start going there right now. You want me talking to you, right?”

“Touche.” Scott said as he took it off and threw it back in the drawer. “It was worth a shot.”

He sat down across from Tessa and tucked in to his breakfast. Tessa moaned as she took the first bite.

“Tell my mother I said thank you.”

Scott smiled at her from across the table. She wasn’t the warm Tessa that she had been for 20 years, but the ice was starting to thaw. She was talking to him. It was a Christmas miracle.

Christmas breakfast had never tasted quite so good. She missed her family, but this was the best surprise. He’d brought her Christmas to her. She was hundreds of miles from Canada, but somehow in this bustling city that never slept he’d managed to make her feel like she was home.

“Alright. I have a surprise. Not huge, but a surprise nonetheless. Want it?”

Tessa nodded, slightly hesitant, but breathed a sigh of relief when he pulled out the DVD case.

“Sorry it isn’t wrapped, but I will willingly subject myself to Audrey Hepburn movies for the next 24 hours, starting now.”

She let him choose the first movie. She knew he wasn’t the biggest Audrey fan, so she might as well give him something he wanted.

They settled down on Daniel’s couch to watch. He was comfortable. Just being here with her. Seated on a couch, not touching her, just being. He couldn’t remember the last time that he had been this happy. She didn’t look like she hated him right now, which was remarkable.

She was surprised that it felt this easy. She’d spent so much energy in the past six months hating him. It was a relief to sit in peace with him, even if she hadn’t forgiven him. Forgiveness was a long way away, but he was here and he was Scott. The boy who had pulled her pigtails when she was seven. The teenager who wiped her tears when they had moved hours away from family. The man who had stood beside her on the podiums in Sochi and Vancouver. She knew that with him she could unapologetically be herself, without reservation or hesitation. She’d felt foreign living in her own life for the past six months, a mere shadow of the woman she had once been. But today was a breath of fresh air, the sun rising over a dark night, the beginning of a new chapter. Maybe it was her hangover talking or the Egg Sardou casserole, but she lacked the willpower to stop it.

Scott kept her coffee mug full and offered her a blanket to stay warm.

Before she knew it, Fred Astaire and Audrey were floating down a river singing about how it S’Wonderful, S’Marvelous, and she couldn’t help but float away with them. 

“It seems like it’s been forever since we skated to this, huh? God, I thought I was in for a season of hating this free dance once we’d chosen, but it was good, right? We were good.”

Tessa smiled at him. “Yeah. We were good.”

It seemed like a lifetime ago when she and Scott had won the gold at World’s in Nice. It seemed fitting that it had happened in France, after all, it was her happy place. She could clearly remember the night after they had won. She’d gone back to her hotel room to wash off the layers of makeup she’d applied for the performance. Standing on top of the podium had felt surreal, but Scott’s hand squeezing hers had brought her back to the moment. Savor. Enjoy. Remember. He had knocked on the door and she’d found him holding a bottle of champagne and two glasses. In their sweatpants and Canada jackets, they’d headed to the courtyard of the hotel. As the French air swirled around them, the stars dappled the sky above, and the champagne sparkled against their tongues, he had pulled her up to dance with him. She remembered how he swung her around and she’d tipped her head back in laughter. It had been so carefree. Scott’s eyes had sparkled in the moonlight and his smile had lit up her world. Had she known then that she had fallen in love with him? Had he been in love with her?

“You’re a million miles away.” Scott’s whisper drew her from her reverie. “A penny for your thoughts?”

“I was remembering that night in Nice.” She sighed, laying her head against the back of the couch. “You remember?”

“Champagne and stars, Tess. How could I forget?”

“I think that I idealize that time. Looking back it all seemed so perfect. But it wasn’t, was it?”

“I dunno, Tess. That moment was pretty damn perfect.”

She couldn’t argue. And she didn’t want to.

“Wanna dance?” Scott’s hand was stretched towards her, beckoning.

She gingerly reached her hand out to touch the tips of his fingers. She had done this for almost 20 years. Why was her heart pounding? Why was her throat dry? It was Christmas. It was Scott. _But she couldn’t._

“Scott, I can’t do this.”

Before he could even breathe, she was up and out of the apartment, running back to her own. He felt like he should run after her. But she’d done a lot this morning. She’d pushed herself. She’d grown. And now he needed to give her space to breathe.

 

*****

Tessa walked back into her apartment baffled by this morning. Had she seriously just spent it all with Scott? For the first time in months, she hadn’t pushed him away. She hadn’t let him in, per se, but she wasn’t completely shut off. He could just consider that his Christmas surprise. _How on earth could I have been this stupid?_

The aftermath of the night before shone proudly in the afternoon light streaming through the windows. Tessa picked up the bottles of wine and the wine glass and took them to the kitchen.

This would all be over tomorrow. It would all be done when he left Daniel’s apartment. And Beth and Daniel would be coming home. She would be working at Everyman, and it would all go back to normal. Back to a Scott-free existence.

By early afternoon, she had cleaned the apartment from top to bottom and she fell asleep on her couch, exhausted from the past 12 hours. Her conscious mind had restraint. She prided herself on her exceptional self-control. Even as a child, her mother had referred to it has her “iron will.” But sleep weakened the restraints and her dreams ran wild, plagued by a bright eyed boy who pulled her pigtails and a man who had taken her to places she had only ever thought existed in dreams and fairytales. 

*****

“Hey man, thanks for returning my call on Christmas. Sorry to disrupt.”

“It’s all good, Scotty. How are things going over there?” His voice was hesitant, as if he didn’t know if he should ask the question in the first place. If anyone knew how strong willed Tessa could be, it was Daniel. He’d been there for her ever since things had blown up in her face. 

“Better than I expected they would go. She turned up drunk last night, tried to punch me, cried a lot, and then fell asleep.” 

Daniel laughed on the other end. “Good, that’s what you deserve. Did she hit you hard?”

“Nah. But I got to make her breakfast and watch an Audrey Hepburn movie with her this morning.”

Daniel whistled low in response. “Well Merry Christmas to you. I didn’t think she would give you the time of day.”

“You and me both.” Scott hadn’t ever thought he would get to be in the same room with her, let alone talk and relax with her. “So why I’m calling...”

“What’s going on?”

“I’m moving to New York, Dan.”

“I figured as much.” Daniel chuckled on the other end. “We couldn’t fend you off for too much longer.”

“Hardee Har Har.” Scott quipped back. “Well listen. I know you have a spare room. Is it spare for a reason?”

“It’s spare so that you can move your shit in there when you move down here. It’s conveniently two floors above our girls.”

“Our girls, eh? Things are going well for you and Beth I take it?” 

“Yeah. It’s pretty great. She’s amazing and it’s been so much fun spending Christmas with her family.”

“Well I’m not gonna go and paint your nails and shit, but I’m excited for you guys. You deserve it.” Someone like Daniel deserved a partner that was equally as wonderful.

“Well make the arrangements, Scott, and the room is yours.”

“Thanks, Daniel. Merry Christmas.”

*****

He had never hated the Canadian flag before, but it fluttered boldly against the grey sky high above the London terminal announcing his arrival back in a country that didn’t contain the woman he loved. He felt her lack of a presence more now than ever.

Three months. It would be three long months until Junior Worlds. Three miserable months until he could pack up his stuff and move to New York. Three unbearable months without Tessa. Three months sucked, but he had a renewed sense of purpose. She was out there in the world and he would be in New York soon.

He retrieved his car from long term parking and drove the short drive back to his parents’ house in Ilderton. The longer he went, the less buildings he saw, until he entered the town that he had called home all of his life. It was strange now, how foreign the buildings seemed and how strange he felt driving the familiar streets. As if life was telling him to move on. This was no longer his home.

He pulled up the driveway outside of his parents’ home and let himself in the front door. Before he had a chance to take his coat off, his mother was pressing her warm face against his frozen cheeks and asking a million questions.

“Did you see Tessa?” His mom practically yelled at him.

“Yes, Mom.” Scott worked to unwind his scarf as his mother demanded answers.

“And?!”

“She was shocked and unhappy to see me. Not a surprise.”

“Oh, Scotty. You gave it your best chance.” Alma gave him a pitying look as she reached out to hug him again.

“Mom, I’m not done with her. Not even close to done. There is no possible way I’m giving up. I’ve been secretly and not so secretly in love with Tessa for years now, and I was apparently the last person to figure it out. I’m doing what I should have done years ago, Mom. I’m fighting for my girl. I’m moving to New York City.”

“Moving.” Alma sighed. “I know that you called about it, but hearing it in person makes it seem so much more final.”

“I have an apartment two floors up from Tessa and a coaching job at a rink. I know I screwed up so majorly, but I will never get Tess back if I don’t go out there and pursue her. There’s no other option for me, Mom.”

Alma’s eyes had misted as they always did. “You are that certain, Scotty?”

“I love her so much, Mom.”

“Well if it takes you moving to the obnoxious land of red, white, and blue to get me some gorgeous ice skating grandbabies, so be it. But I sure hope that you two plan on moving back this direction when you get back together. Jim and Kate are missing their baby girl like crazy.”

Scott wrapped his arms around his mother, stooping down to reach her. “Thanks, Mom.”

“Oh, sweetheart. You have to be happy with your life. And you haven’t been happy since you lost Tessa.”

The two of them then launched into moving details. He was able to leave a lot of his stuff at their house. He would load up several boxes with space bags and mail them to Daniel, then he would follow a few days later on a flight.

“Does Tessa know you’re coming?”

“Oh, hell no, mom. Could you imagine how quickly she would have left New York City? No. She’s gonna be surprised!” Scott said with a childish grin.

“Well good luck to Tessa, then.” Alma laughed.

She went to unpack his suitcases and throw his dirty laundry in the wash. It was interesting how his suitcases had gotten much more meticulously packed the older he had gotten. She had no doubt that Tessa was behind his organized packing. 

_It’s about time he got his act together and I get some ice skating grandbabies. Thank God he’s going after her._


	20. Home Is Where Your Heart Is Set in Stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Visiting Tessa in New York City had renewed a sense of a purpose in his work. The clock was ever ticking by, counting down the days, minutes, and seconds until distance wouldn’t be an issue again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is monstrous! Thanks for your patience again with the update! The title comes from the song "Home" by Gabrielle Aplin.

Purpose is a funny thing. A few months ago, Scott had been living through the same monotonous days as he was now. Wake up, coach, school, workout, coach, study, sleep. Repeat endlessly. He’d been back in Canada for three weeks now and his routine was exactly the same as it had been. Wake up, coach, school, workout, coach, study, sleep. Repeat endlessly.

Yet now his days lacked the aimlessness that he’d had before. Visiting Tessa in New York City had renewed a sense of a purpose in his work. The clock was ever ticking by, counting down the days, minutes, and seconds until distance wouldn’t be an issue again. Ellis and Matt’s parents had decided that they didn’t want to move their teenagers internationally mid-season. They would move to New York City with Scott, but only after the season had finished. Alma had given Scott the freedom to either leave now or finish out the season. As much as he’d been dying to hop on the next flight to New York City, he felt as through it was his duty to Ellis and Matt to stick out the season with them. It would be difficult knowing that they’d be moving to America, to a completely different country and training environment, to work with the coach who had ditched them a few months back.

Though his days were filled with studying and coaching, his mind remained in New York City with Tessa. What was she doing? Was she okay? Did she think of him too? God, he hoped that she did. She consumed his thoughts, the way she had looked at him on Christmas morning, wrapped up in his fleece jacket, the way it had smelled like her when he found it in his suitcase later, the way she curled up on the sofa next to him. She was still his Tessa.

March 20th seemed to be years away. By then he’d have shipped all of his boxes to Daniel’s place and he’d be flying from Hungary where Ellis and Matt would hopefully have competed well. His visa paperwork had been turned in and he was hoping to get things quickly approved. Everything seemed to be falling into place effortlessly. Except for Tessa. He had hoped that she wouldn’t be so silent after his visit, that she might reach out to him in some form or another, but it hadn’t happened. He hadn’t been stopped by her silence before and she’d be naïve to think that he’d be stopped now so he called a florist a couple of blocks from her apartment and arranged to have the biggest, most gorgeous bouquet of flowers delivered in the evening when she would be home.

*****

A knock on the door sounded through the apartment. She had just gotten out of the shower and had thrown on a worn pair of pajamas that were covered in panda bears holding balloons. Her hair was twisted into a towel on top of her head as she jogged to the door. She threw open the door to find a delivery man holding an embarrassingly large display of flowers.

“Delivery for Tessa Virtue?”

“That’s me.”

“Well, Miss Virtue, either someone loves you a whole lot or someone is trying to say sorry. This is just about the largest flower arrangement I’ve ever delivered!”

_Likely both._ Even without reading the card, it was no secret who the flower arrangement was from. The peonies and hydrangeas that spilled over the sides of the vase sang of a spring that had not yet arrived in New York City. She carried it over to the dining room table and plucked out the card that sat atop the massive display of flowers.  
 _  
Tessa-  
Thinking of you today and every other day. I know that fresh flowers make you smile, so let them brighten up your space as you study and work, and know that there is someone miles away wishing you well. Have a beautiful day!  
x, Scott  
_  
It wasn’t overly sentimental, but it was thoughtful. The bouquet was outrageous, but it did the job that Scott had intended. A wide smile split her face as she thought of a boy with messy hair miles away who loved her with abandon.

She pulled her books out on the kitchen table, forgoing the quiet desk in the corner of her room that would definitely not be able to hold the outrageous display of flowers. Even her studying seemed less taxing with the bright arrangement next to her.

Hours later, Beth walked the door and immediately found the arrangement of flowers on the table.

Whistling low, she said, “Ooooh, Tessa. He’s got it bad!”

_So it would seem._ She paused the music playing from her phone as Beth sat down at the table beside her.

“Was there a reason?” Beth inquired.

“I don’t think so.” Tessa answered as she slid the card to her roomie.

“Awe! ‘There is someone miles away wishing you well!’ That’s sweet.” Beth sang as she looked at the card. Beth had never been secretive about her support of Scott. She’d burst through the door after her trip home for Christmas begging to know every detail. Reluctantly at first, she had filled Beth in. Tessa imagined that Daniel had filled in some gaps in the past few months, but Beth could be trusted and it was nice to have an uninvolved friend to share with.

“When are you going to see him next?” Beth asked, walking to the fridge to pull out two bottles of water.

“Hopefully not for a long time.” Tessa replied as she cracked the lid open with a muttered thanks.

“Oh, come on. You can’t tell me that you’re not the least bit excited?” 

Beth sounded giddy, and maybe if she weren’t the person involved she would be able to feel giddy too. But the idea of Scott coming back made her feel immediately nervous. It brought back the feeling that she’d often get before competitions- the feeling that life was spiraling out of control and there was nothing that could be done to regain it. Usually she would throw up and be fine, but it was now a perpetual state of her mind.

“I can’t stop my nerves long enough to feel excited. Maybe someday I will feel that way, but it certainly isn’t today.”

Beth picked at her nails as she thought carefully about how to respond. “So you’re saying you don’t hate him anymore?”

“No.” Tessa whispered. It was the first time she’d dared to admit it. “No, I don’t hate him anymore.”

A smile spread quietly across Beth’s face. She didn’t push the subject any further and Tessa was grateful.

“Enough about me. Tell me about you and Daniel!”

Beth’s quiet smile only grew larger. “He’s incredible,” She breathed, “How on earth could he want to be with a girl like me?”

Tessa could read the insecurity on her friend’s face, and though she thought it was completely unfounded, she knew the feeling well. “Beth. He’s told you he likes you, yes?”

“Yes. Of course he did.”

“Then he likes you! Daniel is a man of his word. He isn’t one who says things just to say them. He really does care!”

With that, Beth let out a visible sigh of relief.

“Well is it too soon to be in love with someone? Because I’ve never been in love before, but this is always what I imagined it would be like.”

Tessa smiled at her friend, but for the first time, she was at a loss for words. The last time she had thought she was in love the timing had been so far off that they could have been five years apart. All she knew of love was the immense heartache she had felt afterwards and the feelings of loss and emptiness that had been her companions for months upon end.

“I don’t know.” Were the only words that Tessa could manage in response.

*****

It had been a week since he’d sent flowers to Tessa. He’d called the flower shop and had verified that Tessa had signed for the flowers. He’d checked that it had been Tessa who had signed, not Beth. He’d called again to make sure a second time. He’d sent flowers and he hadn’t heard a thing. He didn’t know why he was surprised at this point, but he’d hoped that he’d get something to break the silence, a “Thanks!” or a “Stop bothering me.” But no. Nothing.

He’d spent the past twenty minutes pacing the office of the Ilderton Skating Club trying to determine what his next move would be. He didn’t want to e-mail or message her on the off chance that the flowers had been bothersome. The last thing he’d wanted to do was bombard her. So he picked up his phone and dialed the next best person.

Hundreds of miles away, Daniel’s phone rang in the living room. 

“Babe, would you grab my phone?” He called from the kitchen, too immersed in the dish that he was making for dinner to go find it himself.

Beth found Daniel’s phone wedged between the couch cushions. One glance at the screen told her that she probably should not be the one to answer this particular call.

“Uh, Daniel, Scott’s calling. Why is Scott calling you?” Beth appeared in the kitchen holding up his phone for inspection.

Daniel muttered “Long story.” Before wiping his hands off on a towel and reaching for his phone. “Scotty! How are you doing, man?”

Beth tapped her foot against the bottom of the kitchen chair. She could hear small bits of the phone conversation through his iPhone speaker. She tried to breathe as quietly as she could manage so that she could hear as much as possible. She wasn’t nosy. She was just looking out for Tessa.

“Well Beth is sitting here, do you want me to ask her?” Daniel spoke into the phone. After Scott’s response, he turned towards her and asked, “Did Tessa get an obnoxious display of flowers last week?”

Beth smiled coyly. “I’ll answer if you put him on speaker.”

That girl. The way she smiled at him made his heart skip a beat. Even when she was being a royal pain in the ass, he couldn’t help but feel like the luckiest guy on the planet. He’d give her the world if he could, a silly little phone call was nothing. Daniel walked over to where Beth was sitting, placed a light kiss on her lips, and set the phone down next to her. He was done for.

She smiled brightly as he gave in and punched a button on his phone. “Well hello there, Scott.”

Scott’s voice crackled through the speaker. “Well, well, well. Finally we meet over the phone. I’ve heard a lot about you, Beth. You seem to be giving our Daniel here a run for his money.”

Beth shot Daniel a glance from across the room. She’d think about that one later. “And you seem to be giving our Tessa a run for hers.”

Scott chuckled. “I sure hope so.”

“She got an obnoxious display of flowers last week. It seems you’re to blame for that one.”

“Guilty.” Scott laughed. For a few long seconds, silence echoed between the three. Scott wasn’t sure if he should ask, if it was his place to know. After all, he’d done the damage, he should reap the consequences. But he was fighting. And he had to know. “What did she think, Beth?”

“Well she doesn’t hate you anymore.” 

A simple sentence. Hope flickered through his chest, unbidden. He tried to push it back to whatever crevice it had snuck out of, but failed. He couldn’t help it. She didn’t hate him anymore. He had more reason to hope now than he ever had.

“She doesn’t? How do you know?”

Daniel studied Beth from across the room. He’d never thought to ask Beth about how Tessa was doing, though it made sense that she’d know more than just about anyone else. Living with someone will do that to you.

“She told me. Or I asked her. But either way, she told me that she doesn’t hate you anymore. That’s pretty major, if you ask me. If I were in her shoes I’d still hate your guts. I guess that means she’s a nicer person than I am.”

Daniel chuckled at Beth’s candidness. 

“Beth, what should I do?”

“Listen, Scott. You know Tessa better than just about anyone else. You know what makes her tick. She’s starting to open up. Don’t wait too long.”

Daniel grabbed the phone off the counter and turned off the speaker. “You’re off speaker. Everything going well with March?”

“Good. We’re doing well. Things are great. She’s great.” He smiled at Beth from across the room as he spoke. With a quick goodbye, he hung up the phone.

“Well that was abrupt. What’s happening in March?”

Daniel returned to chopping vegetables for dinner. “Uh, nothing really. Scott’s going to Europe for his team’s world championships.”

When he looked up to study Beth, he realized that she didn’t buy it for a second.

“Daniel, I’m going to ask you again. What is happening in March? You don’t give a shit about his coaching.” The second time around Beth stood up. She moved closer and put her hand on her hip.

“Scott is moving into my second bedroom.” He said it quietly, hoping that Beth’s reaction would not be what he thought it might be. It took a minute for the news to settle.

“Scott Moir?” she asked.

Daniel nodded.

“In New York City? In our apartment building? Two floors up from Tessa?”

Daniel nodded again, bracing himself for the verbal lashing that would inevitably follow. But Beth’s face softened. Then she chuckled to herself. And then she laughed a hearty “Ha!” once before dissolving into a fit of laughter.

He returned to chopping the vegetables as he waited for Beth to recover from her laughing fit. _I suppose amusement is better than her wanting to kill me._

“Tessa’s gonna die.” Beth choked between laughs. “She will literally die. Scott is living here. In the same building as her.”

“So help me, Beth, you cannot tell her. She’ll run again.” Daniel’s tone caused Beth to stop laughing.

“Oh, I’m not telling her. No way in hell! She’s the best roommate I’ve had in New York City! I’m not letting her run away! That and she needs to be with Scott.”

“He’s flying directly from Junior World’s to JFK. His stuff should be arriving sometime the week before.”

Beth walked around and reached up on her tiptoes to plant a kiss on Daniel’s lips. “Oh, I love shaking things up. A month and a half and let the games begin!”

She skipped back to the living room muttering something about double dates under her breath. Crazy girl.

*****  
When Tessa got home from class on a chilly February Tuesday, she found a large box on the welcome mat. Her name was scrawled on top and she didn’t even have to look at the return address to know who had sent it. Sighing, she slung her tote bag onto her back and picked up the box. It was lighter than she expected. _What the hell is he sending me?_

She set the box on the table and grabbed a knife from a drawer in the kitchen. She thought about leaving it there and not giving him the satisfaction, but she was too curious. She cut through the tape and scattered the packing peanuts that sat in the top of the box on to the floor. The first thing that her hands found was a bag of coffee roasted by Sorry Coffee Co, a Toronto favorite of hers. She opened the bag to inhale the deep nuttiness of the beans. This would be a godsend while cramming for midterms. 

She set the coffee beans down on the table and continued throwing fistfuls of packing peanuts from the box until she found a large flat gold box with a ribbon tied across the top. It was cool to the touch and as she opened it, her mouth began to water. A dozen chocolate covered strawberries had apparently been packed on a cold pack hidden in the bottom of the gold box. She plucked one out that had been decorated as a tuxedo and took a bite, reveling in the way the juice poured over her tongue as her teeth sunk through the chocolate shell. 

The next item she found was a folded up Canadian flag. Scott had taped a sheet of paper to it that said “DON’T FORGET YOUR ROOTS!” She chuckled as she read the parenthesis at the bottom: “(At least this one isn’t a poncho.)” She’d have to find a place in her room to hang it up.

As she scooped the last of the packing peanuts out, she found what was left at the bottom, a CD that Scott had obviously made. The post-it note on the front of the case read, “To remind you of happier times.” She couldn’t help it. She was intrigued.

She pulled the CD from its case and walked it over to the sound system that Beth had set up in the corner of the living room. The twang of a guitar filled the air around her as a familiar melody reached her ears. There was a reason he’d put this song as the first track. If she didn’t listen to anything else, she’d hear this. And it took her back immediately. They had been living in Canton for a year and some days she missed her family so much it hurt. One Friday afternoon in June, Scott had demanded that she hop into the passenger seat and buckle up.  
 __  
“Scotty, where are you taking me?!”

_His aviators perched on the bridge of his nose as he rolled down the windows and cranked up the music. It was one of his favorite songs._

_“Just wait and see, Tessa. God, you’re no good with surprises!” And he began to sing along, as loudly as he possibly could._

_Hey, where did we go_  
Days when the rains came?  
Down in the hollow  
Playing a new game,  
Laughing and a-running, hey, hey,  
Skipping and a-jumping  
In the misty morning fog with  
Our, our hearts a-thumping  
And you, my brown-eyed girl,  
You, my brown-eyed girl. 

_As he sang of a brown eyed girl, he stretched out an arm to point at Tessa. With that, she couldn’t help but laugh. She didn’t have brown eyes, but okay. She let her hair out of its restrictive hair tie and let it cascade over her shoulders. The wind from the open windows whipped it around her face as she gave up and sang along with Scott._

_As he hit the open highway, she saw her bag sitting next to his in the back seat and her passport in the cup holder. When she put it together that he was taking her home, she had no hesitation singing into the makeshift plastic spoon microphone Scott held in front of her face._  
  
As the song hit the chorus, Tessa couldn’t help but dance in her bare feet in the living room, singing along to the sha-la-las that blasted from the speakers, tears streaming down her cheeks.

_God, I miss that boy._

She’d danced as she’d piled the packing peanuts back into the box, danced as she’d hung her Canadian flag from the wall, and danced as she’d eaten more chocolate covered strawberries than anyone should in a single sitting. She could tell that he wanted to put a smile on her face and he had succeeded.

The next day, Beth carried the box to the curb for trash pickup and walked away, failing to find the small card that was still in the box beneath the layer of packing peanuts. Somehow, Tessa neglected to find the card, pressed up against the side. She didn’t get to read the words penned inside. She didn’t see that it was exactly a month until his plane would touch down on the tarmac of JFK. She didn’t see that he was going to be living in her city. She didn’t see.

 

*****

It was an unseasonably warm day in March in the middle of an unseasonably warm week. The snow had mostly melted and the ground was no longer soggy. Many of the golf courses in town had started to re-open and Scott was itching to play a game. There was a conversation that Scott needed to have, and truth be told, he’d been putting it off for a while now. His time in the London area was drawing to a close quickly, so on a warm Friday he’d called Jim Virtue and asked if he’d like to join him for a round of golf. Jim had agreed easily claiming that it had been too long since he’d seen Scott.

As Scott paced outside of the pro shop, he couldn’t help but feel that this was a bad idea. The legs of his khaki pants swished against each other as he watched his feet move past one another repeatedly.

“Scott, m’boy. How are you?” Jim’s voice broke the soft jazz that had been playing from the speakers in the club house. 

Scott firmly shook Jim’s hand. “Doing well, sir.”

The two gathered their golf gear and loaded it into the back of a golf cart. Scott was at a loss for where to begin. He had talked plenty to Kate since this past summer, but he hadn’t had much cause to speak with Jim. He’d last seen him from across the room at the Virtue’s Christmas party before he’d left hurriedly to head to New York.

He asked about Jim’s work and Jim asked about coaching. By the sixth hole, they played in silence with occasional talk of golf clubs and the weather. By the ninth hole, they’d exhausted all easy topics.

“Alright, Scott. I didn’t show up today thinking we’d sit here and golf in silence. There’s something you need to discuss. Out with it.” A slight smile played across Jim’s lips as he spoke to the boy who had once been like another son to him.

“Tessa. It’s about Tessa.”

Jim took a swing at his golf ball, watching it sail into the distance.

“I’d figured as much. Alright, let’s hear it.”

Scott set his ball on the golf tee and turned to look at Tessa’s father. “I wanted you to hear this from me, but I don’t necessarily want Tessa knowing.”

Jim nodded as Scott spoke.

“I’m moving to New York City as soon as I get back from Junior Worlds. I have accepted an offer to coach at a rink and my junior team is transferring to join me there. The next great adventure.”

Jim let out a breathy, “Hmmm...” as he took in the information that Scott was sharing.

“I’m sure that Kate has shared with you what I’ve shared with her, yes?”

Jim nodded. He knew.

“Well I love her. I’m in love with her. I’ve been in love with her for years, but I didn’t fully know it. But this is it. She’s it for me. And I’m not letting it go without a fight. I intend on marrying her someday, Jim, with your permission. I’ve seen what life without her has been and I never want to live without her again. She’s the love of my life.”

Jim pulled his hat off his head and situated it again atop his gray hair. “That’s a bold move you’re making, Scott.”

“I know, sir.” Scott said, staring at his feet.

“Well all that I can say is that Kate and I wish you well in all of your endeavors, and this is no exception. The only thing I have to say is that you don’t need my permission to ask Tessa to marry you. She’s a grown girl. Kate and I have tried to instill in her a strong sense of self. If she wants to marry you, Scott, Kate and I will be firmly behind the two of you. That’s all we need. If you want to ask Tessa to marry you, ask her. She’ll be true to herself.”

Scott had respected Jim Virtue for years, and this was no exception. “You’ve raised an amazing daughter, Jim. She’s a force.”

Jim chuckled. “Yes. Why yes she is.”

 

*****

The plane touched down on the tarmac in Debrecen in the middle of the night. He gently woke Ellis who was sitting to his right and she woke up Matt who was sitting next to her. The three silently stretched as they gathered their belongings. Thankfully all of their bags had arrived and were waiting down in the baggage claim. His mom and aunt would be arriving in a few days to lend some last minute support during final practices. He was surprised that they’d so readily handed Ellis and Matt’s training over, but he understood the mind of an athlete and what it took to succeed in elite figure skating.

The air was cool, but not quite as cold as Canada. Scott led the team to the large bus that was waiting to take them to the hotel that Skate Canada had reserved for them. The drive to the hotel was short and the three immediately found their rooms with a promise to meet at 6:30 a.m. for breakfast before practice. He flopped on the bed. He knew he should get some sleep to beat the jet lag, but his body wanted none of it. He wanted Tessa to be beside him as he went through this. He was terrified for Ellis and Matt. How could he be trusted to coach them through this? Tessa would know exactly what to say. She’d experienced nerves to the max during competitions. He’d been nervous, but Tessa would be good at channeling that into power and performance. He drifted into a half sleep, wishing more than anything that he could reach out and pull Tessa close, talk to her of how nervous he was and hear her whisper reassurances into the shell of his ear as she had done for so many years before.

Practices went well. Ellis didn’t seem to be fazed by the new environment, but Matt was quiet. He’d always been quiet before competitions, but usually Ellis could pull him out of his shell. The past few days had been filled with one-word answers and clipped responses. He was doing everything well, he was just far away. Ellis didn’t seem to be bothered by it, so Scott let it slide. 

The week was passing by at a break neck pace. His mom and aunt had arrived, but seemed to be stepping back in favor of Scott taking the head coaching role at Worlds. It was a big step, but he was eager to take it. And it wasn’t as if it was not a familiar role for him. He’d seen Marina do it time and time again. He just didn’t want to screw things up for Ellis and Matt. 

Scott was thankful that they were so busy. Between press, practice, and sightseeing, there wasn’t a ton of time left over to think about the looming move and Tessa. Ellis and Matt sat in third after the Short Dance. Scott was confident about their Free Dance the next morning, but Ellis had started to unravel a little more, her calm exterior replaced with chewing her cuticles and pacing back and forth while they had to wait. Matt had distanced himself even more and sat in a corner listening to his iPod. He supposed that this was a coach’s job as much as moments on the ice- helping his skaters help each other.

He walked over to Matt and waved for him to pull out one of his ear buds. “Hey Matty. How ya doing?”

Matt grunted in response before reaching up to put his ear bud back in. Scott reached out a hand to stop him. 

“Look, I know that the last thing you probably want to do right now is spill your guts to me. But Ellis is over there freaking out and you look like you are a little nervous yourself. All I’m saying is that it might not hurt for the two of you to talk about it right now.”

Matt shot a glare at Scott. “Oh, lay off, Scott. We’re at Worlds right now. Of course we’re nervous. Elle is a big girl. She’ll figure herself out.”

Scott was taken aback by Matt’s tone. Matt had always been quiet, but agreeable. Scott had accompanied them to competitions before and Matt had never behaved quite like this. He didn’t know what it was like to parent a teenager, but he figured that it wouldn’t be too dramatically different than this.

Scott took a deep breath before he began. He’d been on the receiving end of this lecture before, from Marina, his mother, Mr. Mac and Suze way back in the day, but he’d never given it himself. 

“Here’s the deal. Ellis is relying on you right now. You may not think that she needs you, but she does. More than you realize. I know that talking to her is probably one of the last things that you’d like to do right now, but I think that it would really be helpful for the two of you just to sit down for a few minutes, grab a hot chocolate, and make sure you’re on the same page. Talk through your program for tomorrow. Let her know you’re here for her.”

Matt rolled his eyes, “Oh enough, Scott. You’re not my mother. You’re not Alma. You don’t get to talk like this to me. We’ll be just fine.” He shoved his headphone back into his ear before Scott could say anything else, grabbed his bag, and headed for the elevator.

He’d talked to his mom about it later that night.

“Matt doesn’t hate you, Scotty. He’s a hormonal boy who doesn’t know how to properly express emotion.”

“Mom, how the hell am I supposed to coach them next year if he won’t listen to a thing that I say?”

Alma smiled and rubbed her son’s back. “He’s about to go through a major life change. You’re about to move with the two of them to another country. He’ll get past it. You and Ellie will be all that he has. He’ll come to terms eventually, it will just take time.”

He didn’t know why his mother was so confident in him- he’d never been so unsure of anything in his life. Moving to New York City with Tessa? No brainer. Bringing Ellis and Matt with him? Uprooting them from their homes? He knew it had been good for him and Tessa, but that hadn’t made it any easier. And the idea that he was about to ask two kids to do what he had done, not knowing the outcome, was tough. Of course Matt was pissed. He knew that he needed to give Matt space, but a conversation needed to happen sooner or later. Scott just wasn’t sure if it should happen before the free dance or just wait until afterwards. To take his mind off of the events of the next day, Scott unpacked and re-packed his suitcase. He’d watched Tessa pack her suitcase time and time again. The girl was nothing if not meticulous. Everything had a correct place. “It makes for stress-free traveling, Scotty,” she would say. Even now, he packed his suitcase as she had instructed him. At first it had been so that Tessa could find things in his suitcase, but now he did it because it really did help to ease his mind.

His plane left only three hours after the conclusion of the free dance the following day. He went over his travel itinerary several times, Debrecen to Munich, Munich to New York. He had a three hour layover in Munich before hopping the ten hour flight to New York. 

His phone buzzed and alerted him to an incoming e-mail. Tessa Virtue. He opened it as quickly as he could and poured over her words as quickly as he could.  
 _  
Scott-_

_You’re probably in Hungary right now. Wow, that’s cool! You’re probably asleep and all, but I just wanted to wish you good luck tomorrow. You’re coaching skaters at a Junior Worlds! Congratulations on making your dream come true. You’ve worked hard to get there. No matter how they finish, know that you’ve done everything possible to get them to this point. I’m rooting for you._

_T.  
_  
He wasn’t sure at what point in the letter his jaw had dropped, but he was currently sitting on his bed, his suitcase neatly packed beside him, his mouth hanging open in a wide “O.” She’s rooting for me. Then it hit him. He’d told her that he would be arriving in New York after World’s. She was as calm as she could be in the letter. It was calculated and composed. Which meant that either she was completely okay with him coming or the other option, of which he was almost 100% certain. She had never read his letter. She had no clue that he was coming.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, typing a reply, erasing it all, and re-typing, but the sun was rising over Debrecen outside his window as he finally hit send on his message.  
 __  
Dearest Tess-

_Thanks for the well wishes. It’s weird being on this side of the boards, but I love it. It’s definitely satisfying, but I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s a dream come true. At one point it may have been, but dreams change and evolve as we do. As I stood on top of the podium in Sochi with you, I saw a future of coaching and spending every day on the ice. I still do, but that’s such a small fragment of what I dream of. You, Tess. Surely you must know, it’s you. A life without you beside me is hardly worth living. And I hope you know that by now. I’ll be seeing you, Birdie._

_Scott.  
_  
God, he couldn’t wait. He put on his suit with a renewed determination to take on the day. In almost 24 hours, his plane would be touching down in New York City and he wasn’t leaving without that amazing, infuriating, intoxicating woman.

He dragged his suitcase behind him as he went to meet Ellis and Matt for breakfast. It seemed as though Matt had recovered slightly from his outburst. He was speaking in strings of words rather than one at a time. Ellis seemed more composed than she had the night before. 

As a competitor, he’d always just appreciated time with Tessa before competitions. They knew their own warm up routines. He hadn’t needed a coach to hold his hand. He had Tessa to do that. He adopted the same philosophy as a coach. He watched from a distance as the two did their warm up. He watched as Ellis drew Matt out of his shell by making him laugh. He saw how Matt eased her nerves with the squeeze of a shoulder. What they had was special. There was so much potential.

They were the second to last pair to skate. Kate and Graham had just earned a solid score that put them in second place. Ellis’s hands shook as she handed her guards over the boards to Scott. Matt set his next to Ellis’s and took her hand.

“Okay guys. It’s just you two out there. Trust your training. Do it for each other. You’ve got this.”

With final fist bumps, they skated to the center of the ice. Scott’s heart was racing so fast, he could have been skating the program right beside them. Everything was going smoothly. Until Matt slipped during a twizzle. A sequence missed. And then it started to unravel. A lift that went too long. Sloppy edges. Ellis was the only one fighting for them. It took about thirty seconds before she was able to get Matt to snap out of it. The rest of the program was clean, but the damage had been done.

After their bows, Matt walked straight past Scott as Ellis hugged him. They sat in the kiss and cry for the scores and Matt just stared at his skates. Ellis ran her hand up and down his leg, trying everything she could to reassure him. The reigning junior gold medalists were set to skate next, and everyone knew it was as good as gold for them for the second year in a row. The scores affirmed what they already knew. Third place. And they would be bumped to fourth after the next pair.

Once the camera left their faces in the kiss and cry, Matt stormed out of the booth and set off for the hallway that led away from the arena.

“It could have happened to me too. He’s being too hard on himself.” Ellis pleaded with Scott.

“I’ve got this, Elle. Go to the lounge to wait. I’ll have him back in no time.” Scott said to Ellis as he turned to follow Matt.

As he started walking, he had a quick realization. He wouldn’t be coming back. 

“Ellis, wait!” Scott called after her. He wrapped the girl into a bone crushing hug. “So proud of you. I’ll see you soon in New York.”

Ellis smiled weakly at her coach. “Go get her, Scotty.” 

He nodded and smiled as he ran off to catch Matt.

“I let her down, Scott. Fourth place. Fourth fucking place.” Matt said as he and Scott got into the quiet hallway apart from the screaming crowd.

“If flubbing a twizzle is letting your partner down, I’ve done so much worse. My partner moved to a different country because I let her down.”

Matt sobered as the realization set in. “I don’t blame you, you know, for wanting to move to New York City. And I know it’s the right thing to do, to move, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy to do it.”

Scott understood this perfectly. “Let me guess. You’ve just gotten to the point in high school where kids have stopped calling you ‘Skater Boy.’ You’ve found friends and training at the rink is comfortable. And now you have to start all over. Sound about right?”

“Yeah.” Matt nodded.

“I did the same thing. I knew one person at school, Andrew Poje, believe it or not. And then we decided to pack up and move to Canton fucking Michigan. It sucked. I won’t pretend that it didn’t, but I’d do it a thousand times over again.”

“You would?”

“Yeah. In Canton, it was Tess and me against the world. That was when our partnership gained its strength. We would never have been able to endure her injuries, the fight for the Olympic podium, anything, had it not been for that move. She became my best friend, my person.”

“You think that will happen for Elle and me?” Matt asked.

“If you are intentional about it, it will. Use the time to your benefit. Explore New York together. Make sure she feels at home too and in time, she’ll be home. You could be in Japan for crying out loud, but as long as you have her, you’ll be home. Be that for her. Be home. Now I’ve got a plane to catch and you’ve got a worried partner in the lounge. My mom and aunt are still here. They’ve got you guys from here on out.”

Matt nodded. He reached out to shake Scott’s hand. “See you in New York. Go win Tessa back. We could use her artistry next season.”

Scott smiled as he walked through the hallway to the exit of the stadium. Ellis and Matt would be okay. It might take time, it would definitely require hard work, but they would be just fine. Now to ensure the same fate for Tessa and him.

He stepped outside and hailed a cab to the airport. The next sixteen hours needed to go by quickly. 

 

*****

He was jolted out of his melatonin-induced slumber as the plane hit the tarmac in New York City. He rushed through customs, grabbed his suitcase from baggage claim, and made a beeline for the waiting line of cabs. 

It took about half an hour before Scott’s taxi made it through the morning traffic and parked on the curb outside of his new apartment building. He paid the taxi driver a hefty sum of American currency before hauling his suitcase up the four flights of stairs to Daniel’s, and now his, apartment. He knocked quietly on the door, and was immediately greeted by a bright eyed girl with her hair in a mess on top of her head.

“You must be Beth.” _Easy guess._

“And you must be Scott.” She returned with a smile. She stepped aside so that he could drag his suitcase through the door.

“Beth, does Tessa know that I’m here?” Scott asked.

Beth’s face wrinkled at him as she let out a laugh. “No. I didn’t tell her. I’m not crazy.”

“Of course you didn’t tell her. I did. In a letter in the box I sent.”

Beth started laughing. “Well, Scotty boy, I think it’s a very safe bet to say that she never read that letter. She was whistling this morning as she left for class. She would be a mess if she had read anything of the sort.”

He sighed as he rolled his suitcase into the spare room where Daniel had placed all of the boxes that had arrived. It looked as though he had unpacked the one that said “Bedding” on the outside and made his bed. 

“Daniel at work already?” Scott asked, turning around to face Beth.

“Well I’m obviously not here for looks, Scott.” Beth laughed, motioning to her pajamas and messy hair.

“Thanks for letting me in.” He could now see why both Daniel and Tessa thought so highly of her. She was pure sunshine in human form.

“Okay, let’s get to the details.” Beth wasted no time. “She gets out of class at noon and works straight until six. How are you going to make this happen?”

“It’s going to be on her terms, Beth.” Scott said with a sigh. He was surprising her enough, showing up like this, so permanently. It needed to be on her terms.

“Well good luck with that, then!” Beth laughed as she turned to leave the apartment. “She’s a stubborn one, that Tessa. But you know that better than anyone else! Your key is on the counter. I have to shower and head to class in half an hour or else I would stay!” She walked out the door and started to close it, but poked her head back in. “Hey! Welcome to New York!”

The door latched shut behind him and he turned to look at the apartment around him and the skyline outside the window. Welcome home, Scott.


	21. No Innocent One In This Game For Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Gosh, Tess. You don’t pay attention, do you? I’m not here to be your friend, though friendship is part of the deal. I’m not here to be your skating partner, though I hope someday we’ll skate together again. Don’t you see? We’ve already done those things. You and I are just starting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title comes from "Sorry" by Justin Bieber because we just got a fun new ex!

It had been a shitty day. The kind of day that could not be described by any other word than “shitty.” She’d gotten yelled at by a customer at Everyman for not making his latte “extra hot,” she’d stepped in a puddle on her way to class, and had spectacularly failed her test in her Constitutional Law class. It was beside the point that everyone else had failed it too and the professor was offering extra credit in the form of an extra credit exam. She had never failed an exam this badly before. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the strap on her favorite tote bag snapped on her way back to the apartment. She’d tried to call her mother for some reassurance that it would all be okay, but she hadn’t answered. It was an awful day that warranted simply changing into her favorite pair of pajamas, eating chocolate, drinking a glass of wine, and going to sleep.

As she reached the top of the stairs, she noticed a white envelope held to her door frame with a push pin where the Chinese restaurants typically left their takeout menus. There was a “T” scrawled across the front in hurried handwriting that was more familiar than her own. She’d spent years looking at it, the way his primary cursive had morphed into sloppy all-caps and then settled somewhere between the two. There was no mistaking Scott’s penmanship.

Out of desperation or anger, she wasn’t sure, she ripped the envelope from the door frame sending the push pin shooting across the hallway. She tore into the envelope as tears began to stream down her face. _Do I even want to know what this says? I can’t handle any more today._

_Tess-_

_I’m in New York City. For good. I got here this morning and I’ll be living with Daniel for a while. I know you’re settled and you have friends here. I get it. Showing up out of the blue throws your life off. And while I’m happy to be here, I need you to be happy too. So here it is. I’m here Tessa. I want to be a part of your life and I need you in mine. Come find me when you’re ready._

_Scott.  
_  
Tears streamed down her face as a torrent of emotions rushed through her. She was angry that Daniel hadn’t told her. She was uneasy knowing that right now, two floors up, he was likely unpacking. She was still heartbroken from it all, the sting of betrayal had yet to disappear completely. But perhaps the most frustrating of all was the relief she felt in knowing that he was nearby. 

She hauled her backpack through the door, threw it on the floor, and collapsed into the oversized armchair in the corner of the living room. With the commotion of Tessa’s arrival, Beth poked her head out of her room.

“Tess?” Beth asked. “You alright?”

Tessa sniffed and wiped a tear away. “How long did you know, Beth? And don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

Beth’s head turned down as she made her way over to the couch. “I’ve known for about a month.”

“A month?” Tessa whispered, hurt hanging in the silence surrounding the two words. 

Beth nodded silently. Any words that she said would be lost. She had no explanation other than Daniel had asked her not to tell.

“How could you not tell me?” The tears fell down her cheeks, flowing in tracks through the blush that she had so carefully applied that morning.

“I just knew that everything would change. I didn’t want your days to be spent dreading his arrival. It took me begging Daniel for him to tell me. Please believe that I didn’t keep this from you to hurt you.”

“No, I know that. It has just been the shittiest day, and this is just icing on top of the cake. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore him every time I walk past him on the stairs? I’ve been perfectly fine ignoring him, but every time I see him I get all muddled inside. He just turns into the wonderful Scott that I’ve known for my entire life and I just want to scream and cry for hours on end because it fucking hurts but he’s still Scott. How the hell can I even begin to get over him when he is living upstairs?”

Beth looked hopefully at Tessa. “Maybe you should talk to him. Actually tell him all of this and let him talk too. He has a lot that he needs to tell you. Did you two actually talk over Christmas?”

“No. When he tried to get close, I ran.”

“Well maybe that’s the first step. You let him in a little. He’s been trying pretty hard.”

Tessa nodded and grabbed a tissue from a box on a side table. “Yeah. Okay.”

“‘Yeah, okay’ as in you’ll think about it? Or ‘yeah, okay’ as in you’ll talk to him?” Beth asked hopefully.

“I’ll talk to him.”

Beth exhaled loudly. “Oh, thank God. It’s about time.” She stood up and started walking back to her room. “Oh, and if you ever need me to vacate the apartment, please let me know. I’m happy to oblige.”

Tessa spoke quickly before she could talk herself out of it. “Actually, Beth, would you go and get him for me?”

Beth practically jumped for joy. “Absolutely! I’m taking my laptop up to study, so take your time!”

In thirty seconds flat, Beth had packed all of her study materials into her backpack and headed to the door.

“I can stay at Daniel’s tonight if need be!” Beth sang.

“That won’t be necessary, but thanks.” Tessa rolled her eyes.

She stood up to pace the room as she waited for Scott to come downstairs. She couldn’t stop the tears that came unbidden. She hated herself for her weakness. One awful day where she couldn’t reach her mom on the phone and she went calling for Scott. _God, I need him here._

There was a quick knock on the door and then it opened.

“Tess, can I come in?” Scott’s voice rang through the small apartment.

“Yeah.” She sniffed as she wiped her nose on her sleeve. “You can come in.”

His eyes immediately found her and fixed on her bright red nose and the tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Hey, Birdie.” He whispered as he walked over to her. He took his thumbs and he ran them beneath her eyes, collecting the tears that spilled over her lashes. His hands raked through her hair as he held her head between his hands, searching the green eyes that he knew so well and had missed for so long.

“Scott.” Was the only word she could manage in response before she wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled his body flush against her own. His arms wrapped around her shoulders as he rubbed the space between her shoulder blades. The realization that he was there, that he was holding her, sunk through her skin, straight to her bones. She continued to sob as he held her, stroking his hands through her hair, rubbing her back, whispering into her ear that it would be alright, that everything would be okay.

Eventually her crying stopped, her breathing evened out, and she was left with Scott, wrapped in the strength of his arms.

“What happened today, T?” He asked.

She pulled away and went to sit on the couch, pulling Scott to sit beside her. “It was just a shitty day. Just so so shitty.” She recounted to him the story of failing her exam, stepping in a puddle, getting yelled at while making coffee, and now the emotional rollercoaster of seeing him.

The entire time, Scott listened, nodding as she told him of her day. When she finished, he grabbed her hand. “Here’s the deal. I’m going to go draw a bubble bath. You’re going to sit in there for at least half an hour with a book that is not related to Law School. I’m going to sit down here at the table and make flash cards so that I can help you study. So show me what you need to study, and I’ll do my best.”

She showed him the chapter of the book that she had been reading and the vocabulary that she had to memorize. As she finished, Scott pushed her towards the bathroom door. 

“Go sit in that bath and get niiiiice and wrinkly. You deserve it.”

He sat down at the kitchen table and started to pour through the chapter, making flash cards of anything and everything that Tessa might need to know. After half an hour, he got up and filled the tea kettle with water, turned on the back burner, and returned to making flash cards. 

Tessa emerged in her terrycloth robe as the tea kettle began to whistle. Scott went to grab the kettle, but Tessa motioned at him to sit down. “I’ve got it, Scotty.”

She grabbed two mugs, one with a “T” emblazoned on the side of it and the other with the Toronto Maple Leafs logo on the side of it. As she stirred the hot cocoa powder into the steaming water, she discreetly watched Scott. His eyes were trained on the index card that he was working on. She carried a mug towards him and set it down.

“Thanks.” Tessa said as she sat down next to him. “You really didn’t have to do this.”

“Aw, come on. You know that I’m happy to do it.”

Beth’s words ran through her head. _Let him in. He’s been trying hard._ Was it worth it to talk about it right now? They could drink their cocoa and then she could thank him and send him back to his apartment. She knew that he would hug her, thank her for the cocoa, and leave as soon as she asked. She was fairly certain that she could ask Scott for anything at this point and he would gladly agree. But leaving wasn’t what she needed.

“Scott, why are you living here?”

He chuckled, “Well do you want the short version or the long version?”

“I think Beth took half of the apartment with her, so it’s safe to say we’ve got time.”

“Well, for starters, I came to see you and ended up getting a coaching job on Christmas Eve at World Ice Arena here in the city. Ellis and Matt will be moving here this summer and boarding with families just as we did.”

“That’s amazing, Scott. Congratulations on the job.”

Scott nodded a quick thanks before continuing. “You’ve gotta know that I’ve been through hell and back since you left. And before you say anything, let me just say that I deserve every bit of it. What I did to you that night and the months before was unforgivable. I deserved it all. But it woke me up. It took the shittiest situation imaginable for me to realize that I’m only a half a person if I don’t have you in my life. I threw myself into coaching and school in hopes that someday you would find me worthy enough to forgive.”

The tears that had stopped while Tessa was in the bath returned. They traced down her cheeks to her chin where she swiped them away with the sleeve of her pajama top. It was now twice in one night that he had seen Tessa crying. The first time had sucked, but this time was because of him and it was worse. Reaching out, he grabbed her hand and began to trace slow circles on the back of it with his thumb.

“I prayed that I could become even half the man that you deserve. And I’m not sitting here because I think I’ve reached that point, I don’t know that I could ever be good enough to be the kind of man that you deserve. I’m sitting here because my life is not worth living without you in it. And I’d rather be here with you hating me so much it hurts than back in Ilderton with only a memory of you to keep me company. I’m here because I’m in love with you, Tessa. I’m so in love with you.”

“You’re in love with me?”

Scott gave her a look as if she had just asked the stupidest question in the world. “Good grief, Tess! You’re in law school for crying out loud! I just moved to the USA, to a city that has no open air and no good golf courses nearby. I just asked two teenagers to move to a different country. I’ve actively chosen to move far away from my family, for what? To be your _friend_? To be your skating partner? Fuck, no! I did it because I’m in love with you.”

Tessa stared at the mug of hot chocolate between her hands. “You’re in love with me.” She repeated again. “I thought that you wanted things to be back to the way that they were.”

With that, Scott stood up from his chair and walked around the corner of the table. He bent down, grabbed Tessa’s face between his hands and pressed a kiss against her lips. He pulled away sooner than he’d have liked and looked her in the eyes.

“Gosh, Tess. You don’t pay attention, do you? I’m not here to be your friend, though friendship is part of the deal. I’m not here to be your skating partner, though I hope someday we’ll skate together again. Don’t you see? We’ve already done those things. You and I are just starting.”

He returned again to his spot at the table and began writing another definition furiously on a flash card.

_He... I... What...? How...?_ Tessa couldn’t form coherent thoughts, let alone speak. 

Scott looked up to see her trying to process what had just happened. He grinned, “Drink your hot chocolate, Tessa. We can always talk later.” He couldn’t help but laugh to himself as he continued to write on the flashcard.

For the first time in months, they just sat together. He managed to ask a few questions about her time in law school, though he knew she was doing brilliantly. He listened intently to everything she offered up about her life in New York City, simply stunned that she was talking to him. Here he was, hundreds of miles from the place he had once called home, and nothing in his life had ever felt this right. Sitting at Tessa’s kitchen table felt like coming home, like this was where he should have been all along.

At the end of the evening, he presented Tessa with a stack of flash cards and pulled her into a hug. 

“Thanks for tonight, Scott.”

He smiled against her ear as he said, “There is nothing to thank me for. You’re doing brilliantly. You just needed someone to remind you of that.” With a smile, he pulled away and placed a kiss on her cheek before heading out the door and up the two flights of stairs to his apartment.

*****

Though her body sat still, planted in the center of her yoga mat, her mind drifted to a boy a few miles away with brown eyes and a smile to die for. The past couple of days Scott had been quiet, occasionally dropping by with a coffee while she was studying or a bouquet of fresh flowers to brighten her day. He always stopped while he was taking his trash out to grab the girls’ as well. He made his presence known as subtly and respectfully as possible.

She didn’t know if the yoga instructor could sense her distraction, but she kept making comments about centering the mind and allowing the mind and body to become one. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on the yoga class, but she couldn’t help it. _Scott._ The yoga instructor frowned at her as she bowed and said “Namaste.” 

Tessa rolled up her mat, took a sip of her water, and fixed her ponytail. The yoga class brought little peace to her thoughts. She slipped her feet back into her shoes and began the short walk back to her apartment. She was half a block from her apartment when she spotted Scott headed towards the apartment from the opposite direction, a grin splitting his face. He jogged the distance to the apartment and met her at the stairs up to their doors. She couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face in response. He just looked so damn happy.

“What are you so happy about?” She didn’t mean to seem cynical, she just didn’t understand what could be making him so happy that he was practically skipping.

“I just finished my first day of work!” Scott replied. “God, Tess! I love coaching. You should have seen me today! I worked with a novice team and it was like night and day! It just clicked for them! Suddenly the footwork was happening and they were dancing! It was amazing!” His eyes lit up as he talked and his voice filled with wonder. If there was any doubt that coaching was his calling, it was gone now.

“Wow!” Tessa replied, incredulous that someone could actually find that much joy from a day at work. “I’m happy for you, Scott!” And she genuinely was.

“I’m going to make a big dinner tonight to celebrate. Join me?”

“Oh, I don’t know...”

Scott cut her off, “Please? I’ll beg if I have to! It’s been a while since we’ve spent time together.”

Tessa sighed. “Alright. Dinner tonight. What time?”

Scott mentally gave himself a pat on the back. “Well I’ve got to run to the store and get food, but how about eight o’clock?”

She nodded in agreement as they started up the stairs. “Sounds great.”

“Wow!” Scott practically shouted. “I can’t believe you agreed to come!”

“I can be full of surprises, Scotty...”

“Alright, I’ll see you at eight.”

Tessa smiled as she opened her door. “Eight it is.” 

Tessa closed the door and stared at the back of it. She couldn’t help but think that she made a mistake. Had it been that he told her that he was in love with her? She had no idea why she had agreed except, perhaps, to see if it was true. Yes, he’d told her mom, he’d told Daniel and Beth, and now he’d told her, but somehow it seemed impossible. The idea that Scott Moir was in love with her, even though all the evidence confirmed it, seemed nearly impossible to wrap her mind around. 

She walked back to her bedroom, dropping her yoga mat behind her door before turning to her closet. _What do I wear?_ She could show up in her yoga pants and he wouldn’t think anything less, or... Her eyes found an emerald green shirt that she had tucked into the back of her closet. _A little tormenting might be nice!_ She took a shower, curled her hair so that it tumbled over her shoulders in loose waves, and put on just enough makeup to make her eyes smolder against the emerald green of the shirt. She slipped on a black lacy bra underneath so that the slightest amount of lace peeked up over the plunging neckline of the shirt. She pulled on a tight pair of black pants and a killer pair of heels. If she was going to see Scott, she might as well make him suffer just a little more, though this suffering he would likely enjoy.

At eight o’clock on the dot she climbed the stairs to knock on the door. 

Scott opened the door and his jaw practically hit the floor. _Aww fuck. She looks like walking sex._

“Woooooow, Tessa.” His word drew out as he took in the tight green shirt that dipped practically halfway to her belly button and the lace that peeked out. What I wouldn’t give... He shook his head. _Gentleman, Scott. You’re a gentleman._ Scott cleared his throat. “You look incredible.”

Tessa smiled as she walked past him into the apartment. She knew exactly what she was doing. And there was no way she would let him touch her. Damn.

She saw the table set with white plates and candles burning in the middle. Fighting the urge to run, she inhaled deeply, appreciating Scott’s cooking that she had missed for so long. “Smells amazing!”

Scott turned his back to her and stirred the pot that was on the stove. “Thanks.”

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you cook.”

“Well it’s been a while since I’ve cooked. I’ve just been trying to adjust to life and all.”

“Yeah. I guess city life takes some getting used to.” Tessa replied, running her finger along the rim of one of the wine glasses.

“Oh.” Scott replied, training his eyes on the sauce that he was making. “I guess I meant that it’s taken some time to wrap my head around being near to you and all.”

“Oh, well I never expected you to be here because I moved...” She paused, unwilling to dive headfirst into the heartache she had experienced, let alone with the man who had caused it.

“You moved here to get away from me, I know.” He watched Tessa’s finger trail over the curve of the wine glass, down the stem, and to the base where she ran her finger over the edge where it met the tablecloth. “Tessa. Please look at me.”

When he gently raised her chin to look into her eyes, he saw the small glistening pools that had appeared in the corners.

“Oh, fuck.” His jaw clenched in response. “Tessa. I’m sorry. I never meant...” He stumbled over his words for a few seconds, “God, Tess. I never meant to hurt you.”

_I shouldn’t have come here._ She swallowed against the lump that rose in her throat. There were so many questions she had, yet she didn’t want to ask or know the answer.

Scott could see Tessa starting to retreat back into her mind as her eyes wandered and fixed on the place settings at the table. “Tess. I do love you. Honestly. I know you may not believe it right now, but you leaving made me think about things, and I’m just so sorry. But I’m so in love with you and I should have figured it out years ago.”

Tessa nodded, but made no sound. _I love you too. I’ve loved you forever. But there is so much that has to be sorted out._

“Tessa?” Scott asked “Are you in there?” _Do you love me back?_

“I... I don’t even know what to say, Scott. It’s too much. There’s just... Too much! Too many questions, too many thoughts! I can’t handle it!” Her fingers found the rings around her finger and began to twist them around. Anything to get her mind off of the conversation at hand.

Scott swallowed. “I know, Tess. And I’m so sorry that I let it get to this point. And I’m so sorry that you had to move here to...” he took a deep breath, “... to get away from me.”

His eyes fell to the floor and creases appeared between his eyebrows. “I wish I could explain how it felt... To walk to your apartment and find nothing, to call you and get an automated message saying you’d disconnected your phone, to talk to your parents and get radio silence. It was unbearable knowing that I was why you had to leave. That I was the one responsible for you leaving...”

His eyes met hers again. “I wish you’d talk to me again, Birdie.” _Come on Tessa. Please. Just tell me what you’re thinking!_

He watched as her eyes fell again to her hands and the rings that she was turning over again and again. He longed to be able to read the thoughts that passed through her brain. He missed the days when he could press a kiss to her temple and pull her hands away from her rings, to lace his fingers with hers and whisper words that would ease her worry.

“I will. But it will be on my terms and when I’m ready.” 

It was the press conference version of Tessa- the practiced answers that came when she couldn’t share the truth without getting emotional. He longed to grab her shoulders, to tell her that he knew she would feel better when they got it out in the open, but he’d forfeited that right many months ago. He had to accept that this was the response she was going to give, at least for now.

Something over Scott’s shoulder caught her immediate attention. “Uhh, Scott? Is your oven on fire?”

“Oh, shit! The rolls!” 

Scott bolted for the oven and threw open the door as Tessa opened the front door of the apartment to let out the smoke. Scott put out the flames by dumping the garlic knots into the sink and running cold water over the charred remains.

Tessa couldn’t help but laugh at the picture. She stood in the doorway in her heels with a magazine, fanning smoke from the apartment. At first she laughed quietly to herself, but after a few seconds, her shoulders shook and tears crept to the corners of her eyes. Scott joined in with her as he stared at the mess.

She allowed her guard to drop ever so slightly. These conversations would have to happen eventually. Scott seemed hell bent on moving past this and she hoped with time that she could too. The logical side of her brain whose voice sounded remarkably like her mother’s told her that these conversations, as painful and uncomfortable as they may be, were necessary to bring healing to her heart and to move on with her life. And he had told her that he loved her again. Those words alone had been enough to send butterflies fluttering through her stomach and her heart to clench involuntarily. _He still loves me. After all of this, he still loves me. Why on earth can’t I forgive him?_ Half of her wanted to run downstairs to her apartment and cry, but she couldn’t bear to leave this spot, the one next to a man who made her heart beat fast. She watched him stir the pasta, taking a little time to appreciate the fine specimen of a man that stood in front of her.

Scott drained the pasta and began putting the food on to plates, carefully piling pasta neatly and setting chicken on top. He looked up and caught Tessa’s eye. “Hey Tess? Could you pour two glasses of wine?”

“Wine!” Tessa practically squeaked. “Wine is great!” She shut the front door and walked into the kitchen where Scott had gotten the corkscrew out of the drawer. “So a bottle for me, where is yours?” Tessa laughed. She found the bottle of wine on the kitchen island and poured two generous glasses. She handed Scott his glass and clinked hers against it. She took a sip and smiled. “This is good, Scotty.”

Scott grinned at her reaction. “I know.”

He took a sip out of his own glass and watched her mosey around the kitchen. “Can I help you out at all?”

“Nope! I invited you for dinner. Go relax. It will be ready shortly.”

Tessa walked into the living room to sit on the couch, took off her shoes, and propped her feet up. It was moments like these that brought him back to what life was like with Tessa before Laura. Before he’d gone and fucked everything up. She just fit. It was as easy as breathing. She was able to make herself at home in his world without even trying. It was the small things like this, propping her feet up, finding a stray hair tie on his night stand, the way her perfume stayed on his pillow long after she had left. It was those small, nearly forgettable things that made him miss her the most. She had been the most important person in her life before that night. Now she had burst back into his life like a sunrise and he wasn’t about to give it up without a fight.

Tessa felt Scott’s eyes on her as she laid back on his couch and sighed. It felt nice to relax without any expectation. She knew that this had to be difficult for him. She’d given him pretty much nothing to go off of. She was so torn. One part of her wanted to scream at him for wreaking havoc on her life, for the irreparable damage that he had caused, but the other part wanted him to come over and pull her close, whisper sweet nothings into her ear and caress her as he had done that night. It was really unnerving that he could still set her on fire without so much as blinking in her direction.

In a few minutes, Scott began placing the plates of pasta on the table followed by side salads. Grabbing her glass of wine, she sat down at the table. He lit the taper candles, topped off her glass of wine, and took a seat across from her.

“I hope my cooking doesn’t suck too badly.” He offered as she lifted the first forkful of food to her mouth.

She chewed and smiled in response. “I think you’re good, Moir.”

Other than the music that drifted in from the living room, they ate in silence. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, more like one that came from knowing someone so well that you didn’t need to use words to fill it.

When Tessa’s wine got low, Scott jumped up to refill it.

“Are you trying to get me drunk? We both know it doesn’t take much!”

Scott smiled as he returned the wine bottle to the counter. “Nah. Just trying to get you to loosen up and relax a little.”

“I’m relaxed!”

Scott laughed under his breath as he sat down again. “You are anything but relaxed. Your foot has been tapping so hard against the table leg this entire time that we’ve been eating. _I know you_ , Tessa. You are _anything_ but relaxed.”

_Dammit. I hate that he still knows me so well._ “I’m sorry, Scott. I’m really trying to relax. I’m just uncomfortable...” She met his gaze once again, “... around you.”

Scott let out a breath. He was glad that she was being honest, but _fuck_. It still hurt.

“Tess, I’m trying. Really, I am. I want to give you space, but I can’t help myself. I just want to be with you.” Scott slouched in his chair. “I fucking _miss_ you, Birdie.”

“Scott, considering that I’m here and you haven’t been in New York City for a long time at all, please just give me some time. I’m trying my best to process this. When I’m ready to talk, we’ll talk. But until then, can’t we just eat dinner and drink our wine?” Tessa knew exactly what he wanted from her, but it was the one thing that she wasn’t ready to give: herself.

“Fine.” Scott replied. He took a big bite of his chicken and said, “Well at least I’m a good cook, because _damn_!”

Tessa laughed, the tension finally broken. She was trying her best to be patient with him. She had to take things at her own pace. One day at a time.

*****

Tessa let herself back into her apartment after a long evening. She felt the tension that she had carried around all day knotted in the back of her neck and shoulders. She brushed her hair out and changed into her pajamas. Scott had been trying so hard. She knew. She needed to be upfront and honest with him, but how could she? How could she tell him that her problem was him? He had called her a mistake, everything about their relationship a mistake, and then ignored her for days on end. She knew that if they talked it out it would be better for both of them. As she fell asleep that night, only one thought was left in her head: _Scott, please don’t break my heart ever again. I don’t think I could handle it._


	22. In Time You'll Come Back To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He ran his thumb over the back of her hand. He turned it over between his own and studied the lines that he had once known so well, tracing them with his fingers, allowing the information to wash over her and sink in. It was the same as everything else had been. Time. She just needed time. She’d come around eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for bearing with me as I tried to make this chapter the best that it could be! There will most likely be only two chapters left in the story after this one. It continues to be such a joy to write this story for you all, and I'm so blessed by your feedback and support. THANKS GUYS! 
> 
> The title of this chapter comes from a song by Joshua Radin called "In Your Hands." Perfect accompaniment to this chapter!

It had been a long week of studying. The weekend should have provided a reprieve from the grueling hours of schoolwork, but both Tessa and Beth had spent their entire Saturday studying. Midterms were the next week and Tessa was bound and determined to come back from her last test better than ever before. Beth’s program didn’t require tests, but instead huge presentations. They had spread through the apartment, taking over every available surface with textbooks, notes, and Beth’s assorted craft supplies to make her posters. The following week was spring break and neither could wait for the welcomed break from studying.

They had just hit their tenth hour of nonstop studying when there was a knock at the door. 

“Well hello there, pretty ladies!” Scott said as Tessa and Beth opened the door. Both Scott and Daniel stood with wide smiles on their faces, taking in the disheveled appearances of the girls that they loved. Both were in leggings with baggy sweatshirts. Tessa’s hair was still piled in the same messy topknot that it had been the day before. She hadn’t even thought to do her makeup, she had pencil smudged across the back of her hand, and the smell of coffee seeped from her pores. Pretty was the last thing she felt.

“We come bearing pizza!” Daniel said, leaning out from behind Scott, presenting a large cardboard box. “Time for a study break.”

The smell of melted cheese wafted through the open doorway and made Tessa’s mouth water. It had been a while since she had eaten and she found that her stomach rumbled in response. She pulled the door open wide and gestured for the two boys to enter the apartment.

Daniel set the pizza on the one remaining free space on the counter, grabbed Beth and pressed a kiss to her temple and muttered a quiet, yet audible, “Hey baby,” in her ear. 

Trying to avert her eyes from the display of affection, she found Scott standing in front of her. His hands were shoved deep into his pockets and he shifted his weight from one foot to another, clearly as uncomfortable as Tessa felt. 

“Hey,” he spoke quietly, a smile creeping across the corner of his mouth.

“Hey, yourself.” Tessa responded, unable to stop the smile that spread across her face involuntarily.

“How goes the studying?” 

Tessa shrugged her shoulders in response. “As good as it could go, I guess. There are other things I’d rather be doing, you know. Stabbing myself with pins, listening to Marina yell, but I guess this too shall pass.”

“That bad, eh?”

“Five exams. Five days.” Enough said.

Scott whistled low in response. 

“I know how that feels,” Scott responded. “That was me last semester.”

Tessa asked how school was going for him, knowing that he should be close to finishing his degree.

He’d managed to enroll in online courses for the spring semester after visiting Tessa at Christmas. He’d known that he wouldn’t be able to manage moving to New York City without it. He had a few last requirements to get his degree, humanities classes and whatnot. His advisor had made it happen within a few minutes of Scott stepping in to the office. Apparently his advisor’s wife had been a huge figure skating fan and that had worked in his favor. His courses were entirely self-paced and he’d been working on them every spare moment that he had as to finish them quickly. If he completed them on time, he could graduate in May. As luck would have it, only his final exams were left.

Tessa started to pull out place settings to set the table for dinner. She pulled out four cups and went to grab the plates, but all of their usual plates sat dirty in the sink. There was a small stack of paper plates on the very top shelf that they pulled out whenever they had parties. Even standing on her tiptoes they were just out of reach. Before she could ask for help, a hand found its way to the small of her back as Scott reached up past her and snagged the small stack of plates off the shelf. The newfound proximity was unnerving. She could smell the musk of his cologne on his skin and longed to bury her face against his chest and breathe deeply as she once had been able to do. A boyish smile crossed Scott’s face as he handed her the stack of plates.

Tessa muttered a quick thanks before opening the pizza box. She groaned as the smell of melted cheese and baked crust hit her. “I don’t know that I’ve ever been this excited for food before.”

Scott chuckled and grabbed the plate that Tessa offered him. “You have always gotten lost in the zone whenever you are intensely focused. Some things just don’t change.”

“Apparently the person who brings me food while I’m lost in the zone doesn’t change either.” Tessa responded with a smile. She found the slice of pizza that had the most veggies and pulled it out of the box. Scott grabbed a slice and followed her to the couch.

“Remind me how long your program is?” Scott asked, mouth full of pizza.

“Three years.”

He wasn’t sure if he was allowed to ask, but he did anyway. “Are you planning on heading back to Canada after you graduate?”

“I don’t really know.” Tessa answered honestly. “I didn’t really plan on coming here in the first place, you know? How can I even begin to predict what the future will hold?”

Scott nodded as he chewed his pizza. Beth and Daniel made their way to the living room, pizza in hand, effectively ending the conversation. “We’ll continue this conversation a bit later.” Scott said with a small smile.

The welcomed break from studying passed more quickly than the girls would have liked with lighthearted conversation and Scott’s bad jokes. Tessa was surprised at how comfortable she felt. It was so easy to slip back into routine with Scott, laughing with their friends. He had fit so easily into every single part of her life, and New York City was no different.

*****

Tessa and Beth finally escaped the confines of apartment 2B on Sunday evening for a quick walk to a favorite restaurant for salads. Their food supply had dwindled, forcing the girls to leave their studying hole.

“So how are things going with Scott?” Beth asked while crunching a carrot. “You two seemed to be pretty comfortable last night at dinner.”

Tessa smiled at Beth. “Uhhh, next question, please!” 

Beth’s fork clattered to the table as she whined, “Come on, Tessa! What more do you expect the boy to do? He’s done everything but buy a plane and write it in the sky!”

Tessa poked around her salad with her fork. “It still hurts, that’s all.”

“Well I’d be more concerned if it didn’t hurt, honestly. It means you still care. I’m proud of you for letting him in even a little bit. But you keep cutting him off. He’s trying to talk to you! I know you like to be completely in control of every situation, but you’ve gotta let go of this one, Tess. You two need to talk. Scream at him if you have to. You two have way too much history together to let this slide. You would regret it forever if you went the rest of your life without taking a chance on Scott, even if you’re too stubborn to admit that. You’re one of my best friends and I love you, but I’m going to be straight up with you here. You’re kinda being a bitch.”

“Jeez, Beth.” Tessa whispered. “No need for sugar coating it, eh?”

“I’m just saying. He moved to New York City for you. What more could you want from him?”

“To apologize for saying that sleeping with me was a mistake, for starters!” The words rushed out of Tessa’s mouth. Beth cocked her head and shot Tessa a knowing glance. “I know, I know. If I let him talk, that’s probably exactly what he would do.”

“Yep. And if you let the boy talk, you’d probably get exactly what you want to hear. So when he starts to talk, and he will, do yourself a favor and let him.”

She was a bit exasperated, but Beth was right. “Alright, I’ll let him talk.”

Beth smiled and pointed her fork at Tessa. “And you should do some talking too!”

Beth’s words stung a little bit. It was hard to hear, but she knew that Beth cared. That night as she sat in her room, staring at the flashcards that Scott had made for her, she made a mental list of the things that she needed to talk to Scott about. She knew Beth’s words were true. She also needed to listen. 

*****  
Tessa was beyond thankful that Michael had given her the week off at Everyman. If undergraduate midterms had been difficult, Law school midterms were downright impossible. Rumor had it that the first year of law school was the worst. She could only hope the rumors were true.

Between exams, Tessa continued to study. It was in these moments that she became truly thankful for the discipline that she had gained from skating. She was no stranger to spending long hours wholly dedicated to one purpose. It was the same each day of the week, stopping only for food and coffee.

On Thursday, Tessa was pulled away from her textbook by the sound of knocking at the apartment door. Daniel stood in the doorway with two coffees.

“Hey, Tess!” Daniel walked through the door before Tessa could say anything.

“Beth is at class, you know.” She replied, not quite sure what he was doing.

Daniel plopped down at the kitchen table next to Tessa’s books and held a coffee towards her. “Oh, I know. But it’s been a while since we’ve talked and I figured you probably needed some coffee.”

Tessa gratefully accepted the outstretched cup.

“And,” Daniel drew out the word, gauging Tessa’s reaction. “I need a favor.”

“Oh?” Tessa asked, squinting her eyes in curiosity before taking a sip of the steaming beverage.

“So I’ve arranged a surprise for Beth this weekend. My boss is letting us stay in his house at the Hamptons for the weekend and I want it to be a surprise.”

Tessa smiled at her friend. She was so grateful that Daniel had found Beth. The two of them made quite a pair. His quiet thoughtfulness was easily balanced by Beth’s affable and outgoing nature.

“How can I help?”

Daniel smiled at Tessa’s quick response. “Can you pack a bag for her? Swimsuit and lounging clothes of course, but a couple of nicer dresses too.”

“Absolutely.” Tessa nodded. “How are you guys doing? It seems to be going so well.”

“She’s amazing. I’ve never met someone like her. She’s amazing and I’d like to think that she brings out the best in me too.”

“So when are you proposing?” Tessa joked hearing her friend gush about her roommate.

Daniel nodded and considered Tessa’s question. “I was thinking either late summer or early fall. Enough time to plan a wedding for the following summer.”

Tessa’s eyes widened at Daniel’s confession. “Oh, wow!” She exclaimed, nearly dropping her coffee in response. “That’s so great, Daniel.”

Daniel chuckled and looked at his cup of coffee. “Yeah? She’s the one for me, you know? I can’t a day without her and when you find someone like that, you just can’t let go.”

Tessa nodded silently as she took in his words and the implications that they had for her.

“How are you doing, Tess?” Daniel asked softly.

“I’m good.” Tessa answered honestly. “I’m still trying to process everything, but I’m doing pretty well.”

“Good.” Daniel nodded. “That’s good.”

“So, how’s Scott doing?” He hadn’t been around as much during the week, likely trying to give her space during midterms.

“Funny,” He said with a chuckle, “He asks me the same about you.”

She knew this state of limbo wasn’t easy for him, but she was still recovering from the whiplash she felt when she discovered he had moved in upstairs.

“Look, Tessa, I’m not going to tell you how you should or shouldn’t act around Scott, but I’m just saying that what you two have is rare. I can’t imagine what the connection you share with him is like, built over so many years and forged through hardship and amazing experiences. While I support your decisions no matter what, I think that connection is worth sorting your stuff out.”

Tessa laughed at Daniel’s speech. “Funny, that’s exactly what Beth said, yours was just kinder with less attack.”

“That’s my girl.” Daniel replied with a smile.

Tessa played with the sleeve around her coffee cup. “We did always say that we were better people together than we were apart.”

Daniel held his coffee cup up towards her. “Cheers to that.”

Tessa knocked the cardboard cup against his. 

“Beth and I just want to see the two of you happy, that’s all.” Daniel said.

Tessa knew no truer words had been spoken.

*****

On Friday morning, Beth left for her 8 a.m. class right after 7. Tessa had been up until 3 a.m. studying for her last exam of the week and she decided to give herself a little time to sleep in. She registered the sound of Beth rummaging around the kitchen for breakfast and a quiet whispering in the living room before the door shut. A few seconds later, a knock sounded against her bedroom door and it cracked open slightly to reveal Scott’s face.

“Good morning, good morning!” Scott sang quietly as he walked through the door. “It’s a great day to crush a midterm!”

The situation was so familiar to Tessa. Every competition, Scott would let himself into her hotel room with a cup of coffee and sing “Good morning” to her, followed by the statement, “It’s a great day to win a gold medal!” The statement varied slightly each time, but the general sentiment was the same. He was always such a morning person. She was not.

Tessa smiled a sleepy smile and motioned for him to come into the room. _The nostalgia is making me soft. That’s it._ “Hey.” She croaked as the edge of the bed dipped underneath his weight.

“Coffee with a touch of almond milk.”

She reached out gratefully and sat up a little in bed, propping herself against her pillows.

Scott held up two bags in front of her. “Bagel with cream cheese or chocolate croissant?”

Tessa smiled and reached for the chocolate croissant.

“Ahh. So it seems nothing has changed.” Scott spoke softly with a smile.

Tessa opened her bag and the smell of fresh pastry mixed with chocolate wafted out. Scott wasted no time in pulling his bagel out of the bag and taking a bite.

“Do you have any weekend plans? Daniel and Beth will be gone.”

“Sleeping and relaxing a little. Ringing in spring break well.” Tessa replied. “Oh! That reminds me! I need to pack Beth’s bag.”

“Yeah. Well, look. I’m off tomorrow and you’ll be done with exams. I still haven’t gotten to see much of the tourist side of New York City since I moved here. Would you go sightseeing with me tomorrow?”

Beth and Daniel’s words played through her mind, but the way his eyes lit up at the prospect of spending the day with her was all the convincing she needed.

“That sounds great, Scott.” She chewed a bit of her croissant before adding, “But can we start a little later? I want to sleep in!”

She thought that Scott’s face would split in two from smiling so hard. “Of course.”

She found herself looking forward to tomorrow more than she would like to admit. Breakfast passed with amiable conversation before she forced herself to get out of bed.

“Thanks for breakfast!” She said as she gave Scott a hug.

“Oh, it’s nothing.” Scott said as he pressed his cheek against the top of her head.

She let him hold her longer than she had previously, allowing herself to soak in the comfort that his presence provided. When she pulled away, Scott held out a fist and she knocked her own against it.

“Kick some ass today, Tess!” Scott called as he walked out the door. “See you tomorrow morning!”

*****

Beth squealed when Tessa told her of the plans for the next day. Beth was busy getting ready for Daniel to pick her up for a “date” and she held bobby pins between her teeth while twisting her hair on top of her head.

“Can you do me a favor? Let go tomorrow.” Beth enunciated while pinching the bobby pins between her teeth. “I know that you like to be in control and all, but let go a little bit. Relax.”

Tessa smiled at her friend’s reaction. “Will do.”

Beth pulled the bobby pins out one by one and guided them into her hair. “Are you just saying that to get me to shut up?” Beth questioned.

“No!” Tessa laughed. “We will talk. Honest.”

Beth held out her pinky for a pinky promise and Tessa took it and rolled her eyes.

After Beth had gotten ready, Tessa grabbed Beth’s suitcase and said, “We’re going to wait for Daniel on the street.”

Beth eyed Tessa suspiciously. “What do you know? You’re hiding something.”

“Nothing. Just that you needed to be outside five minutes ago.” Tessa replied, hauling the full suitcase to the door. “Let’s go. You’re late for your date.”

She bumped the suitcase down the two flights of stairs where the two girls found Daniel waiting in a shiny red convertible. Not a practical car for New York City, but it worked for Beth who jumped up and down and planted a kiss on Daniel’s lips.

“Where are we going?!” She squeaked, still bouncing up and down.

“It’s a surprise.” Daniel muscled Beth’s suitcase into the back of the car and shut the trunk before smiling at Beth. “But you need to get in the car before we are late for our dinner reservation.”

Beth hopped in to the passenger seat and buckled up. Before they pulled away, Beth called out, “Go get your man tomorrow, Tess! Don’t let him get away!” Her laugher rang out as Daniel drove away with a wave.

*****

At 10 a.m. on the dot, Scott arrived at her apartment, knocking twice and opening the door to let himself in. Apparently the new and improved Scott showed up on time, much to her surprise. She was finishing up her hair and yelled for him to go ahead and fill up two travel mugs with coffee.

She emerged five minutes later, dressed in black skinny jeans and a white shirt. She had put that stuff on her lips that made them shiny, but still soft. He knew that if he kissed her it would taste faintly of strawberry. Pulling his mind out of the rabbit hole that it had gone down, he held out her favorite leather jacket that she had set out on the back of the chair. She shrugged into the sleeves, grabbed both coffee mugs, and passed Scott his. She locked the deadbolt behind them as they left and took a deep breath. _Here goes nothing._

The weather had warmed up a little, but a breeze rushed through the streets as they stepped out of the apartment building onto the sidewalk. Scott shoved his free hand into his pocket to keep it warm while sipping his coffee. In the past, he would have come up behind her and shoved his freezing hands into her pockets. She would have pretended to hate it, trying to spin around in his arms and duck out of his grasp. But today one hand held his coffee and the other was shoved into his pocket and that was that. They turned right at the next block and walked the three blocks to the nearest subway station. Scott’s black shoes made a subtle scuffing sound against the pavement as they walked in silence. She found that unintentionally she had matched her steps to his. But they weren’t like that anymore, so she purposely took a quick step to throw of their rhythm. They weren’t together.

“Where to first?” Scott asked as they climbed the steps down to the subway. They swiped their Metro Cards and pushed through the turnstiles. 

Tessa led the way confidently. “First on the Tessa Virtue tour of New York City, the Empire State Building!” There was no other way to start a tour of NYC than with the best-known view of the city. They managed to find two seats before the train started moving. The seats were small and the guy to Tessa’s left had greasy hair and smelled like a day old hamburger, so she scooted in closer to Scott. Tessa tried to ignore the way that her skin burned as it brushed against Scott’s. _For God’s sake, Tessa, you skated with him for over 15 years. Get it together._ It was unnerving how new everything felt, how unfamiliar. So much had been lost in the events that had transpired between them. The proximity, the way his leg pressed up against hers, the way his arm curled around her shoulders caused an involuntary shiver to run up her spine. 

Even the smallest movement jolted Scott from his thoughts. “You okay, Tess?”

“Just a little cold.” She answered as she pulled the washed leather jacket around her torso and hugged herself a little tighter.

She’d patted his knee when it was time for them to stand up and exit the subway. He followed her lead as she climbed the stairs and stepped out onto the busy Manhattan sidewalk. She knew where she was going and she moved quickly, no conversation, no questions, no comments. He missed the old Tessa, his Tessa who would talk his ear off about the culture, the sights, the sounds. Please Tess. It’s just me. Relax. It’s only me.

The Empire State Building was taller than what he’d imagined. As he stood at the base of it and looked up, he couldn’t see the top. They certainly didn’t have buildings like this in Ilderton. He’d heard New York City described as a concrete jungle many times, but now he understood. The tans, silvers, and blacks surrounding them were unfamiliar. For a second he found himself missing the green fields and the trees of Ilderton, the way the country air whispered across his face, the cloudless skies of the summertime. But a glance to the woman beside him who felt completely at home in a city like this made all of his doubts wash away. This was his home now.

They joined the throng of people filing into the building, eager to take in the views of the city on a bright day. The interior of the lobby was done completely in tan marble. _Wasn’t there a color available other than brown?_ Tessa’s continued silence was unnerving. There had been a time where he was comfortable with her saying nothing. He had always been able to tell how she was feeling and what she was thinking. As certain as he was about what he felt for her, there was an uncertainty that seemed to hover just below the surface. She had been so guarded when it came to revealing anything about how she felt about him. She was a closed book. A brick wall a mile high. But he’d never turned down a challenge before and he wasn’t about to now. She was worth fighting for and it was his time to start fighting.

Scott bought the tickets after they stood silently in line. They were ushered into a crowded elevator where Scott pulled Tessa flush against him and wrapped his arms around her waist. Her eyebrows furrowed, knowing full and well what he was doing. He lowered his head until his mouth was next to her ear. “Thanks for showing me your city.”

Before she could respond, the doors of the elevator opened and the people began to spill out into the hallway in front of them. Scott gripped Tessa’s hand to avoid being separated as they made their way out through the double doors and on to the deck outside.

As soon as they had gotten outside, Scott stood fixed to one spot, mouth agape, taking in the surrounding views of the city. Tessa’s hand fit through his as she pulled him to the edge of the building. Down on the street, the hustle had been so apparent. It had been impossible to feel anything other than rushed with all the cars and people, but up here it calmed ever so slightly. The sunlight reflected off of the polished windows of the surrounding buildings, turning the dirty city around him into a dazzling view. Up here he could learn to like New York City for a reason other than the equally as dazzling woman beside him. He vaguely registered her pointing out the Chrysler Building and a couple of other things as his eyes adjusted to take in the view around him. Down on the street, the air smelled of hotdogs from street side vendors and car exhaust fumes. But up here, it smelled cold and clear. He’d missed the smell of plain air.

“It’s amazing.”

Tessa smiled at his reaction. “Isn’t it? My mom loved it too.”

Scott dropped her hand and walked to the corner of the observation deck, leaned his head over, and looked straight down. “Damn.”

A laugh escaped Tessa’s lips before she had the chance to stop it.

“If I were to spit off the side right now, what do you think the chances are that it would hit someone down there?”

Tessa’s laughter grew until it was a full on belly laugh, watching Scott pretend to spit on the city residents below. It was the kind of laugh that he had always tried to get out of her.

“Scott.” She choked between laughs. “Stop.” Her sides had started to hurt.

He turned around and leaned back against the railing, watching Tessa trying to regain her composure. It had been ages since he’d seen her laugh like this, so free, unhindered. He loved the way that the skin around her eyes wrinkled and the way she clutched her sides. This was the Tessa he loved.

“Stay there,” Tessa commanded once her laughter subsided. “You need a picture on the top of the Empire State Building.”

Tessa pulled out her phone and aimed the camera at Scott, but unable to be anything but himself, gave his best smoldering look to the camera as if he were going to whisper ‘Bond, James Bond.’ at any second.

“Scott!” Tessa huffed, feigning irritation until he relented and smiled widely, allowing her to take the picture.

“Now take one with me?” Scott asked, as he pulled her towards the railing. He saw a middle aged woman standing off to the side, taking pictures of the skyline. He quickly asked her to snap a picture and he wrapped his arm around Tessa, pulling her flush against him as he had done for so many years before.

“If you don’t mind me saying, the two of you make a gorgeous couple.” The lady smiled as she handed Scott back his phone.

“Oh, we’re not...” Tessa started.

“Thanks,” Scott cut her off. “I think so too.”

Tessa shot him an angry glare that he quickly shrugged off as he turned his attention towards the skyline surrounding him. In every possible scenario he’d imagined for his future, none of them had contained New York City. As he took in the skyline around him, the clear blue skies above, and the incomparable woman at his side, he couldn’t help but think that this beat the hell out of every situation he had once imagined possible.

It had been a while since they had been referred to as a couple. When they had been competing, they had politely corrected those who had let themselves assume. It had taken Tessa by surprise, but she was more shocked by the fact that it didn’t make her angry that he had jumped to say that they were a couple.

After taking their time to walk around the deck and look out at the city from every side of the building, they headed to the small gift shop inside. Tessa immediately found her way to the coffee mugs and began to peruse, lifting each one to inspect it. Scott looked at the t-shirts and the hats, but stopped when he found a small teddy bear wearing a miniature “I love NY” shirt. It looked exactly like the bears that he had bought for Tessa when they had won their Olympic medals.

Noticing Tessa was still absorbed in the land of coffee mugs, he walked over to the cash register and purchased the happy looking bear and tucked the bag containing it under his jacket for later. When the purchase was safely hidden, he walked over to Tessa.

“You ready to go? I’m hungry.”

Tessa smiled up at him, the kind that reached her eyes, and replied “Let’s go.”

Once they were out on the sidewalk, Scott pulled the bag out of his coat and presented it to her. Tessa shot a questioning glance his way, but he nodded for her to take it and she did. Her mouth formed a perfect little “O” as she pulled the small stuffed animal from the bag.

“Oh, Scott. It looks...”

“Identical to the ones that you sent back to me. I know.”

Tessa felt her heart pounding inside her chest. It was a small act, really, buying a teddy bear. Plenty of boys probably bought the exact same teddy bear trying to impress some girl. But this wasn’t any teddy bear. The way the little stitches at the mouth turned up at the ends making it look like it was smiling, the way the black eyes glinted in the light, the perfectly tan color of the fur. It was a part of the set. An addition to the bears of the past.

“I have those bears back at the apartment, you know.”

Tessa stopped walking in the middle of the sidewalk. “You kept them?”

“I kept everything you sent back.” Tessa saw the hurt creep into his eyes and she couldn’t help but hate herself for so quickly stuffing everything that reminded her of him into a box and shipping it off. _You did what you had to do, Tessa. You had to move on. This was part of it._ She almost laughed to herself as she considered the fact that putting shit in a box and sending it to him was nothing compared to having the real, living, breathing Scott Moir living two floors up in her apartment building.

Tears crept into her eyes. She turned her face down towards the small bear in her hands, pretending to be so engrossed in studying the small animal so that the man beside her wouldn’t see the tears that collected. It was a touching gift. Damn this New York City bear. She wasn’t supposed to feel like this. Today she was a tour guide. She was showing him a city, not her heart. 

“Hey.” Scott’s words reached her ear. “You okay?”

 _Dammit. He knows._ There was no use in hiding it. She turned her face towards his, showing the tears that she had so desperately tried to hide. Happy tears, sad tears, she wasn’t sure which. A soft smile crossed his face as he rubbed her shoulder as he’d done many years ago. It meant the same thing now. I’m here. We’re okay.

Tessa smiled and laughed weakly at him.

Scott looked intently at her and offered the bag. “If he causes tears, Mr. Bear can go back in the bag. He’s just not that kind of bear. He’s a happy bear.”

Tessa laughed and tucked the bear into her jacket, hugging him into her side. “We’re good, thanks. Mr. Bear can stay with me.” Scott had always found a way to draw her out of her sadness with laughter. Now was no different.

Scott pulled Tessa to his side, an arm around her shoulders. Mr. Bear stayed sandwiched between them inside Tessa’s jacket. As they waited at an intersection, Tessa looked up to find Scott’s eyes locked on hers, a broad smile crossing his face.

“This is good, Tess.”

“What is?”

“You... Me... New York... Us being together... This is good.”

Tessa turned to look at him questioningly. “We were always _good_ together, Scott. That was never a problem.”

“You just fit. We _fit_.”

She couldn’t argue. They had always fit. Like pieces of a puzzle. Even when she had tried to take him out of her life and move hundreds of miles away, there was still a part of her that knew deep down that he was the missing piece. And here he was, walking beside her in New York City, killing himself to try and put back the missing pieces. Finally, she admitted it to herself. _I’m here. With him. And there is nowhere else I’d rather be._

*****

They found a small bistro and bakery a few blocks from the Empire State Building for lunch. The hostess seemed kinder than most New Yorkers, asking if they’d prefer a booth or table. 

“Booth.” They had both answered at the same time, as if no time had passed at all. 

The hostess smiled and muttered something about knowing just the spot and seated them immediately towards the back of the small restaurant in a corner booth. They had instinctively scooted to the corner spots next to each other, sinking into the privacy of their corner. There were so many questions that Scott was dying to ask her. He wanted to ask about what had happened between the two of them and how he could fix it. But she had started smiling as they had walked to the restaurant and she’d let him keep his arm around her shoulders. 

Their waiter was a college-aged guy who quietly set the menus on the table with a barely audible mumble about the special of the day. Tessa had run her finger over the vinyl of the menu, perusing the options for several minutes before Scott pointed out a spring salad that she would probably like. He ordered the spring salad for her and a chicken wrap for himself, knowing that Tessa would probably steal a french fry or two from the plate when she thought he wasn’t looking.

Their food had been delivered quickly and she had laughed at a stupid joke that he made. The conversation was easy. He opted for lighter topics- her family, Ellis and Matt, saving the heavier topics for a later time. They were drawn out of their conversation by a woman in the bakery yelling at the employee behind the counter.

“All we wanted was a white iced marble cake. This is cream. God. Can you people do anything right?! The wedding is in two hours for goodness sakes!”

All of the people in the restaurant turned their heads to look at the scene caused by the distressed woman.

Scott’s brow furrowed as he frowned at the woman. “Who the fuck pitches a fit about a cream colored wedding cake? She probably ordered cream frosting too.”

Tessa watched a disgusted look spread across his face, wondering how and why he managed to care about a cream colored wedding cake. _God, Laura must have been a bridezilla._

Scott had taken a large sip of his iced tea when Tessa shocked the hell out of him.

“Scott, why did your wedding get canceled?” Tessa asked nonchalantly as she twisted the wrapper from her straw around her finger, pulling it into a perfect curl. She took a deep breath as she mulled over the question she had just asked. It had been so impulsive, a moment of weakness. She needed his answer. It was the damn bear’s fault, making her so vulnerable.

Scott stared at her, his iced tea glass paused halfway to his mouth. _Where the hell did that come from?_ He tried to wipe the look of shock off of his face as he tried to process Tessa’s sudden surge of boldness. Tessa sat and looked at him expectantly. “I dunno. There was just no way that I could marry her... It just wasn’t an option. I mean, I guess there was guilt about what had happened between,” he set his glass down on the table and stared at his sandwich in front of him. “us, I guess. But I can tell you now that I never really loved her. I didn’t get that then. I didn’t understand, but now, I _know_.”

Tessa shifted uncomfortably in her seat as she took in what Scott was telling her. “Oh.” The sound left her mouth in a whisper. “I always thought it was because she found out about us.”

Scott smiled weakly back at her. It had been easy to forget that she knew nothing of what happened after that night. She didn’t know how he had gone mad looking for her, how he had been heartbroken for cheating on Laura, yet so relieved that he wouldn’t marry her. She didn’t know that Kate had become a confidante and how Daniel had become a friend. “I told her. About an hour before the wedding I told her about it and that I couldn’t marry her. I had just discovered that you had left town, so I ended things with her and then I left to go find you.”

Tessa’s eyes widened. “To find... me?”

Scott laughed lightly. “No, Tessa. I went to go find Chiddy. Of course I went to go find you.” He took a bite of the wrap in front of him, trying to find something, anything to distract him. His hands shook as he lowered the food back to his plate. She was listening to him. Intently listening to the words he spoke, trying to understand. _Don’t fucking blow this._ “I tried to see you before the wedding. I had to talk to you. I at least needed to make things right. And then I showed up at your apartment and used the spare key and found an empty place. Then I tried to call and your phone was disconnected. I drove immediately to your parents’ house and your mom told me that you had left. And then I freaked the fuck out once I realized that you were gone. I called off the wedding. And well, yeah. I freaked out. And then I decided that in order to have a shot in hell with you, I needed to be the kind of man that you deserved. So I pulled myself back up, threw myself into school and coaching, and tried to convince myself that you might love me back if I tried hard enough.”

Tessa found herself gaping at Scott. _He called off the wedding? I had always thought that she had found out and called it off. Oh my god. He panicked. And came looking for me._ Even though she knew that Scott was being 100 percent honest with her and the facts were plain as day, she still found it near impossible to believe.

Scott watched the emotions play over her face. He couldn’t help but chuckle seeing her mouth hanging open a little, eyes wide. He reached over and grabbed her hand between his. He ran his thumb over the back of her hand. He turned it over between his own and studied the lines that he had once known so well, tracing them with his fingers, allowing the information to wash over her and sink in. It was the same as everything else had been. Time. She just needed time. She’d come around eventually. 

Coming back to her senses, she watched as Scott’s hands played across her own. For the first time since seeing him, her hand itched to reach out and touch him, to swipe the pad of her thumb across his cheekbone and down his jawline. She reached out gingerly and touched his face. His breath floated across the skin of her wrist as he sighed into her touch. _Scott._

Before she managed to think about doing anything else, she threaded her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. She saw the briefest of smiles flash across his lips as his eyes met hers. She couldn’t help but return it before she drew him close and pressed her lips against his.

Nearly a year had passed since she had kissed him like this, with reckless abandon, and everything and nothing had changed. The way his breath feathered across her jawbone when he pulled away to catch his breath, how his hand splayed out across her waist as he drew her near, the way she knew that pulling his lip in between her teeth drove him crazy. 

She took her time exploring the contours of his mouth, fisting his t-shirt and pulling his body flush against hers. He buried his fingers into the braid that had been perfectly done that morning, pulling on the strands as she moved her lips over his like she’d be doing it for the rest of their lives.

A quiet cough pulled them away from their little world as their waiter walked up, a look of disgust clearly painted across his face. “Here is your check,” he said as he thrust his finger towards the exit of the restaurant, “And if you’re interested, there is a hotel right across the street.” 

The waiter turned around, scoffed, and walked away. Tessa buried her face in Scott’s shoulder, though she couldn’t be bothered enough to be embarrassed.

Scott fished for his wallet and threw a few bills on the table. “Dude needs to get laid. And he just lost his tip.”

Tessa couldn’t help but laugh as her cheeks flushed from the very public display of affection she had just shown.

*****

As they left the restaurant, Tessa pushed her hands deeper into her pockets as Scott did the same beside her. They walked through the streets of New York City back to the subway and Tessa was shocked at how easy it was to assume their previous roles. Scott joked around and made sarcastic comments. Tessa always laughed even if she thought the joke was stupid. Occasionally one would roll around that would cause a laugh to rise from deep within her chest and spill over unhindered. Scott would listen as intently as he could manage to the random bits of information and history that Tessa would spout off about whatever location they passed by.

It was midafternoon by the time they reached Battery Park and the pathway that bordered the edge of the Upper Bay. Tessa flopped onto a bench and kicked off her ballet flats, declaring, “My feet hurt!” and rubbing her feet onto the soft green grass.

Scott wiggled his eyebrows at her, “I could rub ‘em for ya!”

Tessa rolled her eyes, “Thanks, but I think I’m okay. I just want to rest a bit.”

Before she could speak up in protest, Scott wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close to his side. Mr. Bear sat to Tessa’s left, looking out on the waterfront with his small beady eyes.

Tessa flexed her toes to try and get the blood flowing again. They both sat quietly, lost in thought about the new revelations of what had happened earlier. 

Scott was still reeling from what had happened in the restaurant. Had she actually listened to him and tried to understand? Had she really wrapped her arms around his neck, twined her fingers through his hair, and kissed him with abandon? Today had already turned out to be amazing. So much had been shared. And yet so little had actually been shared. 

Tessa’s mind drifted back to that night many months ago as she rubbed her feet across the soft grass. Her thoughts always seemed to go back there, or so it seemed. _Scott, what made you come over in the first place?_ But it was already done. The floodgates had already been opened. She wanted more. She needed more. She craved understanding of the situation that had so quickly unraveled the life that she had worked so hard to build.

“Scott...” She began. She couldn’t even stop the word before it came tumbling out. She stopped herself from asking the question that she was dying to and grabbed Mr. Bear from the bench next to her. She preoccupied herself with fixing his little t-shirt so that she wouldn’t have to look him in the eyes and finish what she had just started.

“Yeah?”

Tessa shook her head. “Never mind.”

Scott looked at her intently. “C’mon, Tess. What is it?”

When she still didn’t say anything, Scott took a finger and lightly brushed the hair off of her forehead. “What?”

Shrugging, Tessa turned her head to look at him. _Oh my god, I can’t believe I’m about to ask this question. But I have to know. I can’t continue not knowing._ “Why did you come over that night? I mean I don’t think what happened between us was your original intent. But... why? You seemed upset...”

Scott stood up from the bench and walked towards the edge of the water. He grabbed a few pebbles from the shoreline and began skipping them across the gentle waves in front of them. “Laura and I had just gotten into a fight. I didn’t ask for much when it came to the wedding since it had been pretty clear that my input wasn’t needed. But I didn’t complain. It’s supposed to be the bride’s special day, you know?” Scott skipped another rock before he continued. “But the one thing I asked for, the one fucking thing was that a pastor marry us. And then I heard her mom talking about how she needed to make the decision and let her brother officiate and I was done. And to top it all off, I saw that your name wasn’t on the guest list and I just sorta snapped.

Scott wiped the dirt from his hands onto his jeans and returned to the bench. A slight frown creased the skin between Tessa’s eyebrows. If only he could read her mind tell what she was thinking. “I just drove away and I couldn’t stop thinking,” Scott stated, “about you.”

“Why?”

“I guess I just hadn’t seen you in a while. And I felt like you were distant and pulling away, which I guess I should have expected with me getting married to someone else and all. So when I didn’t see your name on the list I got pissed. So I showed up at your door...”

Tessa remembered the night like it was yesterday. Daniel had been standing there so confused and Scott was so angry.

“... feeling as though somehow I had to choose between you and Laura. Like I couldn’t have the two of you in my life. I loved her, or so I thought, but you had always been such a huge part of my life that I wasn’t ready to give up on us just because I was getting married. And then I showed up and Daniel was there, near you, andI just lost it.”

Nodding her head, Tessa listened intently.

“And then you kissed me and whatever I was feeling just sort of intensified and consumed me, you know? There was just no turning back.”

Tessa felt her cheeks flush bright pink at the memory. “I swear I wasn’t intending on kissing you. I wasn’t planning it at all. It just sort of... happened.”

Scott smiled at Tessa. “I know that. Everything about that night just, sort of, happened.” Scott picked up a rock from the ground and turned it over in the palm of his hand. “And then after I called off the wedding, I left town and went to the Poje’s mountain home for a while. When I came back, I had to deal with a heartbroken Laura. She told me that she couldn’t believed we had only slept together once, that we had been skating around it the whole time.”

Tessa’s eyes were wide as she took in the information. “Do you think we were? I mean, it seemed like she was okay with our friendship. I swear I wasn’t trying to butt in to your relationship. I would never...”

Scott dropped the rock to the ground and reached out a hand to grab hers. “Tessa, no. I know that. But there were so many similarities between the two of you, which I didn’t notice because I’m an oblivious asshole.” Scott chuckled as he remembered when Chiddy had pointed out the resemblance. “Maybe she realized that there was more there than I did. Or maybe I just didn’t want to accept it.” 

Scott stood up again and kicked the dirt at the base of the bench. When he spoke again, his voice was low. “God, Tessa. I spent the entire time that you were gone thinking and overthinking everything that had happened and I still couldn’t figure out why it happened. Other than it just did. The only thing I could come up with was that you had been the most incredible friend and person in my life and maybe I didn’t act on that because I was too afraid that things would change. The idea of you not being in my life was unthinkable. At the time I don’t know if I realized that I didn’t see you as a friend anymore. You were already so much more to me than that.” Scott scuffed his shoe against the ground and plopped down on the bench with a loud exhale. “But I went and fucked it all up and I lost you just the same. So here we are.”

Tessa found herself reeling at his revelation. She saw the pain in his eyes, reliving some of the darkest days of his life. She grabbed his hand and set it on her knee, rubbing her palm across the back of his hand. She watched the way his fingers splayed across her knee and his palmed warmed her skin through the thick fabric of her jeans. “So here we are.” She responded.

Scott watched a bird fly over the water, dip down and grab something out of the water, and soar back up into the sky. _This is good. Finally getting all this shit out in the open is good. It’s making a difference. She’s more open now than she ever has been._ He looked at the girl beside him, hair drifting out of her messy bun in tendrils around her face. Her eyes were tired, but her body was relaxed for the first time that he could remember. _I love this girl. I am so in love with her. I have to have her._

“Tess?”

Tessa tilted her head back to meet his eyes, a tired smile spreading across her face. “Yeah?”

“Can we go climb the Statue of Liberty?” Scott asked.

Tessa laughed at the boyish expression that crossed his face, as if the Statue of Liberty wasn’t some historic monument and was a giant jungle gym instead. Grinning, she slipped her feet back into her flats, grabbed Mr. Bear, and reached for Scott’s hand.

Tessa knew that the conversation was far from over. She didn’t know how she would feel after talking to Scott about how everything blew up, but she wasn’t expecting relief. Surprisingly, it was steadily becoming easier to open up to him because... well... it was... _Scott_. Her former skating partner, former best friend, former everything, who honestly still held every last piece of her shattered heart in the palm of his hands without even being aware of it. _God, Scotty. I’ve missed you so much._ The sound of his voice, the gentle callous of his hands rubbing against her palm, the way he knew her so well. It was just so natural.

Scott’s eyes lit up as the ferry that would take them to Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty drew close to the dock. Tessa reached into her bag and pulled out the tickets that would grant them admission and handed them to Scott. 

The gentle breeze that blew across the shore tousled the strands of Tessa’s hair, catching with it the slightly floral musk of her perfume. Scott inhaled the scent that he’d missed for so long. The scent that immediately made him feel as though he was home. _Tessa._

Tessa continued to dig in her purse and handed him a granola bar, as though she could read his mind.

“You’re the best, you know that?”

Tessa shrugged as she ripped open the metallic wrapper of her granola bar and took a bite. The ferry pulled up to the dock and the line started to move through the turnstile. Scott handed both tickets to the attendant, grabbed Tessa’s free hand, and pushed his way through the crowd of people flooding on to the small boat towards the upper deck. There was a spot at the railing towards the front of the boat just big enough for two people to stand side by side. Scott pointed it out and immediately began to pull Tessa behind him towards the small gap. 

Tessa muttered “excuse me” to the many people that Scott bumped along the way. “Sorry. He likes boats.”

When they reached the railing, Scott grabbed Tessa and his trash from the snacks and shoved them deep into his pocket, making a mental note to toss them in the garbage the next time he saw one. He pulled Tessa in front of him, wrapping his arms about her and holding on to the railing.

As the boat started to pull away from the marina, Tessa leaned back into his embrace. She rested her head against his collarbone and held Mr. Bear tight in her grasp. Six months ago, he never would have dreamed that he would be on a boat with her, let alone holding her and pressing his cheek into her hair. He saw Ellis Island drawing near and silently cursed the large brick building for making him get off the boat.

The boat bumped gently against the dock and Tessa and Scott followed the masses flooding towards the Immigration Museum further up the path. He held her hand as they walked in to the wide open room where immigrants had once waited to be granted entry to the United States. 

Tessa walked slowly beside the display boards, careful to take in all of the information that was offered. They had been walking through the museum for all of twenty minutes before Scott started bugging her to move on.

“C’mon, Tess. We’re not even American!”

Tessa laughed. “History is history, Scott. You know the saying, ‘those who don’t know history are destined to repeat it’? Well today, we will learn something new about America.”

Scott groaned playfully and wove his fingers between hers. Truth be told, he would walk through even the most boring of museums if he could just hold her hand and listen to her ramble on about how interesting everything was.

She spent about an hour weaving through the museum, commenting on each little thing that she found interesting. Scott played his part well. He smiled and nodded, pretending as if every last bit of information she told him was the most interesting fact in the world. And then she saw the movie theater.

“The next documentary presentation begins in five minutes! Scotty, let’s go!” She pulled him towards the small theater that was filled with about twenty people. They found a secluded spot in the back corner of the theater.

“Uhhh, Tess?” Scott asked, as the lights of the theater began to dim.

“Hmm?” Tessa murmured in response, watching the light begin to flicker across the screen.

“You know what movie theaters are good for?” Even in the dark theater, Tessa could see him wiggle his eyebrows at her.

“Oh, boy.” She rolled her eyes at him.

“Makin’ out.” He whispered playfully in her ear.

She smiled at him and patted him twice on the knee. “Nice try. Now watch the movie.”

“Damn. It was worth a shot.”

Throughout the documentary, Scott’s hand found its way to her knee and began to rub the soft denim of her jeans. He felt her shudder in response to his touch, but her body slowly relaxed as the film went on.

It was strange how years of skating had desensitized her to his touch, but now she felt the electricity hum through her body as his thumb gently rubbed against the side of her knee.

Scott was surprised to find that he actually did learn quite a bit at the museum, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t ready to leave. He practically ran to the boat after the movie finished, pulling Tessa behind him. They found their way to the railing as they had done on the ride to Ellis Island and the boat started towards the Statue of Liberty.

“History is great and all, but let’s get to the main event!”

When the boat docked, their tour to the crown left immediately. They climbed steps for what seemed like 20 minutes and Tessa’s muscles burned when they finally reached the top. Scott, however, didn’t seem fazed. He quickly made his way to one of the windows that was open, letting in a cool breeze.

“I’m the king of the world!” He shouted to the harbor before turning to Tessa. “Could I pass for Leonardo DiCaprio?”

Tessa chuckled. “I think everyone in here is completely fooled.”

The mom standing next to Tessa chuckled as she heard the conversation. She grabbed on to her three-year-old son’s belt loop as he leaned out of the window.

“Look, Mama! I’m the king of the world!” His mother lowered him to the ground and his smile faded into a questioning look. “What does it mean to be king of the world? That man said it and it sounded cool!”

The mom let out a loud laugh before looking at Scott. “Just be thankful that wasn’t a curse word you said. He repeats everything!”

Scott stood at the window with Tessa and pointed out the buildings he knew in the New York City skyline. It was amazing what one day could do. As of a couple of hours ago the conversations they’d had were minimal, but now the possibilities seemed endless. Tessa didn’t seem to shy away from honestly answering his questions and he didn’t mind answering hers.

By the time they had gotten back on the boat, the sun had started to set and a chill had settled over the water. Most people opted to stay in the covered portion of the boat, but Tessa led him to the top deck again, and he was happy to follow and thankful to have the top deck to themselves. He was ready to continue the conversation, and he hoped to god that she was too.

“Can I ask you a question?” Scott pulled at a string that had come loose on his jeans near the pocket.

Tessa didn’t even bother to make eye contact as she softly answered. “Go ahead.”

“When did you make the decision to move here? Was it a possibility that you had been entertaining or did you decide after the engagement? Was it a spur the moment decision after everything happened?” The words rushed out, a torrent of unanswered questions that he had been itching to know the answer to.

Tessa’s eyes scanned the shimmering surface of the water before they found his. “You know, I thought that somehow we might make it through, that even though things were changing and you were getting married, we’d be alright. I thought that our relationship could endure it. After all, we’ve been through so much together. Even after that night, I wasn’t planning on leaving. But then you completely ignored me. And brushed it all off like what we had done didn’t matter.” Her eyes floated back to the water, the golden light of the setting sun playing itself against her somber expression. 

Nothing within her wanted to continue the conversation at this point, but he’d given her so much, answered all of her questions, and she owed him the same. “I knew that I would have to see the two of you around town and that the guilt would tear me apart piece by piece, but I was ready to endure it. But then you didn’t even bother to return my call and I knew where I stood with you. So I decided that London was the last place that I wanted to be.” As the words left her mouth, she felt as though a thousand pounds had been lifted from her heart.

It felt as though someone had punched him in the gut. _How on earth could she believe for a second that I didn’t care? She has to know that I’ve always cared._ “But why did you leave? You didn’t have to run.” I know why you ran, Tess. Now you just need to say it.

Tessa’s eyes looked out to sea as her hands ran along the railing, flicking off pieces of the chipped white paint. Her eyes found his. _The point of no return._ “I ran because I was in love with you.”

Scott’s hand raked through his hair. “Jeez, don’t you think I deserved to know something that important?”

Tessa let out a small, strangled laugh as she studied her feet. Anywhere, but Scott’s eyes. “I tried to tell you once, I swear I did.”

Scott’s forehead creased in confusion. “When, Tessa? When did you try to tell me that you were in love with me? I may not be the brightest guy around, but I sure as hell would have remembered you telling me that you were in love with me.”

A tear slid down Tessa’s cheek as his harsh words mixed with the memories of a broken confession. “That night. Afterwards... I tried to tell you that I loved you and I didn’t know if I would survive if you married Laura.” She swiped her hands under her eyes, willing the tears to stop. “And then you told me it was all a mistake. That I was a mistake. You begged me not to tell Laura and then you left.”

The impact of her words hit him slowly, then all at once. He wasn’t sure that he could breathe, but his chest still rose and fell anyway. That night replayed over and over again in his mind, bolting out of the bedroom, refusing to look her in the eye. He didn’t know because he hadn’t seen it. _He’d missed it._ He’d pushed her aside like she hadn’t mattered, as if he hadn’t just made love to her, as she started to tell him that she was in love with him. _Fuck._

“I...” He started, knowing full and well that any words that he could possibly speak would fail. “I didn’t know, Tessa. I swear...”

“You wouldn’t have known, would you?” Tessa had stopped crying and her voice carried a strength that it hadn’t before. “And then you refused to talk to me and that was when I knew that you never gave a damn about me in the first place. That I was just your skating partner that you happened to fuck. “

“That is such bullshit, Tess, and you know it!” Scott kicked the deck’s railing. His head pounded as he tried to rationalize Tessa’s explanation. There was so much to explain. “How on earth could you think that?!”

“You gave me no reason to think anything else. And I realized that I wasn’t alright and I hadn’t been alright. I would never be able to spend time with you and Laura and pretend like I was okay with it. I’d been pretending for so long and the façade started to crack. So I left.”

“God, Tessa. I’m sorry.” He whispered. “I’m so so sorry.”

She turned her head to find his eyes again. “I know that. I do. And I appreciate it. But you have absolutely no clue what it felt like. That night, I thought that you had finally realized that you loved me and not Laura. Maybe you finally realized that we weren’t just friends, business partners, or skating partners. That maybe you wanted me as I had always wanted you. The happiness I felt was so short lived and I went from feeling like I had everything in the world, that you were _finally_ mine, to having it all ripped away as you threw your clothes back on. And just like that you were gone.”

Tessa crossed to the other side of the deck and Scott followed, hands in his pockets.

“I kept hoping that you’d call and tell me that you had changed your mind, but you never did. And so I tried to call you. And you ignored it. And then you ignored my texts and e-mails. Do you have any idea how that felt? I don’t think I had ever felt that used. That the man I loved more than life itself had betrayed me in a way I had never believed possible. But there was nothing left to say after that. You were going to marry Laura and I was supposed to live my life as if nothing happened. And so I left. It would be easier for all of us. You would never have to pretend like you hadn’t slept with me, and I...” Tears streamed down her cheeks and she didn’t even bother to wipe them away. “I could learn to live again in a new life where you weren’t as important to me as the air I breathed.”

“You never thought that I would miss you? You never thought that I would find out you were gone? I found out you had left the night before I was supposed to get married. Did you think that you could just make a quick exit without me ever noticing?”

“You ignored me for an entire week. I didn’t think you’d care.”

“Do you know how it felt in that moment, to realize in one instant that I had ruined everything with the one woman who had ever truly cared about me and loved me unconditionally? I know that not calling you back and ignoring you was such an asshole move, but I didn’t know what the fuck to do! I was getting married and then suddenly, you were the only thing I could think about. You. But I had given Laura my word and I was freaking out about what had happened between us.” He gripped two fistfuls of his hair, closed his eyes and breathed deeply. “That was the worst fucking week of my life. I couldn’t sleep. I could barely breathe. I didn’t think it could get any worse, having to choose between two women I loved, until you left, and it got worse.”

A tear traced a fresh track down her cheek. Scott’s hand itched to reach out and brush it away, but he refrained. He just wanted to understand. And he wanted her to understand.

He reached up and put his hand on her shoulder, rubbing his thumb across her collarbone. “I hate myself for the way I treated you. You have always been so firmly on my side, you support me no matter what, and that was something I always took for granted. And then I went and betrayed everything that we had worked so hard to build. And I forced you to find happiness in a place that wasn’t home.”

Tessa looked up, questioning. Her eyes glistened with tears that had yet to fall down her face.

“But that night, Tess, being with you was incredible. It was everything and nothing I had expected and it terrified me that it was us. It killed me that I was so horrible to Laura, that I tossed her aside like she had never even mattered. But you are my person. You’ve been the one consistent in my life for over twenty years. Suddenly you weren’t there and it was all my fault. I had to find you. Maybe it took me a while to get my shit together and I know I hurt you in the process, but along this twisted path, I finally realized that I’m in love with you, Tessa. You’re it for me. It’s you. And I want to spend the rest of my life loving you.”

Tessa had long since forgotten about wiping the tears off of her face. She couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to the beautiful city at sunset that she had come to call home. All that mattered now was the man standing in front of her.

“Scott...”

“I have to know, Tess. I can’t keep going like this, just wondering. In spite of it all, are you still in love with me?”

His hand found its way to cup her cheek. Tessa’s eyes closed, the sensation of his skin on hers tingling its way through her body. _Tell him, Tessa. Tell him now._

“If you don’t love me, just tell me. I can’t do it anymore, wanting you so much that I can’t even sleep at night. Please. Just tell me now.”

Tessa’s hand pulled his off her face and she watched his eyes fall as she pulled away from him. She threaded her fingers through his and moved her head so that he was forced to look her in the eye. “I moved here to get away from you. You were such a part of my life in London that I had to get away. But somehow you ended up here in my new city. That wasn’t the plan.”

Tessa watched as her words hit him. The skin between his eyebrows creased as it did when he was upset. She dropped his hand and propped herself against the railing. 

“I never could get you off my mind. You were with me every step of the way. And as much as I tried to stop loving you, I couldn’t.” She smiled even as a tear found its way out of the corner of her eye. “Do I still love you, Scotty? The truth is, I could never stop.”

Scott let out the breath that he had been unknowingly holding as he walked to her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Then why have we been putting this off? Can we just be done with all of this?” 

“There has been a lot to say. We’ve both been so hurt for so long. We’ve both needed answers.”

Scott pushed the hair back from Tessa’s face. “So what do we do now?”

“I have absolutely no idea.”

He pulled her tighter against him and sighed. “God, Tess. I’m so sorry for everything.”

“No more apologies, alright?”

He couldn’t stop the grin that spread across his face. “Stop me now if you want to.” Scott said, lowering his head towards Tessa’s making his intent clear. Tessa’s gaze flickered to his lips and back up to his eyes. The smile that crossed her lips was invitation enough as Scott lowered his head and captured her lips between his.

A small sound escaped Tessa’s throat and she immediately kissed him back. She wound her arms around his neck and threaded her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. She lifted herself onto her tiptoes to deepen the kiss. Her heart clenched as she slipped her tongue into his mouth. _After all these years, even after all this time..._

Scott groaned as she kissed him back. He stroked his thumbs across her cheeks. What the- He broke away from the kiss to see tears streaming down Tessa’s cheeks. “Oh, Tessa...”

Tessa shook her head and buried her face into his shirt, inhaling deeply the scent she had missed for so long.

 _Was it too much too fast?_ Scott placed a kiss on the top of her head. “Don’t cry, T.” He rubbed his hands across her back. 

“Happy tears. I swear.” She looked up from his chest, eyes smiling, and she was back. His Tess. He swore he could see the fierce love behind her smile, her determination to make things right, the unending forgiveness, and the joy of the kindest heart he knew. He reached down and smoothed her hair behind her ear, running his thumb against the smile lines that creased the sides of her eyes to brush away the tears that had collected. _My Tess._

“I love you, Scott.”

“I will never get tired of hearing you say that.” He bent to kiss her again, whispering _I love you_ against her lips with every chance that he got. He didn’t let her go until the boat had reached the dock. 

The sun sank low in the sky over the water, casting a low orange glow over the park. Scott pulled Tessa under his arm as they walked to the street. He hailed a cab with his free arm and pressed a kiss against her lips as the bright yellow car pulled to the curb.

The ride back to their apartments was silent. The cab driver didn’t have any music on, and he didn’t seem one for small talk. Scott was content to sit in silence with Tessa, listening to her calm breathing and the sounds of the Manhattan traffic around them. 

He kept his arm around her shoulders, her body pulled flush against his. At any point, Tessa had expected him to start making a move, invite her back to his place for the night, but he did nothing of the sort. Instead, he closed his eyes, pressed a kiss to her temple, and sighed contentedly. _Finally. This is how it should always have been._

The ride to their apartments was quicker than she would have like. She couldn’t help but feel sad that this day, this magical day, was drawing to a close. They held hands as they climbed the stairs slowly to the second floor landing. Standing outside her door, Scott pushed her against it and pulled her body to his, lining her curves up against his body. He slowly dipped his head to capture her lips, softly kissing her before he pulled back with a quick smile and dove back in forcefully. His hands ran through her hair and forced the kisses even deeper. Tessa felt her resolve weaken with the onslaught of passion. When he pulled away minutes later, she could feel that he was hard with need for her. 

He fought every urge he had to invite himself to stay the night. He couldn’t screw it up this time. He kissed her one last time, whispered, “I love you.” into the shell of her ear, and turned to walk up the stairs.

Tessa turned around and unlocked the door, listening for the soft padding of Scott’s shoes on the stairs and the telltale close of the door a few floors above. She couldn’t wipe the smile off her face as she slumped onto the couch and threw Mr. Bear down beside her. She was far too wound up to go to sleep, so she washed her makeup off, changed in to a comfy nightgown, and sat down with a book and a glass of wine on the couch. Her eyes flitted over the same sentence more times than she could count before she closed the book again and took a deep swig from her wine glass. _Just admit it, Tessa. You want to be upstairs with him right now._

Upstairs, Scott paced back and forth in the kitchen. _Just go back down there! You want her. You need her. You’ve finally gotten to the point where you have her. Go downstairs!_

Tessa set her head back on the armrest and closed her eyes, willing sleep to come, but visions of brown eyes and memories of passionate kisses swept through her mind. After several minutes she walked halfway to the door before coming to her senses and walking back to the couch. A door slammed a few floors up and the sound of feet padded down the stairs. Her heart pounded against her ribcage so loudly it drowned out the thoughts that raced through her mind. But thirty seconds passed and the footsteps that had grown loud outside her apartment door faded down towards the street level. 

Beth had been right. Scott had been bending over backwards to make things right. The day had been perfect. For the past months, she had let the logical side of her brain take over, the part that overthought every miniscule decision, the part that left her riddled with worry about Scott and the future. Her years skating, her carefully calculated life in London, even down to her move to New York City, everything had been so carefully calculated. And now? She ran to her bathroom and grabbed the lightweight bathrobe that hung on the back of the door. Throwing it over her pajamas, she raced out the door and took the steps two at a time. _Follow your heart, Tessa._ She arrived at his door breathless and knocked before she could change her mind.

Within seconds, the door was jerked open and she was face to face with a shirtless Scott. Before she could speak a word, his arms were around her waist as he pulled her against him, kissing her with such urgency that her thoughts began to swim. He pulled her into the apartment and pushed the door closed. He pulled away and looked at her with a serious expression and said, “Tess, give me a shot. I’d like a redo on the night that I fucked it all up. And I swear I’ll get it right this time.”

Tessa pulled his mouth down to her own and whispered against his lips with a grin, “You have one shot, Moir. Don’t mess it up.”

With an animalistic grunt, heavy with months of wanting and needing her, he pulled her bathrobe off her shoulders, her nightgown over her head, and found her lips again.


	23. It Feels Like Home To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Resisting him had been futile. They had just barely worked things out, but from the moment that she had told him how she felt on the boat, this was all she could think of. His kiss, his lips, and the words he had spoken- it was the final salve over the wounds that she had carried around for months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is your warning that the following chapter is pure smut. Don't read if it's not your thing.
> 
> The chapter title comes from the song "Feels Like Home" by Chantal Kreviazuk. More perfect words could not be written. Thank you to those of you that have stuck with this from the beginning. I hope that the payoff is worth it!

“There was no way I was going to be able to sleep.” Scott whispered into Tessa’s ear as his hands found purchase on her hips. “I told myself that I should stay away, that I should give you space tonight, but this.” He nipped at her lips. “This is how it should have always been.” His lips moved to her jaw where he kissed the silky skin that he found there, “You and me, Tess.” His hands raked through her hair as he tilted her head back for better access to her lips. “I’m so in love with you.” His lips pressed against hers, stifling the moan that escaped from deep within her throat. 

Tessa shook against him. Resisting him had been futile. They had just barely worked things out, but from the moment that she had told him how she felt on the boat, _this_ was all she could think of. His kiss, his lips, and the words he had spoken- it was the final salve over the wounds that she had carried around for months. _Scotty._

All of a sudden, he stopped and pulled away to look her in the eyes. “You’re sure about this, right? About this with me?” His eyes betrayed him momentarily, falling to the carpet in a moment of insecurity. His voice lowered, “I want this so badly, Tess. I want you.” He ran his thumb over her lower lip, swollen scarlet from his kiss. His eyes sparked as his eyebrow raised. “But anything more and I won’t be able to stop until we’re covered in sweat and you’re screaming my name.”

“And what makes you think that I’d be the one objecting?” Tessa giggled breathlessly. “I think you should pretty much bank on hitting a home run tonight.”

With a groan, Scott covered Tessa’s mouth with his own, kissing her deeply. His thumbs rubbed circles against her hips, against the small tattoo of a maple leaf and Olympic rings he knew was there. The one identical to his own. Tessa shrugged her bathrobe off of her shoulders until it lay in a pile behind her feet.

Tessa whimpered in response, slanting her mouth over his as his tongue teased hers. The lust rippled through him as he kissed her until it coursed though every vein in his body. She tasted sweet, like the wine he was sure she had just sipped and something else, something so distinctly Tessa that was only associated with her. He wanted to taste every last inch of her before the night was through. He gathered her body against his, his mouth taking everything she gave as he shuffled them back until he pressed her against the wall. Without hesitation, she grabbed the bottom of his shirt and shoved it up his chest until he got the message and pulled it over his head.

With one hand around her waist and his mouth occupied with hers, Scott fumbled with the drawstring on her pants and pushed them down the back of her legs, running his hands down the backs of her thighs until she kicked her pajamas to the side. Without warning, Tessa grabbed his hand and dragged it until he was cupping her ass firmly. She moaned, grinding her hips against him, feeling his arousal against her, hard as granite.

He breathed in sharply at the contact, his eyes blown open wide before he pushed her against the wall, grinding his hips hard against hers.

Tessa clung to him, her heart beating wildly beneath her ribcage. She was careful to savor each and every sensation, the feel of his lips against her neck, the feel of his hands, the way his body pressed her into the wall. While she was certainly not shy when it came to her body, this feeling of urgency, this carnal need, was so new. For the first time in her life, it seemed as though everything aligned at once, her body, mind, heart, and soul. She had never felt anything like this before, the heat pooling so intensely between her thighs, if he didn’t do something soon she would lose her mind.

His eyes were dark as they found hers. She grabbed one of his hands and guided it up her torso, underneath her pajama shirt. His hand found her bare breast and he grinned. This whole no underwear thing was working well. It definitely needed to become a regular occurrence.

He ran a thumb over the soft flesh in his hand. Tessa gasped just as he did and their eyes locked with the unison of it all. It was the lightest of touches, yet it was enough to sear a red-hot bond between the two of them. His palm moved to knead her flesh until her nipple had become a stiff peak underneath his touch. His other hand brushed over the heat where her thighs met. There was a sharp intake of breath before Tessa’s knees gave out and she fell against his body.

He chuckled softly as he lowered her to the carpeted floor. He tugged her shirt off and cradled her head as she laid back. He captured her lips in another searing kiss.

He held her hands together above her head as he settled himself against her. Unable to use her hands, she did the best she could with the limbs that she could actually move. She arched her back and wrapped her legs around his waist, drawing his hips ever closer to her own. Her nipples pressed up against his chest as she raised her hips to rock against his, dying to feel him against her. 

She didn’t want to be teased anymore. She wanted this, and she was nothing if not determined. She pulled her hands from his grasp and went directly to the tie on his sweats. Her shaking fingers tried to undo the knot that he had tied, but she huffed in frustration as the string refused to budge.

Scott chuckled softly, “Impatient there, Tess?” he mocked as he pushed away from her and stood quickly, deftly undid the knot, and slid his sweatpants to the floor. His boxers followed and he dropped again to his knees beside her. Tessa gazed at him, this amazing man, the one that she loved and adored, and her mouth went dry. The desire that she had felt earlier only grew, threatening as she gave in. She reached out and took him in her hand, stroking him experimentally.

“Fuck!” he cursed through clenched teeth, his eyes falling shut with the onslaught of the new sensation. Instinctively, his hands traveled down over her stomach, sweeping surely between her folds.

“Scott, “she gasped as he began his exploration, pressing and rubbing against her as she dug her heels into the carpeted floor. Finally, when she thought it was too much, when she thought she might die if he didn’t give in, he pushed two fingers inside her and pressed hard. “Oh god,” she moaned. “Scott. Need you _now_.”

It was indescribable, hearing her moan his name like that, with such abandon. Nobody had ever made him feel this way before. There was something about the way that it fell from her lips that solidified it. This is it. Forever. This was different. _She_ was different.

Scott worked his fingers inside her before he slid them out, against her protests.

“Shhh,” he soothed as he rubbed the inside of her thigh and fumbled for his wallet on the table beside the couch. He tried his best with one hand to find the foil packet that he always kept tucked inside.

Tessa waited, looking at him from beneath her lashes as he continued to search for the condom, searching through the different empty card slots.

“Forget it,” she huffed, “I’m on the pill. I trust you.” Tessa grabbed the wallet from his hands and tossed it to the side. She threaded her fingers through his hair, which had grown longer in their time apart, drawing him back to her.

He paused for a moment, his body suspended over hers, softly brushed a hair away from her face, and stared into her eyes. “I love you Tess. So much.”

“I love you too.” She whispered back to him.

He nudged her knees apart, rising above her and then easing himself into her, gasping her name as a prayer into the darkness. The muscles in his arms bulged as he held himself in the same position, savoring the way that her body felt around him.

“Fuck,” he ground out, clenching his jaw tightly. “God Tess. Feels so good.”

One of her hands clutched at his bicep, her nails leaving half-moon indents in his flesh as she struggled to hold her eyes open. But seeing him above her, the love and lust mixed behind his eyes, his amazing body that he had worked so hard to perfect, she knew that if he didn’t move now she would spontaneously combust.

Tessa was desperate for him, desperate to explore the life she had scarcely let herself believe possible. For as much of her adult life as she could recall, she had avoided exactly this type of intimacy with any other man. But Scott had never been just another man. She had been afraid for so long of being with the one man who made her feel _everything_. She wasn’t afraid anymore.

“You make me feel everything too, T. More than I ever thought was possible.” He murmured, his thumb stroking across her cheek. She hadn’t realized she had been thinking out loud. His fingers tilted her chin up until his gaze met hers.

“You trust me, right?” he asked, his voice low and gravely as his lips brushed against hers.

“Yes.” Tessa answered readily. She had never been so sure.

“That’s good.” He kissed her, taking his time pulling out only to ease his hips forward again, his movements agonizingly slow.

He had never kissed her like this before. It was as though Scott was giving her a part of his soul. He nipped and sucked at her lips, awakening something so deep within her, so forgotten, that she responded with everything she had to offer.

His hands stroked and massaged her upper body as his hips pistoned in and out at a torturously slow pace. He took her to the highest of heights of a bliss she’d never known, only to leave her there, teetering on the edge with a promise of heaven to follow.

“Faster,” she begged against his lips, but he only shook his head in response, spreading her body wider across the floor and pressing deeper inside her, his movements calculated and unhurried.

“Not gonna rush it.” He told her raggedly. “You’re so beautiful, Tess. It’s gotta last.”

She moaned hot against his lips. “But I need...” she broke off panting, gasping as his fingers pulled at one of her nipples. “I need to come, Scott. _Please_.”

Her body tingled, aching, wanting, _needing_.

With every thrust of his hips, every rhythmic drive, he built her pleasure. She keened as his cock slid against her clit on the way out and pushed back in until he was sheathed deep inside her, buried to the hilt.

They moved against each other for what seemed like an eternity, her sighs echoed by his soft grunts as they kissed and sucked every inch of skin that they could manage to reach. He slid his hand between them and his expert fingers rubbed her clit, sending shockwaves of pleasure surging through her body, increasing with each move he made. Finally, she was shuddering and tightening around him, chanting his name as her orgasm rippled through her body.

Only when she had reached her climax did he allow himself to follow her, her name tumbling hoarsely from his lips as his body went rigid pressed against her.

They were both panting as their lips met, their kisses sweet and soft as he continued to rock against her until the aftershocks of her pleasure faded and she was left spent and exhausted, though undoubtedly more alive than she’d ever felt before.

“Wow,” Tessa breathed, reaching up to thread her fingers through the locks of hair at the nape of his neck, drawing his forehead to hers. 

He chuckled in response. “Yeah,” he breathed, “wow.” Scott pulled out slowly, stroking her hip as she winced at the loss of contact. He reached to the side table for the box of tissues to clean themselves up and flopped onto his back beside her, gathering her into his arms and pulling her against his chest.

“I can’t believe we didn’t make it to the bedroom,” she murmured against his chest.

“Complaint?” He asked. She loved the way that his chest rumbled low beneath her cheek as he spoke.

“No,” she whispered, nuzzling her face into his chest.

He ran his fingers up and down her spine, trying to memorize the feel of her skin against his fingertips, wondering how in the world he had gotten so lucky.

“You mean no complaints at all? Because if you did happen to have one, we could definitely try that again in bed.”

She giggled in response. “How generous, Scotty.” She teased as she pressed her lips to his chest and he ran his fingers through her tangled hair.

“I mean, I do have some other things I could show you,” he said suggestively.

“Really?” She purred, bending her leg and sliding her knee up his thigh, brushing against him. “You know, from here I can see a few things and I must say, it’s a pretty good view.”

Scott laughed out loud in response. “C’mon, T. Bed. Now.” He sat up from his spot on the floor, rolling her to the side in the process.

Tessa whined. “Can’t move.” Her bright green eyes blinked up at him.

He rolled his eyes and picked her up bridal style, carrying her across the apartment to his bedroom where he reached down to yank back the covers and set her against the sheets.

Once Tessa crawled into the bed, Scott followed after her and pulled the covers around them both, pulling her flush against him. His arm went around her shoulders and she rested her head in the crook of his arm, sighing against his skin. Her hand reached to where his arm was wrapped around her and laced their fingers together.

They lay silently for a few minutes, savoring the sound of their breathing, drowned out by the sounds of the city. He turned his head slightly to kiss her softly. Pulling away he spoke lowly, “This is how that night should have gone, Tess. I’m so sorry I fucked it up.”

Tessa nodded against his arm. “We’ve got to put this in the past, Scott. We need to move on. I know that I’ve held on to the anger for far too long. Truly, if I love you and you love me, why would we even consider being apart? I’m so tired of fighting against the one thing in this world that I really want.” She met his eyes, “That’s you, in case you were wondering.”

Scott grinned, pressing his lips to her forehead. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’ll take it.” He chuckled, “I’m a lucky man, Tess!”

Tessa yawned, her body sinking further into the mattress as her muscles relaxed. With a sleepy laugh, she replied “I know you are.”

They were quiet for a few more minutes. Scott ran his hand up and down her side, his fingertips leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. _She should have been here all along._

“Tess?” He whispered, knowing that she was drifting off.

“Yes?” She murmured.

“You know this is it, don’t you?” He turned his head to speak, his mouth just an inch from her ear.

“It?” She questioned in a sleepy voice.

“Yeah.” He responded. “You and me. Nobody else. Ever again.”

Tessa nodded against his arm and rolled over until her body faced his. Despite her exhaustion, she met his gaze. “Do you know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that?”

Scott sighed, rolling to press his lips against hers in a bruising kiss. _This is it. She is it. The one. Forever. My everything right here._ “Too long. And I’m so sorry for that.” He murmured against her lips as they parted.

“I told you, Scotty. No more apologies.” She pushed herself up and brushed her lips against his. She dropped her head back down against his arm with a sigh. _Finally. No pretending that I don’t care. No more anger or hurt. He’s mine. All mine._

“Night, Tess. I’ll wake you up in two hours to go again.”

Tessa snorted softly against his arm and pulled the blanket up to her chin. “I only need one.”

Scott watched her drift off, a small smile played across her lips. He pulled her tight and inhaled the scent of her skin. Tessa shifted, rolling to her side and throwing her arm across his body. Her hand settled over his heart as her breathing evened, and he finally closed his eyes. _There is nowhere I’d rather be._


	24. To the Ends of the Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter of this story. Thank you so much to those of you who have stuck through this story with me. It has been an absolute joy to write.

A breeze rustled through the trees carrying the scent of fresh mountain air and ruffling Scott’s hair ever so slightly. The sun was high in the sky and helped to bring warmth to an otherwise cool summer day. Scott paced along the patch of trail where the trees parted to reveal a breathtaking view of the mountain below. He paused for a moment to watch a flock of birds erupt from a tree in the distance and scatter into the wind. In the distance he spotted the roof of a mountain cabin and for a moment it felt as though no time had passed. He dropped to the ground, finding a seat on the edge of the bluff. He turned his face into the cool breeze and tugged his jacket closer around his midsection.

_Where is Tessa?_

He closed his eyes as he took in a deep breath and savored the fact that he was here once again. This exact spot. This was where he had made the decision to go after her. It was here that he had realized that life without Tessa was not worth living. This was the place where his old life had ended and the new one had begun.

A little over a year ago he had sat in this same spot, exhausted, wondering where she had run off to. _Hmmm. I guess some things never change. Seriously, though, where the hell is she?_

A crunch of pine needles on the path led Scott to turn his head. He stood up as Tessa walked towards him, her ponytail bouncing gently with each step. A slight smile crossed her face as he looked her way.

“C’mere.” he said, holding out his arm for Tessa to step underneath. He drew her close to his side and turned to press a kiss into her hair. They stood for several minutes in silence, content to take in the view of the mountains before them.

Tessa sighed and dropped her head to his shoulder. “You know I really do think that I could stay here forever.”

Scott smiled and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m glad I came back here. Can’t live my whole life hating the mountains, you know?”

Tessa turned her head to look at him, her brow furrowed in confusion. “Scott. How could you even for a second think that this place was bad?”

Scott shook his head and turned to look out over the mountain view. He ran his thumb along the strip of skin above the waistband of her pants. “The last time I was here was very different. You had just left, I’d just called off the wedding, and I was devastated. The only places I saw were the liquor store, the Poje’s mountain home, and this very spot on the trail.”

Tessa sighed, imagining Scott standing here contemplating life. “Why this spot?”

Scott chuckled, “I had just left London and Andrew had told me I could come here for a few days to escape the outcome of my shitty life choices. I hadn’t figured anything out other than my life sucked, you were gone, and I was positive that I couldn’t live my life without you in it. But sitting here at this spot gave me more clarity about the future than I’d ever had before. Looking out on this, it just makes you feel so small. The world is so big, and I knew that I needed to make the most of it.”

A chill crept up Tessa’s spine as she took in his words. She turned and placed a kiss on the stubble that had started to grow on his jawline. “I love you.” She whispered against his neck before dropping her head back to its place on his shoulder.

“I love you too, T.” He reached down and grabbed her free hand, intertwining their fingers. His thumb played across the two bands that Tessa now sported on her ring finger, one with a large oval diamond set on top.

“Did you talk to the moms this morning?”

Tessa nodded against his shoulder. “Your mother had a lot to say. Something about making sure that we bring food with us and how to behave if a bear shows up. I told her that we’d barely been here twelve hours. All we’ve seen is the airport and the Poje’s mountain house. And that we’d been asleep all night.”

Scott let out a laugh. “Sleep. Right.”

Tessa elbowed him softly and continued, “Anyway, I told her that we’d be careful.”

“Did she ask about anything else?”

Tessa smiled, “Something about grandchildren, but I ignored that.”

“Right,” Scott nodded. “Plenty of time for that later.”

“I also found this lovely picture waiting for me when I turned my phone on.” She turned the small screen so that Scott could see the picture of a grinning Daniel and Beth with their families. Beth’s finger sported a new accessory, much like Tessa’s.

“Well what do you know?!” Scott grinned, grabbing the phone. “Daniel finally manned up. They look so happy. I mean he told me at the reception that he had the ring. I just didn’t know he’d be proposing so soon.”

Tessa’s smile was so wide that it threatened to take over her entire face.

Scott saw the twinkle in her eye and he knew that look- the one of genuine happiness and contentment. Moving his hand to the side of Tessa’s face, he leaned in and brushed his lips against hers, gently at first before kissing her more deeply. Pulling away, she rested her head again on his shoulder and stared out at the blue sky above the trees.

“I’m so glad they’re together.” Scott spoke softly. “They deserve it, after everything that they did for us.”

Tessa nodded in agreement. “If it wasn’t for Daniel and Beth, we probably wouldn’t be here now.” 

Scott let out a hearty laugh. “As stubborn as you are? I’d still be back in Ilderton, living with my mom and drinking too much. You never would have let me get as close as I did without Daniel and Beth.”

“I’d still be heartbroken, trying desperately to convince myself that I didn’t love you.” Tessa thought, remembering the time that sadness and hurt had ruled their lives. “Well thank heavens for friends who knew better than we did.”

Scott mumbled in agreement. Another breeze blew across Tessa’s bare arms, causing her to shiver.

“C’mon, babe. Let’s go back.” 

Tessa took one last look at the scene before her and turned towards the trail back to the cabin. Scott grabbed her hand and followed. 

“I’m glad you’re here this time.” He said softly. “This cabin is a lot better with my wife than Jack Daniels.”

They had been married for about 48 hours now. It had been a beautiful ceremony in downtown London followed by a reception filled with their families and closest friends truly a day to remember. Tomorrow they would fly out to Europe for a two-week honeymoon. They would be back in New York City just in time for Tessa to begin her third and final year of law school and Scott to continue coaching Ellis and Matt. They had switched things up with Beth and Daniel. Tessa moved her belongings up to Scott and Daniel’s place, and Daniel moved his to Beth’s. The future was ready for them.

Tessa smiled at him and squeezed his hand. “It’s a beautiful life, Scotty.”

“Yeah.” He agreed. It’s a beautiful life.


End file.
